I WILL BE a better queen.
My last words to Father return. A vow for the person I once was. A mockery of everything I’ve become.
I don’t know if Father would be horrified by the actions I’ve taken, or if the depths of my descent would make him proud. I am no better than him.
If anything, we are one and the same.
Strike, Amari.
I pull at my hair, wishing I could pull his claws out of me as well. His whispers are like the bars Kâmarū crafted from stone, a prison I can’t escape. For so long he was the scar on my back. The tyrant I had to vanquish.
How in the skies did I allow his ghost to become my guiding force?
I grit my teeth against the sting of bile that shoots up my throat. Though nothing sits in my stomach, it all comes up at once. I feel every ounce of pain. Every shriveled-up corpse. Despite everything I want, I’m just another monarch terrorizing this kingdom.
I’m the very monster I hunt.
“At least you finally look sorry.”
I snap my head up; Zélie stands on the other side of the stone bars. The mountain ledges cast half her face in shadow, but a light seems to shine from within.
“You’re alright…” I prop my hands up, but she’s so much more than that. It’s like a new fire burns in her heart. My skin almost prickles from the heat of its blaze.
“If you had known I was alive in the village, would you still have launched that attack?” she asks.
I shrink into myself. The truth carves out the last pieces of dignity I have.
“To win this war?” I close my eyes. “Yes.”
I put my hand to my mouth, not knowing if vomit or screams will come out. “There’s no excuse for what I did. I know you could never forgive me.” Facing her now is like a sledgehammer to the heart. It forces me to face the reality I’ve fought so hard to hide.
I am the child of King Saran. The daughter of Queen Nehanda.
I was raised to win at all costs, no matter who gets hurt in the process.
“We brought them back.” Zélie crosses her arms. “You don’t deserve to know, but every person you killed breathes again.”
“What?” I shake my head, unsure if I actually heard her. “They’re alive?”
“Each and every one.”
I stumble as the world falls out from under me again. Relief rips through the last parts of me that were still whole. I can’t believe my ears. I can’t stop the tears that fall.
“How?”
“We used the magic of the moonstone to connect. With our combined power, Khani healed their bodies. I brought them back to life again.” She looks at the golden tattoos on her skin, seeing something I can’t. “We’re going to use it to attack Lagos and bring down the crown.”
I rise, though my legs feel like water. “You’ll be slaughtered.”
“Not after we all connect. We’re going to end this war and destroy the monarchy once and for all. Even Nehanda won’t be able to stop us.”
Strike, Amari.
Father’s words shrivel in my chest. I don’t know what to say. What I should feel. The throne is where this all started. Perhaps it’s where this all ends. But the thought of the crown becoming nothing …
“You’ll throw Orïsha into chaos.” I shake my head. “The agony you’ll cause—”
“Anguish and anarchy are far better than the tyranny we’ve known,” Zélie says. “The future of Orïsha will no longer be corrupted by a crown.”
She frowns and I see the pity in her gaze.
She thinks that’s what happened to me.
I will be a better queen …
I release the vow I can never fulfill. I’ve gone beyond losing this war.
I’ve completely lost the right to lead.
“When do you leave?” I ask.
“Tonight.”
“After you connect?”
Zélie’s mouth falls open, but no words escape. The purpose of her visit becomes clear.
“You need a sacrifice.”
She rubs her arms and looks away, staring over the mountain’s edge. The wind whistles in her silence, giving me the answer I seek.
It feels like the entire mountain comes down on me at once. Terror grips my chest. I struggle to draw breath.
But in my punishment lies a certain release. A chance I thought I wouldn’t have. If I do this, I can make things right.
I can give them the power they need to save the kingdom.
“Alright.”
Zélie whips around, shock in her silver gaze. “I haven’t made a decision.”
“You don’t need to. I’ll do it.”
Speaking the words makes my heart lurch. My hands start to shake. But how else can I make up for all the pain I’ve caused?
“No.” Zélie shakes her head.
“What other choice do you have?” I ask. “It has to be someone. Someone you love.”
Though she keeps her face hard, her lips twitch with the emotion she fights back. It almost hurts more to know there’s a part of her that still cares about me after everything I’ve done.
“Zélie, please.” I grab the bars. “Let me make one thing right.”
“I can’t do that.”
“You should not have to.” A second voice speaks.
We look up as a distant thud comes near, the steady rhythm of wood hitting stone. My jaw drops when a cloaked figure emerges from the shadows, resting both hands on her cane.
“Mama Agba?”
The Seer looks between the two of us, sadness radiating from her heart.
“It is not your time, my child. Take me instead.”