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It was a rare thing for Jennifer to dream of Michelle.
She’d often thought it was because it was too emotional to see her, even in a dream landscape — that it reminded her of all the years they’d lost.
But in the foggy hours, before Jennifer awoke to go to the bakery on Christmas Eve, Michelle appeared in her dream. She was a version of herself Jennifer had never seen before — forty-one years old, with shorter hair than Jennifer (cut into an edgy style), incredibly cool, bohemian clothing, and this funny smile that told Jennifer that she knew exactly what she was up to.
“I see someone’s decided to fall in love all over again?” Michelle teased her as they sat out on the Joseph Sylvia State beach, in the splendor of a mid-summer sun.
“Come on, Michelle. Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jennifer returned. “You know what it’s like. These things are delicate at the beginning.”
“I do know what it’s like. I’m the one who’s been married five times,” Michelle told her. “One after another. That’s what I always say.”
In the dream, Nick appeared. He carried a toddler in his arms, as three other children, all between the ages of twelve and five, padded along beside him. Jennifer knew instinctively that these children were Michelle’s children. These were the nieces and nephews she’d never had. Her heart ached for them how she’d wanted to love them!
“I hope you won’t mess it up,” Michelle teased her, forcing her eyes back toward her identical ones. “Because I can tell, this guy thinks you’re different. He can see a future with you.”
Jennifer chose to laugh rather than cry. “I can’t believe there’s still more future to be had at the age of forty-one.”
Michelle giggled. “Don’t be silly. You’ve hardly even gotten started.” She turned to look out toward the ocean, the very one that had taken her life all those years ago. “Will you tell my sisters how much I love them? I think of them endlessly. Amelia and all that hard work she puts in. Olivia and her daughter, Chelsea. Mila and her sorrows and her twins. And, of course, Camilla, who destroys herself at the hospital every day helping countless people. Tell them not to be afraid of the next chapters in their lives. Tell them that I’ll be there for them in any way I can.”
That moment, Jennifer’s alarm blared. Her eyes burst open as she was ripped from the dream. Into the darkness, she breathed, “No! Take me back!” But already, it was too late.
After she calmed her racing heart Jennifer showered and dressed quickly. By the time she reached the bakery, she’d managed to kick off some of the inner anxiety surrounding the dream but only some of it. Emma’s bright smile, there outside the door of the bakery, was enough of a reminder of the real world. It forced Jennifer to speak. It forced her to rejoin the world of the living.
“Good morning, and Merry Christmas Eve!” Jennifer cried. “Let’s get inside and brew up some coffee, shall we?”
Emma was a hard little worker. Over the first several hours, they sliced, baked and glazed pastries and pies as Christmas songs buzzed over the speakers and sunlight slowly drew itself over the thick snow outside. Emma was bubbly and excitable, taste-testing one too many cookies and laughing about it. Just before the guests began to stream in for the morning, she had Jennifer snap several photos of her surrounded by cakes and pies and cookies. Jennifer watched as Emma put the photo up on her social media accounts, as she said, “I like to keep my friends in the know about what’s going on. If you’re worried about me, well, don’t be because I’m on the most beautiful island surrounded by three pumpkin pies, two apple pies, and a carrot cake.”
Jennifer chuckled. “They’ll only be jealous of that, I think.”
“Agreed.”
They were off to the races the moment the door opened. Guests streamed in, sugar-obsessed and Christmas-obsessed and grateful for a kind word and a bright holiday greeting. Jennifer complimented everyone’s sweaters, while Emma made latte after latte. The hours ripped past, nearly destroying them, even as they kept their smiles up and their laughs vibrant. “These people need their Christmas treats, darn it!” Emma cried sarcastically as still more people streamed in through the door. “We have to give the people what they want!”
Just after one, Derek appeared in the bakery. He looked fresh-faced and handsome as ever, and Jennifer nearly swooned with the idea that this gorgeous man actually wanted to spend time with her, and maybe, just maybe, get to know her in a way that set them up for “forever.” Whatever forever meant.
She did have the strangest feeling that she wanted to press across the glass counter and kiss him directly on the lips, the way she might have done with Joel a few years ago. Easy, tiger, she told herself. Get ahold of yourself.
“How’s it going here?” Derek asked.
Jennifer and Emma exchanged exhausted glances and burst into laughter.
“You can’t imagine how hard it’s been,” Emma said. “I’ve worked in restaurants in Manhattan, and this is ten times more chaotic. I don’t know how you do this all the time, Jen.”
“Only the past few weeks,” Jennifer corrected. “It’s been my mother’s career for decades. She’s such a stronger woman.”
Again, Jennifer turned her eyes toward Derek, who seemed almost sheepish. This made her laugh inwardly. This man — with such wealth, handsome, and from Manhattan — he was actually nervous to be around her. She imagined telling herself this years ago when she’d just been a know-nothing teenager. She would say to herself: one day, you will meet a man who will surprise you in literally every way. You won’t know what to do; you’ll just lean into it.
“Can I grab you a coffee?” Jennifer asked softly.
Derek nodded. “Maybe even one of your specialty lattes if it isn’t too much trouble.”
“Dad! Are you sick or something? He basically never has anything but a black coffee,” Emma teased. “I guess the world really is upside down these days.”
But Jennifer still remembered that very first time they’d met one another – when he’d ordered a caramel latte and captured her attention with that handsome smile.
“Peppermint is one of the best ones,” Jennifer said. “Does that work?”
“Absolutely. Perfect.”
They held one another’s gaze for a long moment, again, like school children who didn’t know what to say. Finally, Jennifer forced herself around to begin to brew the coffee. There was a jangle of a bell after that, proof of more customers. To her surprise, however, Emma didn’t blurt out her familiar greeting.
Jennifer watched as Emma’s face became strained.
As the coffee beans ground up, Jennifer turned back around to view quite a strange scene.
Derek stood with his arms crossed angrily across his chest. He stared at a handsome twenty-something guy, all dressed in a brilliantly expensive pea coat, with a Gucci scarf wrapped around his neck. This young man didn’t bother acknowledging Derek at all. Instead, his eyes burned toward Emma in a way that seemed to express pain and torment and unadulterated love.
Emma remained frozen on her side of the glass counter. Her arms remained at her sides, and her eyes were glassy, as though she was on the verge of tears. Above them, the Christmas song changed to “Jingle Bell Rock,” which seemed much too cheesy for this strange interaction. It was almost laughable.
Jennifer put two and two together pretty quickly.
This was obviously the ex-fiancé.
“Will,” Emma breathed. “What are you doing here?”
Will ruffled his hair foolishly. Regardless of his status or his profession or his wealth, he was every bit just a confused kid who wasn’t sure what he wanted or what came next.
“Emma. Can I talk to you for a moment?” He paused as “Jingle Bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,” continued on the speaker. “It’s really important.”
Emma shook her head, delicately. “How did you find me?”
Will lifted his phone. “I knew you were on the Vineyard, but I didn’t know where to find you. Not until you posted this.”
Emma’s laugh was playful, almost giddy, but also accusatory. “You stalked me.”
Will’s smile was crooked. Jennifer could see exactly why Emma had fallen head-over-heels for him. He reminded her of Joel, in some respects, a man she couldn’t have helped but fallen for, over and over again, in every single dimension.
“Okay. But it can’t be long,” Emma said. “We’ll get busy again, and I don’t want to leave Jen in a bind.”
Jennifer watched as Emma grabbed her coat and followed Will out into the snowy afternoon. The moment the door clipped closed, Derek grunted with disdain.
“I don’t know about this,” he said, speaking mostly to nobody. “The kid doesn’t know what he wants. He’s flailing around trying to make things work.”
Jennifer brewed the rest of the peppermint latte and placed it on the counter. Derek gripped it angrily and gestured out toward Will and Emma again, who seemed to have fallen deep into an emotionally naked conversation—the kind that involved big life questions and what the heck to do next when you’ve made so many mistakes.
“I just can’t trust him,” Derek muttered between sips of his latte. “He hurt her so much. And if he’s back to try to win her over...”
Jennifer stepped around the counter. She stood before Derek, her eyes focused on his, and said, “Why should any of us trust ourselves, anyway? Destiny has a way of working out what is meant to be.”
Derek chuckled as he dropped his chin toward his chest. “You’re right. I never know what’s right or what’s wrong or what to do next or what to feel.” He buzzed his lips as he continued. “And I guess I shouldn’t blame that idiot kid for being no better than me. Heck, he came all the way out here to give Emma the respect of speaking to her in person. On Christmas Eve, no less.”
Jennifer reached out and gripped Derek’s elbow. The contact made him jump slightly. Still, they were like teenagers, unsure of where the boundaries were.
“If he wants forgiveness, and if Emma decides to give it to him, I think it’s best to respect that,” Jennifer advised him, knowing too well how hard this was for him.
Derek nodded contemplatively. Finally, he said, “I know her mother would have said the same thing. What is it about you, women? Why did you all get the brains and the beauty and the understanding of the universe, while us men just run around like chickens with our heads cut off?”
Outside, Emma wrapped her arms around Will as his shoulders shook with tears. Jennifer closed the gap between herself and Derek. She placed a hand across his cheek and gazed into his eyes. They were all open wounds of sadness and fear; there was no way to go forward except all together.
“Can I kiss you?” Derek asked softly.
“Yes, you silly man. Of course,” Jennifer smiled at him.
She found the warmth of his lips. She closed her eyes as his lips parted over hers and his hand found the crook of her back and their hearts beat as one. Above them, the speaker shifted to a much more romantic Christmas song — “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”
Their kiss only broke when the bells jangled as the door opened. Will and Emma stood in one another’s arms, their grins a million dollars each. Emma’s eyes twinkled as she said, “Oh, finally,” to the both of them, then lifted her hand up to reveal the engagement ring, back in-place on her finger.
“Merry Christmas, everyone,” Will said. “I made the biggest mistake of my life a few weeks back and realized just how stupid I was by letting this beautiful girl go. And now, apparently, I’m the luckiest.”
Derek turned his eyes toward Jennifer again. “Me, too,” he said.