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Magnolia
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I TURN THE SHOWER OFF and step into the bathroom, wiping my hand over the steamed up mirror.
The house is impossibly quiet without the guys and Frank but I don’t mind a little bit of “me time”, I think as I lather a floral scented moisturiser on my legs.
I’ve had a quick microwave dinner, not feeling like cooking just for myself and now an early night is in order.
I sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing an elastic band to tie my wet hair into a messy bun on the top of my head.
A plan slowly takes shape in my mind. I won’t say anything to my mom about my relationship with Blake and Max, I’ll let her figure it out on her own. I trust that my boyfriends will win her over with their charm and their kindness. The only thing I need to do to maximize my chances of at least not giving my parents a heart attack is to make sure that everything else is perfect.
If they see that I have it together, while they still might disapprove of me dating three men, I might at least avoid the extra drama that I fear might come with that realization.
Hopefully if I manage to show Mom that I’m a mature professional, an accomplished adult, she’ll treat me like one and will tone down her normal theatrics.
I dial Jen’s number and my bestie answers on the first ring. “Hey babe, I was gonna call you. Literally, I had the phone in my hand, opened on your contact.”
I ask her if she has time to go dress shopping with me tomorrow morning.
“Is it for the opening of the new ramen place tomorrow night?” Jen asks but I explain that it’s for her engagement party, to make sure that I look my best with Mom in attendance.
“Ah yeah, the engagement party ...” her voice sounds strange, devoid of the excitement she had yesterday.
I ask her what’s up and she begins to tell me that Gemma’s ex-fiancée is back in town. “Gemma is out with her on a “girls night”.”
Her tone is bitter. “Babe, why didn’t you go with them? If it’s a girls night, you should be able to go too. Last time I checked, you’re a girl.”
Jen sighs. “Yeah but that’s not the point. You know what it means. No partners allowed. But I don’t know, Mags. She came here to pick Gemma up and ... Let alone the fact that she’s gorgeous, the way she looked at Gemma ... It made me uncomfortable.”
“Babe.” I try to soothe her. “Gemma loves you, everyone can see it. But if them going out tonight made you uncomfortable, you should’ve told your fiancée.”
Yeah total honesty is the best policy, if only I could practice what I preach, since I’ve been avoiding talking to the guys about my parents.
“I— I don’t know, Mags. Gemma looked so excited to have her visit. They stayed friends after they split but I don’t know. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I think that that woman wants my Gems back. That she’s here to break us up.”
I sigh shifting slightly on the bed, looking for the best words to reassure my best friend and that’s when my eyes fall on the wall in front of me, right by the curtains that shade my window.
There’s a weird, dark splotch on the wall but without my glasses I can’t exactly tell what it is.
I feel around on the nightstand and as I find my spectacles, I perch them on my nose.
“Holy cannoli!” I squeal, the hand holding my phone beginning to shake and my skin erupting in goosebumps all over my body, as my heart rate kicks up more than a few notches.
“What’s up?” Jen asks and I swallow thickly, my voice coming out strangled when I explain what has me literally crawling out of my own skin.
“A ... a huge spider on my bedroom wall.”
Yup, sue me. I’m terrified of spiders. Jen was actually the one who “took care” of ‘em when we were roommates. Now I obviously have three knights in shining armor to slay any dragon that might come my way but not tonight as they’re all at work.
“Get one of the guys to evict the monster,” Jen jokes but I explain my predicament.
“I— It’s way too big for me to swat it and it’s the bedroom, I need it out of here or I won’t be able to sleep.”
Jen’s the voice of reason, as usual. “Just go get the vacuum,” she advises.
“I can’t, Jennie. The vacuum is all the way downstairs, what if it disappears while I’m gone?”
But my bestie is always full of great ideas and this time is no exception. “Do you have any hair spray in the bathroom?”
“Why, yes. But what’s that for? Granted the disgusting creature looks hairy but I’m trying to get rid of it, not style it.”
“Oh, Mags! The hair spray will make him stick in place, make it impossible for it to move. I learned that trick during my year abroad in high school. I went to South Africa. You should’ve seen the spiders there. They make the Silver Springs spiders look like tiny ants.”
“Ok. I should have some hair spray in the bathroom,”
I dart past the wall, ducking a little when I walk by the spot where the spider is probably mocking me.
I run to the bathroom, get the can of hair spray from the counter, and sure enough, I walk toward the “varmint” brandishing the can.
Ok, no need to panic. Breathe Magnolia, breathe, I think as I extend my arm as closely as possible to the wall but not too close because the closer I get, the louder the roar of panic in my ears gets.
I press the nozzle at the top of the can and ... here comes absolutely nothing. A strangled hissing noise clues me in that the can is empty.
“Shiitake mushrooms stuffed with extra shiitake!” I curse, panicking. “What?” Jen asks from the other end of the line.
“I’m out of bloomin’ hair spray, Jennie.” As if aware of the fact that I’m powerless against it, the beast takes a couple of crawling steps in the direction of my bed.
“Oh my gosh!” I whimper. “It’s moving, Jen. I need to do something now.”
Jen’s voice on the other end of the line fades as I look frantically around the room, spotting the can of deodorant I always keep on my nightstand. I guess old habits die hard, I think remembering another time when a can of deodorant was a solution to a temporary predicament but also a source of trouble.
Out of options and with the monster taking a leisurely walk on my wall, I decide to try my luck, grabbing the can of deodorant and spraying it in the direction of the creepy crawly.
And you know what? I guess I might never know if the hair spray would’ve worked. But the deodorant? Don’t do it.
Rather than making the creature stick to the wall, the deodorant has the opposite effect, making the spider way more lively than it was before.
I swear to God, the thing jumps, leaping inches away from my face and landing smack in the middle of my pillow.
“Oh fuck!” My unfiltered swearing alerts Jen that the situation is dire.
“What’s going on, Mags?”
“I— I sprayed it with deodorant. It’s jumped. I—”
I back away, keeping my eyes trained on my pillow, when the spider decides to jump again, landing on the opposite wall and running up to the ceiling.
“Jen, what do I do?” I whine and that’s when the spider lands on my bed again, crawling fast under the blankets and disappearing from my sight. “It’s in my bed, Jen. Like, inside my bed.”
My fight or flight instinct finally settles on “flight” and I leave my room as fast as I can. “There’s no way I can sleep in there tonight.”
I know that I have three other bedrooms to sleep in but I’m rattled by the whole situation.
Jen seems to understand exactly how I feel, because she invites me over. “Come hang with me, babe. It’s not that I’ll be able to sleep anyway until Gemma is back. And we can stalk the enemy on her social media.”
I make up my mind that some time with Jen would be awesome and I definitely owe her some ex stalking because she was there for me when I was trying to move on from Tripp.
“I’m on my way, Jennie.” I promise, running to the laundry room and grabbing a pair of jeans from the pile of dirty clothes and one of Blake’s t-shirts because I couldn’t be in my room knowing that the spider was lurking in there one second longer. Not even to peek into my closet.