Don’t limit expressions of interest to the seemingly important people in your life. The chances are they already get enough attention.
—Dale Carnegie
Did you ever stop to think that a dog is one of the only animals that does not have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. They are the light and joy in many people’s lives. As companions, they are always so interested in you, and love you unconditionally. No matter what your mood, or how you are approaching life, your dog is always sure to greet you with leaps of joy and barks of sheer ecstasy just to see you.
Dogs never read books on psychology. They don’t need to. They know by some divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. This truism bears repeating: You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Yet we all know people who go through life trying to get other people interested in them. Of course it doesn’t work. People are not interested in you. They’re not interested in me. They’re interested in themselves.
The subject we will discuss in this chapter is how to recognize talent not only in other people, but first and foremost in yourself. These are characteristics that true leaders bring to anything they do, whether it’s a particular task, a certain job title, an organization, or even a family.
A leader talks like a leader. They don’t all talk the same way, but all leaders have certain communication skills that set them apart from other team members. They communicate their competence in a highly effective way. When good leaders speak, the troops understand what they are saying and are ready to act on their ideas.
People who can express themselves well are increasingly rare, which makes good communication skills all the more valuable. You are evaluated not only by what you say, but by how you say it. When you lead a meeting, for example, you must be able to present your ideas clearly and get them right the first time. Moreover, be aware that over and above the content of what you are saying, you are the message. If team members leave the meeting with a positive impression of you as a human being, it will strengthen the information you tried to communicate, especially if you did so in a powerful manner.
Sometimes it’s useful to think of communication as a game. To be successful in any game, you first need to learn how to play. In other words, what are the rules?
The rules of good communication are a lot like the rules of good driving. First and foremost, there’s the issue of who’s behind the wheel. When you’re speaking by yourself in front of a group, it’s as if you were behind the wheel of a car full of people, or maybe even a bus. You’re the one with your foot on the gas pedal or the brake. You’re in charge and there’s not much your passengers can do about it. Still, it’s in your best interests to make the ride as enjoyable as possible. So don’t go too fast or too slow. Don’t make the journey take any longer than it has to. And if you decide to take the scenic route, make sure it’s really scenic!
A one-on-one conversation is more like driving though the city alone in your car. The other drivers are like your conversation partner. You’ve got to be aware of their presence and their needs, just as you’re aware of your own. You need to halt at stop signs and give up the right of way when appropriate. You can’t just act as if no one else is there. People who talk nonstop are like speeding road hogs. But going too slow isn’t good either. Driving safely and talking effectively require a combination of self-awareness and consideration of others around you. Perhaps unfortunately, people don’t need a license to start talking.
Once you know the rules of oral communication—and begin to obey them—you must tap into three basic resources for becoming truly proficient. These are not just oratorical techniques. They’re fundamental principles of character. They’re the underlying foundation of everything you say.
The first principle is competence. A really competent leader should be capable of doing literally every job in the organization. You can’t just be a marketing expert, you must also know about finance and operations and everything else. There’s nothing more embarrassing than the head of an automotive company who doesn’t know how to check the oil in a car, or a software executive who can’t attach a file to an e-mail.
The second principle is clarity. Before you can communicate your vision, it has to exist very clearly in your mind. Strong leaders have clear visions of where their company and their industry are heading. On an even larger scale, they can see where the economy as a whole is heading and guide their company accordingly.
Creating a vision and direction for an organization is not done in a vacuum. Leaders must know the historical trends, the current situation, and what the future is most likely to hold.
Once the principles of competence and clarity are in place, the real process of communication can take place. Often the ideas and visions of a leader are new, clear but complex, and not necessarily easy to communicate. However, if the leader and his company are to be successful, he or she must learn to convey the vision.
Competence, clarity, and communication—three C’s. Talented leaders have naturally mastered these. Less talented leaders can also master them through hard work and experience. The key lesson is, leaders know how to move what’s in their heads (and hearts) into every member of their teams.
Jeff Winston’s experience has made him something of an expert in all these areas. Ten years ago he was fresh out of college when he appeared for an interview at one of the country’s leading newsmagazines. He was hired, and during the decade he spent at the magazine he wore many hats. First he was a fact-checker, then a researcher, then a reporter, and finally a senior editor. Now Jeff has been named managing editor at a new publication in the high-technology field. It’s a great opportunity for offering leadership in a new direction.
Jeff is proud of his new position but he also knows he’s earned it. Over the past ten years he’s climbed every rung of the ladder. When he was first appointed to a senior editorial position at the news magazine, Jeff found most of his colleagues were very supportive and encouraging. However, he felt some tension in his relationship with one of the editors, who now reported to him, a man whom he himself had once worked for during his early years at the magazine. As Jeff recalls, he was a very talented writer and editor but never achieved the top positions at the magazine that he felt he deserved.
“When I was given one of those positions he became convinced it was because of politics rather than real ability on my part. He didn’t confront me directly but several other people told me what he thought.” Jeff tried not to let this bother him but he did feel some anger toward the other editor. The more he thought about it, however, the more he realized that any real fault probably lay within himself.
If the other man did not consider Jeff worthy of the promotion, it could only be because he did not recognize Jeff’s real talent. But it wasn’t really his responsibility to recognize Jeff’s talent. Instead it was Jeff’s responsibility to make his talent recognizable and beyond question. With this in the back of his mind, Jeff worked hard in his new position as senior editor. He helped find and develop story ideas. He spent many hours talking with the writers, department editors, and art directors. He took a sincere interest in all the diverse editorial content that was his responsibility, including medicine, media, religion, and lifestyle. Although it wasn’t exactly easy, he made a special effort to work well with the man who had questioned his ability.
Then one day after Jeff had been a senior editor for about six months, the editor with whom he had the problem walked into his office. He was an older man who had acquired real seniority at the magazine and he wasn’t afraid to exert it, regardless of his job title. So he simply strolled into Jeff’s office late one afternoon and occupied the chair in front of Jeff’s desk.
“Jeff, I have to tell you something,” he said in a low voice. “When you got this job I was totally against it. I thought you were too young, that you lacked experience, and that it was all happening because you went to an Ivy League school. But I’ve really been impressed by the interest you’ve shown in developing content in the writers, and in the departments’ editors, including myself. I’ve worked with a lot of other senior editors and all of them were just interested in using this as a stepping-stone to the next level. It’s clear to me, though, that you’re really committed to this job. You show that commitment every day and you’ve got talent too.”
Today in his new position at the business magazine, Jeff can look back on that encounter with some insight. He can see the problem that led up to it, and he can also see how his efforts avoided a potentially difficult situation. You have to take people seriously in order for them to take you seriously, he says. Whether you’re coming in off the street for an interview or moving into a new executive position, you have to show that you’re meeting everyone on an equal playing field. If you can do that, the talents you have will show through without anyone’s emotions getting in the way.
This is a basic principle of the Dale Carnegie philosophy. Expressing interest in others is the best way to make them interested in you. People can’t help responding to people who are sincerely interested in them. This is the all-important principle that leaders should look for in others and that they themselves should express. Taking genuine interest is the one basic talent that makes all other talents possible. When you have it, there’s no limit to how far you can move ahead. When you don’t have it, it’s unlikely any of your other abilities will be recognized.
There are many different ways of expressing interest in people and most of them require nothing more than a bit of focused attention. And the higher up you go on the leadership ladder the more important these habits become. Showing you care about people is not a sign of weakness or lack of authority in a leader. On the contrary, it is evidence of true leadership talent. It is proof that you deserve to be where you are.
It can be as simple as using a pleasant voice on the telephone, a voice that says “I’m happy to hear from you.” When you meet people in person, greet them with genuine pleasure. Smile, learn their names, remember them, and make sure you spell and pronounce them correctly. Upon meeting a new person, write this information down as soon as possible. Also be aware when someone shows this kind of thoughtfulness toward you. When they do, they’re not just being polite; they’re showing the potential to be a leader. Above all, don’t limit these expressions of interest to so-called important people.
For one thing, they probably get quite a bit of attention already. For another thing, who is important today is very likely to change by tomorrow or the day after. Don’t forget the assistants, receptionists, messengers, and all the other individuals who keep an organization running. Once again, when you see someone else showing this kind of consideration, keep an eye on him or her. They may be ready for greater responsibilities.
The chief operating officer of a food services corporation in Minnesota had an interesting experience in this regard. He was in the company cafeteria when he happened to overhear a conversation between a mid-level manager and one of the department heads. It seemed that the manager had been going through a difficult period in his life and it was beginning to affect his work. The department head was listening carefully, just letting the other man express his feelings to the fullest extent possible. Then the department head made some very practical and useful suggestions while also making it clear he was concerned on a personal level.
Based on this conversation, the chief operating officer chose the department head to handle a very sensitive negotiation that was beginning with an important new customer. It was a definite step up for the department head. It was also a chance for the company to make use of talents that might not show up in a résumé or an annual review. Such displays of interest are the fundamental building blocks of successful relationships, both personal and professional. They are the moments that say, “You are important to me. I’m interested, I want to know more, and I care.” Most people in this world want to experience that, and leadership masters make sure they do.
Once you start this process it will quickly become a natural part of your leadership style. Before you know it, by expressing interest, you will naturally become more interested in the people around you. What’s more, genuine interest in others is one of the best ways to move beyond any worries or concerns that may be troubling you personally. The more you stay focused on other people, the fewer negative thoughts you’ll have.
Bestselling author Harvey Mackay had a long career in the envelope business. That’s where he learned many of the lessons that have made his books and articles so insightful. Mackay recalls a salesman whom he never regarded as particularly dynamic or successful despite the man’s many years of experience at his company. On one occasion, though, Mackay says, “I remember him telling me that one of his buyers had just welcomed a new baby girl into his family. So the salesman went down and bought a gift. But not for the new baby; it was for her older brother, a little boy of three who might be feeling some pangs of jealousy about now.”
Mackay continues, “That one very thoughtful and creative gesture stuck with me right away. All of a sudden I didn’t think of him as an average employee anymore. Now he’s one of our key regional sales managers.”
Conversely, a senior vice president at Bank of America learned the hard way about the importance of taking a genuine interest in others. He had gotten an impressively fast start at an investment firm after graduating from college in the late 1980s. Much sooner than he had ever expected, he had a large apartment in San Francisco and a Mercedes in the driveway. “I thought I had it all and I let people know that I thought so,” he says today. “I had a real attitude but just as the recession was approaching in 1990, my boss called me into his office and said I was going to be terminated.
“I was in total shock and I pointed out all the good work I had done for the firm, but my boss just shook his head,” recalls the executive. “‘It’s not a matter of numbers,’ the boss said. ‘That’s performance, but we’re not looking just for performance. We need leadership talent. People just don’t like working with you. I’m afraid we’re going to have to part company.’ It hit me like a rock,” says the executive. “I considered myself Mr. Success and now I was getting fired and the recession was just getting under way. It took a full year before I found another job.”
An even more dramatic story comes from a direct-marketing executive who had his own nationwide organization. “I had forty offices across the country and in Canada,” he says. “I was constantly in touch with my people in the various markets and I liked to make them jump through hoops. Sometimes I’d tell a guy in Atlanta that he was going to have to move to Boston or I’d tell the guy in Boston that he should start looking for housing in Phoenix. I was on an incredible power trip.”
Until one day there was an express mail delivery of forty envelopes. Inside each envelope there was a set of keys. “My entire company had gotten together and quit on me at one time. I was literally out of business. It took me years to get back on my feet, but I’m actually grateful for what happened. I had it coming, and believe me, it will never happen again.”
1. Make a list of five people with whom you are in regular contact in your professional life. They may be colleagues, customers, suppliers, or perhaps even competitors. You may never have thought of these people as particularly gifted, but each one of them has very special and unique qualities. Leadership masters know this, and they are determined to develop the true natural strengths of everyone around them. So after each name, write at least three of the strongest unique talents in each of the individuals.
2. Now after looking at the talents that you see in others, list five of your natural strengths. After each one, describe a specific occasion when you have put this talent to use. You may not even be aware of a special gift that you have. By focusing on particular strengths in which you have performed well, however, you’ll begin to gain awareness of similar opportunities as they arise.
3. The two accounts at the end of this chapter are hard reminders of times when good performance is clearly not all that is required. Do you have a similar situation in which your own self-interest overshadowed your interest in others, and actually impeded your chance to excel in a particular situation? If so, write about it, and then write a list of things you could have done to potentially shift that outcome. While hindsight is twenty-twenty, it is useful to review past errors to pave the way to improvement.