The rest of the day is nearly unbearable. At least five other girls have switched seats, the most noticeable being Fiona. She decides to move to the table in the back corner when we return from our coffee break. Dean Edina beams at her, and Fiona bats her eyelashes, playing it off like this was always her intention. It’s an amateur move, but desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. In moving from the second table to the last, it’s as if she’s telling everyone, I want this the most—look what I’m willing to do. Still, nothing about Fiona is desperate, and it’s a good reminder to watch my back.
Lunch is a nauseating affair. Gracie tells everyone she saw Fiona and Declan in the stairwell, and my stomach clenches at even just the mention of his name.
Then, as if on cue, Fiona came strolling into the dining hall, her hair slightly mussed and a look of elated bliss on her face. She flounced into a chair and demurely adjusted her stupid necklace. Declan entered a moment later, and his eyes immediately caught mine. Something I couldn’t put a name to splashed down my spine, and I had to force my eyes to look away.
It’s the only contact I’ve had with him since I ran away from the hedge maze. But it was enough to make me wary of my surroundings. I thought I’d been avoiding him by choice, but maybe it wasn’t by my design. Maybe he’s done with me, moving on to another, more willing partner. That would be the best thing for me, and yet, that same odd sensation from before refuses to let me be.
This is what I’m thinking about as I read another book on Nordanian shipping routes. It’s an admittedly dry subject, but once again, there’s a fascinating absence of information: no mention of any trans-gulf routes, nor is there any mention of a direct route to Osterstan. And then, without being aware, I look up and am face to face with Declan.
Well, not precisely. His cloudy gray eyes lock with mine. He stands at the front of the room, sandwiched between his parents. The energy level elevates to a frenetic quiet, and I squeeze my eyes shut to break the connection.
“Good afternoon, ladies!” the minister says in his booming voice. “It’s so lovely to see you all settling in and blossoming.” His word choice makes my skin crawl, but nobody else seems bothered by it—my compatriots clap. I fix my gaze on the minister’s three-star tie tack, ignoring the steady weight of a particular pair of probing gray eyes.
“We are rapidly approaching the quarter mark of your time here. If you can believe it, you’re already twenty-five percent of the way through the curriculum!” Around me, girls react in a flurry of surprise, excitement, and nostalgia, evoking different sounds from one corner to the next. Our table, however, is silent.
“We find that many women start to feel a little overwhelmed as they realize how far they’ve come, but also how much further there is yet to go. And so”—he takes a deep breath, and a satisfied smile spreads across his cheeks—“we are so excited to tell you that in two days’ time, we will be hosting a reception for your benefactors and families!” The room erupts into a chorus of fuzzy noise. My face feels cold, and my heart slows to a heavy bass. Thump-thump-thump.
The heavy beat pulses in my ears, and I suck in air through my teeth. I slowly turn my head to the left. Zerah stares at the table, her lips pressed together in a closed-mouth grin. Her eyes are wide and wild, blinking too fast. I reach for her hand under the table, and she tenses, but after a few seconds, she squeezes back.
“It’ll be okay,” I lie. I’m not sure if my words are meant for her, or for me. I turn back to the front of the room with the same mechanic cadence and see Declan laughing with some of the girls in the front corner. I stare at him until he returns my gaze.
His smile vanishes, and my breath comes heavy and hard as I direct my animosity, my hatred, at him. He blinks and cocks his head to the side, as if to ask me what’s wrong. I close my eyes and turn my head back to Zerah. She hasn’t moved, except for the slight tremors shaking in her hands.
“All right, all right!” The minister’s voice is too loud, and I flinch. “I know you’re excited to see your loved ones, and there will be more details to come. We just couldn’t wait to tell you. So let this be extra motivation to work hard!” Applause fills the room. I stare blankly at the podium until the three of them leave.