Elijah slowly guided his truck through the hordes of people that had descended on the beach. These days the tourists were outnumbering the locals.
A few of the beachgoers recognized him and waved. This would be the most public place he had taken Rosemarie and Jazmine. All the lunches had been in private areas, out of the way. How could it have been such a short time since his daughter entered his world? It was a world he never expected, but he was anticipating the new adventure.
He tried to imagine if he had been a part of her life from the start. When would he had taken her on her first beach day? She would already know how to boat and sail. Or was she still too young? She certainly could be using the boogie board like a pro. He was by her age.
He had already been riding and deep-water fishing. He didn’t really remember learning to do any of that; it had just been part of his life. And it should have been part of his daughter’s.
He closed his eyes and ran the morning’s verse through his mind. He had to stop thinking about all the “what-ifs” and just enjoy the moment.
All he could do was make this day the best he could. Today Jazmine had agreed to bring Rosemarie to the beach for their lunch meeting, but they were going to meet earlier than normal so they’d have time to play in the sand and water.
A couple of his staffers set up a canopy with chairs, and a cooler full of drinks and food at his favorite spot near the pier.
From the top step leading to the beach, he scanned the area for his ex-wife and daughter. Did Jazmine still wear oversize floppy hats? She had hated the freckles that popped up across her nose whenever she got in the sun. Despite her mahogany skin, any outing would leave her with scattered sun kisses. He had loved them.
She had blamed it on her Irish grandfather.
Her father’s parents had always liked him. They’d been the only ones in the family who had welcomed him with open arms.
They had to be in their early nineties by now. Were they still in Austin? He hadn’t thought about Jazmine losing her grandparents. A lot could happen in six years. He’d lost his uncle.
Not that the man was missed. But he had also lost Xavier.
He closed his eyes and shot up a quick prayer. Thoughts like that could send him into a bad mental place.
He headed down the steps to the boardwalk over the dunes, looking up and down the beach.
He glanced at his phone. It was still a few minutes early. They might not be here yet. He needed to relax.
But then he saw a huge hat with a yellow lemon print scarf fluttering in the wind. They stood at the bottom of the steps, holding hands.
He relaxed. They were here.
Calling to get their attention, he waved as he made his way through the sand. Rosemarie twisted around and waved back.
She stepped closer to her mother and gave him a tentative smile. He had to remind himself that he was still a stranger to her. He couldn’t expect her to feel a sudden father-daughter bond just because he did.
It shocked him how much he craved something that he’d never even thought about.
“Hey.” He went down to one knee, so they were eye to eye.
“Hello.” It was a bashful greeting, but he took the smile as a good sign. It was the same shy smile Jazmine had given him when they first met.
It might be corny, but both females had taken his heart the minute his gaze had fallen on them. There was no getting it back, ever.
Even if Jazz didn’t want it.
The love he had for his ex-wife was powerful, but it was nothing compared to the swelling of his heart as he looked into the eyes of their daughter.
This had to be made right. Clearing his throat, he stood and gestured toward the shelter he had his employees set up. “We have everything for a great day on the beach. Shade.” He pointed to the oversize bright orange canopy, complete with back drape. “Drinks, food.” He gestured to the two coolers. “Sunblock and other essentials. And...” He looked at the large mesh bag. “I wonder what that is?”
“Elijah?” Jazmine gave him a warning look. He could hear the no-more-gifts lecture already starting. But he had five years to make up for.
“What? There are no gifts here. Just essential beach day stuff. Plus, I just arrived, and it was already here. Whose name is that?”
“That’s my name!”
He made an act of examining the tag. “Yep. It says property of Rosemarie.”
“Elijah?” Jazz didn’t sound happy.
He glanced at her. She had her hands on her hips, one brow up and her chin down. Oh man, that glare. It shouldn’t make him smile. Smiling was not appropriate. He turned to his daughter, so Jazz’s view was blocked.
“It’s mine?”
A lightness he couldn’t explain came from his core. “Looks like it. Maybe your grandparents sent it.”
“Elijah. My parents didn’t send it.” She looked down at her daughter and tucked a strand of loose hair back in the clip. “Your father is messing with us. He had all this set up for you.”
“Really? For me? Can I look inside?”
With excitement bubbling off her, she glanced between Jazmine and Elijah. It was as if she wasn’t sure who could grant permission. He wasn’t sure either, so he looked at Jazz. She nodded.
He rubbed his hands together. “Okay. Dig in and let’s see what kind of activities we get to do today.”
With a low shriek, she fell to her knees in front of the bag. Elijah noted with amusement that it was slightly bigger than she was. A gasp of joy erupted as she started pulling out shovels, buckets and molds to build castles. With an exclamation, she held each item up. “Look at this. Oh, look at this one.”
Next came a set of horses and little figures, ranging from princesses and pirates to cowboys, all ready to live in the sandcastles. “Wow. There’s more.” She kept pulling out beach paraphernalia: Frisbees, water goggles and snorkels. “Thank you so much.”
Jazz looked at him with one brow raised. He knew it was too much, but Jazz had to understand growing up he hadn’t had money to buy even the cheapest plastic shovel.
He held her gaze. “I have so much to make up for. Not just the five years, but everything I never got to give you.” He lowered his voice. “I hated not having money to buy you nice gifts. For never being able to get my sister the things other kids took for granted. I don’t know what else to give her.”
Her eyes softened. “You’re enough. I never missed those gifts.”
Rosemarie gasped, and they both turned to her at once. “Surfboards?” The toys were spread out around her, and her eyes went big.
He went to his knees in the sand next to her. “They’re boogie boards. When you’re ready, I’ll show you how to use one. We can use them right here on the beach. We don’t have to paddle out, so I thought your mom would be happier about that.”
She nodded. “Yeah, Momma likes me to stay close.” Her head swiveled as she looked at her loot.
“So where do you want to start? Eat first, then play, or play, then eat? We can build castles or play in the water. It’s your day, so you tell me where you want to start.”
Her eyes were huge. She stared at all the stuff he’d had delivered and looked frozen.
Jazmine went to Rosemarie and sat down beside her. “Sweetheart, I know it’s a bit much and it’s hard to know where to start, so why don’t we eat a little lunch and make sure we drink plenty of water before we start playing in the sun. I think you should start with your dad showing you how to build a sandcastle.”
Pulling Rosemarie into her lap, giving her a sandwich then applied sunscreen. “When we were younger, he built some of the biggest I ever saw. Once he made a giant mermaid riding a seahorse for me. When you get hot, he can take you to play in the waves and show you how to use the board.”
She nodded. “Okay. Look, Momma, there are three boards. There’s one for you, too.” She tilted her head up to Jazmine and gave her an unreserved full-on smile.
Elijah caught his breath as a yearning settled deep within him. It hurt. How did he become part of the mother and daughter family?
He didn’t have a clue how a real family behaved. He’d never been a part of one. As close as he was to his sister and cousins, they never had a normal experience. Damian had always hated people in general, even before he’d enlisted. He’d never even had a girlfriend. Belle’s husband had left before their second child had been born, and Xavier had started off strong, just like Jazmine and him, but never got a chance to finish.
They were a mess. Maybe the Judge and his wife were right, and Rosemarie would be better off without him. Right now, he was an outsider without a clue how to join the circle. Nothing new there.
“Thank you, Daddy.” Rosemarie’s gentle voice pulled him out of his spiral of negativity.
She smiled at him. It wasn’t as big or open as the one she’d shared with her mother, but it was a smile.
He hadn’t thought it possible to fall love even deeper. The time was going too fast. How would she remember him after they went back home so soon? In a short time, she had managed to change his life in ways he could have never predicted. She changed him.
“It’s like an early birthday.” Picking up a horse and shovel, she looked ready to attack the sand.
Turbulence rocked the pit in his stomach. He didn’t know the day she was born. Where had he been while... He closed his eyes. “When’s your birthday?”
“August seventeen.”
He stopped breathing. Three weeks after his. They would be gone by then?
Stay in the present.
“This is not a birthday gift.” He flashed a worried glance at Jazmine. “It’s not even a gift. Just some stuff everyone needs on the beach. Let’s say it’s for all of us. So what do you want to do first? Your mom can rest here in the shade if she’s too tired to play.”
Crossing her arms, Jazmine rolled her eyes. She had always done that, right from the first day he’d met her.
Grabbing a cold bottle of water out of the cooler, he tossed it to her, then handed one to Rosemarie. “The sun is high today, so make sure to drink plenty of water.” He jutted his chin toward one of the chairs. “Sit, relax, enjoy the view. We’re going to build a giant castle for your royal highness.” He winked at her.
Rosemarie ditched the horse and grabbed a bucket. “I want to build a castle in the sand. Will you help me?”
“That’s why I’m here. That looks like a good spot to build. What do you think?”
With a nod, she ran to the area and dropped to her knees. He turned to Jazmine. “Are you going to join us?”
She shook her head. “I’ll guard the mother ship. You have fun with her.”
He looked at Rosemarie already digging and making a pile, then back at Jazz. “Has she said anything about me?”
“Go build the sandcastle. You’re good at being a big kid. I’m giving you this time to spend with her. Do what you do best. Go play.”
He glanced at his daughter, then back to his ex-wife. “Why don’t you come play with us? You look like you could do with a little fun.” Judging by the look on her face, that was the wrong thing to say. Smooth move, De La Rosa.
She shifted in her chair and glanced at their daughter. “Being responsible for another human being is serious business, Elijah. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Listen to her. I’m going to read, but we will be leaving in two hours. Use your time wisely. Get to know your daughter.”
“You were always too serious.”
“And you always needed to grow up.”
He bowed in defeat. He headed out into the sun, then stopped and turned back. “I’ve made arrangements for us to go horseback riding on the ranch. There’s a horse that’s perfect for her. Would Friday work for you?”
“Elijah, I’m not sure she’s ready to go horseback riding.”
He snorted. “She’s a De La Rosa. She was born ready to ride a horse.”
“We’re here on the beach to spend time with you. Right here, right now. We’ll talk about future plans later.”
“I don’t want to break any promises to her. Please don’t make me a liar.”
“You told her about getting a horse before talking to me.” The wind snapped her hat back. As she went to grab it, her paperback fell off her lap.
He stooped to pick up the book. She reached for it at the same time. Instead of grabbing her book from the sand, he held her arm and looked up at her, then back at the scar running from her palm to the underside of her wrist.
His brow furrowed. That hadn’t been there the last time he saw her. A knot squeezed his gut. His thumb softly traced the jagged line. It had been cut with something uneven. “How did you get this?” His brain screamed at him to not ask. He didn’t want to know. After a long stretch of silence, he forced his chin up and held her gaze. “Jazmine?”
Pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth, she broke eye contact with him.
Sand clogged his throat. “Jazz?”
She glanced at him, then swung her eyes to Rosemarie. “What do you remember from the night I left?”
He had to fight the urge to go out and get lost in the waves. Facing his past actions, his mistakes, was never easy.
No matter how much the denial screamed in his skull, he had to hold steady and listen. He took a deep breath. “Not much. When I woke up, I was on the sofa. My laptop was in the yard. The front window was broken. Chairs were turned over and...”
That was the worst day of his life. Waking up to the mess he knew he had made but couldn’t remember how it had all played out. He could only imagine. “The table was turned over, dishes broken on the floor. The big mirror you loved was shattered into a million pieces. There was blood, but I had a few cuts and bruises, so I thought it was mine.” He tightened his fist and looked down, recalling the bloody cuts across his knuckles.
Please, tell me it was mine. He sat back on his heels and ran his fingers through his hair. “It wasn’t mine, was it?”
She shook her head, a sad smile on her face like she was apologizing. “I had made a special dinner to give you the news about...” A tear slipped down her cheek.
He didn’t want to hear this. “That night. You knew you were pregnant?”
Head down, she gave him a quick nod. “Yeah. I had called you to make sure you were coming home. You said you’d be home in less than an hour. I waited. A storm blew in, and I was so afraid you’d stopped off at the Watering Hole. I knew if I could just get you home, the baby would give you a reason to stop drinking.
“A few hours went by and you hadn’t shown. The storm got worse. I was worried about you being out. I called several times, but it went straight to voice mail. I didn’t bother to leave a message. I fell asleep on the sofa.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” He wanted to cry for the pain he had caused, the joy he had destroyed. All the time he had lost.
The worst part? He didn’t even know what had been so important that night that he hadn’t gone home to her. There were a few bars he had visited. The people were faceless, nameless. He’d given himself to them instead of to the woman he had promised to love and cherish. The mother of his daughter. His gut hit a new low.
“About two you stumbled in, mad about something. I couldn’t understand what you were saying. I was upset because this had become your normal. I told you to leave. That if you wanted to spend your nights with Will and Tristan, you could spend your days with them, too.”
He wanted to touch her. To give her the comfort he hadn’t given her that night.
“I told you the drinking had to stop. It was out of control. You were out of control. The anger was so intense. Then you turned your back to me.”
She took a deep breath and watched Rosemarie. “I was standing right behind you. Reaching out, I touched your shoulder.” She closed her eyes. “That’s when you clenched your fist and smashed it into the mirror. On the reflection of my face. I was shocked. I’d never seen you violent. You know my parents never even yelled. I was so scared.”
She had only been nineteen, and pregnant. His gaze went to their daughter, blissfully playing in the sand. Because of Jazmine, none of his ugliness had touched their innocent little girl. She was an incredible mother.
“I told you to stop. Instead, you went on a rampage. You hit the wall again. That was your blood on the walls there. You flipped the table, and then you threw your laptop through the front window. You were yelling that my father had ruined your life. I ran to our room and locked the door. You banged on the door, yelling at me to unlock it. I told you to leave. For about thirty minutes—it seemed so much longer—you ranted. Elijah, for the first time ever, I was afraid of you.”
He couldn’t hold back any longer. He placed his hands on her knees. “Jazz, if there was any way in the world I could go back and change that night—that year—I would in a heartbeat. There is no way I could ever express the...” He lifted his head. “There are no words, nothing I can do to erase that night.” He ran his thumb over the bunched scar tissue. “How did this happen?”
She shifted a little away from him and watched Rosemarie play for a while before continuing.
“You finally passed out. After I was sure, I opened the door and crept into the living area. You were face down on the sofa. I think I was in shock. The mirror. A present from my parents. The rage I saw in your eyes right before you smashed my reflection was something I had never seen and didn’t ever want to see again.”
Tears landed on his skin. He wasn’t sure if they were his or hers.
“All I wanted was to put the pieces back together. I went to my knees and tried to gather the broken shards of glass. Somewhere inside I thought if I could fix the mirror I could...” She shook her head. “The tears started falling so fast I couldn’t see. You made a noise. I jumped, thinking you had woken up. I cut myself. The blood was all over. I couldn’t stop it. I got a towel from the kitchen and went to my parents. I didn’t know what to do. Elijah, I had never been afraid of you before, but with your uncle’s history...”
Lifting her chin, she looked at Rosemarie. Their daughter was pressing sand into molds.
He nodded. “I get it. After my aunt died, my uncle got worse. We decided to send Gabby away to her mother’s sister. She was only eight, but it was the only way we knew to protect her.”
“Gabby?”
“Yeah, she’s the baby of the family. Xavier and Damian’s little sister.”
Tears hovered on her bottom lashes. All the pain in those eyes had been put there by him. “I hated my uncle. I wished I could have sent my sister away. You did what you had to do to protect our daughter.”
Now he looked at the tiny little human he had helped create. She stood and danced to the other side of the mountain of sand. A few other children stood close, like they wanted to play but didn’t know how to ask.
She caught his gaze and waved at him, her smile open and honest. There were no clouds of pain or hurt in her eyes. He realized at that moment that he had to let go of all the anger he had been holding on to.
He looked back to the mother of his child. “You did what you had to do to protect her. You are an incredible mother. She has no clue how blessed she is to have you. Is there anything I can do to... I don’t know? I want to make your life better. I can’t do enough to make this up to you and her.”
“Elijah, you don’t have to work so hard for her to like you.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the chair. “Go be with your daughter. I need to be alone right now. We’ll talk about the horse later.”
He glanced down at the book in his hand before handing it to her. “So, you haven’t stopped reading your romance novels. Does that mean you still believe in love?”
“It’s fiction.” The lack of emotion in her eyes tore at his heart. He was the reason for the emptiness there. She took the book. “It’s an escape that my heart needs. My daughter is my focus.”
He nodded. “I want her to be my focus, too. Please let me put Friday in the books. Belle can have everything ready at the ranch. There’ll be a horse for each of you.”
“Your persistence must be why you’ve been so successful at your business.”
“Sorry. I just need to do something, and she wants a horse ride.” He wanted to tell her that the business didn’t mean anything to him; it had just given him something to do. He had been so lost without her, but it wasn’t fair to her to lay his pain and guilt at her feet. “I want her to meet her aunt and cousins. They want to meet her.”
With a heavy sigh, she glanced over at their daughter. “Be at the house, Friday at 5:30. A short ride. Maybe just around the barn. She’s never been on a horse before. So small steps. Okay?”
“Okay,” he quickly agreed. “After we ride, we can make ice cream with peaches at the ranch house.” He smiled, remembering all the nights he had made her ice cream with fresh peaches. She had joked that the treat was the reason she had fallen in love with him. He’d given her too many reasons to fall out of love. Pushing out a hard breath, he looked at the sky and cleared his thoughts.
“I’d like her to see the family place.”
An unladylike snort escaped Jazmine. “You hated your family’s ranch.”
“It’s better with my uncle gone. There’s not much to give her when it comes to my family history, but it’s a part of her history, too.”
She glanced at her phone. “You’re wasting time talking with me when you should be talking to your daughter. Go build a castle. Friday we’ll go riding with you.”
“Daddy! Come help me.”
He needed to stay focused on his daughter. The days were flying by in a rush. The limited time had to be used wisely, to make a permanent bond with his daughter, so that when they went back to Denver he’d still be a part of her life.
Jogging over to her, he went to his knees.
“Daddy.”
“Get ready to make the biggest castle ever.” Picking up a shovel, he pushed it deep into the sand. His heart absorbed the sound of her joy, and he thanked God for the gift he had been given. He needed to enjoy the moment and not think about the things he couldn’t change.
Jazmine had done what she had needed to do, but now she was back, and he was sober.
God had given him a second chance. He might not deserve it, but he wasn’t going to waste it.
He invited the kids who had been hovering to join the fun. He knew the parents of one of the boys. The girls giggled in agreement when Rosemarie explained how the cowboy had to be saved by the princess.
He glanced at Jazmine. Her eyes were focused on her book.
She had been his princess, but when she had tried to rescue him, he had pulled her into the riptides instead.
He thanked God that her parents had been there to get her out of his mess. They deserved his respect and appreciation.
Jazmine stared at the pages of her book, but the words just floated. Glancing up at the small group of children that had gathered around Elijah, she saw her shy daughter laughing as she played with children her own age. She looked like she belonged, instead of hanging around the edges watching the fun.
Elijah had done that for her. His charming, easygoing playfulness came so naturally to him. Early in their relationship she had told him he’d be a great father. Even now, she remembered the look of horror on his face. The thought of having children had terrified him.
Looking back, she had probably added to his stress every time she’d mentioned wanting children.
He’d been so afraid of becoming his father or uncle. But she had assured him that he was so different from them. To her, he had always been a man of honor, one who loved deeply.
She had to take her gaze off the man. Instead, she turned her eyes to the endless horizon. The Elijah she needed to remember was the one who had started drinking.
Not the boy she fell in love with, the one who taught her to embrace life and dive into the water, to jump from the pier and dance with joy. She had lost him to alcohol. The addiction and his family legacy had swallowed him in their undertow.
Watching him with the children, with their daughter, she saw the man she had thought he could be. With the castle high, his little fan club added shells to the turrets and towers. A couple of boys finished the moat and let the water come in with the tide. A cheer erupted from the group, who laughed and clapped as the water rushed in and surrounded the grand castle.
Rosemarie ran to the canopy. “Momma, did you see it? It’s the biggest one ever!” She grabbed the bag with the rest of the toys. “We’re going to put the other people and horses in it, then Daddy’s going to show me how to stand on the board. Are you going to do it, too?” She bounced with excitement as she gathered up all the toys Elijah had bought her.
“No, sweetheart. I’m going to watch from the shade.” Jazmine picked up a bottle. “Before you go, let me put more sunblock on you.”
“It was nice of Daddy to get us shade, wasn’t it?” Rosemarie lifted the curls off the back of her neck, so the lotion could be reapplied.
“Yes, it was very thoughtful of him. Now go play—you only have an hour left before we leave.”
“But I don’t want to leave. I have new friends.”
“No arguments, or we can leave now.” She looked over at the other kids. “I’m sure your father knows some of their parents, so we can invite them over.”
“Can I invite them to my birthday party?” She sounded like her father.
By then they might be back in Denver. “We’ll talk about it later. Go play.”
With a heavy sigh, Rosemarie bounded off to her father and new friends.
Jazmine prayed her daughter wouldn’t get hurt when it came time to go back to Denver. Would Elijah still be so eager when they were out of sight and the newness had rubbed off?
Elijah ran to the water, waving for the kids to follow. His laughter had all the children running along with him. Her heart seemed ready to jump back in, but she was smarter this time and wouldn’t follow.
If he had really found his faith and left the drinking behind, maybe she could stick a toe in to test the waters.
Every child deserved a chance to have a loving father in their life. She closed her eyes. Please God, protect my baby girl’s heart.
If she was honest, her heart might be at risk, too.