7.
affiliation
find people who are strong where
you are weak
I get by with a little help from
my friends.
- The Beatles
If you stop doing the things
you don’t like to do, as I suggested in the last chapter, how will
they get done? One option is to form relationships with people who
have strengths that complement your weaknesses. You don’t need to
be well-rounded but you can still live a balanced life by finding
the right people to help you. Many people cite complementary
partnerships as an essential component of their success.
Microsoft’s Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer are one example of this
phenomenon.
However, close partnerships
aren’t the only way to minimize the impact of your weaknesses. Just
like companies outsource aspects of their operations, you can also
hire others to do tasks you don’t like or don’t do well. In doing
so, you'll have more time and more energy for the work that you do
best.
Don’t Do it Yourself
Based on the popularity of
the Do-It-Yourself (DIY) Network, it seems that Americans love to
do it themselves. Every weekend people overcome the temptation to
hire qualified and experienced trades people to complete plumbing,
electrical and carpentry projects, choosing instead to do it
themselves. It is an understandable impulse. It costs a lot to pay
someone else to do the work. It is much cheaper to just do it
yourself. Or so it seems.
I believe that it only seems
cheaper to do it ourselves because we don't really calculate the
cost. We calculate the cost of the materials but not the cost of
our time. We also fail to count the cost of the opportunities that
we miss while we are studying the subtleties of begonia
fertilizer.
Economists refer to this as
opportunity cost, which means that some activities are mutually
exclusive. You want to do two things but you can’t do them both.
Pam Slim calls this displacement, which means that “everything
that you do rules out something else that you can't do.”
Choosing one activity eliminates the possibility of doing the other
activity. The opportunity cost is the price that you pay for
missing out on the other option. This cost can be time, energy,
money or anything else that you value.
If you’ve ever paid an ATM
fee for withdrawing your money from another bank, you understand
opportunity cost. You could have driven across town to your bank
and withdrawn the money without paying a fee, but you decided that
you’d rather spend the money on the fee than spend the time
driving. You sacrificed your money, in order to save time.
There are other issues to
consider as well. Is it really cheaper to do it yourself if you
include your hourly rate in the cost? Although you might earn less
per hour than the plumber, it will surely take you longer to
complete the same task. It will also require you to buy tools or
equipment that you will probably never use again.
Consider lawn care. How much
does it really cost to mow your own lawn? You have to take into
consideration the cost of the mower, weed-eater, edger, spreader,
blower, gas, oil, repairs, etc. If you have a riding mower, the
initial investment is huge. What if you would have invested that
money into a good mutual fund? The earnings alone might have been
enough to pay someone to cut your grass. Additionally, when working
on projects that are more complex than lawn care, a competent
plumber, electrician or carpenter can probably do it better than
the weekend amateur. What will it cost if you do it wrong?
I think it is even more
important to think about what you could be doing instead of
doing-it-yourself. Instead of learning a little bit about something
that you'll never do again, you could be increasing your expertise
in a more relevant arena. You could earn more if you got more
education or earned additional certifications. You could read a
good book about your industry or profession. What is the long-term
financial cost of missing out on all these opportunities, while you
are learning to install replacement windows?
Instead of making friends
with the clerk at the hardware store, you could be building
relationship with your children or spouse. What are those
relationships worth? It will certainly cost you more in the future
if you don't build and maintain those relationships now.
Similarly, time spent trying
to fix your weaknesses or forcing yourself to fit in takes away
from time you could have spent building on your strengths or
finding the right fit. We want to do it all but we can’t.
Outsourcing
Pam Slim is "a big fan of
outsourcing anything in your life that is not a core strength or a
joy to do. As long as you focus your freed-up time to generate more
revenue or opportunities, it is a good trade." We already outsource
many life activities because we recognize that it isn't worth our
time to complete them or because they can be done better by someone
else. Throughout history, these tasks consumed almost every second
of every day for most people.
● Growing food
● Harvesting food
● Cooking food
● Making fabric
● Sewing clothes
● Building houses
● Manufacturing vehicles
These may seem like obvious
examples but they illustrate the wisdom of this approach. We just
haven't taken it far enough. We have many more opportunities to
stop doing it ourselves than we take advantage of.
● Stop shopping, even for
groceries - Use Amazon Grocery or Peapod or My Girlfriend’s
Kitchen
● Stop changing your oil or
doing any vehicle maintenance - Go to Jiffy Lube
● Stop washing your car - Take
it to a car wash
● Stop cleaning your house -
Hire Merry Maids
● Stop doing your taxes - Find a
good accountant or use HR Block
● Stop managing your own
investments - Find a local independent advisor
● Stop mowing your grass - Pay a
neighborhood kid to do it or make your kids do it
Now, add up how much time you
would save each week if you stopped doing these activities. Then,
start a new list. What could you do instead? How could you invest
your time and energy so that it will pay off over the long-term?
Here are some ideas.
● Start your own business
● Go back to school
● Spend more time with your
kids
● Attend a seminar
● Start a blog
● Read a good book
● Start exercising
● Write a book
● Volunteer
Some of these suggestions
might seem small but I know from personal experience that
eliminating low-leverage tasks to make room for high-leverage
activities can create big breakthroughs. I hate any kind of routine
maintenance activities and mowing the lawn is one of the worst. As
soon as I’m done cutting the grass, it just starts growing right
back. My wife would always complain because I waited too long and
let the grass get too tall. Our new yard in North Carolina is huge
and it took almost three hours each week to take care of it. During
the middle of the summer it was even worse. It needed to be mowed
every five days, instead of once a week.
I had a decision to make. I
wanted my wife to have a nice yard but I also wanted to spend time
with my wife and kids and start my own business. I couldn’t do it
all. I didn’t have enough time.
So I decided to hire the
neighbor’s son to mow the grass. I paid him $20, which was about $7
per hour. Then I took the three hours that I was spending on the
lawn and dedicated it to my business. I purchased a website address
and hired my friend to create a website. My father-in-law, who is a
graphic designer, helped me create business cards. I started going
to events at the local Chamber of Commerce and began work on my
first book. It wasn’t much, just three hours a week. But it was
enough to create momentum and allow me to still do the other things
that were really important to me.
It’s been seven years since I
started my business and each year has been more successful than the
last. I’ve certainly made more than enough money to pay someone to
handle our landscaping needs. But I never would have had any of
this success if I was still mowing my own grass.
I'd encourage you to start by
outsourcing the tasks that you dislike the most. They probably
aren't a good fit for you and they cost you time, energy and
stress. Once you pay to save yourself some time, invest the time in
an activity that you are good at and that you enjoy. You'll be
rewarded with additional energy, fulfillment and confidence, which
will lead to more money in the future, either directly or
indirectly.
One objection that I usually
get to outsourcing is that people can’t afford it. This is a
chicken or the egg argument. My point is that the only way to
improve your current financial situation is to stop doing those
things that distract you from doing what you do best. If you can’t
afford it now, the only way you’ll ever be able to afford it is to
actually do it. It will pay off in the long run.
I know this is true because
I’ve done it. I have to admit, I am a recovering Do-It-Yourselfer.
I used to do everything by myself until I realized what it was
actually costing me. I grew up poor. I started delivering papers at
5am each day when I was 12 so that I didn’t have to go to school
with patches in my pants. When I graduated from college, I had
seven different jobs. I never paid someone to do something that I
could do myself. I didn’t even eat out very much because it was
cheaper to make my own meals. But there is a limit to how many jobs
you can have and how many hours you can work. Hard work is
important but it has its limits.
Education was one way that I
improved my situation. But this required that I work less in order
to focus on my studies. I also had to pay for my classes. This
trade-off didn’t make sense in the short-term. It was a long-term
investment. Outsourcing is also a long-term investment. Hiring
someone to cut my grass was the best investment I ever made. I now
make enough money giving a one-hour presentation to pay for two
years of lawn care.
Now that I’m self-employed,
I’m a free agent. I don’t have any employees and I’m not planning
to hire any. But there are a lot of skills that I don’t have and
don’t want to learn. I want to stay focused on the things that I do
best, which basically include speaking and writing. In order to do
this, I outsource almost every aspect of my business. Eric Smoldt
at Group 3 does all of my graphic design. He designed the cover and
formatted this book. Michelle Verhaeghe helps me with website
design. Peggy King at Parker & Parker handles my accounting and
taxes. Amazon.com handles the processing and shipping for all of my
products. CreateSpace prints my books, CDs and DVDs on demand when
they are ordered by a customer. There is no inventory. Dan “Jiffy”
Jones changes the oil in my cars on the road in front of my house.
I don’t even have to leave home.
Before we had our third
daughter, my wife decided that she wanted to get a graduate degree
in management. This meant that we’d need to take out $30,000 in
student loans. I didn’t hesitate because it seemed like a good
investment. But it would take more than money for her to graduate.
It would take time and I didn’t have any. I was teaching full-time
at one school, part-time at two graduate schools and building my
business. In my spare time I took care of our daughters so that
Stephanie could study and write papers.
One night I was working on my
laptop in the living room at 11:00pm and noticed my wife moving the
chairs out of the kitchen so that she could sweep and mop the
floor. My first instinct was to tell her not to worry about it, but
I knew that wouldn’t work. She likes things to be clean. I wanted
to help but I hate to clean and didn’t have the time.
We had a choice to make. Was
I going to sacrifice high-leverage activities, like building my
business, and high-value activities, like spending time with my
children, to become a maid? Or was Stephanie going to stop going to
school in order to keep the house in order? Neither of these
choices was acceptable.
So I did a quick calculation.
With her master’s degree, my wife could teach college courses on a
part-time basis and earn at least $1500 per class. It would cost
$120 per month to hire someone to clean the house every two week.
This meant that Stephanie could pay for almost an year of cleaning
by teaching just one course. We hired a cleaning lady and never
looked back.
One primary advantage of being a
nudist is that you don't have to do laundry.
- Quote from my wife after folding clothes for an hour.
Now, I am trying to eliminate
every conceivable activity. Laundry takes up a lot of time but
taking all the clothes to the cleaners doesn’t seem feasible and
I’m not ready to become a nudist. I’m currently looking for other
options.
You’d probably be surprised
by what can be outsourced. For a very humorous discussion of
outsourcing personal and business tasks, read AJ Jacobs' article,
My Outsourced Life. He outsourced his worries to an
assistant in India and even asked his virtual assistant to
apologize to his wife for him.
Outsourcing is just one way
to take care of things that you don’t like. You can also partner
with family members, friends, co-workers and people in your
community. But there are two barriers to doing this. First, we
believe that no one wants to do the tasks that we dislike. Second,
we want other people to accept our weaknesses, but we don’t want to
accept their flaws.
Dirty Jobs
One of the problems with
finding people to do tasks we find is that we believe that the task
itself is inherently disagreeable. We tell ourselves that nobody
wants to do it. Nobody likes it. But that’s not true. There is
always someone who loves to do what you hate to do. They love the
task for the same reason that you hate it. For example, you hate
repetition. It bores you. But there is someone else that loves the
routine and certainty of repetitive tasks. It soothes them.
Dirty Jobs, the
popular TV show starring Mike Rowe, profiles people involved in all
sorts of objectionable tasks like cleaning portable toilets,
raising turkeys, treating sewage, repairing giant tires or making
bricks. But the show proves the adage that “One man’s trash is
another man’s treasure.” Although these jobs seem disgusting, the
people who do them usually seem to be enjoying themselves. There is
something about the job that they like. Maybe they want to be
outside or work with their hands or be alone or see the finished
product.
My friend, Tom Morris,
speaker and author of If Aristotle Ran General Motors, told
me about a woman in his city that has her own business cleaning up
dog poop from people’s back yards. At first blush, this doesn’t
seem like a very good business idea. However, you have to remember
that she quit her job and chose to start this kind of business. Why
would she do that? There are three reasons. First, she likes to
work independently. It doesn’t matter what she’s doing. She’d
rather be her own boss than work for someone else. Second, she
likes to be active. Her job allows her to move, instead of being
stuck in a chair all day. Third, she likes to be outside. Since
dogs usually poop outside, this is a perfect fit.
Symbiosis
Symbiosis is defined by
Wikipedia as “an interaction between
two organisms living together in intimate association or the
merging of two dissimilar organisms.” A better definition is a
mutually beneficial relationship between organisms with differing
abilities and needs. In other words, a symbiotic relationship is
one in which two parties help each other by providing something
that the other party needs but can’t provide for
themselves.
For example, the Nile
crocodile can’t floss its teeth. Its arms aren’t long enough and it
doesn’t have any floss. The Egyptian Plover, a bird, helps the
crocodile by walking around in its mouth and picking food and other
debris out of the crocodile’s teeth. The crocodile could easily
crush the bird and swallow it whole. But it doesn’t because the
bird provides a needed service. The plover gets a free meal, and
the protection of a fearsome predator, and the crocodile gets free
dental care. It is a win-win situation.
We can create similar
symbiotic relationships in our life and work, although I still
can’t find anyone who wants to floss my teeth. Graham Shevlin, an
IT consultant and blogger at GrahamShevlin.com,
explains how our weaknesses can be offset by the right partner.
“Ever since I can remember, I have been a night owl. This often
gives me challenges. Most corporations, especially in the USA, are
set up around the ‘morning lark’ model. I have encountered the
chill wind of disapproval from morning larks many times in the past
when I roll into work and the larks have been working for 2-3 hours
already. The fact that I am still working when they are flaked out
on a couch somewhere is something that they seem to have a large
capacity to ignore.
It is possible to form
symbiotic working relationships with somebody who is opposite to
you on the sleep and work spectrum. Many years ago in the UK, I had
an extremely productive working relationship with a fellow project
leader. She was a classic morning lark, she was in the office by
6am nearly every morning, but left by 4pm. By her own admission,
her brain ceased to fire on all cylinders around 3pm.
We would meet together to
work issues and set direction from 11am until 2pm, after which time
I stayed away from her, since she would be winding down and not at
her best. She would stay away from me until 11am, since before that
time my brain was not firing on all cylinders. This worked well for
our time together.”
Graham’s story reminded me of
the old nursery rhyme about Jack Sprat.
Jack Sprat could eat no
fat,
his wife could eat no
lean.
And so between them both you
see,
they licked the platter
clean.
This is a good example of how
partnerships at home can work effectively. My wife, Stephanie, is a
great cook. She seems to have a natural gift for making food that
tastes good, even if she doesn’t have the exact ingredients that
the recipe requires. She also enjoys the creative process of
putting a complete meal together. I don’t like to do any of that.
If it was up to me, I’d just eat food that didn’t require any
preparation.
But we’re a good team because
Stephanie hates to clean up after a meal. She’s so exhausted from
making it, that she can’t stand the thought of taking care of the
mess. That is where I come in. I’m a finisher. I like to wrap
things up. I like to get things done, especially when it is a small
and manageable task.
However, it’s easy to fail to
appreciate this kind of partnership. I could complain that
Stephanie never helps with the clean-up. She could complain that I
never help with the cooking. Instead of accepting our unique roles
and preferences, we could both spend our time complaining about
what the other person doesn’t do.
Imperfect People
We all want to be accepted
for who we are. We want people to accept our quirks and
limitations. Unfortunately, we are often unwilling to do this for
others. The Freak Factor isn't just about you, your weaknesses and
their corresponding strengths. It is also about the people around
you, your co-workers, family and friends.
What bothers you most about
the people in your life? Try to find the strength that corresponds
with their most obvious weaknesses and then go one step further.
Don't just tolerate their uniqueness, encourage them to flaunt it.
If you do this, you will see a dramatic improvement in your
relationships and people will probably respond differently to your
freakness as well. Differentiation requires you to be unique and
that often means accepting and encouraging imperfection in yourself
and others.
For example, Tom Peters wrote
an interesting blog post about the value of people who do the last
two-percent. The people who make sure it is just right; the people
who take care of the seemingly minor details; the people who ensure
that everything is perfect before a presentation is made or a
project is submitted. Full disclosure: I am not one of these
people.
In the last few lines he says
"sometimes we call the last two-percenter a 'pain in the ass.'
True, but no one is of greater importance to the success of what we
do." Are you a "two-percenter?” Are you a "pain in the ass?" If you
aren't a two-percenter, consider the possibility that the pain
caused by these people is a small price to pay for the value they
deliver. If we want other people to accept our freak factor, we
need to be willing to accept theirs as well.
Last year I downloaded the
new Pearl Jam album, Backspacer, from iTunes and it included
a short video about the band. The following quote from one of the
band members caught my attention. "We sort of have our own thing
and it’s raw and it's an imperfect combination of personalities and
we put a lot of faith in Ed (Eddie Vedder) as the artistic director
to take bits and pieces from everybody and, in the end, he ties us
together."
Sometimes we believe that
success requires a perfect combination of personalities but the
enduring success of Pearl Jam demonstrates that our imperfections
can be combined to create something incredible. We need to
acknowledge and accept people's imperfections and then tie them all
together in a unique way. We need to stop looking for perfect
people to partner with and start working with the imperfect people
that we already know. We need to be the artistic directors of our
own lives.
Affiliation isn’t just about
finding people who are strong where you are weak, it is also about
finding people who like you just the way you are. It is about
finding your community, finding your people, fellow freaks.
Choose Your Audience
“Know your audience.” This is
the conventional wisdom for speakers. If you know your audience,
you can adapt the message to fit their particular needs. For
example, giving a presentation to a kindergarten class is a lot
different than giving a keynote speech to 500 managers. There is
some truth to this but it assumes that you have the ability to make
this adjustment.
Intellectually, I know that I
can’t talk to kindergarteners the same way that I talk to adults,
but that doesn’t mean I have the skill to capture the attention of
the five-year olds. Knowing your audience and being able to give
them what they want are two different things.
Furthermore, there are some
people who just aren’t interested in what you have to say. No
amount of effort will change that. I once did a presentation on how
nonprofits start businesses that sold products and services to earn
money to support their mission. One of the women in the audience
worked for an anti-capitalistic (anti-business) activist
organization. I’m not sure why she chose to attend but there was
nothing that I could say that would fit with her perspective.
That is why, instead of
knowing your audience, you should choose your audience. Instead of
adapting your message to the audience, you should find the right
audience for your message. You should find out who your ideal
audience is and who is open to your message. Find out who is
attracted to your approach and perspective and then communicate
with those people.
There's a message for every
audience and an audience for every message.
– Olalah Njenga
Larry the Cable Guy, a
comedian on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, is obnoxious, immature,
gross and prejudiced. Many people find his act incredibly
offensive. But when tickets go on sale for his show at a local
sports arena, they usually sell out. In one night he earns
$250,000, even though a lot of people have never heard of him and
some of those who have don’t like him.
Larry chooses his audience
and they choose him. He doesn’t try to convert people that don’t
like him and he doesn’t try to adapt his style to make everyone
happy. He seeks out people who enjoy his brand of comedy and gives
them what they want.
Pam Slim believes that it is
important for each of us to find “our people.” “These are not just
those people who would grudgingly fork over money for your product
or service; they are people who would clamor to do business with
you because you are the exact answer to their problems. They are
your ideal partners, clients, customers, and mentors. These are
people whom you like to spend time with, who embrace you despite
your perceived warts, mistakes, and flaws and who are deeply
affected by your work."
The right people will not
reject you for being yourself, for being real. Don't try to please
everyone. Try to please the right people.
The ability to choose who judges
your work is the key building block in becoming an artist in
whatever you do.
- Seth Godin
Seth Godin narrows the
definition of the right people to focus on those that tell others
about your company, product and/or service. You have to find these
people and build relationships with them. You can pay attention to
the people who criticize your work or you can identify those that
appreciate your unique approach and develop deeper partnerships
with them.
One way to partner with “your
people” is through affiliate relationships. The internet has made
these very popular. It allows people who promote your products to
earn a commission from the sale of those products. If you’ve
developed a great product or service but don’t like marketing or
sales, finding affiliates can be a great way to compensate for your
weakness.
Surprisingly, we can even
create partnerships with our competition. Sharlyn Lauby, the HR
Bartender, explains that our competitors could actually be
potential collaborators. "I’ve discovered the best way to deal with
competition is to point it inward. When I meet people who really
have it together and inspire me, instead of focusing my energies on
squashing them, I use that energy to make myself better. There are
two reasons for doing it. First, I get better at something. Second,
I can eventually collaborate with that awesome person."
To succeed, you must delegate
everything except that which is your genius work.
- Fabienne Fredrickson
Freak Profile: Jennifer
Schuchmann
J
ennifer Schuchmann (pronounced shook-man), is a writer from
Atlanta. In addition to writing, she leads workshops for aspiring
writers. But she has two big weaknesses. First, she doesn't have a
lot of original ideas, which makes it difficult to come up with
something to write about. Second, she isn't good with spelling and
grammar, a seemingly vital skill for a writer. So, how did her
book, First Things First, end up on the New York Times
bestseller list? I'll let Jennifer tell you in her own words.
"I have a very hard time
coming up with ideas. I respond well to specifics, tell me you need
a paragraph about how to make furniture from nuts and I can think
of 80 things to say. Tell me to write about whatever I want and I
can’t think of a thing.”
Because of this she thought,
"I could never be a writer. Spelling and diagramming sentences just
didn’t interest me. I could look at the same sentence . . . and not
see the mistakes. My brain just didn’t focus on that. So in high
school, I stopped writing. I realized I apparently didn’t have what
it takes to be a writer. I didn’t have ideas and I didn’t have the
technical skills 'good writers' had."
But then she had an epiphany.
"I was in a workshop listening to a publisher talk about how
writers are in love with their own words. I thought to myself, 'I’m
not.' From that moment I realized that I was different from the
other writers I had met in the past. I realized that I was a writer
who takes assignments. There are stories or articles that need to
be told, and writers who are too passionate about their own ideas .
. . can’t write those stories, but I could.
Now less than ten years
later, I’ve already published five books, all collaborations with
other people. My latest book, First Things First, with Kurt
and Brenda Warner was an assignment to write 75,000 words in 19
days. The book is now out and yesterday was number ten on the New
York Times best seller list for hardcover nonfiction.
What has changed? Well, I’ve
learned to embrace the fact that I can get behind other people’s
ideas, that not having my own isn’t a hindrance to being a writer.
And in the case of being a collaborative writer, not being married
to my own ideas is a really good thing. My agent continues to
remind me that the ability to write fast is a unique skill. I’ve
learned to compensate for misspellings or verbs that don’t agree by
hiring an outside editor or other writer who has those skills to
look through my manuscript before I submit it.
I teach at a lot of writers’
conferences and I tell my story so that writers realize they need
to capitalize on their strengths and find ways to compensate for
their perceived weaknesses."
Jennifer's story demonstrates
the power of affiliation. She proves that it is possible to have
tremendous success without fixing your weaknesses. She has
succeeded by embracing her flaws because she sees the strengths
that are hiding inside them. For example, because she is not
restricted by the traditional rules of spelling and grammar, she
can write quickly. She deals with this apparent weakness easily by
hiring people to edit her work.
Because she is not bursting
with ideas of her own, she is open to the ideas of others. She
capitalizes on this weakness by helping others to tell their
stories. I experienced her gift for understanding during our phone
conversation. She immediately understood the freak factor and
sometimes explained the concept even better than I could.
Act
● Offer to help one of your
friends or family members in their weak areas.
● I proofread stuff for my
friend with dyslexia and he offers creative ideas for my audio and
video resources.
● Who could you help?
Reflect
● Who are some of your best
friends?
● Consider their strongest
characteristics and compare them to your own.
● Who could you partner with
that would offset your weaknesses?
● What tasks do you already
outsource?
● What other activities do you
rely on others to complete?
● Review your list of disliked
tasks from the last chapter.
● Who could you hire to perform
those tasks?
● How much time would you
save?
● What would it cost?
● What could you do with the
time that you saved?
● Could you earn enough during
that time to defer the cost?
● If not, can you see how it
could be worth it over the long-term?
Read
● The Four-Hour Work Week by Tim
Ferriss