| |
The fire helped warm them, but Ailish felt none of the heat. Her mind was dark: her thoughts darker. She had done something she’d never before contemplated, not even in the worst battles against the ghazi and the Dark Sorceresses’ Nevaen slaves. The ghazi, yes; a Nevaen, never!
Today she had used her powers not just to protect, but to kill in a way they had never been meant to be wielded. Not once before today’s battle had she used her powerful abilities to kill another Nevaen. For Ailish, this was a betrayal of all she believed in.
She was too stunned to eat, too angry to sleep, and most of all too disappointed in herself. When she had fought the Dark Masters, and their sorceresses’ forces in various battles, her powers were restricted to the dark ones—the sorceresses who manipulated the people of Nevaeh, the ghazi; and the creatures they’d created in defiance of the very core of nature, but to kill another Nevaen with her powers, even when fighting under control of the darkness ... No. Such was not done, ever! It was the difference between Nevaeh’s Women of Power and those women who spurned their own and took the path of darkness. Women of Power were taught from birth, that killing a Nevaen by the use of their abilities destroyed their own spirit.
Standing, she looked from Nomar to Jalil. “I need to walk—alone.”
When they did not respond, she left the warmth of the fire, and the circle of light it created. She had been very much aware of the lack of nightmoss here. She knew not why.
When she was a short distance away, she realized Yar was staying near but distant, instinctively accepting her need for solitude.
Ailish, you had no choice ...
We discuss this not! she told Jalil, slamming down a block.
She looked down at her hand, despising it as the weapon that had killed too many. She looked up. Crystal clear, the night sky’s only occupants were the stars patiently awaiting the moon to rise and keep them company.
She sank onto her knees, her eyes fixed on the constellations above, while her tears washed down her cheeks before dropping to the frozen earth. I am better than this.
After the battle with the Free Blades, they’d put a fair amount of distance between themselves and the ravine, making camp two hours later at the very highest point of the foothills, and the base of the beginning of the Frozen Mountain chain.
Nomar had gathered wood from the long dead trees, and she’d used a formula for fire to get the petrified wood to burn. They’d warmed themselves and their food at the fire, eaten, and built their small shelters—sleeping silks supported by three poles: two upright and one horizontal.
It was not until they’d finished and Ailish sat by the fire, when the reality of the day struck so deeply into her heart and mind, and she had to walk away.
Why? She looked up at the sky, trying to shake off the heaviness of the day.
Because you are fated to be the one to save Jalil, to save your people, The Speaker of the Eight’s words whispered through her mind.
She stiffened, then eased her muscles, accepting The Speaker could reach her at so far a distance. I used my abilities to kill warriors who could not defend themselves against my power.
Would they have killed you if you had not?
Perhaps ... perhaps not. I will never know. But they acted not on their own. They were controlled by Irret.
And as such, they were of the darkness. What you did, was done for the good of all. But hold yourself responsible for staying alive, for protecting those with you ... you cannot! There is more troubling you, is there not?
More? She shook her head. Are their deaths not enough to trouble me? The wrongness of it makes me sick.
They were lost to Nevaeh long before today. Their deaths are not on you. You have spent enough time on self-pity. You have not the time for more. A Free Blade you take with you, yes?
The instant The Speaker said the words, she began to build a block. Nomar?
Do not block me. You feel guilt for him. You already blame yourself for his death, of which you know nothing.
She laughed. There is no one else.
You forced him somehow, did you? You created a formula to make him follow you, yes?
Her anger flared. Her hands balled into fists. Stop! He follows his heart. I did nothing.
Ah ... His heart. And you are responsible, yes? You made him feel this way.
I did not!
Then why do you feel guilt?
I know he comes with us because of his feelings for me.
And, sadly, you have no feelings for him? Although the words were silent, Ailish sensed the sarcasm as if they were spoken aloud.
It matters not, my feelings. And he refused to leave us.
To his death he goes.
I know this. I tried to stop him.
Stop him you must not, for he is needed for your survival.
But to use him in such a way?
No, Ailish, your thoughts range without a tether to reality. Your Free Blade is willing to offer his life to secure your future, just as your warriors followed their queen into battle. How know you he will not survive this journey?
No one survives the Frozen Mountains.
So powerful ... so far reaching are your abilities to know this?
It is but common knowledge.
Know you anyone who has lost someone to these mountains?
Ailish shook her head. Your question is meaningless. It is common knowledge.
How know you it is not a legend created a thousand years ago?
Strangely angry at the seemingly pointless of the twisting conversation, Ailish snapped back, Legend or not, what purpose could it serve?
Ah ... That is the real question, is it not? What purpose, indeed, Ailish? The Speaker whispered in her mind. And then she was gone.
<><><>
The morning came without fanfare. The sun broke the horizon an hour after they had eaten, packed, and started toward the route they’d seen on the map. Over the last few days, Ailish had noticed the days becoming shorter while the darkness of the night lasted longer. Although this was normal for winter, the solstice was long past, and by now the days should be longer.
When she mentioned this aloud, Jalil said, “The further north we go, the shorter is the time the sun lights the day. We know not fully why, but from what I have studied in the old books, it has to do with how our world spins about the sun.”
“Our world does what?” Nomar turned his head to look into the wagon. “I don’t understand.”
“I cannot explain it lying here. When we stop for the night, I will show you. But trust me: the sun moves not around us; we move around the sun.”
Nomar had nothing to say. He looked ahead, at the mountains stretching and disappearing into the distance, and then at the lances of sunlight reflected off the uneven surface of the mountains’ slopes. The route Jalil had selected was literally at the base of the mountains. The passageway was more a ledge than a road, perhaps ten feet wide. The edge of the ledge itself, was like that of a cliff.
Like a cliff, the edge of the passageway overlooked the ice fields, hundreds of feet below; and, should they fall from the passageway, certain death would follow. Nomar chose not to think of falling; rather, he concentrated on what might happen should this passageway grow narrow. He gave a mental shrug, knowing he would do whatever was necessary to get the two of them to where they needed to go.
He grunted beneath his breath. As long as they didn’t starve. He closed his eyes for a moment, and saw the map Jalil had imprinted in his mind. While there was no scale, he looked it over and realized their goal was at least a thousand miles from where they were. If they were able to maintain a steady pace, it would take forty days but most likely more to reach their destination.
He closed his eyes and took a mental inventory of their supplies. Exhaling, he shook his head. He knew there was no possibility of their food and water lasting that long ... None!
“We are crazy,” he whispered aloud.
Behind him, he heard Jalil give one of his strange laughs. “Nomar, you have no idea.”
