SECTION XXXIII: SEPARATION/DIVORCE

Therapist’s Overview

MY PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. Each member of the family expresses his or her fears about the family breakup. “We’re no longer the family I knew.” “I’ll lose my mom/dad/brother/sister.”

2. Help each family member define his or her role within the family. “Where do I fit in now that things have changed?”

3. Help family members identify when limits or boundaries are being broken.

4. Discuss the fears that children may have about their parents finding new spouses or moving the family to another location.

ADDITIONAL HOMEWORK THAT MAY BE APPLICABLE TO DIVORCE/SEPARATION

• My Safe Place Page 19

• A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words (just pictures 1−3) Page 215

• Creating a Positive Outlook Page 227

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS IN WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

• Blended Families

• Death/Loss Issues

• Foster Care

• Geographic Relocation

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH THE CLIENT

This exercise is designed to help teens and preteens express their thoughts and feelings regarding their parents’ separation or divorce.

ONE MORE IDEA

Suggest the use of certain reading materials, such as:

Dinosaur’s Divorce (for children under 10) (Brown & Brown, 1998)
Children Are Not Divorceable (Bonkowski, 1990a)
Teens Are Not Divorceable (Bonkowski, 1990b)

EXERCISE XXXIII.A

MY PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE

FOR TEENS/PRETEENS WHOSE PARENTS ARE DIVORCING

Write a letter, using the following questions and incomplete sentence blanks, to describe your thoughts and feelings regarding your parents’ separation and how things might be after (or now that) they have separated.

1. I think my parents should not be separated because:

2. I think they should be separated because:

3. Describe at least one thing you remember that you like and at least one thing that you do not care for about each family member.

4. What I remember most about my family as a whole (before my parents decided to separate) was:

5. The worst thing about my parents getting a divorce or being separated is:

6. One of the things I notice that is different about my family now that my parents are separated (or now that my parents have told me that they plan to get a divorce) is:

7. What I like about the way things are now is:

8. What I do not like about the way things are now is: