thirty

In a year’s time, I’d been tied up and nearly killed, locked away and nearly died, and now, both tied up and locked away. The mere thought that I might actually die like this, once again, was way more than I could bear.

At least I wasn’t alone this time.

“I was just trying to make him think I knew things about the outdoors when I told him I watched survival shows,” Eloise wailed. “I … like … hardly … ever … watch … those … shows.”

“Zelda said bad luck comes in threes,” Frank fairly wailed himself in a panicked voice that could make anyone cry. “I’m too young to die.”

On second thought, alone had its advantages.

“We’re all too young to die,” I said. “And we all need to calm down, just like Ivan said.”

“He also said he liked me so much he was going to save up to come visit me at school because he couldn’t wait until the next time we came down here to see me.”

“People often make promises they can’t keep when they’re caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship,” I said. “Even under the best circumstances, it’s a particularly tough lesson.”

“Is this a nightmare or is this really happening?” Frank moaned.

Alone was sounding more and more preferable … except for the scissors and battery-operated clippers our captor had been merciful enough to place within stretching distance of Eloise’s feet.

“Eloise, can you reach either of them?”

“I’m trying,” she said, tears streaming down her face as she attempted to hook a toe through the scissor handle. “I hope it doesn’t take Ivan long to send someone to rescue us.”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting,” Frank said caustically.

“Really, Frank?”

“Sorry, bad choice of words. But Ivan did have a point about the whole timeshare business, and I admire his resolve in coming down here and trying to do something about it. Seeing how things turned out, I don’t exactly have faith that he’ll actually send someone for us, though.”

“If we got in here, we can get out,” I said. “It was left, right, right, left, straight, so we just turn it around.”

“Wasn’t it right, left, left, right, straight?”

“I’m sure it wasn’t.”

“I’m sure it was,” Frank insisted.

“I wasn’t paying attention one way or the other,” Eloise said, pulling the scissor handle toward her with her big toe. “But if Ivan really wanted us to die, he wouldn’t have bothered to leave these provisions, right?”

“El, honey, it’s clear that he cared about you, but he had bigger problems on his hands,” Frank said.

“I can’t believe I was falling for a lying—”

“Don’t even say it,” I said, not saying what I was thinking: Like father like daughter.

“All I know is that if we do survive, I’m picking out who you date from here on out,” Frank said.

“Does this mean you’re finally admitting that Ivan is a less suitable match for Eloise than Liam is for—”

“Do you think the boys are in any danger?” he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

“Ivan’s probably halfway to Central America by now.”

“How long before they start worrying about where we are?”

“Who knows how long it will be before they even leave the room?” I said. “We warned them to stay put at all costs and not to speak to anyone.”

“Okay, now I’m worrying,” Frank said.

“You already were,” I said. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“About Liam?” Eloise asked, carefully lifting the scissors with her toes to where her right hand was tied to a spire. “First of all, he’s way too young for me because he’s like seventeen. Secondly, he’s —”

“Don’t.” Frank shook his head. “Just don’t go there.”

“Why not?” I said.

“Shush!” Frank said.

“Don’t shush me,” I said.

“Stop bickering,” Eloise said, somehow maneuvering the scissors onto her thumb and forefinger and setting to work on the piece of rope restraining her left hand.

“We’re not bickering,” Frank said.

“We’ve just been wondering if—” I said.

“You’ve been wondering,” Frank said to me with a shut up glare. “Not me.”

“It’s about FJ,” I said to Eloise. “And Liam.”

Eloise looked up with an expression of surprise that made her look like a female version of Frank. “Are you thinking Liam has a crush on FJ or something?”

“And maybe vice versa.”

“No way,” Frank said.

“They do seem to be spending a lot of time together,” I said. “And since he lives in Denver too …”

“Interesting,” Eloise said, returning to her cutting. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

Consternation filled Frank’s face.

“Has FJ ever brought up the subject of dating with you?” I asked.

“I do know he’s definitely shy and very picky,” she continued. “Although I’m pretty sure he likes girls.”

Frank looked equal parts relieved and I told you so.

“At least, I think so,” she qualified.

“But you’re not positive?” I asked.

“Either way, you know he’ll make better choices than I have.” She sniffled. “Or Trent …”

I didn’t bother to even raise an eyebrow in Frank’s direction. “What about Trent?”

“If I were worried about anyone, I’d worry about him.”

“Because?”

“His taste in girls can be summed up in one word: trampy.”

I cringed.

Frank chuckled.

“That’s okay with you, Frank?”

“It’s a perfectly normal phase in a young man’s life.”

“Not in my opinion.”

“He’ll grow out of it.”

“And what if he doesn’t?”

“I thought I said to stop bickering,” Eloise said.

“All families have issues they need to work through,” I said.

“Especially ours,” Eloise sighed.

“Starting with honesty,” I said. “Which leads me to another issue I believe needs clearing up.”

“Which is?” Frank finally chimed in, but with more than a touch of hesitation.

“We now know who killed Alejandro and why, but I still don’t think I quite understand what Anastasia meant by having her cake and eating it too where the show and the Hacienda de la Fortuna are concerned.”

“It seems obvious,” Frank said. “She was negotiating a deal with Alejandro on top of doing our show down here.”

“Did you know that Alejandro was told by the producers that the best chance of getting his show green-lighted was to somehow convince me?”

“You? But you don’t have any ability to …” His voice trailed off as he seemed to realize the implications.

“Then why was he led to believe such a thing?”

“Maddie, I already told you I had nothing to do with any of that.”

“And I told you I knew you were part of the plan to make Alejandro’s death investigation-worthy. Why on earth should I believe you weren’t part of the plot to stir up some potentially serious marital drama? I mean, we all know it’s great for ratings, and ratings are the bottom line, aren’t they?”

“I would never—”

“Only because it would make you look bad,” I said. “But it’s weird. You don’t know anything, Geo doesn’t know anything, but somehow, I was being pursued by a man who happened to be in the midst of negotiating a TV deal.”

“Yes, but—”

“I know you told Anastasia I was too smart for the typical reality TV nonsense, but what else did you tell her? Something must have led her to believe it was okay to try and pull off a stunt like that.”

“Umm,” Eloise suddenly looked as sheepish as I’d ever seen her.

“Umm, what?”

“Since we’re being honest and all …”

We both turned to her, best as we could while still restrained.

“I’m afraid I maybe might have said something that, like … I don’t know …”

“You don’t know what?” Frank asked.

“Maybe I might have tipped her off that things weren’t so perfect between you guys.”

“What are you talking about?” Frank said. “We—”

“It’s not like you’ve been the best role models, relationshipwise.”

“We’ve worked out our differences.”

“Seriously, Dad?”

“We have. Haven’t we, Maddie?”

“What did you tell Anastasia?” I asked, not answering Frank.

“It just kind of slipped out,” Eloise said.

“What slipped out?”

“It was before we came down here, when we were prepping for this episode, Stasia was showing us the website for the resort and made some comment about you two renewing your vows down here.” She paused. “I accidentally said ‘yeah, right.’”

“And that’s all?”

“I might have also said you barely speak when you’re not on camera.”

“Oh my God!” Frank attempted (unsuccessfully, due to the rope restraints) to put his face in his hands. “You really need to learn when not to speak.”

“Eloise, I have to agree with Frank on this. Why would you tell her that?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But it’s not like everyone didn’t already know you aren’t really together anymore.”

“If everyone knows, it’s because you told them.”

“Not on the set,” she said. “I meant me and Trent and FJ know.”

“How do you know?” Frank asked.

“Because we know both of you. We know you were determined to get this show for us. We also know Maddie agreed to The Family Frugalicious because she thought it was in the best interests of the family, not because it was best for herself.”

Tears I thought I wasn’t going to allow myself to shed began to roll down my cheeks.

“And no offense, Dad, but after everything that’s happened this last year, I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d refused.” Her voice cracked. “And that’s from someone who was falling hard for a mur—”

“Ivan had us all fooled,” I said, hoping to be of some comfort despite it all. “And, as your dad said, he did come down to Mexico with the best of intentions. Just like I did when I agreed to do the show.”

“Me too,” Frank added.

“All I know is something’s gotta give,” Eloise said, going back to sawing the rope attached to her left wrist. “Assuming we all live, that is.”