After leaving Mr. Penn’s room Gerri takes a long deep breath. School is really over for the day and it’s been a good day for Gerri. A boring day in class but a good day to socialize, daydream and fantasize. Gerri’s walking home as usual and she’s thinking that with every day that passes going to school may be boring but it’s a lot more fun than spending time at home. It hasn’t always been that way but since being in high school her mother and father hardly notice her.
She laughs a little as she thinks her parents will never ask but at the moment Gerri would be hard pressed to tell them, or anyone, anything about any part of today’s studies. Her mind is a jumble of faces, profiles, lips, hips in Levis, tee shirts with rolled up sleeves and hair slicked back on the sides in ducktails. Occasionally there are guys who wear slacks, white buck shoes and pastel-colored button down shirts. Everything’s changing so fast and it’s cool just being at school. She laughs again, “But nobody cares.”
Gerri’s not breaking any speed records but the time and distance pass quickly. She crosses to the other side of Van Ness Street, rounds the corner onto Vassar Avenue and slowly walks the last block toward home. There’s little reason to overthink the view of her street and her house because to Gerri her home simply looks like everybody else’s. In 1955, Fresno, California. Most kids’ parents would describe these as good times. The Second World War, the Korean War and the Russian cold war threats are occasionally mentioned by adults but seldom is there remote interest in world events by kids in high school because frankly the kids have more important things about which to worry. The houses in this neighborhood are almost all single story with plaster exteriors, driveways consisting of two cement strips on the side of houses and in the front a couple of steps that lead to concrete porches and front doors. Most are light brown or a beige color and they were post-war homes so the trees and shrubs are beginning to fill in to make the neighborhood look a bit more established.
Gerri’s street, Vassar, is a little unusual because there are houses built only on one side of the street and the other side is yet to be developed. So it makes a nice view out the front to see a wooded area instead of just more cookie-cutter houses. The woods has been a place where neighborhood kids have played hide-and-seek but as most of the neighborhood kids grow older the woods sits idle except for amorous adventurers after the sun goes down.
The DeMore family car, a black Chevrolet four-door sedan, is in the driveway and that means her dad is home. This is becoming more and more unusual because her dad, Stephen, finds reason after reason to come home later and later each day. When her dad comes home late it rankles Gerri’s mom, Susie, more than Gerri. Her dad is a math teacher at Calway High School while Gerri attends Fresno Central High School. Gerri’s mom is very, very pregnant and her dad says he’d prefer to come home earlier but feels it more important to get papers graded and next day preparations complete before coming home.
Gerri goes up the three concrete steps to the small front porch and she notices nothing unusual that the screen door is closed but it is a little strange that the front door is wide open. As she reaches for the screen door she hears voices so she pauses, leans with her ear near the door and listens.
“Stephen, on top of never being home you’ve become secretive and downright sneaky and I don’t like it. Even when you are home you act like you really would rather be anyplace other than here with Gerri and me. I’m sure you find me unattractive in my current state and you would not have been home today until hours from now if I hadn’t called and pleaded for you to come help me.”
“Look Susie, I’ve told you a hundred times, I’ll come home anytime you need me. No need to worry. Just don’t cry wolf too often. Lucky I was able to get here as quickly as I did. Bill Ellington was on break so he took my class. That should at least make you feel better that I can react when necessary.”
“You’ll come home when I need you? You think I was crying wolf? I had unusual and very severe pains. I’m so relieved they stopped and I’m sorry you think I did this just to see if you’d come home. You so much as admit you really don’t feel any desire to be here, just show up if needed. And I suppose now that you’ve dutifully come home when beckoned and found I’m not dying, you’ll hurry back to your wonderful school as quickly as you can?”
“Yep. Sure. You bet. Whatever you say. I’m not going to stand here and argue with you, Susie. You called before classes were even over and I dropped everything and came home. I guess I passed that part of your test. Now, class is over but I left everything in a jumble so I’ve got to take care of some things before tomorrow. Sooo, yes. I’m going back to school now and I’ll see you later. Trying to do my job and being grilled by you is not the prescription for putting me in a great mood.”
“See ya later. See ya later. I’m not amused by your attitude. What’s the use? You don’t care about anything except getting back to your precious school and whatever or whoever is more important than your family. But nothing too different about that drama is there? Nothing too different at all. Starts with a lack of interest at home, then the sneaking about, all make up a familiar result- cheating.”
Gerri’s mom uses a tone of voice that doesn’t conceal her anger. There have been lots of little arguments over the past few months but they seem angrier on the part of her mom and sarcastically condescending on the part of her dad. With every successive argument Gerri solidifies in her mind that her future is tied less and less to her disintegrating family. It depresses her to think that probably every other kid she knows doesn’t go through anything like this and that makes her even more resentful. Oh sure, kids talk about their problems at school but Gerri’s sure she’s the only one feeling like she’s invisible in her own family.
Gone are the days when all three of them would spend the evenings and weekends enjoying the time together. Gerri wonders how much her mom’s pregnancy causes her to be more edgy than usual or perhaps her dad’s worry makes him edgy on the rare occasions when he’s home. But in the general scheme of things Gerri sides more with her mom on most issues. So the result of overhearing her mom and dad argue causes her to bristle. The atmosphere is certainly not civil so she’s feeling downright rebellious and she’d like to take a verbal shot at her dad as well.
She can hear her dad coming toward the door so she makes a little extra noise as she pulls open the screen door and enters the house. Her dad is near the door as she enters.
Stephen DeMore is a thirty-eight year old, very distinguished looking high school mathematics teacher. His dark, wavy hair is always combed straight back with seldom a hair out of place. It compliments his pleasant, handsome face and sort of big nose that her mom jokingly refers to as a royal, aquiline nose. He’s an inch or so taller than her mother and the results of good food and comfort are beginning to show in his mid-section. Her dad’s one of those dedicated individuals, born to be a teacher. He has the patience of a saint with his students and no matter what problems come his way, he ignores them and laughs them away. He looks a little bit straight-laced in his usual Stephen-uniform of a starched, white shirt and solid-colored tie every day. As far back as Gerri can remember her dad seemed so comfortable in his clothes that often at home he remained dressed in his white shirt and tie until bedtime.. His clothes, at school and at home, never look even slightly wrinkled and that has historically been thanks to her mom but that’s all changed recently. Pregnancy and bed rest prevent her mom from doing all the usual chores around the house like cooking, cleaning, laundry and ironing. Lately by the time Stephen comes home he looks like his shirts have passed their useful wear-life by a couple of days. His usually never-out-of-place hair looks like it’s tousled. Gerri knows her mom’s condition is adding a stressful toll on all of them.
Even though Gerri’s dad teaches at a high school different than she attends she’s heard that at his high school, students want into her dad’s classes because of his reputation as the easiest math teacher and he’s always so happy-go-lucky with the students. Gerri thinks she wouldn’t describe him as happy-go-lucky at home but then she doesn’t spend that much time with him and usually he barely has more than a couple words to say and it’s as if he feels obligated and strained to even say that much.
Her dad’s reputation also extends to parents of Calway High students. They love Stephen as a math teacher because he would have them believe that their son or daughter is a gifted math student and he never says anything negative about any of their children. It’s as if all his students do well all the time. Gerri believes that’s an academic impossibility and she’s not run across other teachers that likely accept Stephen’s conclusions particularly at her high school.
“Good day at school, Gerri?”
“Good day at school? Well, hello and good to see you too, Dad. School, school, school. There’s more to life than school…for me anyhow. There. I guess that will be the extent of our father-daughter conversation for the day so I should feel lucky. And even more lucky because you tried to ask me two questions. Question one, a good day? Yeah, it was alright. Second question, good day at school? Yeah, it was enjoyable because of my friends and talking to them and stuff like that. No other reason. I suppose after my hard day at school I should enjoy being at home with my family but there’s not much going on in our home except for Mom and me. You’re not really here even when you’re here…but even that’s seldom. So, home for a bit today and then whoosh, off again, huh? Let’s see. Where are ya going, Dad? Let me guess. Back to school? Wow. Lucky guess on my part? Oh well, you better hurry so ya don’t miss something much more exciting than here.”
Stephen shows his displeasure with a lingering frown, “Geez! You must have been waiting to offload all that for a while. And thank you for being a loving daughter. Hmmm. You’re turning into quite the smarty-pants, huh? Why is it so difficult to get a civil response from you? Your demeanor and respect are in a nose-dive and that’s not good. You’d best get control of that attitude of yours.”
Gerri smirks and shrugs her shoulders to show she is not concerned with his assessment.
Stephen continues, “Well, I am on my way out so pay attention to your mom until I get home. I thought she was bound for the hospital this afternoon- lots of pain. She thought it was labor pains but whatever caused her scare seems to have passed. Anyhow, just keep an eye on her and help her any way you can. And if she has more of the severe pains you can call me on the number of the school hallway payphone. I left the number by our phone and if you have to call just let it ring. It takes me time to hear it, get out in the hall and answer it. Okay?”
“Sure, Dad. You totter off to school now and don’t you worry about a thing which I’m sure you won’t. You work real hard during your evening at school and Mom and I will be here doing whatever it is we’re supposed to be doing.”
Gerri rolls her eyes up in boring disgust but her dad doesn’t seem to pay much attention other than to sarcastically toss it back to Gerri.
“Oh thanks again. Now I have two of you razzin me when all I’m trying to do is my job. Your mom’s condition is worry enough so I can do without your sassy attitude.”
With that Stephen shakes his head in disgust and skips down the front steps where he climbs into the car. A couple of labored growls, a couple of mechanical grunts, a belch of black smoke and soon the big black Chevy is lumbering its way into the street, the exhaust black smoke cloud slowly dissipating to once again expose the driveway.
Gerri returns inside and after settling into her after-school routine she fixes her mom a toasted cheese sandwich and glass of milk. Gerri joins her mom in the bedroom for the same bill of fare and some promised time together but Gerri’s mom is very tired and she dozes in and out of sleep. Gerri can’t help but stare at her mom as she sleeps and think how different and helpless she looks lying there. That’s not the mom, Susie DeMore that Gerri used to know.
Growing up in the very rural Ozarks of Missouri, Susie DeMore’s acclaim as a striking beauty was never confined by rural boundaries. During her teen years she was consistently proclaimed queen of virtually every school event, county fair, regional celebration or holiday parade far and wide. Susie is five-eight flat-footed with long flowing strawberry blond hair, big brown eyes, beautiful facial features and a natural skin tint that appears to be a perpetual, exotic suntan. Susie could always be expected in short shorts or pedal pusher pants that accentuate her long shapely legs and phenomenal curves of femininity. She’s always turned heads whether at the market, at a school function or working in the yard.
In the early stages of her pregnancy she still looked terrific but the last several weeks brought some unspecified but physically stressful challenges and as a result she’s on bed rest. She looks gaunt and tired, face drawn and wrinkles from the corners of her mouth. Gerri imagines she’ll bounce back to her old self after the baby is born. But for now she looks at her mom and misses that old look and fun personality of a few very short years ago.
Gerri picks up the bed tray with the plates and glasses and starts out of the bedroom to return the tray to the kitchen. She expects to go to her room and at least look through her assigned homework but Susie opens her eyes, “Sorry, Gerri. I must have fallen asleep. I keep falling asleep and for the life of me I can’t tell if I’ve been asleep for ten seconds, ten minutes or an hour. Very strange. Your father isn’t home yet is he?”
“Nope. You sort of lost a couple minutes but that’s all. But no, he’s not home yet and probably won’t be for a while. Getting to be a habit with him. He’s the only teacher I know who stays at school until eight or nine o’clock at night. Maybe he’s not as smart as I always thought and that’s why it takes him longer than other teachers. Maybe he’s a math teacher who forgot how to do math. What else could take so much time to grade high school papers? He spends more time grading stuff than the kids spend taking his tests. And, I guarantee the kids in his math classes don’t care whether their papers are graded or not. They know he’s going to give them all good grades anyhow. What a pushover!”
“Now Gerri, that’s not nice to say and it shouldn’t be your concern how much time your dad is at home. That’s my department and I actually tried to talk to him today before you got home and surprise, surprise, that got me nowhere. I still have a few words left for him, so promise me that if I happen to be asleep when he comes home tonight you’ll wake me. I want to finish our little talk. Or at least try.”
“Sure, Mom. Gonna give him the old business, huh?” Gerri laughs and thinks it is sort of funny that she and her mom seem to be on the same side- at least for this evening. Get Dad- Stephen.
“Never you mind, Gerri. Just wake me please.”
“Sure.” Gerri takes the trays with the dishes back into the kitchen, runs some warm water in the sink and washes the plates and glasses she and her mom used. Gerri smiles a devilish smile when she thinks of her dad coming home later. He’ll expect something to eat all ready and waiting for him. Well, tonight Gerri is not going to fix anything for him. That can be surprise number two. Surprise number one is waiting in his bedroom to finish her mom’s little talk. Gerri turns out the kitchen lights so it feels even less hospitable for her dad’s late arrival.
Gerri avoids homework as long as possible but eventually she begins to thumb through some of the assignments. She’s keeping an ear tuned for their car. Eventually she hears the creak of worn out shock absorbers as the car lumbers over the curb and into the driveway. The engine falls silent. She dashes to the light switch in her room, switches off the light and returns to her bedroom window that overlooks the driveway. She watches her dad exit the car and she’s sure he can’t see her looking directly down on him from the darkened window.
Spying can be boring but tonight it has its rewards as her dad does something odd. He gets out of the car, goes around to the passenger side, looks all around as if someone might be watching from the bushes, opens the passenger door and then bends down searching inside the car as if he's lost something on or under the passenger seat. He searches and searches around the front seat until he seems to have located the object of his search and whatever it happens to be is shoved into his suit, coat pocket. Stephen looks around some more, closes the passenger door and makes his way up the steps to the front door.
When Gerri hears the front door opening she goes back across the room, switches on her bedroom light and goes out her door toward the front of the house.
When Stephen enters through the front door she’s startles him by suddenly appearing in front of him.
“Did you lose something in the car, Dad?”
“What?”
“I just asked if you lost something in the front seat of our car?”
“Oh, no, uh, ah I thought I dropped a pen and it may have rolled onto the floor that's all. Why?”
“Well, you were standing on your head looking for something in the car and I wondered why. That's all. Just sort of weird.”
“Nope. Just a pen or something.”
Stephen stops and looks directly at Gerri with a serious look. “Wait a second. Were you watching me? Spying from your room? What’s gotten into you lately? I get smart alec questions from you and sassy answers from you if I ask something. I’d imagine you have more important things to do than spy on me. Have you been taking care of your mom?”
Gerri knows her dad well enough that he’ll seldom answer anything directly. He’s good at answering a question with a question or switch to another subject. Turning the tables on Gerri with the subject of taking care of her mother is supposed to be the stone wall. But for once Gerri feels like she’s helping defend her mother and she doesn’t intend to let it drop.
“Sooo. Did you find your pen, Dad? Is that what you shoved into that coat pocket?” Gerri points at the pocket of Stephen’s suit jacket.
“Hey. That’s the end of it, Young Lady. Forget my pen and answer my question. Have you been taking care of your mother?”
“Yeah, Dad. She’s been fine. I sat with her almost the whole time you were gone and we’ve eaten…seems like hours ago. But I’d still like to know, why do you always come home so late? Other teachers don't stay at school so late? I don’t know why you don’t want to be at home.”
“Look. I just do what I think's best rather than drag a lot of schoolwork home. Now, I'm hungry and tired after today and I'm going to bed in a few minutes after I grab a bite to eat… say, I'll tell you what. Let’s make peace...okay? How about if tomorrow I pick you up after school and we ride home together? Maybe we’ll pick up something special, maybe some ice cream, to bring home to your mom. How's that?”
Gerri is certain her dad thinks he’s successfully bamboozled her by diverting her questions. Her mistrust shows by her monotone response, “Yeah, that’s fine. How long should I wait if you don’t show?”
“You’re impossible. But I’ll plan on being there after you get out. So, then it’s a date for tomorrow.” Stephen breathes a sigh of relief as if he’s brought this conversation to a successful close. But Gerri doesn’t retreat from the kitchen and looks him directly in the eyes to re-open the inquisition.
“By the way, Mom ask me to be sure she’s awake when you get home because she needs to talk to you… well what she said is, she really… needs to talk to you.” Gerri raises her eyebrows a couple of times and gives her dad a sinister, smirky smile like she’s gloating over an errant little brother being sent to the proverbial woodshed.
Stephen, obviously caught off guard, “Why? What’s the problem?”
“Problem? I couldn’t say. Anyhow, not my problem, Dad. Maybe your problem. Dunno. Mom just made me promise to be sure she’s awake when you come home. For some reason she didn’t seem all that happy and she’s got to talk to you.”
Stephen doesn’t respond verbally to Gerri. He looks a little stunned, probably at her aggressive insubordination, shakes his head and gives her a disgusted look. He takes off his jacket, throws it over a chair, loosens his tie, pauses and takes a long deep breath and proceeds toward the bedroom.
Gerri knows her mom is awake when she hears her voice as he enters the bedroom and Gerri also knows her mom is angry because her voice doesn’t sound the slightest bit weak.
“Stephen, please close the door. You left earlier before we finished. You avoid talking to me when I have concerns. That’s not right and I don’t like it one bit!”
“Oh, geez this sounds serious. Can I get something to eat or is this one of those things that just can't wait.”
“Stephen, There you go again. Your reaction is always the same. Can’t it wait? I’ll just go get something to eat…I have to go back to school. Avoid talking. Avoid problems. You know because of my condition I’m not able to do much right now and I know that makes it tough on everybody. But I don’t think it’s too much to expect you to be here more. It’s the same every night. I'm here waiting for you. Gerri is waiting for you. Gerri has homework but she takes care of me as well. And she never complains but I know it would be nice to have some help from you. She fixed a meal for us, came in here and talked with me and then I heard her clean it all up. You, on the other hand are not even on the premises. You do nothing to help out here at home. I just can't imagine what you need to do until nearly nine o’clock every night. Every night. I don’t like being forced into being a suspicious wife. I try not to be suspicious but when I see trouble brewing I will not put my head in the sand like an ostrich. I want an answer and I deserve an answer. You're a high school math teacher for heaven’s sake and you can surely add up two and two and arrive at the same conclusions I do. So, I’m asking you for an explanation, a truthful explanation. Where are you every evening, why so late coming home and most important what are you doing? Or more to the point, who are you with?”
“Fine. I’m a bad father, a rotten husband and I work too much. Fine, Susie, guilty. But right now I'm also tired and hungry. I prefer to get schoolwork done at school and not drag it home. That’s it. Not your two plus two equals trouble. But somehow that’s not good enough. So okay, you add up your facts and I’ll keep trying to do the best I can. I hope it’s enough to make you happy. If not, I don’t really know what else to do. Sorry for trying to do the best I can!”
“So, a quick sorry is supposed to be the band aid to fix this? Not quite! Let’s be clear about the facts. Let’s add some detail to the nightly absenteeism. When you get home, you smell like perfume. I know what I smell on you and I know the smell of perfume. And I also know it’s not a perfume from this house. So don’t try to tell me it’s on the papers you’re grading. God knows I’ve tried very hard to trust you. We’ve had this problem twice before and you begged me to forgive and forget. You promised you’d never do anything ever again to hurt me or our family. But the more I try to overlook little tidbits you just keep throwing them back in my face. You’ve made it impossible to overlook all the odds and ends, here, not here, acting guilty, unhappy…it’s like a jigsaw puzzle but I don’t think it will be a pretty picture when it all fits together. I know the telltale signs and I’m telling you right here and now, I will not pretend any longer that everything is okay. Particularly right now. We are about to bring another child into this world and honestly, I do not trust you.
“Hmm. Well, sorry to disappoint you but I don’t know about any of what you’re talking about. You’re riddles. Bits and pieces? Jigsaw puzzles? Guess it’s over my head.” Stephen shrugs his shoulders and tries to sound puzzled as if Susie’s talking in a mysterious dialect.
“You do not treat me like your wife and I’m sure for you that creates a direct path to another woman. Me being pregnant has given you ample opportunity to go shopping again. You’re a weak man, Stephen DeMore and I don’t know what the future holds for us as a family.”
“I think it’s strange that you can even think any of this is true. Maybe it’s all your hormones scattering about, but okay, I listened to you. None of it’s true. None of it. Now, I’m hungry and tired. I hope you’ll think about all the really terrible things you just said. Really not fair, Susie. Not fair at all.”
“So I guess that’s it. No discussion. Just deny it and clam up because of course you just want to avoid talking about it. Avoid it, deny it, ignore it like you do every other problem that comes up. I’m clearly at a disadvantage in my condition but that’s you. Just stonewall it.”
Without a response Gerri’s dad pauses for a second and knits his brow to give his wife a puzzled look. He holds his arms stretched out to the sides in disbelief, shakes his head, opens the bedroom door and walks out leaving the door standing wide open with Susie obviously very upset.
Gerri’s listening to it all but she jumps back in her room as she sees her father’s leg exiting the bedroom. He passes her room and silently walks to the kitchen. She hears the refrigerator door opening and some dishes rattling.
Gerri can’t believe what she just heard. Her mom suspects him of something with another woman? Perfume? Done this twice before? Gerri is shocked.
Gerri’s seen her dad’s reaction to problems before and though she’s never ever heard anything like what she just witnessed, she’s certain nothing more will be argued, discussed or likely ever mentioned again. Tonight two very different silences will surely finish the evening- her mom’s sadness in silence now that she’s spilled it all out and her dad’s pouting in silence. Tomorrow they’re very likely to both play the DeMore family game, acting like nothing ever happened. This is the way her parents deal with issues. Uncomfortable issues are never resolved or discussed. Pout or bottle up hurt feelings in silence, the next day avoid the subject and sure enough it all goes away. Everyone is to put on a happy face and show the world and each other that everything is just fine. Tamp the explosive powder of denial deeper and deeper into the bombshell.