ELLEN

2.00 A.M.

She was woken up by someone pounding on the door, and then opening it.

‘Ellen, wake up. Your colleague is here,’ said Margareta, turning on the ceiling light.

She sat up and squinted into the blinding light. ‘What’s happening?’ She looked at the clock and tried to understand how it came to be that Jimmy and her mother were standing in her room in the middle of the night. She pulled the blanket around her.

‘I didn’t have a photographer free, so I drove down myself, and then I got worried when you didn’t show up. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer, so I came here.’

Ellen checked her phone. Twenty missed calls. The penny dropped.

‘How did it go? Did you find her?’

‘Yes, she was hiding in the sandbox at the school.’

‘What is this? Who was hiding? I don’t know what’s going on,’ said Margareta. ‘Are you sneaking around at night, Ellen? Why should you be meeting in the middle of the night? You know you’re not feeling well, and you absolutely should not work.’ Her words were slurred, and Ellen could tell that she wasn’t sober.

Jimmy looked uncertainly at Margareta, as if he were a teenager who’d been caught red-handed.

‘Mum. There was a child who had disappeared, a woman who’s been murdered. What am I supposed to do?’

‘Is that why you’re away during the daytime, and why you’ve been in Stockholm? And here I thought … There must be others who can work on that?’

Ellen stood up. Her legs felt weak, and she wasn’t sure whether they would hold her. ‘Please leave us alone, Mum.’

‘We’ll have to talk about this tomorrow.’ Margareta snorted and closed the door.

Jimmy sat down beside Ellen on the bed.

‘How did you get in?’

‘There was a light on, and I knocked. Your mother answered the door. I think she’s tipsy. You’re a bit alike when you’re intoxicated.’ He laughed.

She boxed him on the arm.

‘So, this is where you grew up?’ Jimmy looked around. ‘A whole fucking castle.’ He shook his head. ‘Is that your parents?’ He pointed at the portraits over the bed.

Ellen nodded.

‘You’re joking. You’ve never had sex with anyone in this bed, have you? You couldn’t have. With them staring down at you? You’d never get me to do that.’ He grinned.

‘So, you couldn’t find a photographer?’

‘No, I called everyone on the list, but …’

‘I don’t understand you. Why are you so cold at work and now …?’

‘I know. Sorry. I get so nervous when I’m around you and then I try to ignore my feelings for you. It comes out wrong.’

‘Like yesterday?’

‘I know, please, don’t bring that up.’

Ellen felt slightly nauseated. ‘I don’t know what happened. I must have dozed off. I took two sleeping pills earlier.’

He stroked her cheek. ‘I don’t think you should work, I don’t think it’s actually good for you. Sorry, I really shouldn’t have called …’

‘It’s not your fault. When the memories get too strong, it’s as if they’re drowning me. I see the things I don’t want to see, remember things that I don’t want to remember.’

She told him about Dr Hiralgo and what they’d talked about, and was astonished at how everything just came out of her. It felt so natural to talk to him. Trust, she thought it was called. So surprising, but so obvious.

Jimmy took her in his arms. Hugged her tight.

‘It hurts so much. All of this. I’m afraid of myself.’ The tears were running down her cheeks. ‘Make it stop. I can’t bear it like this.’

‘I wish I could help you, but I don’t know how.’ He let go of her and looked at her with his big dark eyes. ‘I wish everything was different. Imagine if I could be with you every day. Take care of you.’ He wiped away her tears. ‘I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.’ He gave her a kiss on the cheek and tucked her in. Lay down beside her and held her.