SECTION XVIII: FAMILY-OF-ORIGIN INTERFERENCE
Therapist’s Overview
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS
GOALS OF THE EXERCISE
1. Reduce the marital and family conflict regarding family-of-origin interference with family issues.
2. Identify the thoughts and feelings associated with the interferences.
ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO FAMILY-OF-ORIGIN INTERFERENCE
• Acting as If Page 52
• How Can I Talk So He’ll Listen? Page 89
• Why Can’t You Understand My Side for Once? Pages 164, 166
• I Am Not Jealous Page 171
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL
• Communication Problems
• Jealousy/Insecurity
SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT
The well-meaning intentions of parents, grandparents, and other family-of-origin members can at times become very destructive forces—especially when such input is unwelcome or uninvited. The marital dyad will frequently argue over their spouse’s family-of-origin stepping over the boundary lines. Children/adolescents will also begin to act out emotionally and behaviorally as the result of such interference. Therefore, the couple and their children/adolescents need to find a way to establish boundaries. Another key is developing a sense of cohesion as a family unit.
EXERCISE XVIII.A
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS
FOR THE COUPLE EXPERIENCING FAMILY-OF-ORIGIN INTERFERENCE WITH FAMILY ISSUES
The following exercise is designed to help you gain a clearer perspective of your concerns as a couple regarding the involvement of other family members in your family issues. You will need paper and pen to record some lists. Find some quiet time in which the two of you can complete the following exercise:
1. As a couple, identify your perceptions of the interactions with other family members. You can do this individually first and then compare your lists.
2. Once the perceptions are identified, designate the accompanying feelings by using “I” statements.
3. As a couple, practice effective communication skills and active listening. (See the homework on Communication Problems, pages 89, 90, 92.)
Therapist’s Overview
HOW CAN I TELL HER TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS?
GOALS OF THE EXERCISE
1. Establish boundaries and limits regarding the roles of family-of-origin family members.
2. Develop assertiveness skills.
3. Develop a sense of support and cohesion, especially within the marital dyad.
ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO FAMILY-OF-ORIGIN INTERFERENCE
• Acting as If Page 52
• How Can I Talk So He’ll Listen? Page 89
• Why Can’t You Understand My Side for Once? Pages 164, 166
• I Am Not Jealous Page 171
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL
• Communication Problems
• Jealousy/Insecurity
SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT
When members of the family-of-origin interfere, the most frequent emotional reaction is frustration and anger. Oftentimes, this frustration and anger compounds, only later to become unleashed onto others unintentionally. Because such feelings can lead to resentments and conflict within the marital relationship, it is important that couples establish ways to remain unified and supportive of each other.
EXERCISE XVIII.B
HOW CAN I TELL HER TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS?
FOR THE COUPLE EXPERIENCING FAMILY-OF-ORIGIN INTERFERENCE WITH FAMILY ISSUES
When members of a family-of-origin interfere, the most frequent emotional reaction is frustration and anger. Oftentimes, this frustration and anger compounds, only later to become unleashed onto others unintentionally. The following exercise is designed to help you as a couple to establish ways to stay unified and supportive of each other.
1. For the next week, make daily comments to your partner regarding how much you appreciate and care about him/her.
2. Individually, or as a couple, identify a list of situations in which family-of-origin members interfere.
3. At least three times over the next week, set aside quiet and alone time to express your concerns (using “I” statements) to each other, regarding the interference by family-of-origin family members.
4. During this quiet and alone time (and preferably after having practiced in a therapy session), use role-playing techniques in front of each other to practice being assertive to an interfering family-of-origin family member.
5. Prior to situations with family-of-origin family members who tend to interfere, review the previous role-play.