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“Linds, sweetie, please breathe,” Charlie said for the umpteenth time. “Otherwise, you may pass out again. Not something I want to see again,” she teased.
It was Friday afternoon. They were still in the plane, waiting for the doors to open. They’d just arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport after a nearly three-hour flight.
At times like these, she was grateful for her brother-in-law’s generosity. They’d flown business class and would be some of the first passengers to leave the plane.
Lindsay nodded, inhaling deeply. She’d had her arms clasped tightly around her body, scared if she let go, she’d fall to pieces. It was still difficult to believe she’d fainted last night. But she’d hardly eaten throughout the day.
To her dismay, there hadn’t been any direct flights from Bozeman to Chicago before twelve noon, which meant she had to wait about twenty hours before she could board a plane to get to Blake. Driving to Chicago would’ve taken even longer.
She hadn’t even bothered to go to bed last night; sleep was out of the question. After she’d seen Blake, after she knew he was going to be okay, there’d be enough time to sleep.
He’d been injured. That was all Jason had told them and all she could think about during the long night. She still didn’t know how and why he’d been injured. Jason just shrugged when she’d asked. Over the course of the long night, she’d willed herself not to think about worse-case scenarios, but of course, she’d ended up picturing all the worst possible outcomes, driving herself crazy.
She’d stayed on the ranch with Charlie and Logan last night, and they both had insisted on coming with her today. Jason was also with them. It would make things easier to get to Blake, he’d explained.
Jason had phoned several times before they’d boarded the plane in Bozeman, but all she knew for certain at this point was that Blake had been injured. Jason kept giving her vague answers. She was just about ready to shake the big man.
As they entered the airport building, she looked at Jason. “Will you please try again to find out what’s going on?”
“We’ll be at the hospital in no time,” he said, and continued his long strides.
“Come on, sis, we’re nearly there.” Charlie smiled. You okay?”
“I will be when I see Blake.”
“Well, at least now you know.” Charlie chuckled.
Irritated, Lindsay glanced at her grinning sister. This was so not the time to find anything funny.
“That you love the guy.” Charlie smiled.
And the lump in Lindsay’s throat was back. She nodded. “I do. What if I never...?”
“No negative thoughts, remember?” Charlie asked.
They all had only hand luggage and didn’t need to wait, but it still took ages to get outside the huge, impressive terminal.
“Here’s our ride.” Jason grinned and walked towards a black car parked right outside the entrance. “Our former boss when Blake and I worked for the FBI—Eric Walker.”
Lindsay stared at Jason and he nodded slightly. So both he and Blake had worked for the FBI? Everything made sense now. Blake’s contacts, the way he knew things about her, his long absences.
She focused on the tall, grim man. “But if you’re his former boss, how come...?”
“He’s helped us in the past on a consultation basis,” Eric said.
Also not one for many words. “How’s Blake?” she asked.
A very small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “He’ll live. He’s a stubborn devil; no bullet is going to stop him.”
“Bullet...?” She could literally feel her blood freeze.
“But he’s okay,” Jason quickly said before she could take another breath. “Tell her, Eric. I left out the part about...well, the bullet.”
Eric grimaced. “Oh, sorry. Yes, he’s okay. The doctors operated on him last night, and he’s already giving the hospital staff hell, but he’s okay.”
“Operated on him? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked Jason crossly.
He shrugged. “Because of how you’re reacting now.”
Inhaling sharply, she turned back to Eric. “Please take me to him.”
Eric nodded. “Of course. I’m your ride.”
She ignored Jason.
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Blake was ready to explode. He’d been shot before, damn it. This wasn’t his first rodeo. It hurt like hell, but it would get better. Why the hell did he have to stay another night like the doctor insisted?
He’d just received a tray of food. His supper, he was told. It was six o’clock, damn it. Who the hell ate this time of day? Muttering and cursing, he sat up in the bed. He was feeling fine. And he’d be even better if he could get to the airport so that he could get to Lindsay.
As he swung his legs from the bed, the nurse, who’d been giving him hell all day, walked in. A real ball-buster. But this time he was going to ignore her.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked, hands on hips.
“Home,” he said, and got up. It was more difficult than he’d imagined, because the arm they’d operated on was in a sling.
“I’m calling the doctor,” she threatened.
“Go ahead,” he said, looking around for his clothes. “Where’s my stuff?” he asked.
“You don’t have stuff,” she said smugly, crossing her arms.
“My clothes?” he snarled.
“You were shot. Everything was taken. Now get back into bed or help me—”
“Where’s my phone?”
“You can’t get your phone,” she said.
“I want my phone, dammit to hell!” He was frustrated and in pain; good manners didn’t seem to matter at the moment.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” a voice asked from the doorway and when he looked up, Jason was standing there with a broad grin.
“They took my phone,” Blake immediately complained. “And I have no clothes. I have to get back to Alisson. It’s the damn Snow-of-Whatever-the-Hell Festival and nobody else will be dancing with Lindsay but me!” he bellowed.
“Well, I would suggest you get back into bed.” Jason chuckled as he led him back to the bed. “Because I don’t think you want Lindsay to see you in this outfit. Really embarrassing, man.”
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Lindsay’s heart was beating so loudly in her chest, she was certain everyone else could also hear it thundering away.
They’d all heard Blake shouting he wanted his phone. Jason had been a little ahead of her and, smiling at them over his shoulder, had entered Blake room’s first. They’d all heard his last words to Blake.
“What the hell do you mean?” Blake shouted.
“I mean...” Jason began pushing him down on the bed.
“Go!” Charlie giggled and pushed her towards the door. Taking a shuddering breath, Lindsay walked into the room.
“I’m here,” she said softly, waiting for Blake to look at her.
His head swiveled in her direction, brown eyes met hers, and her heart sighed. He was okay—pale, his hair standing on end, a sling on his arm, but his eyes were warm, he was breathing, he was okay.
“Please tell me you’re Lindsay?” someone asked. Lindsay turned her head. A clearly fed-up nurse was looking her up and down.
“She is,” grinned Jason.
“Well, thank goodness. This one hasn’t stop jabbering about you since they’ve brought him in. Even unconscious, all he kept repeating was your name. Good luck to you, missy—you’ve got your work cut out for you.” And with a sniff, she stormed out of the room.
Charlie, Logan, and Eric also entered the room, but Blake didn’t take his eyes off her. Even when they talked to him, he answered them, but kept looking at her.
“Okay, well. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the baby and I need food,” Charlie announced.
Logan smiled. “The two of you are always hungry. Come on. Jason? Eric?”
And within seconds, only she and Blake were left in the room.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she got out.
“I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I had to see if you were okay. FBI, huh?”
Smiling, he held out his hand. “Yes, but that’s over now. Come here, you’re very far away.”
She moved forward and he caught her hand, pulling her closer.
Worried, she touched his arm. “What about this?”
“I don’t need my arm to kiss you,” he said and drew her closer so that she was sitting next to him on the bed. “And I really, really need to kiss you right now.” His hands cupped her face. “Do you have any idea how I’ve missed you?” he murmured before his lips captured hers.
There were so many questions, but there would be time for all of that later. Right now, she was enjoying kissing the man she loved.
When he finally lifted his head, his eyes were molten chocolate. With an unsteady hand, he stroked her face. “I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When I was shot, all I could think about was I wasn’t going to get the chance to tell you that.” And with his lopsided grin, he motioned to the room. “Not the most romantic place to declare one’s love, but I’m not waiting any longer. But...”
Lindsay’s heart had just begun to soar, when she registered the “but.” Of course, there would be a “but.” There always was one. This was real life, not a movie.
He inhaled shakily. “I’ve mentioned Miss Betty before, but I want to tell you about her and Will, then you’ll understand why there is a ‘but.’” And taking her hand in his, he told her about the woman who had saved him all those years ago when he’d only been twelve.
“She wouldn’t give up on me.” He smiled. “I tried my usual stunts but she never returned me to the system like the other foster parents did. She kept loving me until I had no choice but to love her back. And then...she died. She didn’t tell me she was ill, and for a long time, I blamed myself for not noticing, for not being able to protect her.”
“You couldn’t have known,” Lindsay said.
“I finally realized that. I also couldn’t protect Will. He was my partner while I worked for the FBI.”
“Tell me about him?” she asked, and listened as he described the friend he’d made after he’d joined the FBI.
“We were more like brothers, you know? Which was why I’ve blamed myself for his death for such a long time. He was supposed to wait for me and for backup while I chased down one of the other fleeing gang members, but instead, he went into the building anyway. And I’ve been living with the guilt that I shouldn’t have left him on his own. We were partners. I should’ve been there to protect him.”
“But surely it’s not your fault if he didn’t wait for you?”
He nodded. “I know that now. But it’s taken me a long time to come to grips with his death and to stop blaming myself. This is why I couldn’t tell you before how I feel about you.”
“But...”
He lifted her chin. “Somehow I never quite manage to protect the people I love. I want to be with you, but I’m not marrying material. I’m no husband, no dad; I don’t know what a family is. I could never give you that. But I want to be with you for as long as I breathe.”
––––––––
With his heart in his throat, Blake stared at Lindsay. He’d seen every emotion while he’d told her he loved her. He’d also seen the bleakness return when he’d tried to explain why he could never marry her. What else was there to say to make her understand?
For while it was quiet in the room before she looked at him. “So how do you think this would work? Do I stay with you? Or do you stay with me? Or do we take turns? And for how long?”
Oh, hell, he was making a mess of things. “We’ll live together wherever you want.”
“So as if we’re married, but we’re not?”
This was a trick question, he was sure of it. But for the life of him, he didn’t know how to answer it and not say the wrong thing. Because obviously, he was doing this all wrong. “Yeah, kinda.”
“So let me get this straight—you love me, you want to be with me, but you don’t want to marry me. And the reason why you feel you can’t marry anyone is because you didn’t have a ‘normal’ family growing up—whatever ‘normal’ is. Is that about it?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times. That was about it. He nodded.
She slowly got up and looked him in the eye. “I love you too, Blake. And granted, I didn’t grow up in the system as you did, but I’ve also lost people I loved. And after Mark, I thought for a long time I could never trust my own feelings again. I really struggled with that, but I fell in love with you anyway. And it was so different, so big, I didn’t have a choice but to give my heart to you. I would love to be with you, but I can’t do that on a temporary basis.”
“It wouldn’t be temporary!” he said and tried to catch her hand, but she moved away. “I’ll never leave you. But I don’t know what it means to be a family, a husband, a dad...”
“You’re leaving an escape clause for yourself. At least be honest about it.”
He could feel his world crumbling around him but he had no idea how to stop it. “That’s not true!”
But she was already at the door. For a moment, he thought she would leave without saying anything more, but then she turned and look at him again. “The reason you don’t want to marry me is BS, and you know it. Whatever else you need to know about family and love, I can teach you, Blake. We can teach each other. But that’s obviously not what you want. Goodbye.”
And then she left, taking his heart with him.
He was still staring dumbfounded at the door when there was a knock. He got up as quickly as he could. Had Lindsay returned? But it was Jason who opened the door. “Are you two decent?” he asked, looking around as he entered with Logan and Charlie just behind him.
“Where’s Lindsay?” Charlie asked as she put a tray with coffees next to his bed.
Blake rubbed his face. “She left.”
Stunned, everyone stared at him.
“I told her I loved her, damn it! But I don’t know how to be a husband or a dad; I can’t marry anyone. But I want to be with her.”
Charlie rounded on him, her eyes mere slits. “You egotistical idiot! And you told her that? After she’d spent the last twenty hours not knowing how seriously you’ve been injured, not sleeping, not before she’s seen you? Do you have any idea what she’d been through? What exactly did you tell her?”
“I grew up in the system,” he got out. “Until Miss Betty took me in when I was twelve.”
“Oh, so she made your life miserable?” Charlie wanted to know.
“No! She gave me a real home. But then...she died.”
Charlie glared at him. “You think you’re the only one who’s lost someone close to him? Lindsay and I lost both our parents in one day!”
“She told me. But you two know what it means to be a family; I never had that. I wouldn’t know how to protect my family.”
“Ah,” Charlie snarled. “So, there it is. You’re still worried you can’t protect Lindsay?”
He opened his mouth to disagree, but realized she was right.
“In case you didn’t notice, Lindsay is quite capable of protecting herself. Come on, Logan. I have to find my sister.”
With an apologetic smile, Logan followed her. At the door, she turned around. “I don’t know your whole story and I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be moved from one foster home to another. But you’ve been focusing so much on what you didn’t have, I think you’ve missed what you actually had.”
Resignedly, he looked at her. It was clear Charlie hadn’t quite finished with him. “And what is that?”
“If I’m not mistaken, you and Miss Betty loved each other, you lived together, she took care of you. That’s family, that’s how families operate. So your excuse doesn’t work, I’m afraid. What you do know about love, she taught you. You just never realized it.”
It was quiet in the room after Charlie and Logan had left.
“Well, hell,” Blake finally said.
“Man, you really made a mess of things, didn’t you?” Jason chuckled. “Come on, get dressed. It’s time you get home so that you can breathe in some fresh Montana air. Maybe that’ll help you to see straight.”
“But the doctor...” Blake began but Jason’s grin broadened.
“We had to keep you here until Lindsay arrived. I was hoping we’d be celebrating by now, but then you managed to screw up the whole thing anyway. He doesn’t know you’ll be flying today, not sure what he’d say about that.”
“I’ll be okay. Won’t be the first time I fly after surgery. Only problem is, I don’t have clothes.”
“I’ve brought you some clothes from home,” Jason said, and for the first time, Blake noticed his black overnight bag on the floor. “Come on, we have a flight to catch.” He looked at his watch. “And just for your information, there is time to stop at a jewelry store—just say the word. And the Snowflake Festival in Alisson doesn’t end until Sunday. I’ve heard there’s more dancing tomorrow night. You might get another chance with Lindsay if you’re lucky. Although, at this point my money is on the vet. And, shame, you’re old and injured and would probably have to sit it out anyway. But hey, it’s Christmas. You never know, miracles may happen.”
Blake managed to throw one of the pillows at Jason, of course, at the exact time the nurse from hell opened the door.
“Managed to chase away your Lindsay, I see?” She snickered, pointing to the pillow on the floor. “Because she wouldn’t take your nonsense. I think I like her. Sassy.” She picked up his bag and took out a shirt. “Come on, I’ll help you get dressed. You need to go get her. Otherwise you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life.”
For the first time, he noticed the twinkle in her eyes. Docile, he let her help him get dressed while his brain was working overtime.