Remember that other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
There is a reason why the others think and act as they do. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.
Try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you say to yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?” you will save yourself time and irritation. Becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect. In addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.
—Dale Carnegie
In this chapter, we’ll look back at some of the concepts that we covered, and also at the Dale Carnegie principles that are their foundation. We will then look ahead to how you can put these concepts to use in your own daily life, not just in theory but also in response to real-world leadership challenges.
We will begin by turning our attention to the immense changes that have taken place over the years. Until recently, America has enjoyed economic prosperity. The good times that attended the dawn of the new millennium have been compared to the postwar boom of the ’50s, but there is at least one very significant difference. In the ’50s, Americans really believed that the good times would never end. We were the conquerors of the world. We had it all figured out. We believed that we were not only different from everybody else, but a lot better.
Needless to say, like today, some surprises were in store. Eventually, the postwar boom and the American economy went bust in a very big way. The oil crisis in the ’70s was perhaps the first sign of this, followed by a general perception that America might no longer be able to compete in the expanding global marketplace. Japan suddenly seemed to own the future. In everything from cars to television sets, the Japanese took our own products, made them better, and sold them back to us.
Then a few other unexpected developments took place. American high technology moved out of California garages and onto the world marketplace. The leading edge of the most profound economic revolution since the invention of the steam engine was firmly centered in the United States and nowhere else. What’s more, the cold war geopolitical environment that had dominated the world for forty years suddenly evaporated. This, too, seemed to come out of nowhere, and suddenly the whole meaning of leadership was fundamentally altered. The image of the leader as a stern-faced military commander abruptly gave way. We no longer needed someone to lead us into battle. We needed leaders who could deal with change, work effectively with a diverse population and workforce, and model in themselves the ethical, emotional, and spiritual qualities expected of them.
All these are immense changes, but what can we learn from them? How can we understand them in a comprehensive way? What is the thread that links the sudden economic rise of one country, the sudden fall of another, and the even more sudden disappearance of others still? In a world of so many quick scene changes, how can we grasp the overall plot?
Actually, there is one link among the unpredictable changes of recent decades: their unpredictability. During the boom years of the American economy in the ’50s, there was a sense that things were going to just keep getting better and better. The future looked like a straight path toward an Americanized world, with GM cars in the garage, GE refrigerators in the kitchen, and RCA televisions in the living room.
On a larger scale, futurists of the ’50s predicted space travel and cities beneath the sea, where new pioneers would feed themselves on algae grown on vast undersea farms. Rocket ships were the coming thing. Computers were not unknown in the era of Sputnik, but they were seen as cumbersome curiosities. At best, an offshoot of the robot would soon be doing all of our work for us. Virtually no one foresaw what was really going to happen. The world’s best and the brightest minds were totally blindsided by the information revolution. They were also surprised by the war in Vietnam, the runaway inflation, the gasoline shortages of the ’70s, the taking of the American hostages in Iran, the fall of Communism, and the collapse of the Asian stock markets.
The point here is not to disparage anyone’s ability to see what’s coming down the track. Nobody knows what the future holds. Whatever the outcome, it will probably be very different from what anyone expects. As a leader, therefore, you should be both flexible and principled. You should be prepared to adjust to sudden change, but at your inner core, certain beliefs, values, and behaviors must remain steadfast no matter in what directions the winds are heading or how hard they blow.
To his great credit, Dale Carnegie seems to have been just this sort of leader in both his life and his work. Did Mr. Carnegie anticipate all the changes that took place in his lifetime? No, he did not. He did something, however, even more important. He created a set of timeless principles that hold true regardless of the exigencies of the moment. As things have turned out, they are uniquely suited to our high-stress, fast-moving, uncertain world of today.
First and foremost, Dale Carnegie counsels us to look at life from other people’s perspectives. This is an absolutely essential quality in a leader, yet it seems to become more difficult as a leader’s authority grows.
In ancient Rome, when a victorious military commander returned to a celebration in his honor, a slave was assigned to stand behind him as the general’s chariot paraded him through the streets. The slave had a very important assignment. Every few moments he was to softly whisper into the hero’s ear, “Remember, you are mortal”—just like any other man. Today there are surely people in leadership positions who could use that advice. But leadership masters work every day to see life and themselves through the eyes of others.
The late Sam Walton hired full-time employees whose only job was to stand near the front door of a Wal-Mart store, greet customers, and point them in the right direction. In fact, Sam Walton often performed that job himself in his frequent visits to stores around the country. Why did he do this? Why did he pay other people to do it? It wasn’t just his down-home hospitality. He was wise enough to see his own business as his customers saw it. He knew they were stepping into a huge, brightly lit store, perhaps for the first time. He knew they needed guidance. He knew they would appreciate a store that provided it, and they would probably come back.
Looking at things from the other person’s point of view doesn’t happen by itself. It is a quality of leadership mastery that most of us have to develop with focused attention. It means asking a lot of questions and listening closely to the answers. The questions aren’t complicated, but they have to be asked again and again, at work, at home, and with friends and acquaintances. What life experiences do other people bring to this interaction with you? What are they trying to achieve? What are they trying to avoid? What will it take for them to feel that this encounter has been a success?
The answers to these questions will be different every time, but they are all part of learning to see things from other people’s points of view. They show that you are making a sincere effort to learn what someone else is really looking for, and as a leader, you are helping them to get it. As Dale Carnegie said, “If you can learn what other people’s problems are and help them to solve those problems, the world is your oyster.”
If getting in touch with another person’s perspective is largely a matter of listening, motivating them to positive action is closely linked to what you say and how you behave. This is where leadership masters understand the importance of genuine appreciation, recognition, and praise.
Whether you are dealing with the president of a Fortune 500 company or a clerk in the supermarket, everyone wants to be told they are doing a first-rate job. Everyone wants to be told that they are smart and capable, and that their efforts are being recognized. A little bit of appreciation at just the right moment is often all it takes to transform an indifferent, disengaged team member into a star player.
“Why is it,” Dale Carnegie once asked, “that we’re so often inclined to voice criticism rather than praise? We should use praise at the slightest sign of improvement. That’s what inspires the other fellow to keep on improving.” It is not complicated at all, but for some reason, many people find it hard to distribute even well-deserved praise. A case in point is an East Coast insurance executive who, by his own admission, always found it difficult to offer positive feedback. As he describes it, “I was never able to tell someone ‘You know, I really appreciate you.’ I was never able to say, ‘Thank you for all you’ve done, thank you for all the extra time you’ve put in. Thank you, because what you’re doing is terrific.’”
After years of holding back, the insurance executive finally recognized the responsibility of a leader to give praise. In part, he learned it from his own boss. “He’s a remarkable person,” says the executive. “He’ll tell you when he thinks something isn’t going well, but at the same time he finds a way to include something positive. It’s so reassuring to hear that.”
1. We have no way of knowing what the future holds. A leadership master is flexible and quick to respond, whatever the situation may be. On a scale from one to ten, rate your flexibility (one being not very flexible, and ten being very malleable and flexible).
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Inflexible | Very flexible | ||||||||
2. When engaging with others, it is important to be open to the skills that they bring to the table. Focus on something that currently requires some initiative within your organization. Focus your attention on those involved and ask yourself the following questions: What life experiences do other people bring to this interaction? What are they trying to achieve? What are they trying to avoid? What will it take for them to feel that this encounter has been a success?
3. Make a list of the team players with whom you are involved in your organization. Write three qualities that each member possesses. These would be positive traits, assets to the decision-making process. Provide specific evidence of each quality or trait. Share your observances with each member as encouragement and an indication of your trust in them.