Therapist’s Overview

HE ALWAYS DID LIKE YOU BEST

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. For family members to develop a sense of acceptance and understanding regarding the distribution of the will.

2. Resolve any disputes or resentments regarding the distribution of the inheritance.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO INHERITANCE DISPUTES

• How Can I Talk So He’ll Listen? Page 89

• Why Can’t You Understand My Side for Once? Pages 164, 166

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Divorce Situations ⁹

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

The passing of a family member is typically hard no matter what the situation. Sometimes a complicating factor involves the distribution of the money and assets left behind. When a will is in place, resentments and feelings that the distribution is not equitable can further divide a family. When such problems arise during the course of family therapy, the therapist can help by providing a forum for the family members to air their differences. In addition, the therapist can structure a process for the family to resolve their resentments and feelings of unfairness.

EXERCISE XXI.A

HE ALWAYS DID LIKE YOU BEST

FOR THE MEMBERS OF A FAMILY EXPERIENCING DISPUTES OR RESENTMENT OVER DISTRIBUTION OF A WILL

The following exercise will help each of you to identify your concerns regarding the distribution of an inheritance and express such concerns in a manner that other family members will be able to understand.

1. As a group, or individually, develop a list of reasons for how the deceased may have arrived at his or her decision to distribute assets in the manner that was executed.

2. When expressing your thoughts and feelings regarding the distribution, use “I” statements. These can be recorded to use in a family session where you may feel more comfortable voicing such feelings.

3. Think about how each of your relatives may feel regarding the distribution. In the next family session, you should be prepared to acknowledge your perceptions of the feelings other members have.

4. Think about the pros and cons of rewriting a more equitable distribution of the inheritance (e.g., I want to maintain my relationship with a loved one).

5. Those family members interested and willing to redistribute his/her share of the inheritance should meet and discuss a more evenly distributed formula.