What Do You Want?

Okay, here’s the deal. A breakup is usually not a fun thing, but sometimes it has to happen. But before you get down to kicking Humpty-Dumpty off the wall, you need to have your business straight. You have to have a game plan of what you are going to do, why, and how. To do that you better answer these three Q’s before you ever approach the point of no return.

1. What do I want?

2. What is the best way to get that?

3. How will it look in the future?

Okay, the first one should be pretty obvious. What you want is for the relationship to be over. Sure, you wish things were different and everything was better, but it’s not. And yeah, you would like to still be friends. You would like to still have some kind of relationship with the person. That’s great. But your main goal is to end the relationship. Don’t lose sight of that.

The second question takes a little more thought. There are lots of ways to make the relationship end, but the best way to get what you want is to cut it off clean and walk away. Really, in the longer-term world, this is the easiest way to change the relationship into something you want, like a friendship, even though right now it might seem the most impossible of impossibles. (More on that stuff later.)

And finally, how will it look in the future? This is where lots o’ lives get really messed up. Most people don’t paint the picture of how the relationship looks when it ends. Get it down on paper. Write down things you will and will not do together. “We will not go to movies together. We will not go out to eat. We will go to the same study group, but we will not ride together or hang out together while we are there.” This sounds brutal, but it’s the only way to stay focused.

Yes, write all this stuff out. Don’t just think about it. Have it on paper and take it with you for “the talk.” Otherwise you might end up agreeing to try something else, and as soon as you leave you’ll think, “Stupid!” So take it with you, and if you have to, take it out and look at it to remind yourself what you are going to do.

 

The thing you have to remember about this relationship is that how much you put into it determines how much it hurts when it ends. The depth, intensity, and length of the relationship will determine the amount of separation needed. I mean, get real, if you dated just a few days or weeks, it won’t be that big of a breakup. But if you had your entire life wrapped up in this person and you guys were super-connected, then that intensity will be equaled in the intensity of the separation. It will have to be extreme and complete. So think about these important questions and get ready before you take the breakup plunge.

by Justin