Out of sight, but not out of mind.
Nick hadn’t been into town since last week and he hadn’t seen Lily since she’d walked out of his workshop on Saturday, but he’d been for a run with Dan, who’d pumped him for information. Not one to talk about that sort of stuff, Nick had mostly brushed his friend off but not before he’d found himself spurting out something about having lost her. Missed his chance — that kind of thing. Dan had been a true guy, and had shrugged a shoulder in sympathy. But he’d also pressed information on Nick, for which Nick had been grateful.
Lily was opening the shop next Tuesday, after the Easter weekend. The kids were due back Monday, so they’d be in time for the grand opening of Turnaround Treasures.
Fuelled by pride, a work ethic, and a need to keep occupied, Nick had finished the sign. He’d even driven to Canberra and coerced a sign-writer to do the work for him, there and then. Watching over the guy as he painted the words on the wrought-iron.
He wasn’t giving up.
So why was he dithering about tonight? Dan had asked if Nick would help set up the sound system at the Town Hall. It was rehearsal night for the Ball.
It’s not that he was scared of seeing Lily — he was more frightened at the thought of not seeing her. But had the last few days been enough time for her to gather herself and her thoughts? Had there been time enough, between Saturday and today, Wednesday, for her to have settled a little and maybe be open to listening to what Nick had to say.
***
Lily brushed the hair out of her eyes, gathered it, knotted it and re-stuck her pencil in it. It had been falling out all evening.
The Town Hall was starting to look like a party arena and not a department store on sale day. Ted was sprawled on an old velveteen sofa, spent from blowing up balloons. He’d done more than his fair share. The twins had helped, and Lily had helped but there were only three balloon-pumps so Ted had used his not inconsiderable breath to personally blow up over 100 yellow party balloons. Now he was taking a rest while the band played on.
They weren’t bad. Two guitarists, a pianist, a saxophonist and a drummer.
Mrs Tam was busy sorting 100 Easter eggs into size. Biggest for the children, smallest for the dads and middle-sized for the mums. The mums in town would also be getting a little pink basket filled with hand-made soaps, generously donated, after some persuasion from Ted, by a wholesalers in Cooma. He wasn’t all bad, Ted.
Nick was here too, helping Dan with the sound system.
Lily turned her attention to the yellow and white crepe paper she was winding together, creating streamers to hang from the ceiling joists. She tore a piece of clear tape from a dispenser and sealed the ends of the streamer. She hadn’t seen Nick since… Well, since then. He hadn’t sought her out, which she’d half-expected him to do and was grateful he hadn’t done. She had no idea what he might be feeling, or thinking. The break was good for both of them, she told herself. Time to evaluate what had happened, and calm down — if there was any calming to be done. Lily was fine. Busy, and getting on with life. She presumed Nick must be too.
She’d called her mother and the children. Everyone was excited about the shop and the future. Everyone. Including Lily. Totally happy.
She handed the finished decoration to a woman who was assisting her and glanced around the room — not in Nick’s direction. She’d managed not to catch his eye all evening, although she was aware that he’d tried to get her attention. She was thoroughly aware of him. Everything about him. Not only did he look the same — tall, broad-shouldered, dressed in his usual uniform of dark green cargo pants and black T-shirt — he looked as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Happily chatting and laughing with all the people hanging the balloons, getting the musicians’ electrics sorted out and sharing a joke with anyone who wanted his attention.
Charlotte crossed the room in front of Lily and took hold of her husband, pulling him onto the dance floor where others had also made use of the chance to dance while the musicians struck up some slow numbers.
The evening was nearly over. Another streamer or two and she’d be able to leave quietly. She’d slip out without saying goodnight to anyone.
‘Did you see Dad?’ Jessica Tillman asked, coming up behind Lily and throwing an arm around her shoulders.
Jillian Tillman wasn’t far behind her twin. She said, ‘He got into the bunny costume after all. He said he’d had water retention trouble all last week.’
‘What he doesn’t know,’ Jessica continued, ‘is that Mum unpicked the side seams and let it out.’
‘Best not tell him then,’ Lily said, smiling. ‘Not before Saturday anyway. Don’t want him blowing a gasket.’
‘I’m going to dance with Mrs Tam,’ Jillian said. ‘She looks like she could do with a soft-shoe shuffle. You grab Mr Morelly,’ she said to her sister.
‘See ya later!’ Jessica said to Lily.
She smiled at the twins’ retreating backs, and caught Nick’s eye. Her smile faded. Not because she didn’t want to him to be a beneficiary of it, but out of shock. She’d managed to avoid his attention all night and just as she was about to leave, his leaf-green eyes were piercing into her.
He left the stage area and headed her way.
Lily stayed put. There was no way she could ignore him, and there was no way she’d be rude. And if she thought about it reasonably, this was a chance to get on an even footing with him. Get back to what they’d been before. Two people who hardly talked to each other. A man and a woman who smiled politely over a dining table in Kookaburra’s restaurant, or who made polite noises about the weather if they happened to meet up on Main Street.
When he reached her side, he held his hand out to her. Lily stared at it.
‘You won’t dance with me?’ he asked.
‘I don’t think we ought to. We haven’t spoken all week.’
‘Let’s change that.’ He reached for her and pulled her into him. Her body seemed to slide into his. The palm of his hand warmed her lower back. Her fingers felt soft and nimble when he entwined them in his strong ones.
‘I’m not leaving town, Lily.’
‘I don’t expect you to.’ God, no matter what happened, she didn’t want that on her conscience. ‘I’m sure we can get over this…’
‘This argument? Is that what you think it is?’
‘I don’t know what it is. But we really ought to decide how we’re going to handle things. You know — so that no-one is uncomfortable.’
His arm tightened around her waist. ‘Right this moment is the most comfortable place I’ve been for four days and four nights.’
Lily swallowed. Her throat tightened and her brain swam with memories of being in Nick’s arms. In his bed. She needed to rid herself of those memories, and she needed her throat to work so she could talk them through this problem they had.
‘My life is changing. I’m not the same person, Nick — I’m not sure where I’m heading. I have to get things right. For Andy and Janie-Louise.’
‘And what about for you? For Lily?’
‘I have everything I need.’
He stopped their dancing and looked down at her. ‘So why does all that hold you back from being with me?’
This wasn’t going the way she’d planned. If you could call a surprise dance and a sudden chance to put things right a plan. ‘You didn’t think I could cope on my own, did you?’ And she hadn’t meant to voice that out loud. But it was the worst pain and she hadn’t been able to shake it all week.
‘Oh, Lily. Really? You’re mad at me because you’ve just realised how capable you are?’
‘I’m not mad at you. Not at all.’ Which was true. She was mad at herself.
‘So it was okay when you thought it was the program offering assistance, but it’s not okay that it was me.’
‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘Something like that.’
‘All I did was help you on your way. You wouldn’t have got that shop, Lily.’
She gasped. What was the inference? That she wasn’t capable. ‘Yes I would have.’
He shook his head. ‘You keep giving everything to the kids. There’s nothing left for you.’
‘They’re my children, Nick. Of course I give them whatever I can.’
‘You give them too much.’
Lily laughed, although the hollowness of the sound portrayed her true thoughts. ‘We don’t have that much — as if you hadn’t noticed.’
‘I’m not talking about new computers and ereaders, I’m talking about dreams. You’re too stubborn to see that by going without yourself, you’re putting pressure on your children.’
‘That’s unfair!’ What was he saying? ‘I’m not stubborn. There isn’t a stubborn bone in my body. I’m a planner.’
‘Lily, you wouldn’t have got the shop. You wouldn’t have taken the chance in case one of your kids needed a new something or other.’
What gave him the right to pronounce judgement on her and on her family life? ‘How dare you?’ she asked him, eyes burning, heart burning.
‘Dare? I’m taking a chance, Lily. Something you don’t do. Ask them,’ he said. ‘Ask your children what they want. I can pretty much guarantee it will be your happiness — not some damned new budgie cage or bike.’ He paused, looked away for a second, his lips moving, as though he were moistening a dry mouth. He pierced her with a look. ‘They love you, Lily.’ He put his hand on his heart. ‘I love you, but once again, you’re too damned stubborn to take it.’ He lowered his head towards her and almost whispered. ‘Can you open the map and look for a different path? Can you see us together?’
‘My children are my priority.’ Not herself. She wasn’t a priority and neither should she be. What did Nick know about bringing up children? Nothing. What did Nick know about going without, and how much pride a single mother had when she was able to buy her children something that other kids already possessed? What did Nick know about anything?
He stared at her for moments. So many moments that Lily was left feeling bereft.
‘Okay.’ He sighed deeply, his eyes darkening. ‘Maybe you could check the grid ref of your future at some point, and let me know if I’m on it.’ He swung around and headed for the door.
***
Dammit, dammit, dammit. Lily stepped outside into the cool night air. Could she do nothing right?
‘Hey, you — Lonesome Girl over there.’
Lily turned to see Dan, who was striding out of the Town Hall with Charlotte at his side.
‘How’d it go with Nick?’ Charlotte asked.
‘How’d what go?’
Charlotte sighed in mock despair and looked up at her husband. ‘Drink time. She needs something strong. And I want you with us, because I don’t appear to be persuasive enough.’
Dan gave her a lazy salute. ‘Whatever you girls need, I can provide it. Follow me.’
He headed for Kookaburra’s and Charlotte tucked her arm firmly in Lily’s. ‘You’re going to get a talking to. Whether you like it or not.’
Lily groaned. ‘There’s no need.’
‘There’s every need, Lily Johnson. Hearts are at stake.’
Once Charlotte had settled the three of them in a corner booth of the closed restaurant and Dan had supplied them all with champagne, Lily undid the buttons on her jacket, feeling claustrophobic. ‘Why champagne?’ she asked, lifting the flute to her lips.
‘I’m hoping the bubbles will puncture that thick skull of yours,’ Charlotte said. ‘And get your love sense back in line.’
‘Love sense? Huh.’ Lily sipped, and the bubbles tickled the back of her throat and her nose.
‘So are you taking him back, or are you still pondering the future?’
‘Charlotte, please.’ Lily didn’t want this conversation. Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow, but more likely she wouldn’t be ready for this conversation until winter. Or spring.
‘I was happy to see you dancing together, but then it stopped and it looked to me like you were having an argument.’
‘I wasn’t arguing — I mean — I hadn’t meant us to argue. Oh, all right.’ She sighed her frustration out. ‘I got it wrong. I said something I didn’t mean to say and I can’t take it back because it’s true — and he said mean-spirited things to me.’ Lily crossed her arms. ‘Things he has no idea about — and I didn’t like what he said.’
‘What truth?’ Charlotte asked in an astonished tone. ‘Don’t tell me you told him the truth you believe. That you were thinking about your children.’
‘Well, of course I’m thinking about them!’ What was wrong with people tonight?
‘Not true. You’re thinking about yourself.’
‘Huh! That’s not what Nick said. He said I wasn’t thinking about myself, and that’s what my problem was.’ Lily uncrossed her arms, picked up her champagne, then planted the flute back onto the table. ‘What’s wrong with people? Why can’t you all stay out of my business?’ She was doing fine before Nick interfered, before her friends— ‘You’re a fine one to talk about truth,’ she said to Charlotte. ‘You’re the one who knew what he was doing. You’re the one who forgot to mention it to me.’ She stabbed her chest with a finger. ‘You hid the truth from me — your friend.’
‘That’s it then.’ Charlotte stood and looked at Lily, her chin up. ‘You’re fired.’
‘Fired?’ Lily gasped. ‘I don’t work for you anymore!’
‘You’re still fired.’ Charlotte deepened her frown, then left the table and headed for the kitchen.
Dan shuffled up beside Lily. ‘You’re not fired.’
Lily put her head in her hands. ‘She means it. She means our friendship.’
‘No, she doesn’t.’ Dan nudged her with his elbow. ‘You’re her mate. She’s considering your love-stuff options, that’s all.’
‘I don’t have any.’
‘That’s because you haven’t opened your eyes. Or your heart, come to that.’
Her heart wanted Nick, desperately. Her heart was torn in four pieces. Andy, Janie-Louise, Nick — and the shop. ‘I know he was only trying to help.’
Dan raised an eyebrow. ‘And?’
‘And… I don’t know. I don’t know, all right?’
‘Hey, it’s your decision.’
‘And I haven’t made it.’
‘Well, that’s something.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Means you haven’t shut him out completely.’
Something weird inside her was spiking. A jab to the gut, a pin prick to the soul. Was Nick right? Did she do too much for the children? Andy had said that when he started working for Nick — Oh, God, if Nick still wanted her boy to work for him that was — he’d give Lily some of his wages. She’d refused, but she hadn’t taken the time to put further thought into the disappointed look on her son’s face. He’d shrugged, and muttered something about just trying to remind her of the head-banging music and dancing.
Lily sighed. It felt like the whole world was inside her head, trying to break free. She could no more shut Nick Barton out of her heart than she could send her children to an orphanage or hand the shop keys over to someone else. So how could she keep all four precious things and make it all work? Why was this so difficult?
She glanced up and caught sight of Charlotte watching them through the little glass window on the kitchen door. She no doubt had her arms folded and was tapping her foot to the rhythm of her annoyance with Lily.
Lily sighed again, but this time she didn’t sink with it, she straightened in her seat. She stuck her tongue out at Charlotte, who returned the face pulling by grinning in a decidedly smarmy manner. Her friend had got what she wanted. Lily was listening.
‘Why do you think he did it?’ Lily asked Dan. ‘I mean without telling me.’
Dan gave her his Prince Charming look. ‘We guys don’t talk about love unless it’s to the object of our affection. Occasionally we might refer to the love-stuff in our lives as being remarkably satisfactory. Or downright unhealthy, if it means the love-stuff in our lives is making us unhappy. Know what I mean?’
Lily let out a breathy laugh. ‘Not really.’ But she got the gist. Guys did things differently to girls.
Dan lowered his head to speak quietly. ‘According to the conversations I’ve been having with Nick, he’s considering his love-stuff options. And how he’s lost his chance. Because of you and your stubbornness.’ He hooked a thumb towards the kitchen. ‘I married Stubborn, remember? I know what I’m talking about.’
Stubborn. There was that word again. The pain of truth didn’t feel nice. ‘You think I’m being way too hard, don’t you?’ She’d thought she was only being hard on herself. How many people in her life had this stubbornness she apparently possessed hurt?
Dan nodded. ‘He was just doing what guys do, Lily. He was trying to fix something for someone he loves.’