Tim was usually not a stupid man, but it took three unreturned phone calls to Antonio before he became suspicious. At first, he wrote it off to Antonio’s hectic filming schedule, or his rigorous daily meetings with his high-priced personal trainer. (“You should meet him,” he’d once told Tim. “It’s the best two hundred dollars a week you could spend.”) But three calls and four days had passed, and there was no word from the best-looking boyfriend Tim had ever had.
It was 10:00 P.M., and even Antonio would be home by now, thought Tim. He placed one more phone call, feeling super-pathetic and needy. Once again, he got voice mail.
Lacking anything better to do, Tim went on-line. There, in his buddy list, along with two coworkers, one old high school
friend, and his mother, was Star77777, the self-aggrandizing screen name Antonio had adopted.
TimTimTim: I just called you.
Star77777: Sorry, I’ve been very busy.
TimTimTim: Maybe we should talk.
PandTMom: Hi, Tim!
Perfect. Ann was now interrupting his instant messages, as well.
TimTimTim: Hi, Mom. How’s life?
PandTMom: You’ve made your father very happy. He keeps telling everyone how brave you are.
TimTimTim: Glad to be of service. Has he talked to any of the partners yet?
Star77777: I know. I’ve been putting this off for too long.
TimTimTim: If I call, will you answer?
Star7777: Let me call you. It’s better that way.
TimTimTim: Why can’t I call you?
Star7777: I don’t want you to.
TimTimTim: You don’t want me to call now? Or ever?
Star77777: I’ll call you. Just wait.
PandTMom: He’s already shown the papers to two partners and now they’re scared to death of the new deal. You’re a hero.
TimTimTim: I don’t understand, Antonio. I thought we were having a relationship. It certainly seemed like a relationship. I have three shirts of yours hanging in my closet right now. But I CAN’T CALL YOU!!!! Why?
There are drawbacks to juggling too many IMs, and Tim ran headlong into the worst of them. As soon as he clicked the
send button, he realized that the message meant for Antonio had gone to his mother instead. It was more than an instant message. It was an instant outing.
Tim stared at his screen. His mind scrambled to think of any excuse to tell his mother. He reread the message he had sent, looking for wiggle room. Why did he have to mention the shirts? Why didn’t he own a gun? Blowing his brains out seemed like such a viable option at the moment.
The screen seemed inactive for much too long. He thought about signing off, leaving town, maybe throwing the computer down a flight of steps. Then he heard the familiar IM tone that sounds like Tinker Bell spreading pixie dust.
PandTMom: If Antonio treats you like that, he’s an asshole. You deserve much better.
Sandy would be proud, thought Tim. I’ve finally come out to my parents. Who would have thought it would have happened this way!
TimTimTim: Thanks, Mom. It’s a tough time. I feel like my life is unraveling. I’m going to sign off now before I get in more trouble.
PandTMom: You’re not in any trouble. We love you. Call me.
TimTimTim: I will. Bye.
Tim was still feeling shell-shocked when the phone rang. Antonio was so cold and distant, it was hard to believe that they had ever been friends, let alone lovers. Antonio’s stock excuses ran together in Tim’s already-overloaded brain. “Not working out/This isn’t what I want/Too many differences/Now’s a bad time for a relationship.”
“Fine,” said Tim defiantly. “I don’t care. It’s over. I get it. I’m amazed it ever happened. I’ll drop off your shirts when you’re not there. Have a nice life.”
But Antonio wasn’t done. “And that hair story you wrote—what were you thinking?”
“What does that have to with any of this?” asked Tim. “It’s just a story.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” said an angry Antonio. “You were making fun of some very important people. Why would you make fun of Brian Grazer? What has he ever done to you?”
“He didn’t do anything. He just has very silly hair. He’s a big boy. He can take it.”
“I’m disappointed in you. I thought you wanted something better. But you’re stuck in your little world and you refuse to see that there’s a bigger, better world. But you insist on staying on your stupid little planet.”
“Antonio, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about and I’m not even sure I care,” said Tim.
“Exactly,” replied Antonio triumphantly. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You don’t get it. Do you know why you don’t get it? My friends were right: Journalists are just a bunch of losers.”
“So I’ve been told,” said Tim. “It seems to be the theme for this week.”