SECTION XXIX: PHYSICAL/VERBAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
Therapist’s Overview
WHAT IS OKAY AND WHAT IS NOT OKAY?
GOALS OF THE EXERCISE
1. Family members identify and define what is abusive or inappropriate.
2. The family will develop a list of alternatives to abusive behavior.
ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO PHYSICAL, VERBAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
• My Safe Place Page 19
• Is It Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive? Page 21
• Acting as If Page 52
• How Can I Talk So He’ll Listen? Page 89
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL
• Blame
• Dependency
• Jealousy/Insecurity
SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT
It is generally very difficult to discuss abuse or inappropriate behaviors that are present within a family. Family members are oftentimes reluctant to discuss abuse for fear of retaliation. If a family is ready to deal with this issue, they will need some guidelines and support. The following exercise is designed to provide some guidelines for the family to first define what behavior is not okay and secondly to identify what is okay. In some situations, this exercise could help initiate a discussion regarding abusive or inappropriate interactions.
EXERCISE XXIX.A
WHAT IS OKAY AND WHAT IS NOT OKAY?
This exercise is intended to help you discuss types of family interactions/behaviors and allow individual family members to express their thoughts and feelings. It is intended for the family to come to an agreement on what is okay and not okay and why. The exercise will also help you to identify how you as a family would prefer to interact.
Take a look at the following list. Each family member is to identify which behaviors you would like to experience and which behaviors you prefer not to experience.
Use the additional lines to record other behaviors.
Being given a compliment.
Receiving a hug.
Being physically hit by another family member.
Being called names or put down by a family member.
A family member asking for your help.
Being told thank you.
A family member threatening to hurt you or damage something that is yours.
A family member ignoring you or refusing to talk with you.
Make a list of the behaviors you do not want to experience. Each family member is to identify reasons why these behaviors are not wanted.
Behaviors we don’t want in our family!
These behaviors are not wanted because:
Now that you have agreed to what you don’t want and have identified why, work together and identify a list of alternatives to the abusive or inappropriate behaviors.
The behaviors and interactions we want in our family are:
