Therapist’s Overview

THIS IS HOW I FEEL

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. The adopted child expresses feelings associated with being adopted.

2. Adopted child believes other family members understand how he or she is feeling.

3. All family members verbalize positive feelings toward one another.

4. Parents achieve positive feelings about their role as adoptive parents.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO ADOPTION

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

• They’re Calling Me a Half-Breed Page 158

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Blended Families

• Foster Care

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT

One of the most significant issues for a person who has been adopted is the need for acceptance and attachment or belonging. This is often the heart of the reason why an adoptive child/adolescent experiences struggles and needs to seek treatment.

For younger children, the exercise questions might be answered more easily and with greater depth via drawings or other expressive modalities. For children or adolescents who do not like to write, ask them to record their responses on an audiotape or via another form of expressive art (e.g., computer, phone).

EXERCISE III.A

THIS IS HOW I FEEL

FOR ADOPTIVE CHILD/ADOLESCENT

Being adopted can create a number of different thoughts and feelings. The exercise below will help you to identify and express such thoughts and feelings. If you would rather not write down your responses, try drawing them or recording them on an audio tape.

1. Give three or four reasons why children are adopted.

2. Explain the circumstances of how you were adopted. How did it happen?

3. What type(s) of people adopt children?

4. What type of contact should an adopted child have with his/her biological family?

5. When you think about your biological family, what thoughts and feelings do you experience? Would you classify these as either positive or negative thoughts/ emotions?

6. When you think about your adoptive family, what thoughts and feelings do you have? Would you classify these as either positive or negative thoughts/emotions?

Therapist’s Overview

MY SAFE PLACE

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. To develop a sense of security and comfort no matter where you are or what time it is.

2. To be able to focus and reassure yourself that you are okay.

3. To be able to access that safe place whenever you feel frightened or insecure.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO ADOPTION

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

• They’re Calling Me a Half-Breed Page 158

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT

A safe place can be anywhere a person feels protected and able to truly relax without worrying. Through the use of imagery and visualization, a person can ideally access their safe place anytime, day or night, no matter where they are or whom they are with.

Before this task can be assigned, several sessions must be conducted in order to teach deep breathing and basic relaxation skills. After practicing and learning how to use diaphragmatic breathing,⁴ explore with your client what type of place makes him/her feel good, comfortable, and calm. (Younger children may express places in which there are lots of activities and games. Redirect them to focus on places that are peaceful and quiet. Such places might be their bedroom or a tree house.) Facilitate the use of their imagination as much as possible.

Once a place is identified, have your client go there before their next appointment and spend approximately 10 to 15 minutes. Have them record as many details as possible about their safe place.

EXERCISE III.B

MY SAFE PLACE

FOR ADOPTIVE CHILD/ADOLESCENT

Feeling safe is a great feeling to have. Sometimes we are lucky enough to have a place where we can go and feel totally protected from anything and everything we don’t like. It can be a real place like our room, our tree fort, the park, or on our bike. Or, it can be a place we can picture in our mind. A place in which we decide what it looks like, what it smells like, how big or small it is, what is in it, who, if anyone else, gets to visit. For the exercise below, try to think about what makes you feel safe. Where would it be? Try to picture it. Use the questions to describe your safe place.

1. My special safe place is:

2. Describe your safe place. (What does it look like? What does it smell like? How big is it? What is in it? What color is it?)

3. I feel safe there because: