Whisper
Terror rode me as I fled. Pain and fear mixed together in my blood until I felt like I was full to bursting with it. My heavy paws pounded the asphalt as I rounded a corner. Humans. Everywhere. With their phones pointed at me, and the stink of their sour sweat in the air. Screaming and pointing at me as I fled. Running for my life.
Humans weren’t meant to know about us, I was screaming in my head, trying to get myself back from the brink that I had fallen over. But it was too much. The drugs from Paradigm, my mate–which was a concept that I didn’t even want to examine–and Frigga. My beautiful animal who did her best to protect me. Look at us now.
My heart was beating so fast I thought it might pound right out of my chest. And I couldn’t breathe around my own power. Couldn’t tuck my beast back into my skin. I was stuck, racing through city streets, too scared, too full to tuck my bearskin back inside.
Crossing from the crowded streets onto one that was quiet, I had a moment to compose myself. My body refused to shift back to my human form, so I plopped down on my haunches and sniffed the air. Rocco was somewhere in this city. The distinct scent of Mage and Other created a bouquet that was unique to him, and luckily I had gotten more than a lungful when he was at Ironwood.
My snout up in the air, I tasted the wind. Most of it was nothing special, just the scent of foods being cooked and alcohol being served, but then there was something. Just a little spicy, a little different. I lumbered back to my feet and followed the spicy scent. It wasn’t exactly what I remembered Rocco to taste like on the back of my tongue, but it was the closest I could get.
Scar finally caught up with me, his body huffing and puffing as he rounded the corner, hands on his hips he glared at me. The look made my heart stop. The pull of his brows, the sour look that pinched his lips.
New fear coursed through me.
Images of my father with that look, the anger and annoyance that usually ended up with me on the receiving end of his belt–something that happened far too often when I was young–or worse, his angry lust. Blood lust, the thing that drove him to violate me, and invite his friends to do the same.
“Do we have a plan?” he asked me, a growl I didn’t like on his lips. “'Cause you are attracting some crazy attention and I don’t know if I can button up this issue. Too many eyes.”
I just sat there on my haunches, glued to the spot as fire burned in his eyes. My heart pounded, waiting for him to go for his belt, or grab me. But he didn’t. Just stood there with his hand on his hips, two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Annoyance radiated from him.
“You can’t keep running around the city like that.” He waves a hand up and down my giant form. “Do you know how much trouble it's going to be to even try to cover this up? Change back, Whisper.”
The command brought Frigga roaring back to the surface, my bellow echoing off the pavement as Scar stared at me. It wasn’t anger in his eyes, I realized, but fear. Fear for me, not of me. The anger he was feeling, that was coating the air in acrid burnt offerings, wasn’t at me.
Protective mate.
Slowly I forced myself back to all fours and sank to the ground, belly touching the earth as I held his golden gaze. My mate was disappointed in me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. My body was too strung out to change, too many emotions were coursing through me, and the shame was eating at my soul as he looked at me.
“Don’t you dare pretend to me the submissive with me. I can feel how big you are in here,” he said, pounding against his chest, against the fragile little bond that we had already started to form just by acknowledging it. “You aren’t fooling anyone by showing me your neck.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You’re the biggest monster in this room. You can’t run around as a grizzly, and you certainly can’t run around stark naked. We need to do damage control, stat.”
My soul was bleeding. Watching him stand there with such fear and disappointment, hurt like nothing else I had ever felt. Frigga pressed at my skin, urging me to go to him, to rub my massive head against his body and mark him as ours. She wanted me to comfort my mate, who looked so distressed and worried. But I couldn’t. Adrenaline coursed through me, mixing with the shame and pain, to lock me tight in my animal skin.
Being the bear was safe. At least that was what the back of my mind was screaming.
My feet slammed into the ground, rearing me up on my hind legs, and I bellowed. I screamed for everything I was worth, and bolted. No one would look at me like I was the disappointment, I wouldn’t allow it–not even my mate, who was worried for me. I had murdered those who had given me their angry gaze, who had taken their fear and frustration out on me. The ones who touched me when I said no, who beat me when they thought I was weak. Who told me I was worthless. I would not be cowed or pitied by anyone, and I wasn’t going to stand there and watch his disappointment bleed into anger.
Anger and fear and shame spun in my head as I tried to focus on the scent that was calling to me. I needed the mage. He would get me home. He would fix what had been broken in my head. Finn once told me that there was magic for everything, as long as you were willing to pay the price. I was willing to give up anything, just to be safe.
I just needed to find Rocco.
Turning up street after street in the labyrinth of downtown St. Louis, I followed the spicy tang in the air. Ignoring the click of cameras and the hushed whispers, the slammed doors. But I couldn’t ignore the sirens. They screamed from every direction. I cut through yards, over fences. And all along I could feel Scar behind me. His dominance was nothing in comparison to Frigga’s, but it still rolled over me, stealing my breath as I lunged over another chain link fence into a muddy backyard.
He was trying to force the change, be my alpha and make me bend to his will. But he couldn’t. I was too big a beast for him to manipulate. Too big a monster to be cowed by any male. Frigga was my biggest secret. A secret only Les and Kai knew about. How dominant she was, how much of my mind she possessed. How thin a line we had been walking. A line I was scared we had just crossed over.
The breaking point where a shifter was so broken on the inside, that they became sick in the head. When they became more animal than human. I had been healing during my time at Ironwood. But Paradigm had stripped me of any progress made.
The sticky and sloppy swamp of a yard clung to my fur, matting the black coat into a heavy mass of cracked dirt and decaying plants. It reeked. The scent so strong it was all my brain could process.
“Whisper,” my mate called from behind me as I did my best to scrape the worst of the mud off my coat. “You gotta stop.”
I just shook my head and lumbered into another yard. I could hear the heavy sigh from behind me, and that kicked up my heart again. I was disappointing him. I was being a bad girl, not changing and letting him take charge. And I would be punished for it. Because that was what happened to little girls who didn’t follow orders.
The park near the swamp house had a little pond. Nothing big, but enough that I could clean my fur of the mud and grime.
Plunging into the water I rolled to get all of the mud off, shaking my body until I could feel it loosen and dissolve into the pond. The water was icy cold, but then the seasons had turned while I was in Paradigm’s hands.
Spring was just blooming and the city hadn’t shaken off its winter coat just yet, the trees had already started to think about blossoming, pulling themselves back from the ravages of winter and spring rains had turned the ground soppy with mud and winter leavings.
That wasn’t to say it was in any way cold in St. Louis. The moment I had stepped from the Paradigm building, I knew why the basement was so wet. Ten stories down under, the muck that had once made this city prime swampland had been seeping through the stone and concrete walls of my prison, and chilling me to the bone night after night.
Slowly I emerged from the pond, feeling both heavier and lighter. Shaking my fur took effort, flinging the water from me and around me.
“Mate,” Scar growled, reaching out to put his hand on my coat. Reaching out to touch me.
I skittered back, jumping away until I had a good bit of distance between us. I turned and saw the look on his face. Worry, fear, and just a little hint of amusement. Not like my father, not like the men at Tooth and Claw either. I took that look in, and let it sit with me. Dropping to my hanches once again, I watched him as I sniffed the air. Looking for something that would direct me to the mage.
“Darling,” Scar started again, reaching out to me, creeping slowly forward as if I was a hurt and scared animal. I guess I was.
My heart beat in my throat the closer he got. But then he touched me. The hand on my shoulder wasn’t aggressive. He wasn’t pushing at me, or yelling. Just standing with his hand on my fur, the heat of it sank into my skin, and my fear slowly melted.
Frigga pulled herself from the depths of my body, pressing at us, willing me to release the bearskin and take human form. I pushed back, but she let loose her dominance, and my heart stuttered.
I’m protecting you, little one, she cooed, her fingers running through my hair to soothe me.
I don’t need protection, I bit back, shrugging her away.
But you do. She looked over to my mate, who was gently combing his fingers through the coarse hair of my beast. He needs his mate.
I’m his mate, Frigga. I took a long breath and let that sink in. I’m his mate, and I feel like I need to apologize for it.
There’s nothing to apologize for, fate is fate. If it’s too hard, you don’t have to watch. She gave me a meaningful glance, making my heart bleed.
I didn’t have to watch. She would shield me from that part of our lives. She was well versed in it. But the thought of taking my mate without my own presence, knowing I let her mark him while she sheltered me away, hurt. If I was to be his mate, then I had to be brave enough to try.
No. I shook my head and pushed back up to my feet. I can’t be a mate. I can’t let him touch me. Not if it's you, not if it's me. We will find Rocco, and we’ll fix this. Then we’ll go home. After all, that was what was best for all of us. He needed a female who could stand by his side, one that wasn’t afraid of his touch. And that female wasn’t going to be me.
You can’t fix fate, Whisper. My bear pushed at me again. Rest, let me take care of you.
I was tired. My body felt heavy and too much. I knew it was Frigga projecting that on to me. I knew full well what she was doing, but I let her anyway. Because I was scared, because I couldn't be brave like she was. Because my mate was still petting my fur, and it felt both incredible, and terrifying all at once. I will ruin him, bear.
You will not.
And with that she pushed at me until I tumbled down into my hiding hole. The fur on our skin receded, and my body shrank.
* * *
Frigga
My mate’s hand tightened on my arm as he pulled me towards him. Pulled me to the edge of the park and down a dark alley.
“You can’t do that,” he hissed, pushing me up against the brick wall. “You can’t just go rampaging through the streets in bear form.”
“Looks like I can.” I lifted my chin to look at him, a smirk on my face.
“Whisper, be serious.” His hand tightened further as he leaned into me. The brick behind me bit into my bare ass and shoulders. But I pushed back, loving the way he felt against me. The coarse hair on his chest rubbed against my exposed breasts, creating a delicious sensation that warmed my core. “You have been around humans before, haven’t you? You know the rules.”
“I wasn’t born in the lab, if that’s what you’re asking.” I pushed away from him, not wanting to continue this conversation. Whisper and I had lost control. Not just once, but twice. And that wasn’t acceptable, but she was safe now, locked away where nothing could hurt her, and with that, the human anxiety and anger melted away and it was just me. “We just need to get to Rocco, he’ll fix this.”
“Oh, really.” He pushed me to the edge of the little nook in the alley we were hiding in. He kept his body between me and the people passing by, but one caught my eye.
“Man, this has to be fucking fake.” The boy held up his phone to his buddy, who was just out of view. “Can’t be a fucking bear in the city.”
“I saw that too.” The young man pulled out his own phone and flipped to something. I could hear my scream turning into a bellow. “How much CGI they need to make some naked chick into a fucking bear.”
“Shit man. That’s fucking awesome.” He took his friend's phone and swiped. “Dude, there are hundreds of these. All over the fucking clock app. Everywhere.”
“You think it’s real?” the second boy asked, pulling his phone back. “This is wild.”
“See?” Scar hissed, pushing me back to where I was completely hidden from the street. “I don’t think this is going to be a hocus pocus kind of fix.”
“Rocco will help.” I pushed him away and looked up and down the alley, then down at my bare skin. Humans got so caught up in the need to cover their nudity. I usually found it ridiculous, but with my mate standing inches in front of me, his pants tented to reveal the outline of some impressive cock–though bare was way more impressive–I needed clothing, if not to keep me from needing to rut, then to keep the chill off my skin. The wind that whipped down the alleyway was tinged with the promise of rain. “I shredded the shirt.”
“You did. And the scrubs you stole. You fucking shredded everything.” He sighed and pinched his nose. “Out of the frying pan and into the fire. You got a plan?”
“Clothing,” I said confidently, again looking around the alley to see if I could find some random clothing hanging from laundry lines. But of course, there were none. “Then we follow my nose. I can scent him out.”
“The mage.” My mate looked dubious, but nodded. “There was a clothing donation box a couple of streets over. I’ll grab something.” He gave me a sharp look. “Don’t fucking move, hear me?”
“Excuse me?” My dominance flared, filling the alley with my power. I watched as Scar shrank back, but the look on his face didn't change. “Try that again.”
“This isn’t going to be how it works, Whisper.” He stood over me, his arms caging me into the wall. “You can’t throw power at me any time you want your way. Mates are partners.”
“If we’re partners, don’t fucking push me,” I growled low, forcing out more power until he backed off. “And don’t assume you know me just because the goddess told you I was yours.”
“I have every intention of knowing everything about you, mate, but I’m not going to enter into a relationship with someone who tries to force my hand.”
“Really?” I asked, seeing the faces of every man who had ever forced himself on me–of the ones who paid for it, the ones who didn’t, and the ones whose lives I had ended when they pushed too far. “Because in my experience, men are always forcing your hand. And I’m not going to be the girl who lets that happen any more.”
The shocked look on Scar’s face told me I had said too much. He raised his hands and backed up a few steps. “I would never,” he growled low. “And anyone who does, I’ll tear their throats out, watch them bleed in the dirt, then bring you a trophy, a pound of flesh. No one hurts my girl.”
“As long as it's not a heart.” I shrugged. “Not that I need you to fight my battles for me.”
“They’re our battles now.” He looked me up and down again, this time the heat was off. Just assessing, calculating in his mind. “Would you please stay here while I grab you some clothing? No more running around in your bear skin. She’s cute, but not in the middle of the fucking city with cameras all over the goddess damned placed.”
“She isn’t cute,” I huffed out. “She’s a monster. No one has ever accused my beast of being cute. But I’ll stay, because it’s the best option, not because you told me to.”
Watching him walk down the alley, he reached down to adjust himself. Nothing was going to hide the cock he was packing in his pants. Especially not the tight ass material he was wearing. Leaning back against the brick wall, I sighed. Nose in the air, I reached for the spicy scent we had been following. But it was cold. Long dead and drifting.
Shit.
Scar was back before I could try and find the scent again. Search out a new avenue to grab on to. In his hands were a pair of faded and holey jeans and a crop top that was barely going to hide my boobs. And boots. So much for keeping the chill off my skin. But beggars can’t be choosers, and I had started to shiver standing there in the wind tunnel the alley had become, gooseflesh prickling my entire body.
“Can’t vouch for the shoe size, but the rest should fit.”
I just shrugged and pulled the jeans on. They were soft and pliable, had been worn with great love. The shirt was different. I had to pull the tag off it before I pulled it over my head. The scent of store chemicals, and other people clung to it, confusing my nose, and making my head spin. For a moment Whisper popped to the surface, and peered at our mate, who was looking at us with a sad, soft look.
I had definitely said too much.
“No fucking pity,” Whisper barked as she shoved our feet into the boots that were just a little loose. “Get that look off your face.”
“I’m sorry,” Scar said, looking down at his own feet, still bare, and I could see blood between his toes. “Just, I wasn't there when you needed me. That’s what mates are for, to be there.”
“Don’t even start,” I said, letting Whisper fade back into the background. “I got through it. And who the fuck would fault you for not being around when I was a child, anyway? Mates aren’t for that. They’re what fits at the end of the trauma. Think you can handle that? 'Cause there’s a lot of fucking baggage coming your way. I will never be all right.”
“I like a challenge and holding together your broken bits sounds like the perfect way to live out my life,” was all he said, before reaching for my hand.
I hesitated, looking at the big calloused palm that was held out for me. The thick fingers, that lay flat and open, begging me to put my own hand in his. Finally, I caved, dropping my palm against his, and letting him curl those long digits around mine.
“I’m here for the long run, mate. That’s the point isn’t it?”
“I’m not ready for that.” I pointed at his still thick erection. “But I’ll put my teeth in you today if you need me to. Got me?” I looked him straight in the eye. “Once we share a bond, maybe you’ll get more.”
“No bond until you beg for it.” His hand squeezed mine. “I want you to want me. Just like I’m craving you. Do you get me?”
“Tricky.” I pulled him out of the alley and put my nose to the wind. My human nose wasn’t nearly as sensitive as my bear one, but I caught a note of tangy spice in the air, and tugged Scar behind me as I followed it.