Lorri melted into Ryder’s lead, dancing in perfect time to the music. It was as if they’d been dancing together for years. When he twirled her, she hitched a breath as she got lost in his blue eyes for a fleeting second. She and Craig had danced in high school, but once they got married it was all she could do to shame him into even a slow dance. She’d missed dancing.
She and Ryder danced the whole song, barely realizing the band had moved on to a different one.
By the time the second song wound down she needed to catch her breath. She let go of his hand, ready to walk off the dance floor.
“No, ma’am.” He closed his fingers around her hand. “Let’s keep dancing.”
“Longer?”
“Until you forgive me.” He spun around with her in his arms, dipping her back just a few inches, his mouth a mere whisper from hers. “How long do you think that’s going to take?”
You’re forgiven. But she didn’t say that. “I don’t know. Guess you’ll just have to keep trying.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’m all right with that.”
When they finally came off the dance floor three songs later, it was only because they started playing the bunny hop and Ryder quickly informed her that he was no bunny hopper.
Lorri heard a man say to Ryder, “I haven’t seen you dance like that since you last danced with your wife. Good to see you, boy.”
When she turned to see who had said it, she realized it was the pastor. The old white-haired man was beaming. Ryder hadn’t mentioned being married. It would probably make a whole lot less sense if he’d never been married at his age, but it bothered her a little that she didn’t know. She wondered why they split up. Had the same pastor performed the wedding ceremony for Ryder and his wife? There was so much she didn’t know.
She followed him over to the food.
“Best barbecue in the state,” he said, picking up a plate.
She wondered if he was going to explain the pastor’s comment. “Sounds good. I haven’t eaten all day.” She started piling on a bit of this and a portion of that.
He used the silver tongs to pull a hefty serving of the fresh pork onto his plate, opting for the home-cooked local specialties on the spread.
They carried their plates to a small four-topper. A server came by with mason jars of sweet tea, which they both greedily slurped down before eating.
“I really am sorry I jumped to conclusions,” he said. “But really, what are the odds you’d be friends with Cody Tuggle?”
“I get it. I’d have probably thought the same thing, but if we’re going to be friends we need to trust each other. Let’s just forget about it, and promise to be better friends than that in the future. Deal?”
“Count on it.” Ryder ate a few more bites then placed his napkin in his lap. “You know, I went looking for you at the fair that Sunday. At the quilt sale.”
She stopped chewing. “You did?”
“You said you really wanted that quilt. I thought you’d be there.” He paused for a moment. “I wanted to see you again.”
“I wish I’d made it back, but I got busy doing things at the house and the weather was so messy I got lazy. I wonder if she sold the quilt.” She took a sip of water. “Maybe I could call her.”
“I’ve got her number. Even if she did sell it, you’d make her day telling her how much you loved it. She is an exceptional quilter, and I really don’t know how she keeps churning them out at her age. She’s a little machine. She has no family.”
“That’s sad.”
“Not really. She’s everyone’s family now. She’s at all the church functions.”
“I’d like to give her a call. You’ll text me her number?”
“Sure.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent Patsy Faber’s number to her.
Lorri’s phone pinged in her fancy clutch. “Thanks.”
Pam walked over carrying a plate of food. “Do y’all mind if I join you?”
“Not at all.” Ryder stood and pulled out a chair for her. “I need more sweet tea. Can I get you some?”
“That would be great. Thank you.” Pam sat down and slid her chair to the table. She watched him walk away then leaned in. “You two look like you’re having a good time. Did you know he was going to be here?”
“No. I didn’t. He’s a lot of fun.”
“This wedding makes me wish I could do mine all over again. Not that Bobby would ever agree to it.”
“This venue is amazing. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve been choking on the fact that Craig is marrying Tiffany here.”
“Yeah. This place is too good for the likes of them.”
Ryder carried three mugs back over to their table. “Here you go, ladies.”
Pam took one and drank from it. “Not many catered weddings get sweet tea right. They always err on the side of unsweet, and that’s just not right.” Pam took another sip and set down the mason jar. “How long have you lived in Dalton Mill, Ryder?”
“My whole life.”
Surprise registered on Pam’s face. “Never wanted to live anywhere else?”
“Never, and I’ve been around. Horse shows, farm events, vacations. Always great to visit new places, but there’s no place like the place you’ve planted your roots.”
Pam said, “You’d get along with my husband. Bobby thinks the same thing. Me, on the other hand, I’d love to take off for a year or two and see stuff. Calling wherever we stop home for a few months before moving on again. Eventually we’d end up back home in Raleigh though.”
“My parents are doing that right now.”
She laughed. “It’ll never happen. Just a dream I’ll die with, I guess.”
“I hope not,” he said quietly.
Lorri caught the darkness clouding Ryder’s eyes for a moment, but it was gone just as quickly. Her imagination, maybe.
“I’m going to let you two visit. I want to talk to Cody’s mom before she leaves.” Pam got up and left. “Fun chatting with you, Ryder.”
“Great to meet you,” he said. Pam walked off and Ryder turned to Lorri and smiled. “She’s nice. I could see you being best friends.”
“The best. My whole life, she’s the one who has been there to help pull me through whatever life has tossed my way.”
“You don’t seem the type that needs that much support.”
“Most of the time I’m not, but … well … sometimes I overestimate my strength.” She shrugged. “So, under the commitment of not making assumptions about each other,” she said.
He braced himself, wondering what was about to come.
“I heard the pastor mention your wife. You were married?”
He nodded slowly. “Yes.” The word came out flat, but the way he winced, his eyes crinkling, there was more to the story.
“The end of a marriage is hard. Doesn’t even matter who initiated the dissolution. It’s hard on everyone.”
“I agree. Completely.” He lowered his gaze.
“You were married a long time?”
“Not as long as I would’ve liked.” He exhaled a breath. “It’s hard for me to talk about.”
“Oh.” She didn’t really know what to make of that. Maybe it was still too soon. She knew how that felt. “Okay.”
“Wait. No. I can’t let you fill in the blanks on this one.” He took a moment, swallowed, and then leaned back in his chair. “I was married. My wife … Valerie. An amazing woman.”
Pain clouded his words. What could have possibly happened? She thought of how Craig had undermined her, breaking the most important thing, trust. But then she’d never claimed he was amazing. Craig had never been that invested. She knew that now.
Had Ryder’s wife left for someone else? Something else? A career. She’d worked with women who’d left husbands who couldn’t handle their commitment to their careers. She could see him standing firm here in his hometown, where he’d laid roots, rather than making a move. Ryder loved Dalton Mill.
“She was a wonderful wife. Always thoughtful. Creative. Full of life.”
“You really loved her.” He didn’t have to say it. It was in every word. It hung in the air like Christmas. You knew what it was, even though you couldn’t see it or touch it.
“She was lovely inside and out. Our son. Ronnie Dwayne. He looked just like her. Handsome little guy.”
A child? The gravity of him being a father saddled her for a moment. She’d dreamed of being a mother but hadn’t considered the possibility of him having a child. We’re just friends. It doesn’t matter.
He looked at her and drew in a breath. “They were my whole life.”
“How long ago…” The question hung. She couldn’t imagine that kind of love going ignored. How could she have left him?
“Seven years ago.” The pause was long, becoming awkward. “Car accident on a foggy Sunday morning. Trooper said there were no skid marks. They never saw the other car coming.”
Her hand swept to her heart, as if holding it in place might keep the thought of that tragedy from crushing her. “Oh my gosh.” It came out as a whisper. “Drunk driver?”
He nodded.
“The most unforgivable act.” Her bitter past pulled her slightly off-balance. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“I guess seven years is a long time, but I’ll tell you, it doesn’t feel like even seven minutes ago some days.” His lip twitched.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry I asked. I—”
“You deserve to know. It’s my baggage. Part of who I am.” His voice broke. “I carry it with me every day.”
You got a whole steamer trunk full of it. How unfair. There were no words to convey how she felt, or anything she could say that might soothe that pain for him. Her heart ached for this good man who had so truly loved his family.
“Not a day goes by that I don’t grieve over them. Not for them. I do know and believe they are in a good place. Doesn’t keep me from wishing I’d been driving that day though.”
“I can’t imagine.” She looked into his eyes. “I didn’t expect this.” Perspective. All I’ve been through seems like nothing in comparison. Most recently the bitterness she’d harbored looking around this gorgeous wedding venue and thinking that in just a couple of weeks Craig and Tiffany would be enjoying all of it. She’d owe that forget-about-it jar about twenty bucks before the night was over at this rate.
Ryder looked right into her eyes. “I cherish them every day. It hasn’t been easy, and I’m not easy to be around sometimes.”
She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m truly sorry for your loss. I hope you never lose a single memory. Only that the grief will fade from black to gray where you can at least live with it.”
“Spending time with you has been real nice.”
“I think so too. We all have our baggage, Ryder. It makes us who we are. Sometimes it comes out in more positive ways than others, but it’s all according to His plan. It’s hard to trust that sometimes.”
“It sure is.” The words drew out, edged with the reality of pain.
It was easier to say than to live that way. Who was she to be preaching like that? It wasn’t her place to judge Jeff, and yet even now she clung to that anger toward him, so much so that it impacted her relationship with her parents. Jeff struggled with his demons. Addiction, and the lying and stealing. He’d hurt so many people.
When the day came, and they were told he was dead, it had shattered her parents. For her, she’d felt the loss of her brother years before that day. They just made it official.
“Some people’s baggage is more like designer luggage,” she said. “Mine’s like a trash bag full of a mishmash of other people’s problems I can’t seem to let go of. I’m working on figuring out how to deal with that.”
“You don’t seem like you have a problem in the world,” he said.
“For the record, you don’t either. You’re not hard to be around. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you.”
“You’re a good listener.” He stopped as if he had more to say. “I don’t ever talk about this, but I’m glad you know. If I react in a way that doesn’t make sense sometimes, maybe this will help you understand why.”
She waited, not wanting to interrupt him, and not really knowing what to say even if he had finished. The thought of a loss that great tumbled in her mind, landing heavy on her heart. Other people’s stories had a way of putting your own problems into perspective. When Jeff died, it tore her parents apart. Even now, all these years later, they were still broken. But losing a wife and a child at the same time?
He’d dropped his focus to the table. “It was…”
“Devastating,” she said quietly.
“Yes.” He lifted his gaze to hold hers. “You know in seven years’ time I’ve had a lot of people say a lot of things when they find out about Valerie and Ronnie Dwayne, and never has it brought me any comfort, but yes, devastating is exactly what it was. You do understand.”
“I’d never claim to understand that kind of loss.” What more could she say? She knew drunk drivers killed. “That kind of accident is heartbreaking.”
“It wasn’t an accident.” His jaw set. “An accident is an event that happens by chance. This was no accident. This was a wreck. It destroyed my entire life. I—” He raised his hand, stopping mid-sentence. “I’m sorry. I thought I could talk about this, but I…” He stood to leave.
“I’ll be right here if you want to come back.” Her heart ached for him.
His chest heaved, a pained smile pulling across his face. “You are really something. I mean that in the nicest way.”
She could see his pain, feel it in her core. “We don’t have to ever talk about this again.”
He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She thought he might actually sit back down, but then he walked off.
How does someone ever find themselves again after something like that?
She’d been cheated on. It had felt like the end of the world. In contrast to what Ryder had been dealt, it was nothing. A blip on the radar. A zit on date night. Something that would heal.
Perspective.
She’d just received a heaping dose of it.