5

 

“What are you doing here?”

I walked toward Aaron and the boys, and Opal handed me her jacket. I wrapped it around my waist to hide the gaping hole in my capris.

“We talked and decided we needed to be here for you. It’s a big day.” Aaron opened his arms, and I slid into the cuddle-spot where I fit exactly right.

“Really?” I smiled up at him, admiring his kind and noble features.

Opal and Lily walked to the boot section of the store to give us some space.

I looked into Aaron’s eyes. When would I learn he wasn’t like the mother who abandoned my father and me? Aaron hadn’t let me down before. How could I think he wouldn’t be there for me now?

“Oh, Aaron, boys, this means so much to me.” I gathered them into my arms for a big group hug. But not for long.

Timmy struggled free and went skipping down the aisle, clapping and flapping and singing “Born to be Wild.”

“Where’d he learn that?” I looked up at Aaron with raised eyebrows.

Daniel chased after Timmy.

“We sang it in the car on the way over.” Aaron gave me a shy grin.

“Oh yeah?” I nudged him. “You think I’m wild, do you?”

“Just a little.” He held his hands wide apart like a fisherman showing me the size of a big trout he’d just caught.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “So, Patrick, you think Mom can ride after all, huh?” I tousled my moody son’s hair.

“I guess.” He shrugged. “As long as you take me with you, sometimes. And teach me to ride.”

“Deal.” I laughed.

“Which bike are you going to buy, Mom? I like this one.” Daniel pointed to a lustrous grape-colored trike. He pulled Timmy behind him by the sleeve of his jacket. Timmy, overwhelmed with the colors and the hum of the lights, flapped even harder.

“That one costs a lot more money than I have. I’m going to go with the white one over there. Well, that is, if Reba can get me a good deal on it.”

“Oh, really?” Aaron walked to the white Sportster and ran his hand over the fender. “It looks OK, I guess. Are you sure it’s what you want?”

“Well, it’s the only thing I can see in the shop in my price range,” I said. “And it fits me.”

“Where’s Reba now?” Aaron looked around the dealership.

“She’s in the office with Rocky, the sales guy. They’re working on a deal or something. I dunno. I sort of ripped my pants and didn’t pay much attention.”

Aaron threw his head back, laughed, and hugged me close. He knew how much I struggled with my weight. But he always assured me my size didn’t matter to him. I felt perfectly safe in his arms. Safe enough to tell him how embarrassed I was and know he would “get it.”

Aaron kissed the top of my forehead. “Let me go find Reba, and you and the boys go try on some boots.”

The boys and I walked over to the boot section.

Lily stood admiring herself in the mirror.

Opal struggled to lace a pair that looked adorable on her.

“I had a boyfriend once who rode a motorsickle.”

“You had a boyfriend, Opal? Back when there were dinosaurs?”

Opal looked up from lacing her size six boots and scowled at me. I never understood why such an attractive woman never married.

“Yes, Kirsten, back in the dinosaur days, my father made me promise not to ride on my boyfriend’s motorsickle and never speak with him. Boys who rode motorsickles were greasers, you know. He rode the sweetest looking Triumph.”

“Why, Opal.” Lily took a break from admiring her boots to holler. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re downright wistful about that motorcycle.”

“Greasers?” I asked.

My sons were admiring the boot display on the wall.

Timmy had already picked a pair he liked.

“Bad boys.” Opal finally stood up to test her laced-up boots. “I do declare, Kirsten, I like these. I might just get these and wear them to motorsickle class.”

“I think you should, Opal. It’s time you lived a little.” Lily patted her on the back.

Opal sighed. “I’ve just always been afraid of my shadow, you know? Still am. Oh, I shouldn’t have come.” She unlaced the boots.

Lily stopped her. “Oh, yes you should have. You’ve been hiding your entire life, and it’s time you stopped. We only get one shot, Opal. One shot. Do you get what I’m saying?” Lily knelt down and looked her life-long friend in the eye.

This was getting too intense. I gave them a group hug to disrupt the mood. “Oh, ladies, we’re going to have so much fun!” I turned to where the boys stood looking for boots. “The guys’ boots are over there on the right-hand side. Daniel, can you help Timmy?”

“Are we getting boots, too, Mom?” Patrick asked.

“Do you want boots?” Dumb question.

They shouted a deafening “Yeah!” including Timmy.

We made our choices and kept three clerks busy helping us try them on.

“Lily, look at all these rivets and buckles and—” I turned sideways in the mirror “Zippers!”

I had never owned a pair of boots. These were bad boots. The kind of boots you wear and sing that silly song about walkin’ with boots on. I slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the un-ladylike giggles. Was I acting like a proper pastor’s wife? In the mirror, my eyes twinkled with excitement. I looked around to see if I recognized anyone in the dealership, then walked over to Lily and Opal and whispered so the boys couldn’t hear.

“Do you think I could wear these with a skirt to church? Can’t you just see Bernice’s face when I walk up to the piano in front of God and everybody wearing them?” My face warmed with the thought.

Opal and Lily laughed, but then the thought of Bernice seeing me and the thought of her predictable reaction made me feel bad. With her temperament, she’d get way too upset. I’d never be able to do something so bold. “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.”

“I know what you mean. It’s hard to be like Jesus and not be ornery, sometimes.” Lily admired the pair of boots she’d pulled on and moved her feet back and forth in front of a full-length mirror.

“Yes, well, if that’s the most we suffer for Jesus—refraining from gossiping about people who don’t like us—we suffer very little.” I pulled the zippers up and down on my boots. I loved that sound.

“His grace is amazing if it keeps this mouth shut.” Lily smiled at me in the mirror, and I smiled back.

I admired my feet and decided I’d found the perfect pair of boots: tough but stylish with extra zippers, laces, and steel toes. They looked and sounded strong and powerful when I walked. Like leather jackhammers with rattling chains.

“Can I help you ladies?” A sales clerk looked up from helping Timmy with his boots. “You look like you’re having a good time.”

“Oh, we are.” I pointed to my feet. “I want these.”

“And I want these,” Lily said, gesturing toward her feet like a game show hostess.

“How about you?” The sales clerk looked at Opal.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I should be learning to ride a motorsickle at my age.” Opal yanked off the footgear.

“Oh, come on, Opal. When are you gonna lighten up and start living? You’re not getting any younger.” Lily tilted her head and raised her eyebrows.

Opal looked hurt.

“You’re the one who said you’re getting old.” Lily pulled off the enormous pair of leather clompers and admired them.

I laid my boots back in the box and headed for the counter. “C’mon, Opal, think of all the rumors we’ll start in town.”

The boys piled their boxes on top of the counter with mine, and I paid the cashier.

Timmy celebrated by spinning.

“Kirsten, I think you have a rebellious side.” Lily placed her box on the counter and went to help Opal pack up her black lace-ups.

“I think I might.” I grinned. The thought of embarking on an outrageous escapade gave me giant butterflies.

Lily picked up Opal’s boot box and handed it to her. “Tell you what, Opal. If it turns out you absolutely hate riding, I’ll refund your money for the mukluks. Deal?” Lily held out her hand, and Opal reluctantly agreed to the purchase with a limp-fish handshake.

“Deal. But if I’m maimed and live out my last days as a vegetable, you have to promise to nurse me until the day I die.”

“You got it, girlfriend.” Lily was a gifted nurse and famous for tending to her friends’ health needs.

“Kirsten? Can you come here for a minute?” Aaron and Reba emerged from the sales office and walked toward me frowning and shaking their heads.

“What’s wrong?” At the sight of their somber faces, the butterflies in my stomach took a nosedive.

Lily, Opal, and the boys gathered ’round.

“Honey, I’m sorry.” Aaron looked down at the ground.

“What?”

“We couldn’t get a deal on that white bike,” Reba said. She popped her gum and huffed.

“Oh.” I was stunned. “Oh well.” I shrugged. “We’ll just look in the paper for another one.”

“I don’t think so,” Aaron said. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not? I need a bike, Aaron. I just spent a fortune on boots for everyone.”

“Oh, that’s really logical, Kirsten.” Aaron rolled his eyes.

I wanted it to make sense. “Why can’t I keep looking? Surely there are other bikes.”

“There are. There are,” he agreed. “But I don’t see one here that’s suitable. Maybe we should go home and pray about it some more.”

Why was he doing this to me? Nausea overcame the spaces where the giant butterflies had rejoiced just moments earlier. I was so close to my dream. What had made him change his mind?

“But, Aaron, I thought you said you came today to support me, I—”

An engine growled. We all turned to see where the rumbling came from. The sales guy, Rocky, roared out of the service area on a Harley.

A pink Harley.

Bubble gum pink.

I looked up at Aaron, who grinned down at me with absolute satisfaction.

“Are you serious? Really? Is that mine? Is that my bike?”

Rocky revved the motor.

Timmy squealed and jumped up and down.

Tears came streaming down my face. I couldn’t move.

“You better get over there and sign the paperwork before they all change their minds,” Reba shouted over the roar of the engine and handed me the papers.

My hands shook as I took them. “Give me a minute to read this,” I said. I took a few steps away from them. I still felt guilty about the money. “Is this what I’m supposed to do, Lord?”

I reminded myself that Aunt Mary stated specifically in her will that under no circumstances was I to spend this money on Timmy or the boys. She set up trusts for them. This money was just for me to do with whatever I wanted. I already tithed and gave to missions. And Aunt Mary had left a substantial amount to missions, too.

The engine roared again, and everyone gathered around the pink and chrome.

I wanted that bike. But it pained me to do something unnecessary with the money. Aaron didn’t make a mega-church salary. Ours was a little rural church. Without Aunt Mary’s help through the lean years of ministry, we wouldn’t have put food on the table.

“Please, God,” I whispered. “If I’m not supposed to get this bike, if I’m going to die on it, or it’s going to ruin my marriage, or something…” I looked at Aaron. “Are you sure it’s OK?”

He nodded. His face glowed. Aaron handed me a pen. “Isn’t it what your Aunt Mary wanted?” He rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

An image of my aunt formed clearly in my mind, riding free on the back of her husband’s fire-engine-red Indian Chief. The wind tangled her chestnut hair and her exquisite, tranquil face rested on my uncle’s broad shoulder. Her graceful arms draped about his waist like gossamer scarves.

Aunt Mary would celebrate this moment. She would cheer for me along with my friends and family. She would guide my hand as I signed the papers.

In that moment, I thought I could hear her speaking in her soft Irish brogue:

“Go for it, Kirsten. Ride free. Ride hard. Just ride.”