Charlie
Charlie licked his lips, stomach flipping as he drove along. He was going on a date. A real, honest-to-goodness date with a beautiful woman.
He was pretty sure he was crazy.
He hadn’t been on a date since he was a freshman in college. He had assumed he’d never go on one again. And yet, here he was, driving into the city with Daisy talking animatedly beside him, ready to go see a movie and have dinner.
He was nervous, that was for certain, and part of his mind was running a constant diatribe of how ridiculous he was to even try. How was he supposed to have a successful date when sometimes even being touched by a woman made him want to heave? How could he give her a goodnight kiss when he hadn’t touched a woman since, well, college?
But then he’d look at Daisy, at her wide grin and her laughter-pinkened cheeks, and that negative voice inside his head would get quieter and quieter.
He had never anticipated anything happening between the two of them. But when she’d saved him for the second time and they’d walked around the entire parking lot, he felt a trust toward her that he hadn’t felt towards a stranger in a long time. That skin-crawling feeling was gone. He didn’t have to be on high alert. He could just be himself.
And he liked himself around Daisy.
So, when she’d wistfully murmured about wanting to see the animals on his farm, how could he not jump at the chance to give her that? Besides that night that she asked him to help her not drink, he didn’t think he’d ever heard Daisy ask for something, and his mouth had gone off without his brain again. He’d expected her to refuse, of course, but then she’d surprised him by saying yes.
And then he’d thought that taking her to the ranch would either be awkward at best or a disaster at worst, but it was nothing like that. In fact, almost from the moment that they were home, she fit right in like she belonged. Like she was meant to be there.
Or maybe Charlie was just crazy.
But crazy or not, he hadn’t wanted her to leave. Although he loved the rodeo, he didn’t want to leave the safe bubble of the ranch. His home was his safe haven, his refuge, and finding out that Daisy fit in there like a missing puzzle piece made it hard to resist the feeling like he had everything that he could possibly need.
He knew it couldn’t last, however, so he’d forced himself to take her home. They’d been quiet on the ride back, Charlie thinking too hard to really give any brainpower toward conversation, but he’d never expected for Daisy to turn to him and ask him out.
He should have said no. He knew his hang-ups and that he couldn’t be a good date, or maybe even a boyfriend to her, but he didn’t. He selfishly said yes.
And he couldn’t bring himself to be mad about it.
On the way to the theater, Daisy was almost bouncing in the seat next to him. “I can’t tell you the last time I actually saw a movie in the theater. This is gonna be great!”
Charlie nodded, concentrating as he left the highway. He’d suggested a movie because it meant he wouldn’t have to be nervous about keeping up conversation, and he could ease into the whole dating thing after over seven years of avoiding it entirely. It had been an added bonus that Daisy was absolutely thrilled at the suggestion.
How had he ever thought that she was prickly? She was determined, sure, and she was brusque, but she never went out of her way to be hurtful. Once Charlie had gotten to know her—be rescued by her—he’d only ever seen her help people.
And desperately help herself.
Perhaps that was the part of her that enchanted him the most. Charlie had experienced plenty of trauma in his life. From the loss of his mother all the way to Cass’s horrendous accident and ensuing healing. But he’d always had his family to rely on. Whenever he felt weak, he could go to Papa and be reaffirmed. When he was frustrated, he could cook with Clara in the kitchen or fix machinery with Charity. When he felt useless, he could go build something that would help his family. And that wasn’t even considering the animals themselves. While he was no Clara, he still got a lot of joy and support from the various creatures that called the ranch home.
Daisy didn’t have any of that.
As far as he could tell, she had her friends at the rodeo and that was it.
And that made him mad.
Wait, no, maybe mad wasn’t the right term. But it made him want to protect her, to give her a shelter like he had. Everyone deserved that, right?
Right?
“Oh shoot. I forgot to bring my snack bag.”
“Your what?”
“My snack bag. I didn’t have a chance to get much, but I had a few goodies stashed away. Also, I was able to make some poor man’s salsa with all those veggies Cici gave me.”
It was like she was talking another language. “Do you have diet restrictions or something?”
“No, why do you ask?”
Charlie pulled into the parking lot of the IMAX and sent her a quizzical look. “If you don’t need special food, why do you need to bring extra snacks? They have to have something you like in there, don’t they?”
She stared at him for a long moment before shaking her head. “Sorry, I’m not judging you. I’m just reeling at some different life experiences. Give me a sec.” She shook her head once more, huffed a tiny laugh, then continued. “I bring a snack bag because I love munching during a good movie, but the snacks they have here are so insanely expensive that I could never afford them.”
“Oh.”
Charlie had never thought about it. In fact, he never even looked at how much things cost. He would just hand over his card and that was that. He hadn’t realized that some people would have to sneak stuff in just to enjoy something as simple as a snack.
“You don’t have to worry about that tonight,” was all he could say, and he hoped that didn’t sound patronizing. But he did resolve to pay attention to the prices.
“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine. I actually ate lunch today so I’m not starving.”
“What do you mean, you actually ate lunch?”
But she just waved his concern off like it wasn’t a big deal. But if there was one thing that was a big deal to the Millers, it was that everyone around them had full stomachs. What was the point of having money if you knew people who were hungry?
“You know how busy it gets at the rodeo. Who has time to stop and eat in the middle of the day? I just aim for breakfast and dinner. Unless, of course, there’s free food. Rule number one of life, you never pass up free food.”
There was so much story behind her casual words that Charlie wanted to hug her and tell her that she shouldn’t have to live like that. That he wanted to make sure she always had enough to eat and never had to worry. It made him wonder about just the kind of life she was living. He’d seen her small, meager space. He’d seen how what little she owned was falling apart, and that felt so wrong to him. Someone who worked as hard as Daisy should have so much, but as far as he could tell, she had so little.
But he didn’t say any of that, mostly because the intensity of his own feelings surprised even him. Instead, he went for humor. Humor was always safe, and at the moment, he felt like he could use a little safety.
“Funny. I would have thought the first rule of life was making sure you had oxygen.”
“I mean sure, if you want to be technical.” She rolled her eyes in that good-natured way people always did after a bad joke, then went to slip out of the Jeep.
Well, that wouldn’t do.
It certainly took some pep in his step, but Charlie managed to get out and go around to her side so he could open her door and hold his hand out for her.
“Oh…” she murmured, eyes going wide as her seatbelt made a comically loud sound compared to the sudden quiet between them.
Whoops. Had Charlie just gone and made things awkward?
“Uh, thank you.” There was another moment’s hesitance where she looked at his hand. “Are you sure?”
Charlie wasn’t quite sure what she meant at first, but then he remembered that she’d seen him freeze up at unwanted touch twice. And although he more than wanted to have her hands in his, it struck him as particularly sweet that she would even care to ask.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Her cheeks were ever so slightly pink as she ducked her head, and then her hand slid into his.
It was rough, calloused and ever so slightly dry, just like one would expect a rodeo worker’s hand would be. Especially one who spent so much time picking up extra jobs, many of which involved using strong cleaners to keep the rodeo in good condition.
But it still felt right there, sending a different sort of sensation along Charlie’s skin. And as he helped her to the ground, it brought them close to each other, and he didn’t feel that usual pool of dread in his stomach. No, instead he found himself studying her face. Noting every single freckle, every variation in her skin. He wanted to remember how her eyes reflected the streetlight above them to make it look like something far more magical, how her thick hair was pulled back into a high ponytail that made her heart-shaped face look even more inviting. She was beautiful, breathtaking even, and she had no idea just how broken he was.
That was a sobering thought, and Charlie tried hard to shove it down into himself. It did quiet him, however, but luckily it was much harder to notice considering they were going into the movie.
Charlie appreciated the time to collect himself, and it helped that the movie was quite good. Several times he and Daisy laughed aloud, and every so often she would lean over and whisper a comment about the plot. And every time she did, goosebumps would rise along his arm closest to her, and he wasn’t sure if he hated the sensation or wanted more of it.
Too bad he never got to quite figure it out, because then the movie was over and they were walking back to the Jeep, ready to ride off to dinner. Charlie mostly listened, if only because Daisy seemed to have a lot to say. From the costumes to the acting, to even how good the score was, it was nice to talk to someone who had no problem expressing just how much they enjoyed something. Charlie couldn’t help but feel that Daisy, Clara, and Savannah would have an amazing time having a movie night together.
But that made him think about having Daisy on the ranch again, and all the different reasons he could come up with to invite her. Then that sent his mind down a daydream of what it would be like if she was around more often.
“Hey, you okay over there?”
Charlie looked up from where he’d been staring into his milkshake. How long had he been drifting in a fantasy he hadn’t even known he had? How embarrassing.
It wasn’t like any of that could actually come true. When the rodeo moved on, so would Daisy, and that would be that. She was wonderful, quickly becoming a great friend, even, but she wasn’t a permanent fixture. She had a life, and dreams, and Charlie’s life was thoroughly rooted in the ranch.
It was home.
“Sorry, was just thinking about stuff.”
“Heaven forbid. Wouldn’t want to do any of that thinking stuff. I hear it gives you ideas.”
Grateful for the banter, Charlie rested his chin on his hand and sent her what his sisters called his roguish smile. Personally, he didn’t see it. “What kind of ideas?” he asked.
He didn’t miss the way her cheeks colored ever so slightly. “That’s between you and God, my friend,” she replied.
It took every ounce of his power not to sober slightly. There were a lot of things between him and God, and none of them were things he wanted to think about. After all, he was pretty sure the Almighty didn’t exactly abide people who broke their vows to him.
But of course, Daisy noticed it, because she straightened. “I didn’t mean that to be judgy or anything! I’m pretty sure I believe in the big guy upstairs.”
Charlie nodded, waving a hand like it wasn’t a big deal. “Don’t worry. You didn’t come off as judgy.”
And suddenly, there were curly fries in front of Charlie’s face. “You want to try? They’re really good.”
It was a completely unsubtle way to change the subject, and Charlie was grateful. He just wanted to enjoy the moment with Daisy.
But while he was grateful, he didn’t expect for her to hold the fry to his mouth until his lips opened, and then she proceeded to hand feed him a long piece.
“See, isn’t it good? Crispy on the outside but still nice texture on the inside. I swear, this place has the best curly fries in the state.”
She was grinning widely, already picking up another fry and gently holding it to his lips. Charlie opened his mouth again on instinct and carefully took it from her.
It was delicious, sure, but none of his mind registered that. His mind was entirely caught up on just how intimate the moment felt, being hand-fed by someone who just wanted to share something tasty with him.
It felt like every nerve in his body was suddenly alight with a crackling sort of energy. Meanwhile, Daisy was just happily talking about what made a curly fry good or not. She had no idea what she was doing to him, how he was responding to her, and somehow that made his reaction that much more intense.
Time got fuzzy and the connection he felt between them grew. Charlie didn’t think he’d ever felt trust increase in real-time, but that was exactly what was happening.
Along with something else… entirely.
Charlie wasn’t new to attraction. He’d felt it plenty of times before. But there was a heat in his gut that was spreading out through his body, making his heart beat fast and his mouth go dry. He craved… he craved her touch, her attention, he wanted to just be in her presence until he forgot there was a world outside of him.
And despite his normal long list of aversions, the whole idea was thrilling.
“Last one,” Daisy said casually like she wasn’t completely turning Charlie’s world inside out.
Just as suddenly as the first fry was offered, the last one was gone. Daisy sat back, wiping her hands, and Charlie chewed, then swallowed. She still seemed to be entirely nonplussed about the whole thing, like it was just a casual exchange between friends.
Then she turned to him, grinning even more broadly. “So, you want to split a dessert?”
Charlie had been on plenty of dates before his fateful second semester in college, but none of them were like what he experienced with Daisy. He was acutely aware of everything around her, his brain latching on to every minute detail.
Dinner was brilliant and sharing a dessert had been just as simultaneously thrilling and comforting as the fries had been. Charlie didn’t realize how touch-starved he’d been, how nice it was to have someone look at him like Daisy did when she offered him a spoonful of cheesecake. Like she was glad that it was him specifically who was there with her, and like his enjoyment of the food was just as delightful to her as actually eating it.
But they couldn’t camp at the table all night, much to Charlie’s chagrin, and he left a twenty on the table solely for the waitress as an apology for hogging it until almost closing time. Daisy was just as talkative on the ride home, talking about how excited she was for the outfit that Clara was making, and when they finally reached the parking lot, Charlie didn’t want her to go.
“Man, this has been the best night I’ve had in a while,” Daisy said, looking out across the couple of rows of trailers with a sigh. “I wish it didn’t have to end.”
He didn’t know how she always seemed to be on the same page as him, but he certainly liked it. “Me too.”
She twisted in her seat, giving him an even warmer, broader smile, and that made his brain light up in all sorts of ways. “I’m glad. I’d like to do this again, if you were down.”
“Oh, I’m down. I’m so far down that I might actually be in Australia.”
It was cheesy, he knew that, but Daisy laughed, nonetheless. Tipped her head back, hands on her stomach, really laughed. It was an amazing sound, and Charlie could easily envision himself getting addicted to it.
“What would—”
He didn’t get the words out, but that was probably because Daisy pushed herself up out of her seat and was kissing him.
Daisy Dixon was kissing him.
It felt like a thousand things hit him at once, sensations, emotions and desires, but not a single one of them was fear. Charlie’s brain short-circuited and all he could think of was how good it felt.
Her hands cupped his face as she continued to kiss him. She was so warm, so sweet. He was caught up in her, head spinning, mouth moving against hers like a starving man.
It was electric. It was fire and want and everything he’d thought he could never feel again. The smell of her was in his nose, branding itself into his brain along with everything else about her. He never wanted to let go of the exhilaration. Wanted to drown in it.
“That’s it. See, it’s not so bad, right?”
That familiar, haunting voice slithered out of his memories, coiling around his ears, and suddenly he was back in that place.
“Relax, just have fun with me.”
“There you go.”
“You’re going to remember me forever.”
Hands on his body, lips that burned him, condemned his soul. Sensations that overruled his brain and nausea that had him fighting not to get sick all over himself. It was too much! He didn’t want… he didn’t want…
“Stop!”
Suddenly his hands that had been holding onto Daisy so ardently were pushing her away, shoving her right back into the passenger seat. The world was spinning again, but not in a good way, and Charlie felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Whoa, are you okay? Hey, calm down there, Charlie. Charlie? Here, I’ll open a window.”
She reached past him and Charlie flinched away, panic lacing his entire body. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe.
“Charlie, I’m sorry if I crossed a line, but I need you to calm down and breathe for me, okay? I’ll stay right here on the other side of the Jeep and I won’t touch you. I promise.”
Her tone was even. Measured. She sounded concerned, but not angry with him. That didn’t make sense, and the confusion of it distracted Charlie ever so slightly from the maelstrom inside of him.
Breathe. She just wanted him to breathe. Her hands were raised like one would to show they were unarmed, and her back was pressed into the door, as far away as she could get from him without leaving him alone.
He could still feel her lips on his, the heat of her, the excitement. But the issue was that it wasn’t just Daisy’s lips. No, there was someone else. Someone he had never wanted to think of again.
“There you go. Your breathing is slowing down. You’re safe, Charlie. You’re safe and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I hope you know that. I’m so, so sorry for getting carried away.”
She was… apologizing? She didn’t think he was being ridiculous? What kind of grown man went into a panic because of something as simple as a kiss?
It seemed to take an age, maybe even two before he could steadily draw in a breath. He was more embarrassed than he’d ever been in his life. “It’s fine,” he said raggedly, his throat feeling wrecked. “I just, uh, got startled.”
Wow, in the history of unbelievable excuses, that probably had to be in the top ten.
“That’s okay. Again, I’m real sorry. I never should have kissed you without permission. That was wrong of me. I was just swept up in how amazing this night was and how happy you looked, and for once I… I just didn’t feel so alone.” Now it was her turn to draw a steadying breath. “But that doesn’t matter. I know better. And if you want me to go, I’ll go, but I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
Charlie didn’t know what to say. It still felt like his brain was moving through sludge. It still felt like he could feel her hands on him. And so, once again, his mouth blurted something out before his mind could think better of it. “Really? That’s it?”
She looked hurt, and the whole thing was increasingly making less sense. “What do you mean, that’s it? Is there anything else I should apologize for? Because I will. I really, really want you to know that I would never purposefully try to hurt you, Charlie.”
He felt like all he could do was stare at her. She was just… apologizing. Like she was the weird one. People didn’t just act like that, not when Charlie was acting like a child.
“No, I mean, you’re not upset at me? I pushed you away for no reason. You weren’t doing anything wrong. You just—” He had to take another breath in, his heart slowly coming down from its painful tempo. “You don’t seem angry.”
He wasn’t expecting her eyes to go wide and her lips to open in a kiss-swollen gasp. She took maybe a half of a second to collect herself, and then she was leaning ever so slightly forward, her tone urgent.
“I have nothing to be angry about. Charlie, you said stop, so we stopped. There’s nothing wrong or abnormal about that. And you don’t need a reason, ever to say stop.” Her words were so genuine, but it was like she was talking another language again. Sure, each individual one had a meaning that made sense, but strung together it just wouldn’t translate. “If you have a reason and want to tell me, I am happy to listen. But you owe me nothing, Charlie. I want you to understand that. We had a great date, yes, but you. Owe. Me. Nothing.”
He wanted to listen to her, to believe her, but none of that made sense. “But people don’t…You’re not going to ask if it’s because you’re not pretty? Or say something about being a real man? Or even ask me if I like men?”
Because Charlie had tried to be normal, he had. He hadn’t just decided one day that the touch of a stranger was going to terrify him to the point where he froze up whenever a woman touched him. He’d tried dating, kissing, even hugging.
And he’d heard a whole lot of things every single time he locked up.
But Daisy just narrowed her eyes at him like he was the one who was talking crazy. “Just who are you hangin’ with that’s telling you those things? I know it can’t be your folks on the ranch.”
“It’s not them. They don’t—” He cut himself off. He didn’t need to get into that. “Everybody thinks like that, Daisy.”
“No, they don’t, Charlie. And if anybody says that to you, I will deck them right in their face.”
Her vehemence at that last part was so sincere that a surprised laugh barked out of Charlie. “You know what? I believe that.”
“Good. I have your back, Charlie. No matter if we never go on a date again, I’m one loyal cowgirl.”
Charlie nodded, his tongue coming out to lick his lips. He could taste the mango lip gloss that Daisy had been wearing, and that helped ground him.
“I’m okay now. Thank you.”
He couldn’t believe how understanding she was being, considering that he’d practically thrown her across the seat. And yet she was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. Like he was normal.
“I’m glad to hear you’re okay. Do you think you’re comfortable walking me to my door?”
She still wanted to be by him? It was one thing to be polite to his face; it was another entirely to ask if he would continue to be near her. She should be rushing away, telling him ‘thanks for the night’ before practically sprinting to her door.
But she wasn’t sprinting. No, she was waiting patiently, a soft but slightly sad smile across her pretty face.
“I would like that.”
She nodded and turned to her door but didn’t open it. Charlie realized after a beat that she was waiting for him to open it for her. She’d seen that it had mattered enough for him to practically race around his car to make sure he got there in time, and she’d changed her habits.
She couldn’t be real.
And yet she was. She sat patiently as he got out, went around and did indeed open the door for her. She didn’t slide out right away. Instead, her hand cautiously reaching out to hover between them.
Charlie knew what she was doing. She was giving him a silent offer, one that he could turn down without any pressure. One that he could take just as easily. A hand, an extension of support.
So, he took it.
Once more, their hands slid together until their fingers interlocked. Together, they walked the short distance to Daisy’s trailer, the night relatively quiet around them.
“Thank you for the lovely night,” Daisy said once they did reach the door of her rusted trailer, turning to look up at him in the moonlight. “I had a good time.”
Goodness, she was breathtaking.
“I did too,” Charlie murmured, his cheeks still heated from his shame. He was having a hard time believing that what she was saying could possibly be true, and yet her tone was so genuine. “And I would like to do it again sometime.”
“Me too.”
He was so tired, his head aching from the whiplash of the evening, but there was also a flicker of something else. A sort of faint and fragile… hope, was it?
“I would like to give you a kiss on the cheek,” he said finally, swallowing down his fear. “I think I could handle that.”
“Are you sure, Charlie? I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to. You don’t owe me physicality.”
“I want to. I’m sure.”
“Okay then. I’d like that.”
She turned her face so that her cheek was facing him, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to her heated skin. It was quick, it was soft, but it eased the twisting ache inside of him.
“Good night, Charlie,” Daisy said when he was done, sending him a smile that some people went entire lifetimes without seeing. Like he was something special.
“Good night, Daisy.”
She turned, opening her door to head into her place, and Charlie stood there for a long moment. He felt like he was at a crossroads, part of him wanting to go one way while another part of him very much desired to stay rooted exactly where he was, and he had no idea how to navigate either choice.
But one thing was for certain, map or not, he was certainly going to try.