82

Monday 16

Dear Dumb Diary,

Aunt Carol’s wedding has also made Mom a

little bit insane. Dad keeps saying that weddings

can make everybody associated with them crazy,

and now I think he could be right. She keeps going

on and on about how happy she is that this person

or that person will be at the wedding.

I’m really not looking forward to seeing

people I haven’t seen in a long time because of the

inevitable conversation that will follow:

OLD GASBAG RELATIVE : Oh, hello, Janey.

ME: It’s Jamie.

OLD GASBAG RELATIVE: Oh, that’s

right. My goodness, you sure have grown.

ME: Grown what ?

OLD GASBAG RELATIVE: Flarby flurb

dee flub.

(Old Gasbag won’t really say that last line, but by

this time I will be facedown asleep in my dinner and

that’s what it will sound like to me .)