Jazmine took a deep breath as she let the quiet of her car soothe her. Ten minutes ago, she had pulled up to the beachside cottage she and Elijah had bought just months after they had married.
With Jazmine and Rosemarie leaving for Denver soon, Elijah had wanted to make dinner for them tonight in the home they had built together.
The home they built together. The words had bumped around in her head since he said them. They had made promises to each other, and the only thing that stopped them had been his drinking, which he acknowledged and turned over to God. So, what was stopping her now?
For over twenty-four hours, she’d rehashed the same dialogue with herself. Her heart pounded as she sat in the car looking up at the warm lights shining out. This was where their love had grown and died. The best and the worst had all happened here.
Since she’d been back, God had shown her the best could still be theirs if they both trusted Him. Now she was about to change their course again, if Elijah agreed.
To her surprise, her father supported her. Her mother hadn’t said anything one way or the other but had agreed to keep Rosemarie tonight so that she could talk to Elijah about their future.
She’d even bought a new sundress in his favorite color.
Her barely there sandals hit the first step, and she looked down. The wooden deck and all the old loose boards were gone, replaced with all-weather decking. There hadn’t been enough money for upgrades back in the day.
The seaside cottage sat high on the exposed pilings. It was smaller than her parents’ beach house, but the first time she saw it from the beach she dreamed of making it her home. Before they were married, she had told Elijah it should be theirs.
She had fallen in love with the wraparound deck. The turquoise blue she had picked out looked fresh. It was a bit of a shock to see he had repainted the deck the same color. The corners of her mouth went up, easing some of her dread.
It had taken her a while to convince Elijah that the color was perfect. It still looked good on their little beachfront house. The white trim had recently been redone, too.
Her knees shook so hard she had to slow her pace. When her parents said the house had been sold in the divorce, she had cried. It made the end of their marriage more real than anything else.
The outside looked the same, but the inside had to have been changed. Had other women picked out furniture or rearranged her dream home? She stopped.
This had been a mistake. If other women had been in her home, she’d be sick. Maybe she should meet him somewhere else.
It had been six years since she had left him, but she had never really thought about Elijah moving on without her, never thought of him building a new life inside the shell of their old one. It should have been expected, though. He was young, good-looking and now a successful business owner.
Laying her hand on her heart, she tried to calm its rapid beating.
This was their house, where their family belonged.
The idea of restoring their relationship had been planted in her brain that day on the ranch. Or maybe it was in her heart. Her heart had gotten her in trouble before. But her head also told her they could have the future he’d promised her over seven years ago.
Standing on the deck wasn’t going to get anything done. Closing her eyes, she cleared her head. God, I’m turning this over to You. I know through You all things are possible, and if he has put You first, then we can do this. We need You to guide us through these choppy waters.
She stood and smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her soft pink summer dress, then adjusted the starfish necklace.
The windows glowed with warm light. Her heart slammed against her chest. This time, they could get it right.
Raising her fist, she paused. Her bracelets slid down her wrist. On the anniversary of their first date, he had given her a bracelet made of natural stones. He had promised to give her one each year.
She smiled at the pretty pieces of jewelry. Six were missing. But those six years might be the most important to their future. They had needed that time to grow up and find the strength to trust in God.
Before her knuckles hit the textured glass. Elijah opened the door and stepped back, a huge smile on his face and a dish towel in his hand. “Sorry, I didn’t hear a knock. Have you been here long? Come in.” He looked behind her. Frowning, he stepped onto the deck and looked around. “Where’s Rosie?”
“I left her with my parents.”
He closed the door, confusion on his face. “But I thought we were having dinner together. Is something wrong?”
She played with the bracelets on her arm. “No. I just wanted to talk with you alone. Talk about our future.”
“Our future? With Rosemarie? I don’t understand.” He rubbed his palm against his worn jeans. A look of deep fear burned in his eyes. “Have your parents—”
“No. No. It’s nothing like that. I think this is good news. I hope it’s good news.” Now she wasn’t so sure of herself. This had seemed so much easier in her head. Needing to center herself, she scanned the living area that used to be her home. The fear of seeing changes had made her avoid really looking around.
What she found startled her. “It looks the same.”
It was a large open room that flowed into the white kitchen. An island anchored the space between the rooms. The four stools she had found at an estate sale were still there, waiting for the family she had always imagined.
The cream sectional was new, but the same style. The pillows had been replaced, too. But they were still the fun, tropical colors and patterns she had y spent hours selecting.
She turned slowly, taking in every detail. “You haven’t changed anything.”
As she took in their old living space, her hand went to her heart. There had been a few new additions that brought tears to her eyes.
Photos of Rosemarie were framed and placed around the living room. The drawing their daughter had made for him after their horse ride hung in the dining room.
Even the lopsided ceramic cup that she had made at Sunday school was on the island holding scissors and measuring spoons. Seeing her daughter’s work in the home she had decorated so many years ago tightened her heart and twisted it into a lump of emotion.
Moving to the island, he draped the town over the edge of the sink and kept a wary gaze on her. “I loved everything you did here. Growing up, well, you know. For the first time, I had somewhere I belonged.” He looked at her. “A place that was made for me.”
Until he had told her the horrible events of his childhood, she hadn’t really understood his need for a home.
“For you and our children.” Sitting on the stool across from him, she reached over and took his hand. “Is this why you stayed here instead of leaving? You could have started over somewhere new.” Like she had done. Instead, he had stayed and fought for the dreams they had shared. Now she knew without a doubt she was ready to fight alongside him.
He stood, walking to the sink. “I couldn’t leave. Too many people needed me. Belle’s husband left her. Then we lost Xavier. Selena discovered she was pregnant with triplets.” One hip pressed against the edge of the counter, he turned to the window, as if studying something out in the darkness only he could see. His shoulders tensed as though the weight of the world was getting too heavy.
“They needed me. Honestly, I had thoughts about leaving.” His gaze sought her. “There was a part of me that was hanging on to the idea that you might come back. I had to let that go. There were times I thought I’d be better off selling and starting over.”
His chest expanded as he inhaled deeply. “The absolute truth? When we first started dating, I didn’t think I deserved you. I thought that once we were married I could relax. You’d be mine, right?”
She slipped onto the stool and nodded.
“But even then I was afraid you would realize I wasn’t worth the hassle. Fear drove me to hide in the alcohol. Your parents wanted me to be more. They made that clear when they got me the job in the law office. I hated every minute of it. But I couldn’t tell you.”
“I never expected—”
“I know. I’m not blaming you or them. It’s just what was in my head at the time. You needed someone better than me. I tried and, as we know, it didn’t work out so well.”
Both of her hands went to her mouth. “Elijah.”
With a sigh, he crossed the kitchen, out of her reach. “I fought to keep the house because of you.” He ran his hand over the butcher-block countertop. “The house was a reminder that you saw something in me you could love, even if it was for a short time. I lost control of my life, and I lost you because I was living in fear and hiding—or trying to hide.” Bracing his hands on the edge, he lifted his head and studied her for a minute.
His half-cocked grin melted her heart.
“Reclaiming my life was not easy. During the darkest days of my battle, the house became a touchstone. When my uncle’s voice got too strong, our home reminded me that, through God, I was worthy of love.”
There was no stopping her tears as his honest emotions tore at her. Needing to gather herself, Jazmine turned away from him to do something, anything, to get control of her heart and brain. Heading to a cabinet by the front door, she paused. The world shifted under her feet.
She couldn’t be seeing what was there, propped against the wall, tucked safely between the two tall cabinets. The mirror.
Fingers outstretched, she touched the hand-carved frame. Lightly stained wood surrounded the six-foot mirror. It was warm under her touch. Her parents had commissioned the custom mirror as a wedding gift.
She looked up and met Elijah’s steady gaze. Silently, he had crossed the room. Now he stood right behind her, just like that night. Instead of being lost in a haze of alcohol and rage, she found concern and doubt clouding his beautiful face.
“How?” The word came out as a strangled whisper. “You destroyed it that night.” Breaking eye contact with him, her attention went straight to the front window he had broken during his fit. There had been a fierce storm that night. She focused on him again. “It was shattered.”
His throat worked for a second. “Yeah, I wanted to fix the original, but...” He shook his head. “I took it back to Omar, and he did the best he could. It needed new glass.”
Caressing the smooth wood, she allowed her thoughts to travel back to their wedding day. The joy, the endless promise of a future full of love. Then she noticed the new inscription. Jazmine dropped to her knees to trace the letters. “Psalm 40:3. What verse is that?”
Elijah lowered to his haunches, next to her. “‘And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God.’ I had to learn a new song. That’s why I put it here, by the door, so I see it every time I leave.”
Silence fell between them. He reached over her shoulder to touch the frame next to her fingers. The warmth of his skin was so familiar, even after six years. His scent surrounded her.
One slight move and she could bury herself in his arms. With a tilt of her chin, she looked up at him. His lips were so close. His gaze lowered to her mouth. All breathing stopped as her heart pounded hard.
The back of his knuckles gently caressed her cheek. Tears. He was wiping off tears.
His fingers moved up into the curls of her hair, and the years between them slipped away.
The warmth of his hand rested on the back of her neck as he pressed his lips to the small area between her ear and jaw. He knew all her sensitive spots. He knew her. He brushed her hair from her shoulder and trailed soft, gentle kisses to her chin.
Finally, he reached her mouth. She leaned in and, for an instant, their lips touched. Her hand went to his arm to balance herself and pull him closer.
Instead, cool air hit her. He was gone.
Opening her eyes, she found him standing a few steps back.
“Elijah?” She waited for an explanation. Something. Anything.
Heavy wrinkles marred his brow. “I’m sorry, Jazz. That can’t happen. I promised myself I wasn’t going to do anything to complicate our relationship. Once something is broken, there’s no getting it back. Rosemarie is the most important person in this scenario, not our old feelings.”
“What if they’re new and stronger?”
A pained expression crossed his face. With a hand in his hair, his arm rested on the top of his head. One pivot and all she had was his back.
“Elijah?”
He groaned. “Feelings are not my strong point.”
“But that doesn’t mean you should ignore them.”
“Parenting is the only thing between us from here on out.” The timer went off, and she was ignored as he set the roasted chicken on a cooling rack. In silence, he pulled a couple of plates down and fixed them. Sliding a plate in front of her, he sat on a bar stool one space over. He stabbed a piece of broccoli. “So, you came here without Rosemarie, but you claim I have nothing to worry about.” He stared into the night, chewing with too much energy. “Just so you know, I kind of worry all the time now.”
So many emotions were whirling around her heart and head she couldn’t sort them out. He had built a new life without her. Just like she had in Denver.
The only reason he had let her in now was because of their daughter. The daughter she had kept from him. Was that too big for him to really forgive?
What if she had gotten this all wrong and he didn’t want her, just Rosie?