Meryl caught the melancholy expression on her daughter’s face as they pulled up to their house. Barry’s car was still parked in the driveway since they’d taken Meryl’s vehicle to the dinner. Louise sat in the back seat, seemingly ten thousand miles away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Barry commented, sensing the tension between the girls. He kissed Meryl on the cheek and exited the car.
Both women walked towards the house and Meryl gave Barry a slight wave, catching his wink as he pulled out of the driveway. Louise unlocked the door, opened it and set her keys in the glass bowl on the console table by the door. “That was a great meal, wasn’t it?” Meryl commented, trying to gauge her daughter’s mood.
“It was nice.” Louise agreed. She walked up the stairs as though both feet weighed a hundred pounds. Meryl followed behind her, removing her shoes at the doorway.
The twenty-six year old closed the door, turned on her radio, plopped herself on the bed and flopped her head against the pillow. Meryl knew better than to interrupt her daughter when she was in this kind of mood. She left her be while tidying up the bathroom. About forty-five minutes later, Louise heard a knock at the door. Without waiting for an answer, Meryl’s head appeared.
Frustrated, Louise rolled her eyes. “What.” she asked, deadpan, averting her mother’s gaze as she glanced at the early evening twilight outside her window.
“Don’t do this to yourself again. That’s all I’m saying.” Meryl raised her hands in a defensive gesture.
“Do what?” she whined.
Meryl’s voice was firm. “Go into a dynamic state of depression the moment you meet someone new.”
“Mother.” Louise sighed, clearly unimpressed. “Please don’t interfere. I’m an adult and I can deal with my own problems.”
“Really?” Meryl was unconvinced. “So sliding your chair over as if that boy had head lice…that’s dealing with your own problems?”
Darting up, Louise argued. “What about you, mom? Up until two weeks ago you went and hid every time a man entered a room where you were. Maybe that is where I learned how to distance myself!”
Opening her mouth in a state of shock at her daughter’s disrespectful outburst, Meryl squeaked. “That’s entirely different, dear.”
“Really? How is it different, mom?” Louise challenged.
Taking in a deep breath, Meryl folded her arms on her chest. Her voice was even. “Louise, your father, whom I was deeply in love with, was killed suddenly in a car crash when you were a baby.”
“I know the historical facts, mom.” Louise countered. “But tell me how it’s different.”
Taking a seat on her daughter’s bed, Meryl unfolded her arms. “Louise, I think you have some things confused.” The woman licked her lips, observing the sour look on the twenty-six-year-old’s face. “When the father of your child dies, you suffer from terrible fear.” Meryl explained calmly, as she watched Louise’s face soften slowly. “Not only fear of being alone and raising a child forever by yourself, but fear of bringing a stranger into your home, but of how they will react to your child, and conversely, how your child will react to the stranger.”
Placing her hand on her daughter’s leg, Meryl continued solemnly. “I just figured all these years it was much better when it was just you and I; until you were older and independent, and after so many years,” she sighed, as if exhausted, “I just forgot about men altogether. I decided that if I was to meet someone he would just appear. My love life was placed on the back burner all this time and now,” she smiled, “now, I’ve met someone wonderful, and you’re old enough to accept things as an adult.”
Louise was silent, digesting the information. After a few beats, she looked up at her mother. “So you weren’t just avoiding getting hurt again? You didn’t just choose to stay away from men for fear of losing another?”
Pressing her lips together, Meryl gave Louise a weak smile. “Never. I was never worried about getting hurt; my only concern was you.” She turned slightly, shifting her weight on the bed. “So, you see, dear, my situation and yours is like comparing apples to oranges.”
Seemingly lost, Louise shook her head. “I am afraid.” she admitted. “I don’t want to go through it again.”
Philip, a boy Louise had met in high school, had broken her heart. Through a mutual friend, the two met and fell head over heels in love, and stayed together from their junior year, until Louise went off to teacher’s college and Philip went to law school.
Meryl squeezed her shoulder as she rose from the bed. “I know you don’t.” Before leaving the room, she turned to face Louise. “But if you remain like this, one day you’ll wake up and realize how much you’ve missed out on in life. You are so young, smart, and such a caring girl, but life is not the same unless you have someone to share it with.”
As Louise continued to sulk, she averted her gaze to the window. Meryl took the opportunity to leave a small envelope on Louise’s dresser beside the door before she noticed.
Meryl figured Louise would find it and open it when she was ready.
***
Philip had one of those dimples that appeared when he smiled his crooked smile; it was just on the right side. He had dashing green eyes and was so soft-spoken, it seemed everything he uttered was a mere whisper. His soft, brownish-red curly locks were cut just far enough that his fringe didn’t sweep into his long lashes.
He was the new boy, from Dorchester, England, who had all the girls’ hearts. The high school Louise attended was full of girlie-girl types who painted their finger and toe nails, and would rather sacrifice an hour of studying for an hour of primping. Oddly, Philip wasn’t attracted to any of them. To him, they seemed rather materialistic.
So the day that Louise returned to school from a bout of bronchitis, Philip took notice immediately. Somewhat forward, he was the perfect match for Louise’s timid disposition. They dated casually during the first year, but then after they both turned sixteen, the two were never seen apart. Growing more handsome with age, Philip had all the girls, even the senior girls, at his beck and call. But to Louise’s surprise, he only had eyes for her. By their two year anniversary, she’d met all of his family, including the ones from England who’d come for a Christmas visit that year, and he’d vowed to her that they would marry one day.
Remaining faithful to her, Philip was patient and understanding, and took what he could get intimately. Finally, after two and a half years of waiting, Louise gifted Philip with her virginity. It was his birthday present, and one that he’d much appreciated, especially since their time together was beginning to come to a close. Both having separate interests, Louise, of course, would go to a local college. However, Philip’s parents insisted he return to England to attend Oxford University.
Louise thought her life was over; learning that her one-and-only was leaving her, but her heart was truly broken not long after this news came to the surface. It seemed Philip had become an even hotter commodity, since his time in the United States was limited. And despite his rock-hard integrity during his first year with Louise, one girl named Becky was able to break through his tough, committed layer.
At Philip’s seventeenth birthday party, after all the guests had left, Louise was trying to find her beloved to say goodbye before heading home, when she found him in bed with Becky…in his own bedroom. The quirky door was locked, but easily opened, and to Louise’s chagrin, she barged in when she thought cries on the opposite side were actual tears, only to learn that they were mewls of passion.
She never saw Philip again. He avoided her, clearly feeling guilty for his betrayal, making a weak attempt at providing a back-up story, blaming his drunkenness for his lack of judgment that night, and begging his friends to spread that story for Louise’s or his benefit, she never could figure out who he was trying to appease. The last she’d heard of him he was a successful Oxford graduate, having opened his own law firm in England. Evidently he was so evaded by his own disgusting behaviour, he didn’t wish to return to the United States.
Since Philip, Louise did not date again. Becoming a recluse was easy when attending teacher’s college. The girl returned to her reticent self; wearing bland clothing, keeping her hair tied back in a messy ponytail, clearly reflective of her lack of a positive personal image. Barely a soul showed any interest in her, which suited Louise just fine. And in the event that a member of the opposite sex did appear attracted, she would all but recoil, building an imaginary wall around herself that seemed to grow higher and higher with each passing year.
It was never a worry for Meryl, as her mother, since the older woman was a mirror image of her daughter, or the other way around, depending on one’s perspective. Both women chose to keep men out of their lives, but until this evening, Louise thought it was for the same reason. After Meryl’s discussion with Louise, she lay on her bed, wondering if her life would in fact, be different if there was a man present in it.
She was twenty-six. It had been over ten years since the escapade with Philip. Was it time to move on? Lying on her bed with her arm draped over her eyes, Louise could hear her mother humming about happily while she readied herself for the next day. Pulling clothes from the closet, she could hear Meryl singing to herself, something her mother never did until Barry entered her life.
Could she enjoy that same happiness with someone? Lifting herself off the bed, Louise walked over to the mirror hung just above her dresser. Her hair was dank; in bad need of a trim. The severe fringe had been cut too ragged by her own clumsy hands, and her glasses were leaning too far to the left. Removing them, Louise noticed how small her eyes were, and how big her glasses made them appear; she had bug-eyes when she wore her spectacles.
Sallow skin in need of a facial and a smile reflected back at her. Was she even attractive anymore? She did notice Brad smiling her way, but Louise took that as him being gallant in the presence of his co-worker and new friends. Was he attracted to her? And if so, was it a genuine attraction or merely out of obligation? Linda and Barry were known to try and set up her friends, clearly, since Meryl had been one of their latest conquests.
A voice deep inside her head said ‘there’s only one way to find out’, but as always, she dismissed it. Pulling her hair upward, away from her neck, Louise smiled pleasantly; she liked the way her hair looked in an updo. Reaching for a hairclip, Louise glanced on her dresser and noticed a small white envelope that wasn’t there before.
It was tiny, and in stationery she recognized; Linda’s. As she opened it, she half guessed what was inside. As she read the simple note, after a beat, she cracked a weak smile.
***
“This hasn’t been cut in a while, has it?” the hairdresser commented, giving Louise an ‘I’m-not-going-to-sugar-coat-anything-for-your-benefit’ look. She was annoyed because it was late, almost closing time, and she had her work cut out. “We’re going to need to take it all off.” She advised as she prepared her scissors to chop off Louise’s mid-length hair.
Removing her glasses, which she’d just run to the optical store, awaiting a new frame, she placed on the counter so the hairdresser could aptly do her work. Louise watched as her locks fell to the shiny flooring, one section at a time. Curls that she never knew existed came to life as if from nowhere, and when the lady was done, natural caramel highlights appeared in her raven-coloured hair under the soft fluorescent lights.
“Shall we leave it to dry naturally? You have great curls.” she complimented, pumping a handful of product into Louise’s hair.
“That would be great.” she said, admiring her new look. Soft curls framed her face handsomely and the layers brought body all over her crown. Her heavy fringe had been softened with thinning shears and blended nicely into the sides.
It was a clear view from the optical place, just across the hallway, and Louise could see them doing the final touches on her new glasses. She’d also ordered a trial pair of contacts, at the recommendation of the optometrist. The woman admiring the frame and spraying glass cleaner on them saw Louise, and knew she would be in there waiting as she got her hair cut while her glasses were done.
Moments later, the woman delivered her pre-paid glasses and a small bag containing her contacts. Gently, she placed the glasses, with a smaller, lighter, wiry frame, on Louise’s face and stood back. Louise peered into the mirror, seeing herself clearly, and she felt a lump form in her throat.
“Wow, Louise, you look so different.” The optometrist commented, placing her hands on her cheeks for dramatic effect. “Your hair looks wonderful.”
The hairdresser patted her shoulders as she removed the nylon drape, sweeping all the hair off Louise’s body. “You really suit shorter hair.”
Not used to all the attention, Louise blushed, but was unable to hide the tear that was forming behind her new glasses. “Thank you.” she said.
As she walked out of the hair salon with her new appearance, she opened up her purse and removed the small envelope. There was one more stop she needed to make before her next move…and the clothing boutique was the perfect place.
***
Meryl heard Louise come in and rose from the couch. She was drifting off to sleep while reading a cozy romance novel. Her mouth opened wide at the sight of her daughter. She looked completely different and had an unprecedented number of clothing bags hanging from either side of her body. “Wow, Louise…is that you in there?” she asked, unable to hide the smile.
“It’s me.” Louise shrugged. “Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?”
“I’d be happy to.” Meryl emptied the bags from one of her daughter’s hands and went upstairs, heading to Louise’s room. “What brought on all this? You never buy clothes,” she looked back at her daughter, “or get a haircut,” she looked again, “are those new glasses too?”
“Yup.” Louise said, with a noticeable bounce in her step.
As both girls placed the bags on Louise’s bedroom floor, Meryl stood back, drinking in the sight of her daughter. “Wow, Louise. You’re so…beautiful.” Then she checked herself. “I always knew you were…it was just hidden behind all that hair and those thick glasses.”
Louise just smiled, beaming with pride. She was radiant and she knew it.
“And to what can we credit this…this new you to?” Meryl asked. “Have you given any thought to what we spoke about earlier?”
“Kind of.” Louise admitted. “But the updated look is more for me. I realized the effect Philip still had on me after all these years, and honestly, I looked that way because that’s how I felt for a long time. But now, there may be moments that I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy, but deep down I know I do, and most of the time I do feel happy. It just never occurred to me that I would feel truly happy if I looked that way, too. Whatever happens now…happens.”
Embracing her daughter, Meryl added. “Whoever you are with will be the luckiest man; not only are you smart, strong, and kind-hearted, but you’re also beautiful both inside and out.”
“Thanks, mom.”