ELLEN

2.00 P.M.

The desk looked exactly the way it had when she’d left it two months ago. It was as if time had stood still. She usually called it organised chaos, but she actually had no idea what was hiding in the piles of papers.

Ellen sat down in her chair and turned over some of the documents. Mostly, they were about Lycke, and she placed those ones carefully on a single pile without looking at them further. She wasn’t ready for that yet.

At the bottom of the pile, she found some old to-do lists on which she hadn’t managed to check off a single item, and which, without exaggerating, she could easily make twice as long with more things she ought to do or should have done.

She sighed. Recently, she hadn’t even managed to open her own mail.

Ellen looked out across the editorial office. There was activity all around the desks, and she felt how she’d missed the buzz from her colleagues.

Leif rolled his chair up to her and leant across. ‘Can you explain one thing to me?’

‘What’s that?’ She couldn’t even bring herself to look at him.

‘How do you do it? How do you manage to get all your hobby projects, I can’t figure it out.’

Instead of replying, she took her laptop out of her bag and connected it to the dock. Opened a document and let the keys decide what she wrote. Like with dogs and children, she thought. You can’t give in to them.

‘Pull up the info about Liv Lind instead of harassing me.’

Leif rolled back to his place. ‘Agatha can do that. I have to cover for the summer interns who’ve put bugs in every system and every event.’

‘Ellen! My queen of fucking everything. When I heard you were in the building, I rushed over.’ Philip strode towards her and gave her a big hug. As usual, he smelt newly washed, and his curly hair framed his symmetrical facial features. It was symmetry that determined whether or not a person was beautiful, Philip had explained to her, and he showed how well that held up with his own mug.

He abruptly pushed her away. ‘Are you joking? What kind of diet is this? You’re just getting thinner and thinner every time I see you. And it was only a few days ago I last saw you. My God, you’ve got to write down exactly what you eat, I’ll do exactly what you do. I’ve been at way too many photo shoots and only eating chips and cookies, you know, and now I look cuddly. Who wants to look cuddly?’

She smiled. Handsome Philip, so perfect, but always so dissatisfied with himself.

‘My God, that stupid phone keeps ringing. I guess I’ll have to answer it then. Philip. Oh dear. Yes, of course, I’m coming.’

‘What’s happening?’ asked Ellen.

‘What’s to be done with me? I took some kids with me to the restaurant to get ice cream, and then it seems I must have come back without them!’ He laughed. ‘I need to sleep, smoke, and have kebab. No alcohol. No, the fact is that I’ve stopped. It’s dangerous, I know, but it’s totally sick because it’s like, I haven’t even understood how dangerous it actually is. Ah, now they’re calling from the restaurant again. I have to go and pick up those sticky kids, now. They’re going to be in some segment with Malou, so I’ve got to put a little mascara on them …’

‘Ellen,’ she heard from the other side of the office.

Both she and Philip turned around.

It was Jimmy, standing in the doorway to one of the editing rooms. ‘Do you have a moment?’

‘Just a quickie,’ Philip whispered, smiling. ‘See you later.’

Ellen went over to the editing room. It was dark inside, only lit up by a few computer screens.

Jimmy closed the door behind her.

‘Was there something else?’ she asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. She waited for him to say something, but nothing came. Instead, he pulled her tenderly to him.

At first, she thought about protesting, but suddenly felt so tired that her legs wouldn’t support her. She burrowed her head into his chest, breathed in the aromas from him.

He held onto her hard, and she wished he would never let go. He kissed the back of her neck.

There was a knock at the door, and he let her go immediately.

It was as if she was waking up from a dream. The curtain went down, or up.

Jimmy opened the door and spoke with a colleague. Ellen wasn’t able to hear what it was about. Her head felt completely foggy.

‘I have to go,’ he said, leaving her alone and confused in the office.