Therapist’s Overview

REMEMBER WHEN . . .

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. To describe your thoughts and feelings about the person who passed away.

2. To experience a healthy way to grieve/mourn.

3. For family members to provide support to one another and mourn together.

4. To create a memory album that can serve as a keepsake.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO DEATH/LOSS

• What Am I Thinking When I Am Feeling Depressed? Page 115

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Depression

• Adoption

• Foster Care

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

The death of a loved one is always difficult. Many of us grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. Sometimes this grief takes such a strong hold on us that it is difficult to move on with one’s life. Sometimes individuals feel that if they give up the feelings of grief they will be giving up the memory of their loved one. One way let to go of the feelings of grief without “forgetting” about your loved one is by creating a memory album. A memory album can be comprised of pictures as well as words.

EXERCISE XI.A

REMEMBER WHEN . . .

To start, schedule a time for the family to get together. Have various materials available to make a memory album. These materials could include pictures, drawings, crayons or markers, glue, etc.

Decide whether you want to make one album or if each family member desires to make his or her own album to remember their loved one who has passed.

Make a title page for your memory album. You could color it or decorate it any way you wish.

As you peruse the pictures you’ve gathered over the years, try to recall stories you remember and discuss them with each other.

Inside the album describe your memories of ________ (the decedent). Start with your earliest memory of him or her. You might want to draw this or find a picture that describes your memory. Title the picture or drawing as well and indicate the date when the memory occurred.

Write, draw, or use a picture that describes one of your favorite memories of your loved one.

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe the last thing you did with _____ (person who passed away). Write and/or draw the feeling you had.

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe three positive memories/images that you will never forget about _____.

Therapist’s Overview

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, LOVE,

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. To describe and express your thoughts and feelings about the person who passed away.

2. To experience a healthy way to grieve/mourn.

3. For family members to provide support to one another and mourn together.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO DEATH/LOSS

• What Am I Thinking When I Am Feeling Depressed? Page 115

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Depression

• Adoption

• Foster Care

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

When someone we love dies, we are filled with a range of emotions. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed that it is difficult to express ourselves or even get in touch with our emotions. We know that writing is a great way to help us formulate our thoughts and feelings and helps us express our emotions. The following exercise can serve as a guide in helping individuals compose a letter to their loved one who have passed.

A session can involve the reading of the letters. This can also be done at the grave site as well.

EXERCISE XI.B

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, LOVE,

You can use the following questions and sentence stems to write a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings.

Describe the cause of death.

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe how you heard about the news of the death. Where were you at the time and who informed you?

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe what you do remember thinking and feeling at the time.

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe the service/funeral.

Describe a time(s) when it was just you and the person who passed.

Describe a time(s) when you and your family were with the person who passed.

Describe one of your favorite memories of your loved one.

Describe a time when you were worried about your loved one.

Describe a time you were angry at your loved one.

Describe what you admire most about the person who passed.

Write, draw, or use a picture to describe any unresolved feelings you have about _____ and how you would have wanted it to be resolved.

Compose a letter incorporating all or some of the prior information.

Decide if each of you wants to read your letters at the grave site, at your next session, or at home as part of a family meeting.

Therapist’s Overview

THE QUESTIONS, FEELINGS, COMMENTS/CONCERNS GAME

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. To describe your thoughts and feelings about the person who has passed.

2. To create an openness to discussing the death or loss.

3. For family members to provide support to one another.

4. To reduce the isolation and awkwardness brought on by the death or loss.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO DEATH AND LOSS

• What Am I Thinking When I Am Feeling Depressed? Page 115

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Reuniting Estranged Family Members

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

Although death and loss are a part of life, they are frequently difficult experiences to endure. Families can become overwhelmed, shut down, isolated, or become overly involved in other activities as a means of avoiding talking about the pain associated with the death or loss. Since these subjects can often be difficult to address, the following game is an attempt to approach the subject in a less threatening manner. You can play the game in your office and then have the family continue it at home.

EXERCISE XI.C

THE QUESTIONS, FEELINGS, COMMENTS/CONCERNS GAME

You will need three different stacks of colored index cards, a pen or pencil for each family member, two (poker) chips for each family member, and a single die from a set of dice.

Each family member is to generate at least five responses to each of the following three categories.

Responses should be on color-coded index cards. Each color will represent a separate category.

1. QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT THE DEATH OR LOSS.

2. FEELINGS I HAVE OR I THINK SOMEONE ELSE HAS ABOUT THE DEATH OR LOSS.

3. COMMENTS OR CONCERNS I HAVE ABOUT THE DEATH OR LOSS.

As family members sort all the cards into the three respective piles, each person rolls a single die.

If a person rolls a 1 or 2, s/he picks and responds to a card from the QUESTIONS pile.

If a person rolls a 3 or 4, s/he picks and responds to a card from the FEELINGS pile.

If a person rolls a 5 or 6, s/he picks and responds to a card from the COMMENTS/ CONCERNS pile.

Each member has two PASSES. A PASS can be used any time a person wants to give his/her card or turn to someone else. The member using a PASS will have to give one of their chips to the person they choose to take their turn.

After responding to a card, other family members are encouraged to answer as well. When no other responses are being offered, the next member takes a turn.