INTERLUDE XVI Did You Know That Athena Used to Be a Tomboy?

  1. ATHENA: You know, when I sprang out of my father’s head fully formed and kitted out in battle armor head-to-toe, if I’m honest, I was doing it for his attention, too—for male approval. What I’m saying is, I get it. I didn’t want to be a girl, either, but then I learned to love myself, and to become the tutelary of Athens. Have you tried being the tutelary of Athens?
  2. DEUTERAGONIST: I just don’t want you doing anything extreme. It’s not that I don’t understand where you’re coming from. God, no! It’s not that I’m not sympathetic. We’ve all been there. Currer Bell, and so on. Slick my hair back, spit on the subway, and demand a raise. But you have to know where to stop with this sort of thing. But I get it! Your heart’s in the right place, and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, so most of your body is in correct working order.
  3. CHORUS: Look, we hate to see you go. Hate to lose a valuable member of the team. But we understand—all good things must come to an end—but could you do us a favor? Could you just talk for a few minutes about what you think we could have done to keep you as a customer? Anything we should bear in mind for the future, anything that might have encouraged you to renew your contract? Are you sure you don’t want to change your mind? We hate to see you go. You know, we all used to be tomboys, so we get where you’re coming from. You know you don’t have to take it all the way. Look at Athena! Sprang completely grown from her father’s head—probably had eight or nine older brothers who taught her how to work on cars—bypassed her mother entirely; born in full battle armor—and look at her now. Tutelary of Athens! Goddess of owls, and so on. You can be the tutelary of Athens and still be a woman. Have you tried being the tutelary of Athens? Have you tried everything?
  4. ATHENA: You know, if I were to spring out of my father’s head fully formed and kitted out in battle armor head-to-toe nowadays, they’d probably diagnose me with dysphoria, too, and have me signed up for dick-installation surgery before dinnertime. And I really don’t think it’s fair to sign someone up for dick-installation surgery before they even get the chance to become the tutelary of Athens.
  5. CHORUS: Well, of course we’d all be trans now, wouldn’t we? Anyone born nowadays, that’s just a given, they just—someone tells you at school, or something—everyone’s trans now. Not like when we were kids, when people still understood when someone was being metaphorical. We’re all a little bit that way, so I don’t know why you have to take it so seriously. It’s a little embarrassing. Did someone put you up to this? You can tell us. If you want to just climb a tree, climb a tree!
  6. DEUTERAGONIST: I used to think I was a boy all the time, when I was a girl. Thinking you’re a boy is a big part of being a girl. We all thought we were boys, but thank God no one took us seriously. It’s time to take girls seriously about not taking girls who are boys seriously. When I was a girl, I thought of boyish things, but when that which is complete has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a girl, I spoke as a boy, I understood as a boy, I thought as a boy; but when I became a woman I put away boyish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but soon we shall see face to face. Welcome to being a woman. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
  7. ATHENA: What about all the little Athenas who are springing forth from their father’s heads as full-grown adults in head-to-toe armor? What kind of a message is this sending them, about what it means to spring forth from their father’s heads as full-grown adults in head-to-toe armor while also being women? There are lots of different kinds of women, some of whom spring forth fully formed from their father’s heads in battle regalia, fully forth and fully formed and fully sprung and full-fathered, full-figured and fully women, and what kind of message are they picking up? Not to mention Artemis. What kind of message is this sending to vulnerable, virginal goddesses of the hunt?
  8. DEUTERAGONIST: I mean, if I were thirty years younger—if I were twenty-five years younger—if I were eighteen years younger—God, if I were just ten years younger—if I were a year and a day younger—if I were a month younger—if you’d asked me just five minutes ago, four and a half even, if I’d picked up on the first ring instead of the third, I’d transition. Hell, I’d transition. Oh my God, I wish I could transition. Ask me again, but sooner. Come back yesterday. Come back a week ago. What good are you to me now, when I am—this? Where were you when there was still summer in my heart? Come back a month ago, a decade, but come back to before I had to forgive you. Just come back and ask again; I’ll wait if it takes forever this time.
  9. CHORUS: She was such a pretty girl. Shame.
  10. ATHENA: Oh, I don’t know. Let’s not get carried away—she wasn’t that pretty.
  11. CHORUS: Pretty enough, then. Still a shame, though.
  12. ATHENA: Oh, yes, still a shame, that.