ELLEN

6.10 P.M.

Didrik drove away from the police station like a car thief. ‘The next time you trample over me like that you can at least tell me what it’s about. I don’t like this at all. You know what, sometimes I wonder what you think you’re doing? You should be careful with me.’

‘I’m sorry?’ She didn’t believe her ears. ‘I told you to wait in the car. What do you mean, exactly? Are you threatening me now?’

‘To be quite honest, maybe it’s a good thing that Börje, or whatever his name is, didn’t come. We should probably think this through carefully before we talk to the police. It was wise of you not to file a report — you should keep away from such things.’

‘What do you mean, the law, or what?’ What an abrupt turn.

He nodded.

Ellen wasn’t following at all, but didn’t want to know, either, what was going on in his head. She squeezed the paper with Thulin’s number on it in her hand.

‘Who was that you were going to call?’

‘Why did you have a gun with you?’

‘I always do.’

‘You risked our lives and that little girl’s.’ She kicked at the glove compartment. ‘Do you understand that if you hadn’t had a gun with you, what happened wouldn’t have happened. People like you going around with a gun breeds violence. Who are you afraid of? Actually, it served you right to be threatened with your own gun, but fuck you for putting me and that little girl in danger! Do you know what her name is? Hey? Alice!’ Ellen was crying; it was as if everything finally caught up with her there and then. ‘What use are you really? I will always protect you. Ha. Yeah, you really did today. Thanks a lot!’

‘Don’t be so fucking naive, Ellen. They were completely out of their minds. What do you think I should have done? I’m sorry.’

‘Fuck!’ she screamed, clenching her fists. Her head was pounding.

‘What the fuck should I have done?’ Now Didrik was shouting too. ‘Tell me that, should I have just let them go ahead because you felt violated? How the fuck do you think I felt?’

Ellen closed her eyes.

They drove the last stretch in silence. Fury gave way to a tired sadness.

Didrik gently placed his hand on her thigh. She wanted to take it away, but had no energy left and let it be.

‘Do you want me to stay with you?’

How could he ask that? She shook her head.

‘Are you able to drive back from my house, then?’

She nodded.

Didrik drove across the gravel yard, and the birds rose up from the trees around them.

‘It’s been a long time since I was here,’ Ellen whispered, looking around at Didrik’s farm, a beautiful manor of red-painted wood.

‘Do you want to come in and say hello to Mum?’

She looked at him with shock. Her eyes ached.

‘That was a joke,’ he said.

‘What do you mean, a joke, why wouldn’t I?’ She didn’t like how he turned on a dime.

‘You’ve never been her favourite. She wouldn’t be particularly pleased, but anyway, I’m the one who decides now since she moved into the wing.’ He pointed to the left, where there were lights on. ‘Presumably she’s standing in one of the windows right now, looking at us. Hiding behind a curtain.’

Ellen shuddered.

‘Do you know what I think? That she’s jealous of you. It’s so nice that I finally get to decide about my own life. She’d go crazy if she found out that I was socialising with you again, but we don’t have to worry about that any more.’ He undid the seatbelt and leant over to kiss her.

She snapped back, a little too fast, so that it made her head hurt.

‘Sorry,’ he said, leaning back in the seat again.

‘You’re forty years old.’

‘I know. Maybe it sounds strange, but she’s always had a major and important role in my life. Actually, it’s probably pretty common. I think that a lot of people, guys anyway, let themselves be controlled by their parents. We do a lot of things that are expected of us, so that they’ll be proud, and because we have no choice. You women have totally different expectations of you.’

‘Yeah, women have it so much easier.’

‘That wasn’t how I meant it. When you turn forty and notice that your parents are starting to get older and no longer have the energy to care, then you finally dare to live your own life.’

‘And buy a motorbike and a lot of equipment.’

‘Yeah, or move your mum out into the wing. Do you think I’d have the courage to court you if she still lived in the big house?’

‘Why would it be so awful to court me?’ It was the second time he’d said it, and she was starting to get irritated.

‘Well, I guess you don’t have the best reputation, and Mum is one of the few people who know who you are anyway. Don’t get me wrong. I love that you’re the way you are.’

Ellen shook her head and suddenly felt the nausea washing over her. ‘Wonder if she’ll be happy when she sees the scratches on her car. Maybe you won’t have to tell her what BfH means. I have to go home now.’ She undid the seatbelt to get into the driver’s seat. She pulled at the door handle, but it was locked. ‘Open, I have to puke.’

He unlocked the safety lock, and she threw herself out. Threw up three times.

Didrik rushed around the car. ‘It’s blood!’ he screamed.

‘Take it easy, it must be all the nose blood I swallowed,’ she said, wiping her mouth.

‘Are you sure you can drive home?’

Ellen nodded and looked down at the bloodstained gravel. ‘Say hello to your mum.’