Daisy
Daisy was really enjoying dating Charlie.
Sure, things were getting busier and harder as the season progressed, especially when they passed the halfway mark, but that progression in difficulty paled in comparison to how much easier other things were getting.
For one, she was eating a lot more, which was nice. And good meals too. Between the produce that Charlie would bring from home, he would also just show up with lunch for her and remind her of her first rule of life. Daisy didn’t mind, of course, and each time she felt a flutter at how happy taking care of her seemed to make him.
And since she rarely had to spend any money on food, she was able to put that toward other things. It wasn’t enough to say… turn on her phone, but she was able to pay ten dollars above her minimum payment on her credit card, and actually get some socks without holes in them.
Her phone did get paid, however, and that was solely because of all the gas money Charlie was saving her.
Because even though she was still going to AA once a week, he drove her every time. And waited. And then drove her back home. And he always acted like it wasn’t a big deal.
Daisy worried occasionally about their budding relationship being entirely too one-sided, but Charlie always acted like her eating meals with him, or sharing a laugh, was a huge deal.
Who knew, maybe to him they were.
Of course, there was the slight, teensy tiny issue of Charlie’s dislike of being touched.
Daisy had to adapt to a lot of things in her life, and in truth, she could have rolled with Charlie’s aversion if it just seemed like a random quirk. People came in all flavors, and just being in his presence was nice.
But the issue was that his fear didn’t seem like a natural thing. No, although she couldn’t be sure, it felt like he was legitimately terrified and that something truly awful had made him that way. Her mind would flit off in all sorts of awful directions trying to imagine what had given him practically a phobia of touch.
She didn’t want him to be scared around her. And she absolutely wanted to throw hands if someone had hurt him. But it was clear that Charlie had zero desire to discuss why he was the way he was, and she wasn’t going to press if he wasn’t ready.
But she did desperately want to know. It probably was entirely egotistical, but she felt an overwhelming urge to protect him. To shield him from all the nasty and bitterness in the world until he didn’t have to panic at the idea of someone touching him.
“Sooo, I hear that you and Charlie are going on another date tonight?”
Daisy nodded, not even looking up from her phone as Melinda leaned over her. “Mm-hmm.”
“You two are getting pretty serious, huh? Funny that you couldn’t even stand the guy like three weeks ago.”
“Times are a-changin’,” Daisy answered without a lick of shame. And what was there to be embarrassed about? She’d disliked Charlie, she’d gotten new info, and she’d changed her opinion. That was that.
“So what’re y’all doing on a Sunday night?”
“We’re going to that dive diner between here and his town, then I’m going to his ranch to have a movie night with his sister, and I think his niece or something? Then tomorrow I’m going to learn more about the goats and pigs.”
“Wow, spending the night. And here I thought ol’ Charlie boy was one of those squeaky-clean types.”
“He is,” Daisy responded shortly, her eyes finally flicking up to her friend with dead seriousness. “And it’d be best if you never made a comment about him like that again.”
Daisy loved her friend, she did, but she didn’t bother to repress the fierce wave of protectiveness that reared up at the comment. It wasn’t that she cared if Charlie was virginal or not, or if people thought they’d slept together. No, that didn’t matter at all. But she got the feeling that Charlie would very much care about such things, and so she wanted to respect that for him, even if he wasn’t there.
“Point taken. I hope you have fun though.”
“Thank you. I’m fairly certain I will. It’s been great so far.”
Complicated, but great.
“I’m happy for you, you know that?”
Daisy couldn’t help but grin broadly at Melinda, feeling just so much. “I do. And I’m happy for me too.”
And she meant it.
Daisy’s belly was pleasantly full as they drove along to Charlie’s ranch. Dinner had been great, and Charlie hadn’t blinked twice when she’d asked if they could order two desserts and share them. She felt absolutely spoiled rotten.
Seriously, she’d had both tiramisu and a double fudge cake. And Charlie hadn’t even thought it was weird when she took a small scoop of one, a small scoop of the other, and then held up the spoon for him to try.
When she’d first offered him food, the guy had reacted with a strange sort of intensity. At first, she couldn’t tell if he was offended or just really weirded out, but he’d kept on eating and had even smiled at one point, so she figured it was fine. And considering how eagerly he agreed to the double dessert idea, she was certain that he didn’t mind.
“I hope we’re not running too late,” she said, looking out the window. Fireflies were just beginning to dot the horizon, giving the flat expanses around them a sort of magical feel. “I know Clara gets to bed pretty early.”
“Actually, since she started dating that Nathan guy, she’s tended to stay up later. She used to wake up at around four thirty every morning.”
“Are you serious?”
“Completely. She’s toned it down by waking up around five thirty or six.”
“Wow, what a slacker.”
“I know, right?”
Daisy chuckled. Sarcasm wasn’t Charlie’s main form of humor, but she liked when he occasionally dabbled. It kept her on her toes. Humming herself, she leaned against the window and just took it all in. But then she realized that she didn’t recognize quite where they were.
“We’re going to your ranch, right?”
“We are, but we’re going through a back entrance we don’t use too often. A new family of ducks recently set up in the back pond that we hardly use, and I thought you’d like to see it.”
“Oh! Really? Do they have any hatchlings?”
“You bet they do.”
Daisy let out a happy sound that she wasn’t even aware that she could make, her feet pattering against the floor.
“But just to warn you, it’s late enough that they might all be asleep,” he said, not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm but wanting to be realistic.
“That’s alright. We can always check it out tomorrow if they are.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly right.”
Sure enough, Charlie turned onto a dirt road that was only just visible in the onset of twilight, and a few minutes later they passed a worn fence that looked like it was struggling to stand up.
“I should replace that before winter hits.”
Daisy was about to offer to help him, excited to have another excuse to come to the ranch, but then she remembered that she wouldn’t be around. By the time Charlie was done helping the rodeo, she would have moved on to the next location that was about another hour and a half southwest of the location they were currently at. And then, she’d go all the way to Cali for a short, two-month stint before the off-season finally hit again.
Huh.
She hadn’t thought about that.
She was so wrapped up in all the good that was happening that she’d forgotten to think of the real-world repercussions and limitations. Was she being cruel, pursuing something that couldn’t last? And why did the thought of it eventually fading make her feel sick?
She didn’t quite like the answer her mind supplied for that, but then the pond came into view and she was able to shove it down into the back of her mind.
It was gorgeous. She felt like she was sneaking into Narnia or some other similarly enchanted place. There was a peaceful sort of hush to the area that beckoned her to come in, to feel the ground on her feet and the night air on her face.
“Let’s go.”
She forgot to give Charlie a chance to open her door because she was so excited. But he didn’t seem to mind, leaning against the car as she took off her shoes.
“What are you doing?”
“I want to feel it on my feet,” she replied, not even trying to hide her eagerness. Because what was the point? She liked what she liked, and she wasn’t about to hide it. “I want to feel connected.”
Daisy recognized that she was being silly, and Charlie would be entirely in the right to tease her about it, but instead he sat right on the ground and started sliding his own boots off.
And she loved that about him.
Putting her shoes into the Jeep so no critter would slip into them while they were gone, she held out her hand to her potential beau. And despite his issues with touching, he always seemed good with that form of physical affection, so she was definitely never going to take that for granted.
Hand in hand, they strolled around the edge, the ground visible in the fading sunlight while the sky began to melt from the soft kiss of lavender into royal blue. It was everything she’d expected the moment that Charlie had mentioned the place, and she felt so centered.
She wished that she could just stay there forever. In the moment, at the pond, on the ranch. She’d been unmoored, following along the rodeo circuit because it was all that she had, but when she was on the Millers’ lands, she finally understood what she’d always been looking for.
Too bad she wouldn’t ever really belong to it.
“Look, there they are.”
Daisy’s head jerked in the direction of Charlie’s pointed finger and, sure enough, there were a couple of ducks and what seemed like at least a dozen ducklings.
“Oh my gosh!”
It was hard not to hurry over to the edge of the water, but she resisted, knowing that it would likely just scare them off. Because startling or upsetting them seemed like about the worst thing that she could do.
So, she stood there, hand in hand with Charlie, and she was just able to be.
It was almost enough to make her cry, but in a good way, like a release of all her tension. It was so easy to envision the future when she was on the ranch, a stretching expanse of endless possibilities that weren’t mired in bills or dental work or what she was going to eat. It was just hope and everything that she was willing to dream about.
And she owed it all to Charlie.
Did he know? Probably not. Daisy liked to think that she did a pretty good job of not showing weakness. She was pretty sure he knew she was poor, but probably not how dirt broke she was. After all, the last time she’d had to go shopping before he started his random meal drops, she’d had to decide if she could really afford to buy a toothbrush or if she should wait another week.
But even without knowing, he still did so much for her.
“Charlie?”
“Yeah?” he asked, turning back to her with one of those expressions on his face that made her feel like she was the only woman in the world. Like she could be enough for him. An impossible idea, of course, but that’s how he made her feel.
“Could I hug you?”
He waited a moment, which let her know that he was really thinking, not just agreeing because he seemed to feel like he was under some strange obligation to be touchy-feely.
“I’d like that.”
She swore her heart swelled with warmth, and she carefully raised her arms. No quick movements, no sudden steps forward. Just a slow, steady approach until he was finally in her arms.
And he felt so right there. Warm, strong and solid, his hard-won ranch musculature was an anchor for her, giving her something tangible to hold onto in a world that seemed far too good to be real.
She was content to just stay like that forever, but then Charlie’s hands cupped her face and tilted her chin up to look at him. Her brain scrambled to ask what he needed, but she didn’t get the question out before his lips were suddenly pressed to hers.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Daisy was down for it, more than down for it, especially since Charlie was the one who started it. Maybe, if he was the one initiating contact, it wouldn’t set off his phobia?
That seemed to be the case, because she melted into it, holding on more tightly to him so she wouldn’t fly away. Her head rushed and her body called out for more.
After all, she was so used to harshness and struggle that whenever something so perfect, so wonderful came along, she just wanted to gobble up as much of it as she could until she split at the seams. More, more, more.
She knew that was what got her into trouble, and the exact reason that she was an alcoholic. She just couldn’t say no, because she didn’t want to. It didn’t even occur to her, and every time she found something she liked, she let herself get completely swept away in it without reservations.
So, she clung to him.
Her blood was rushing, her heart thundering, and her mind racing to all that could be. She wanted to know everything she could about him, to inscribe everything about him into her memory until she could recite it in her sleep.
But then something was… off.
His hands began to shake. And then the kiss grew more desperate, almost terrified, and for the first time in her life, Daisy said no to what she wanted.
“Hey, Charlie. Charlie!” She broke away, lifting her hands to rest on his shoulders. She stared up at his face, trying to search for what was going on. “I need you to check in with me. Are you okay?”
He blinked at her like he wasn’t quite sure what she was saying, but then suddenly he was falling to her knees, clinging to her while his breath came in jagged, rapid little gasps.
“Charlie, you’re scaring me. I need you to breathe again, okay?”
But he’d been the one to kiss her. She had respected his boundaries entirely. He was the one to push it.
Sliding down to her knees, she took his hands in hers. “Just breathe with me, okay? In, then out. Nice and slow. You’re okay. You’re home and we’re at the pond you were showing me, remember?”
“I don’t understand how you can just stand there and act like this is normal.”
“Technically, I’m kneeling.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Charlie just hung his head, a sob wracking his body. “What kind of man can’t even kiss the woman he’s in love with.”
“Charlie—”
Wait.
What?
It was so tempting to let herself linger on what he’d said. That he’d dropped the “L” word. But that would have been far too selfish, so she shoved that back with the deluge of thoughts that came along with that and focused solely on Charlie.
“You’re not any less of a man because you have a touch aversion. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Daisy murmured, carefully reaching up, trying to telegraph what she was doing. “So just breathe for me, okay?”
Fortunately, he did indeed do that. His gasping slowed down, although it still sounded very wet. The idea that Charlie was crying because he was ashamed of his aversion made her heart truly ache.
“I’m so sorry, Daisy. I just wanted to be able to hold you.”
“It’s okay, Charlie. Really, if you’re only able to hold my hand, I’m okay with that. I like you, quirks and all. But…” She hesitated, wondering if she was passing a boundary she couldn’t come back from, but she had to know. “I can’t help but feel like this phobia comes because there’s something inside of you that’s hurting you. Something that maybe, it would help you to talk about.”
He didn’t answer at first, just breathing raggedly, and when he finally raised his head, Daisy’s breath caught in her throat. He looked in pain, like someone had stabbed him and ripped his heart out.
“You don’t want to know.”
“No, Charlie, I do. But only if you want to tell me.”
He swallowed as her thumbs stroked away the tears that were streaking down his handsome face. His handsome, tortured face.
“I can do that.”