1

Rites of Passage

India is all about sanskar (culture) and riti–riwaz (rituals and traditions). These are also known as rites of passage. What is the meaning of the word ‘sanskar’?

A simple meaning would be an experience of culture. It has been given a lot of importance in the Vedas. There is a concept in the Vedas called akriti (shape or form) which is of two kinds—prakriti and sanskriti. Prakriti is what is natural or default upon which man adds his own shape. This is sanskriti. From here, sanskar arises. Prakriti has another word for it called sansar, i.e., the world that is formed by karma—action and reaction. Man changes sansar by adding sanskar. ‘Ka’ is added which, in the Vedas, is associated with god, with the human intellect. Man is one animal who asks questions from ‘ka’—why (kyun), when (kab) and where (kahan). Animals do not ask these questions. The shape that arises from these questions is called sanskar. It’s a sophisticated idea that from sanskar, one experiences being human. An animal does not have any training. It has inborn or instinctive knowledge. A bird learns to feed and fly on its own. Man needs to learn to become human. Hence, sanskar or rites of passage. There are two ways of looking at sanskar. One is what I arrive with from an earlier birth, of the past. One is that of upbringing, which I experience in this life through the rituals in society.

In TV serials today, we often hear the word ‘sanskari’, particularly in reference to women. What does it mean?

The English translation of it would be ‘cultured’. If you go to someone’s house and find it neat and tidy and you are offered water, you feel that it is a sanskari house. If you are not offered water, you feel they do not have sanskar. Whether a child has brushed or bathed before eating and so on tells of his upbringing. Children are the report card of their parents. They show whether their parents have given them sanskar or not. Another indicator of this is how you behave with other people. Even an animal looks after himself. But how you treat others (mehman-nawazi) tells of your upbringing. How you treat your daughters-in-law, strangers, guests; how you look after your house; and how you behave when you have money and when you don’t. Rama is sanskari even in the jungle. As the famous sentence goes, you can remove Rama from Ayodhya, but you cannot remove Ayodhya from Rama. This suggests that sanskar and discipline are embedded in Rama.

What is the connection between sanskar and dharma?

Dharma is a wider concept. A human being’s dharma is humanity. How do you express it? Through rules, rites and sanskar. These are the mediums of showing your humanity. Today, dharma uses religious terms. She goes to the temple, so she is sanskari. That’s not quite correct. Religious does not mean sanskari.

In our culture, how many sanskars are there?

The list is variable. In the Purva Mimamsa, brushing of teeth and bathing are also sanskars. Sometimes it’s sixteen, sometimes forty-eight. The rites of passage are divided into four groups—wedding, birth, growing up and death.

Tell us about wedding sanskars.

In India, it’s been called an experience. Today, a marriage has to be registered legally and is seen as a contract. This has come from Islam. There’s a give and take between individuals and it is seen as an institution of god. This is not in the shastras. There it is an anubhav, an experience. You are a human being and you have to experience grahasth life, which means you have to assume the duties and responsibilities of a householder. The original idea is that men and women are independent. The notion about women being dependent on men is a later addition from the Manusmriti. In the Vedic times, men and women were independent. Vivaah brought them together to experience living together and having a child. So some rituals are very important in a marriage ceremony. One is kanya-daan where a father gives away (daan) his daughter and the other, panigrahan, in which the boy accepts the hand of the girl. Today it’s simplified as a varmala ritual. Another ritual is saptapadi. You take seven steps together where you agree to share seasons, food, wealth and prosperity, children, knowledge and love. So vivaah is the meeting of two individuals. In India, it is also the meeting of families and communities. The environment of the house changes after a wedding. Mostly, a girl enters a new home. Sometimes, boys go too. Arjuna marries Chitrangada but she never goes to his house. Rather, he goes to her house.

Was the kanya-daan concept always there?

In a swayamvara or gandharva vivaah, there was no kanya-daan. It was present in arranged marriages, and when patriarchy became prominent, a woman was considered an object that belonged to the father to give away. Many girls today don’t like this concept. The important aspect of sanskar is that your experience is socially approved. You declare socially. Otherwise, a man and woman can simply live together. Sanskar is always public. When a girl enters a household, many changes occur because she brings her values. Her cooking style and home-management style will be different. In earlier times, she would bring seeds as she travelled from one village to another, bringing new vegetation into her new home. She is said to be Lakshmi. In a manner, she is also Saraswati as she brings new knowledge and new thoughts. If you go into the details, you’ll find that vivaah does not connote physical relations. Vivaah is social. There’s another ritual, garbharansanskar, where there is a physical relationship. In earlier times, there used to be child marriages, so the boy and girl would live with their parents. When they became physically mature, called gaunasanskar in some parts of India, there were rituals to prepare the boy and girl for physical relations. One was to see Arundhatitara. The boy and girl would never have touched each other. The ritual is there for the boy to touch the girl in a manner that she is comfortable with. He is trained. He asks her whether she has seen the Arundhati star. She may say yes or no. She is asked to show it to the boy. She points to the sky and the boy leads her arm towards the right star. That is their first physical contact. Why Arundhati? She is Rishi Vasishtha’s wife and associated with fidelity.

What are the rituals of childhood?

These start with a woman’s pregnancy. One is seemantham or baby shower. The pregnant woman is called home, her puja is done and she is fed and given gifts. She becomes aware that her life is going to change. Again, an experience in a social space. Privately, she is pregnant, she is going to have a baby one day. The newborn baby is handed over to the father. Jatakrama is the ritual of the father holding the baby for the first time to give him an experience of fatherhood. Annaprashan is the ritual of the baby eating its first solid food. There’s another ritual for when the baby is taken outside the house for the first time and another for ear-piercing (karnavedh). Human beings are the only creatures who wear jewellery. There’s one ritual for when the child starts studying (vidyarambh) and another for cutting hair or tonsure (chudakarn or mundan).

What are the rituals of growing up?

The puberty rites for girls and boys are different. For boys, shaving for the first time used to be a ritual. Nowadays, photographs are taken and put up on Facebook! For girls, the body changes dramatically. Menstruation begins. During earlier times, she would be bathed and given jewellery and there would be a big celebration.

What are death rites?

These are very important in India. If a child dies, it’s buried. For a mature person, anthesthi or cremation is done. The bones and ash are thrown in the water and shraddha ceremonies are done. These vary in families. The belief is that the atma (soul) does not leave the body immediately after death. It hovers around close by for some time. You do a few rituals so that the dead body crosses the Vaitarni and goes to Pitr-loka, the land of the dead. The rituals are performed to encourage the body to leave. If it stays back on earth it will become a bhoot or pretatma (ghost). The body is kept in the southern direction because the land of the dead, Yama-loka, is believed to be in the south. When the body is taken, mukhagani or the ritual of breaking a skull is performed because people believe that the atma is released from the skull. During shraddha, pind-daan is done in which we offer rice balls mixed with black sesame seeds. The food we eat becomes flesh. The belief is that the dead atma is looking for a body, and the crude form of body is food. A crow is called, which represents the Pitr-loka. ‘I’m giving you food’ means ‘I’m giving you flesh. Either I will produce a child or support other people with children so that you can be reborn.’ The basic concept of shraddha is to tell the pitr that we will produce children so that you can be reborn to perpetuate the cycle of life.

In Vedic times, during the anthesthi ritual, the widow was asked to lie down next to her dead husband’s body but asked to get up before the actual lighting of the pyre. This was to indicate that one part of her life was over and another was to begin. She was free to remarry if she so desired. Sati was not prevalent in Vedic times. It came later. Now it has been made illegal.

Can you tell me where the custom of wearing janevu (the sacred thread) originated from?

The Brahmin thread used to be first worn at Vedarambh before starting the studying of the Vedas which were considered sacred and secret. They were not easily accessible. Wearing the thread made you dwij (born anew or for the second time) and ready to receive that knowledge. Nowadays, it’s mostly worn just before getting married.