The polished wooden stairwell in her new Dalston flat was a complete contrast to the sticky metal railing in her old tower block. Inhaling the light scent of cinnamon and vanilla diffusers, Ruby enjoyed the calming silence. Used to loud music and people arguing, the only sound here was the quiet whirr of the lift. She had come to her sanctuary because she could not bear to go back to her flat. After what she had been through, the grey, depressing tower block was the last place on earth she needed to be. More than anything she needed Nathan, but if she could not have him, she would find comfort in the rooms he had furnished, soak in the bath he had chosen, and change into the pyjamas he had bought for her. As her feet tapped up each step of the stairwell, her memory crept back to the horrors of the derelict building where Ash had died, just hours before.
Ruby had insisted on returning to the police station to complete her statement, her fingers shaking as she typed. A shower and change of clothes in the police station locker room had provided her with enough strength to continue with the hunt for the man who had murdered her colleague. The devastation of his loss hung like a dense cloud, not just over their department but the whole station. Ruby felt it like a physical weight on her shoulders, and the pale, shocked faces of her colleagues were more than she could bear. Unanswered questions hung on their lips as small groups gathered in the canteen, smoking area and locker room, trying to make sense of something which could very easily have happened to them. Blame, regret and anger dangled before her, making her sick to the stomach.
It was a relief to be told by the staff at Ash’s wife’s mental health unit that they would be the ones to break the news when she was strong enough to deal with it. The Kent force would deliver what was termed the ‘agony’ to his daughters in Canterbury. It was just as well. Ruby doubted she would have been able to keep it together had she attended herself. And why would they want to hear it from the person responsible for their father’s death?
Ruby paused on the stairwell, her legs feeling like lead as her mind bombarded her with statements laced with blame. She was in charge; she should have seen through his story sooner, stopped him before he went inside. A message written in chips indeed, what a sorry excuse that was. What had really brought him there? And why hadn’t she kept a closer eye on him? She should have been one step behind him, ready to strike out at the killer who was lying in wait. She chewed her lip. Procedure, that’s why. She had thought on this occasion that they would be safer if they played it by the book. Two people were not enough to hunt down a psychopathic killer in a building built like a maze. Tweedy had warned her what Doctor Tanner was like: a slippery customer who liked to hide in wait. His level of violence disgusted even Nathan Crosby, someone for whom physical force was a way of life. Armed with a wealth of background information, she knew it was not safe for them to go in. But still, the guilt tore through her, accusatory whispers clawing at the back of her mind. She had broken the rules on every other occasion, why did she choose this one time to play it by the book? It wasn’t fear that stalled her; she had never backed down when it came to saving the life of another. But after speaking with Tweedy Steve, she was not willing to risk it, preferring to wait for armed officers to flood the building and both follow on behind. And now that had backfired. Yes, her superior officers had told her she did the right thing. She had updated control every step of the way and made it clear DC Baker was acting against her commands. Why? Because deep down she knew he had another agenda? Ruby had risked her life giving chase, but she had not been quick enough. And there, amongst the rats, she had found his body laid out in a pool of blood. Tanner had been waiting for him. He had not used a scalpel to murder him. Her stomach had churned as she caught sight of the length of cheese wire embedded into Ash’s neck. It was a horrific death, but one that he had run straight into – giving up his life without a fight. Such thoughts rolled over like rumbling thunderclouds. She came to the landing, taking a deep breath as she pushed her key into the lock. Tonight she would try to get some rest and assess things in the morning.
As she entered the living room, the soft glow of a television told her that she was not alone. The figure on the sofa turned, his smile fading as he took in her expression. It was Nathan, and Ruby was swept up in relief, clinging to the doorway for fear her legs would give.
She kicked off her shoes, dropping her bag and coat onto the floor.
‘Babe,’ Nathan said, his voice husky as he rose to greet her. ‘You OK?’
A small shake of the head was all she could manage as she felt her defences crumble within. She hated crying in front of Nathan, although he never shied away from her tears. Immediately he was by her side, the palms of his hands warm against her cheeks.
‘What’s wrong?’ he said, his tone hardening. ‘Has someone hurt you?’
‘No,’ she said, as the first of her tears trickled onto his hands. ‘I lost one of my officers tonight. It was Tanner. We almost caught up with him and. . .’ She choked on a sob, blinking the tears from her field of vision, but it was like trying to hold back an insistent tide.
There was only one person who could make her feel better. Her left arm curled around Nathan’s waist, while the fingers of her right hand ran through his hair. Drawing him forward, she kissed him softly on the lips.
Nathan reciprocated, his face clouded in confusion as they parted. ‘What happened?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to stay here with you. Please. Sleep with me tonight.’
His eyes reflected the depth of his love, and it was just what Ruby needed to exorcise the horrors of the day. He understood because he had lost people close to him too. Ruby had taken the pain away, now it was his turn to reciprocate. Her senses tingled as his mouth found hers, his tongue carrying the delicate lacing of coffee. Stripping away their layers of clothes, Nathan pressed her against the wall, familiarising himself with her body once more. As she wrapped her legs around him, he effortlessly carried her to the bed, his body pressed firmly against hers. The recriminations that had plagued her all evaporated into thin air.