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“Who would have thought this freedom I craved would be so hard to find?”
~ Moriah
THE SUN WAS HIGH IN the midday sky when little baby coos and mews drifted from behind Samuel. He glanced back to see the babe stretching in the sling Mrs. Clark had wrapped her in. A tiny fist reached out from the fabric as the coo turned into fussing.
He glanced in front of them. “Looks like there’s a creek not far ahead. Shall we stop to eat and rest the horses?”
“That would be good.” Her voice hung heavy with relief. Tending an infant on horseback couldn’t be easy.
When they reached the spot, he dismounted just in time to hold her mare while she eased down with the baby. “I’ll water the horses while you do what you need to with the little angel.”
She sent him a look that might have been meant as a smile, but the weary lines and shadows under her eyes took all the cheer from the expression. She’d been bearing under a heavy load far too long.
After he loosened the animals’ girths so they could breathe easier, then let each drink its fill, he tied them where they could graze a little. Next, food for the people.
He found his roasted venison and pulled out strips for both Mrs. Clark and him. She’d probably packed better food, but he didn’t want to riffle through her things to find it. She was probably as thirsty as he was from the morning in the saddle, so he took his tin cup a little upstream from where the horses had drunk and scooped up the clear water.
Bearing food and drink, he headed back toward Mrs. Clark. But the moment the trees between them thinned enough for him to see her clearly, he froze, then spun away. She sat, leaning against a tree, a blanket draped over the front of her. He wasn’t naïve enough to wonder why that blanket covered her and the babe who must be in her arms. Didn’t infants fuss because they needed to eat?
His ears burned from the thought of what he’d walked in on, and he moved away, back toward where he’d left the horses.
“It’s all right, Mr. Grant.”
He paused. She didn’t sound angry, nor did she sound nearly as mortified as he was. “I’m sorry, I...” Words fled his mind.
“I’m covered. You may do whatever it is you need.”
He inhaled a breath. She was much calmer about this than he was. But then, it was the way of nature, right? A mother nursing her young. Just as God planned things.
He eased back around, careful not to let his gaze wander anywhere near her. “I...was just bringing you something to eat.” He kept his focus on the ground in front of him as he carried the food and cup forward. “All I have in my pack is the venison, so I hope it’ll do for now.”
He set the cup down beside her, and her hand appeared from under the blanket to take the meat.
“Thank you. I am very hungry. And thirsty.”
Of course she was. She had to eat and drink for two.
He turned away, having succeeded in not looking at her once. “I’ll get more meat. Let me know when you finish that water and I’ll fill the cup again.”
“Actually, stay for just a minute and you can take the cup now.”
He paused while the sounds of drinking drifted up from behind him. Almost as loud as the pounding of his pulse.
“Here. Thank you.”
He eased back around and took the cup, his focus grazing her face as he did. She was the same woman he’d ridden beside minutes before, her grateful smile now evident. The drink seemed to have revived her.
He nodded, forcing his racing heartbeat to ease. Forcing himself to act naturally. “I’ll get more meat for you.”
She nodded. “If you look in the right side of my saddle pack, I’ve wrapped up some pemmican. That should go well with the venison.”
“I’ll find it.” He turned away and forced himself not to break into a run as he retreated toward the horses. As he went, he sent up a prayer. God, I think I’m gonna need a different kind of strength than I expected on this trip. Help. Please.
When he brought the refilled cup and pemmican, he was surprised to find that Mrs. Clark had already finished the large chunk of meat he’d left with her. She surely was eating for two. He’d need to do a better job of making sure she had enough throughout the day.
“Can I bring you anything else?” He was doing better at making eye contact without his ears melting.
She leaned her head back against the tree as she took another sip of the water. “This is wonderful. Thank you. We won’t be much longer.” She looked exhausted, but not as desperately so as she had when they’d first dismounted.
“All right then. I’m going to check the horses. Call if you need anything.”
It was at least a quarter hour later before he heard her soft voice drifting through the trees. He gave the mare he’d been stroking a final pat, then turned and strode back to Mrs. Clark.
As she came into view around the trees, he could see she’d removed the blanket that had been covering her. The cloth now lay on the ground with the tiny baby resting atop it. Cherry wore some kind of gown and had both fists wrapped around her mother’s fingers. The baby’s legs kicked the air, probably enjoying the freedom of not being wrapped in all those layers.
Mrs. Clark looked up as he approached and shared that soft smile with him that she’d been giving her daughter. “I think we’re feeling much better now.”
He lowered himself to sit in front of a tree a couple strides away from the pair, close enough he could see the expressions on both their faces.
“She doesn’t like her feet touched.” Her voice kept that smile as she stroked her thumbs over the bottom of the babe’s tiny feet. The infant tucked her knees, pulling away from her mother’s touch, then kicked out.
He couldn’t help a chuckle. “She’s as ticklish as I am.” He leaned closer so the baby could see his face. “I don’t blame you, little girl. I don’t like my feet touched either.”
The baby’s eyes grew round as she stared at him, her mouth puckering in a circle.
He scrambled for something else to say now that he had her attention. “You sure are a pretty thing. I never knew people could come this small. I think your feet are tinier than my thumb.”
She worked her mouth like a fish as she stared at him.
So, he kept up his rambling. “How’d you like riding that horsey this morning? Did ya get a good nap? I’ve always thought it’d be fun to sleep on my horse. I tried it one time, but when I fell off, the ground woke me up awful quick.”
Cherry shook her head, and kicked her feet out again. He’d lost her attention, but he’d held it longer than he expected.
Leaning back, he sent a grin to Mrs. Clark. “She’s a cutie.”
She nodded her face softening as her focus drifted back to her daughter. Silence settled over them as she wiggled the babe’s hands and stroked her legs. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else, though.
She’d probably like a moment to herself. He’d had a whole half hour to see to the horses and tend to personal things, but she’d been tied up with the baby the entire time.
He cleared the sludge from his throat. “If you’d like, I can sit with her while you take a few minutes to stretch your legs.”
She jerked a look at him. Her expression seemed to be half wary, half hope. That wariness would probably win out, though. She’d already turned down one offer of help while they ate the night before.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
Her words nearly knocked him backward. “Of course not. Miss Cherry and I’ll have a nice conversation while you’re gone.” He smiled at the baby. “Right, little one?”
She made some kind of cooing noise as she waved her hand.
“She might get cold if I leave her on the blanket. It’d be better if you hold her.” She started peeling up corners of the cloth so the baby’s lower half was bundled tight. Then she scooped up the little parcel and held her out to Samuel.
He froze at the sight. He hadn’t been thinking he’d hold the fragile little thing. He wanted to, but what if he accidentally hurt her? When he offered, he’d been planning just to talk and play with her. But Mrs. Clark needed a few minutes. The least he could do was hold the babe if that’s what she needed.
He held out his hands the same way she had hers positioned.
She hesitated, a frown marring her brow. “Cradle your arms, and I’ll set her in them.”
It wasn’t as easy to do that as he’d thought, but he managed to position one arm atop the other.
She eased the babe into his hold, but the bundle wasn’t any heavier than the blanket alone would be.
“Are you sure she’s in there? She doesn’t weigh anything.”
Mrs. Clark looked up at his attempt at a joke but didn’t smile. “Be very careful with her head. She can’t hold it up by herself, so you have to support it at all times.”
“Support the head.” He could barely breathe as the realization of his responsibility sank over him. This child’s life was literally in his hands. He couldn’t make a mistake.
Pushing down the surge of fear, he looked up to meet Mrs. Clark’s gaze. “Go for a walk. We’ll be right here when you get back.”
She hesitated, her coffee-colored eyes troubled as they searched his. “Call me if you have trouble.”
He nodded. “If I need you, I’ll make sure you hear me.”
She lingered another moment, then eased back, stood, and walked away.
Cherry was quiet for the first minutes. When he talked, she kept those smoky blue eyes fixed on him, so he talked until he ran out of things to say.
Then she started to fuss. She squirmed and twisted as if she was trying to wiggle out of his arms. Maybe moving a little would settle her. The rocking of the horse had sure done the trick that morning.
He eased himself to his feet—not an easy task to accomplish without jostling the wee one. The movement stopped her fidgeting, though, so he walked, shuffling around in a little circle. She seemed to like it best when he added a bounce in his step.
As he strolled around and around, bouncing and swaying, a song slipped into his mind. Maybe it was something Ma had sung. Or maybe one of his sisters. He couldn’t remember all the words, but he found the tune and hummed, fitting in the words where he knew them.
As deep as it was, his voice wasn’t much to listen to, but the sound seemed to fascinate little Cherry. Not only were her round eyes locked on his face, but they seemed to have a little sparkle in them.
Maybe it was ridiculous to think a baby’s eyes could sparkle, but the way she looked at him tugged something deep down in his chest. He’d never imagined a little baby could affect him this much. But this little girl had lassoed him so securely, he could imagine himself giving his life to keep her safe.
The fine hairs on the back of his neck tingled, and he lifted his gaze, breaking off his song.
Mrs. Clark stood a few strides away. Motionless. Watching him.
A burn crept up his back, heating his ears. How much had she seen? Had she heard his off-key singing? He did his best to shrug his embarrassment away. “We were just taking some exercise. I think we entertained each other.”
She stepped forward, and in the flickering light of the trees’ shadows, it was hard to catch her expression. Softer, for sure. As she neared, her gaze locked on the child in his arms, and he couldn’t help but take the opportunity to stare at Cherry’s mama. She was so pretty with her tawny skin as perfect as darkened porcelain.
He shouldn’t be thinking these things, but it seemed impossible not to. As long as he didn’t act on his thoughts, he’d be all right.
She reached for the baby, and he held out his arms to make the child easier to grasp. Her fingers brushed his during the exchange, and the sensation that shot up his arm was like nothing he’d ever felt before. He had to work to keep from jerking back.
As Mrs. Clark snuggled the babe in her arms, Samuel couldn’t help reaching out to stroke a finger over Cherry’s soft hair. “Thanks for keeping me company, little one.”
The babe’s eyes drifted low, as though he’d completely worn her out. He knew the feeling. This last quarter hour had been more work than he’d expected, too.
Mrs. Clark raised her face to him. “Thank you. I’m ready to leave whenever you are.”
Standing so near, her pretty face looking at him with that soft expression, his body had the sudden urge to step forward and kiss her.
He stepped back, forcing his mind onto her words. “I’ll bring the horses around.”
He needed some space to clear his head. Space...and God’s help.