One foot on his front bumper, Elijah flipped his keys through his fingers. He tried to relax against his truck as he waited for Jazmine, but it wasn’t happening.
He couldn’t tell if the day had gone well or not. His sister’s girls were chatterboxes who bounced everywhere they went. Rosemarie seemed far too serious for a five-year-old. He couldn’t read her. Other than the moment he offered her a horse.
Then she had called him Daddy. He blew out a gust of air. He had thought his brain was going to implode, or maybe it was his heart. Pushing his hair back, he took a deep breath and tried to stop his shaking hands.
It had been so long since he’d dealt with these kinds of emotions. He snorted and looked upward. A few clouds dotted the light blue sky. Who was he kidding? He had never dealt with anything like this.
That beautiful little girl with the huge eyes and the serious look was his daughter. He shouldn’t be a stranger to her.
The door opened, and Elijah shot his gaze to Jazmine.
She stopped in front of him, a frown on her face. Had he done something else wrong? He swallowed. Fear prevented him from asking.
She crossed her arms over her chest, looking everywhere but at him.
“Jazmine.” He bent his head, trying to make eye contact.
She sighed. Meeting him eye to eye, she pinched her lips. “Elijah, I’m sorry.”
Sorry. His stomach sank. “Why?” He hated the feeling of not being in control. He’d just met his daughter, but she could be taken away at any time and he had no say in the matter.
“I don’t think you coming here is going to work.”
His throat locked up. “I... Did Rosemarie say anything? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry about the horse. I can tell her—”
“No. That’s not it.” A car went by and honked. She gave them a tight smile and a small wave.
The town was already flooded with rumors that Jazmine was back with his unexpected daughter. The gossips were divided on who was to blame for this scandal. He hated that they were talking about Jazz and Rosemarie.
“Let’s go to the back.” Without waiting for him, she went around the corner of the house. At the edge of the back deck, she leaned on the railing and looked out to the Gulf. The breeze blew her hair back. A few seagulls flew low and called out, waiting to see if they were going to throw out any crumbs.
“I’m sorry about my mother. I had asked her to stay away until after lunch, but it seems I can’t trust her to give us space.”
“I could have told you that. For the last six years, they’ve been fiercely protective of you.” He gritted his teeth, not adding that they also kept him from his daughter. Bitterness and defensiveness wouldn’t help.
She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. The moisture in her eyes took the edge off his anger. She was trying to fix this, and it had been his weakness that set it all in motion.
The desire to stroke her cheek was overwhelming. “We’ll just have to work around her. She’s never going to trust me.” He braced his hand on the custom deer guard and leaned back. “What about you?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Me? I’m doing my best. I’m just stressed right now. Seeing Daddy so weak has turned my world upside down. But we’re not talking about me. I came out here to talk about tomorrow. I also promised Rosie that I’d talk to you about the horse.” She cut a hard glare his way. “You realize she will be obsessed until she sees one.”
“She can do more than see one. I’m not the broke kid you married. I was serious about getting her one. But it’s up to you.” He shrugged, hoping to look casual. “We have about twenty on the ranch. More if you count the ones Damian has rescued. There are about twelve we use for the beach rides. All of those mounts are super calm and trustworthy.”
Rolling his shoulders, he focused on relaxing and letting the tension move out. “I can set up a ride. We can go out on the ranch or ride along the beach. Your mom can come along.” He grinned. “She seems to think I’m going to kidnap Rosemarie. You tell me where and when, and I’ll have the horses there.” He needed to stop talking.
After a few seconds of silence, she nodded. “We could meet up with you and go riding. For now, we need make it clear she is not getting a horse.” Lowering her chin, she glared at him with her best librarian look. “She is not getting a horse.”
“What about a dog?” He hesitated to say anything, but he didn’t want to be outmaneuvered by her mother. The woman had hated him for too many years to give up now.
She made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a groan. “You and my mother are going to push my sanity right over the edge. Please don’t turn this into a competition between y’all. I can’t take any more right now.”
Tears welled in her eyes. She opened her mouth but closed it again. Blinking, she turned to the beach and pulled her shoulders forward.
Her pain tore at him. Not touching her was no longer an option. Standing next to her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
At first, she tensed, but then she relaxed and leaned into him. The years slipped away, and she fit next to him as if she was his missing piece.
But he had driven her away; there was no going back. He set his chin on the top of her head and watched the waves. Laughter from kids playing somewhere down the beach mingled with the water hitting the sand.
He felt wetness through his shirt. His arms tightened, and he held her closer as she fell apart. She was crying. When she had been his, he would have done anything to stop her tears.
Well, not the one thing that mattered the most. There had been too many nights when she had cried, asking him to stop drinking. That had made him mad. In those days he denied he had a problem.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. He wanted to tell her he would protect her, but he’d lost that right. He bit back the promises he wanted to make, promises she would see as hollow. Just like the first time he gave them to her.
Closing his eyes, he gently stroked her familiar curls. He prayed for wisdom and strength. “It’s going to be okay.” Weak, but they were the only safe words he could say. “Your father’s strong. He’s going to be fine.” He brushed his lips against the corner of her temple.
She pulled back, wiping her eyes. A weak smile on her face, she looked up at him. Her dark eyes were bright. He leaned forward. He didn’t try to resist her pull.
His gaze stayed deep in hers. Her soft breath mingled with his. The fierce beat of his heart roared in his ears, louder than the crash of the ocean. The world disappeared. The years of destruction vanished. They were young, innocent and in love.
Before he let fear control him instead of faith.
He lowered his head.
Her hand came up and she stepped back, breaking their contact before their lips touched. He let her go.
The sound of the car in the driveway reached him, and Elijah’s heart sank. Azalea was back.
Idiot. Where was a concrete wall when he needed to smash his head? He wanted her to trust him, and he did this? He’d never had a strong sense of survival.
Jazmine had moved to the far end of the deck. Her look of horror was a punch to his gut.
Her expression reminded him that it was not his survival at stake. Right now, everything went back to having a relationship with his daughter.
It had to. He wasn’t going to be his father; he wasn’t going to abandon his family. He would break the family tradition of fathers abandoning their families.
His cousins had made a pact it would stop with them. Xavier was dead, and Damian was so wounded he didn’t go to town or make any contact with other people. That left him to break the cycle, and he’d do it no matter what it took. With God as his strength, he could do this.
Being a lousy father was one of many family traditions stopping with him.
His daughter deserved better.
The car engine shut off, and the car door opened and closed. Time was running out.
“Jazmine, I’m sorry. That won’t happen again. I’m just here for Rosemarie, I promise. Can I come by for lunch again tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “Why don’t we go to the pier? It’s public, so my mom won’t have any excuses.”
“I can make arrangements for us to eat on the upper level. It’s for private events. Tell me what she likes for lunch, and I’ll have it there.”
She blinked a couple of times like she didn’t believe him. “Okay. Anything with broccoli and strawberries. They’re her favorites. She loves mac and cheese, too. Does the Painted Dolphin still make that?”
He laughed. “Our mac and cheese is the best on the coast. You brainwashed her on broccoli, didn’t you?”
She grinned, looking more relaxed. “It never worked with you.”
“I’ve been known to load up on a side of the green stuff every now and then.”
“Really? I tried hard enough. I think I experimented with hundreds of recipes, so you would eat healthier.” She crossed her arms and looked down. “Elijah, thank you for answering Rosemarie’s questions. I had no clue she was worried.”
“Sometimes kids don’t want to upset the adults they love, so they don’t ask. Since she doesn’t have to worry about my feelings, I’m safe.”
“Thank you for handling it the way you did. It’s so hard finding the balance between truth and protecting.”
He nodded. Unfortunately, he was one of those ugly truths in his daughter’s life. For now, he would focus on what he could control. “So, about the horse. I’d like to tell her our plans tomorrow. Will I be able to take her riding?” He wanted to do something that made his girl smile at him.
The back door opened, and Azalea Daniels stepped onto the deck. “I’m surprised you’re still here.”
He made sure to smile. He would not let her rile him.
“Mother.” There was a warning in her voice.
Great. He grimaced. He loved that Jazmine stood up for him, but he also didn’t want to cause friction between mother and daughter.
“We made plans for tomorrow, and we were talking about the best time to go riding at the ranch.” She looked back at him. “We just got into town, and she’s never been around horses. Let me look at the calendar.”
The keys flipped around his finger. “Just tell me when. I have to get back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”
She nodded.
He tilted his head to her mother. “Thank you for allowing me to visit. I appreciate it.”
With another flip of his keys, he turned and got out of there as fast as he could. It hadn’t been perfect, but it was a start, and he wasn’t going to overstay his welcome.
Jazmine watched him walk away. He had twirled that key ring around the fingers of his left hand. That had always been a sign that he was agitated. Whatever was bothering him, he hid it well. She used to know everything about him. She rubbed her head.
“Are you okay? Did he do something to hurt you? Did he threaten you?”
“No. He was a perfect gentleman.” Well, other than almost kissing her, but that had been as much her fault as his.
She turned on her mother. “You promised to keep your distance for this first meeting. I don’t want you confusing Rosemarie or making her feel she has to pick sides. It’s not fair to her.”
Her mother sighed. “I know. But then I started thinking about the night you came to us. You were scared, bleeding and pregnant. My motherly instincts are not going away just because he says he’s sober. His family doesn’t have a good record.”
“I’m not going to let him hurt Rosemarie.”
Her mother laid a hand on her arm. “You’re a great mother. I’m so proud of you. But you got really good at hiding his drinking from us. I just don’t want to see you fall back into that pattern, baby. It’s hard to tell your heart to stop loving someone.”
“I don’t love him anymore.” Why did saying that hurt so much?
She turned away and looked at the endless horizon. She understood why her father wanted to come here to heal. Port Del Mar had always been the one place that felt like home, where she belonged. The beach cottage she’d restored with Elijah would always be in her heart.
“Sweetheart.” Her mother stepped closer and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Jazmine’s ear. “Are you sure he didn’t do anything to upset you?”
“No. He just asked to take Rosemarie out to the ranch. He wants her to meet her cousins and go riding.” Was she lying to her mother already?
He had almost kissed her. She had almost let him. Was she covering for him again? She couldn’t trust herself to be alone with him.
From now on, someone would be with them or they would text. “I’m good, Mom. I think we’re just not used to the idea of sharing Rosemarie.”
“I’m not sure you should let him take her to the ranch. His family is out there.”
“They also happen to be Rosemarie’s family. I think it would be nice for her to meet them.” She gave her mother a look that made it clear this was not up for discussion. “You know I always wanted...cousins to play with.” She had almost said brothers and sisters, but she had had a brother. Even if she didn’t remind her mother, it would always be painful, and she had caused enough pain. “He can give her that.”
“Yes, well, I think this might be too much for her. It’s moving too fast. Too many changes. It has to be hard for her.”
She wrapped her arms around her mother’s small frame, noticing that she’d lost weight. That couldn’t be good. “Change is hard.” She leaned her head to her mother’s. “If we’re truly honest with ourselves, she’s going with the flow. We’re the ones with all the hang-ups. We’re strong and God is holding us. It’s going to be okay.” Now if only she could believe it.