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Marin
Work became more and more unbearable. The waitresses wouldn’t even look at me, though they all fell over themselves to greet Jasper every time he came into the restaurant, which was becoming more and more frequently. Kayla stopped talking to me at work as well and responded in concise sentences at the apartment. At first, I’d tried to make her tell me what was wrong, but as time went on, the answer was obvious.
Kayla, along with the rest of the waitresses at Jasper’s Grill, was jealous.
They were jealous of my fake relationship with our boss/motorcycle club leader. I wished I could tell them how willing I was to switch places with them. I wanted nothing more than for my biggest worries in life to be going to school and taking care of my siblings. Jasper had made good on his promise to take care of my family by passing along enough cash for new clothes and plenty of groceries, but we’d been going out every night, and I hadn’t been able to actually see my siblings in a few weeks.
We went to galas and business lunches and newly opened restaurants and, one night, the premiere of a documentary about gun violence. (I chanced looks at Jasper throughout the whole thing to see whether he was keyed into the irony of the situation.) And somehow, people cared enough to share our pictures online.
One of the few times Kayla had actually talked to me was to show me the headline in a local gossip blog:
Jasper Black and Do-gooder Girlfriend Get Cozy at Documentary Premiere
“Wow, I can’t believe someone cares enough about my boring life to write about it,” I said, excited to finally have a conversation with my best friend.
My modesty must have come off rather false, though, because she only rolled her eyes and went
back to eating her oatmeal.
In all fairness, life with Jasper was anything but boring. Even though I asked him not to, he kept showing up to our dates with extravagant gifts in the form of flowers and clothes and jewelry – he replaced the fake gold necklace he’d broken with a real gold one. We’d attend events, drinking the finest alcohol and eating food I’d only heard mentioned on cooking shows, and then most nights, we’d end up back at his house. I told myself every night that I wasn’t going to sleep with him, but then he’d put his hands on me, and I’d turn to putty.
We had sex in his kitchen, in his bed, in the guest room, and one night we didn’t even make it past the entryway. He would rip his way through my clothes and shove himself into me, and though it was rough, he awakened something inside of me. An animalistic side I’d never tapped into before. I tried hard to deny it, but I felt chemically attracted to him, as if something in my blood gave me a predisposition to having phenomenal sex with him.
Still, the lies ate away at me. I wanted nothing more than to tell Kayla the truth. I’d never been the kind of person who had a lot of friends, but Kayla had been my person. Though we were almost nothing alike, she gave the best advice and listened to my complaints. But now, I couldn’t talk to her, and even if I could have explained everything going on, she wouldn’t have wanted to listen. The last few weeks with Jasper had driven a wedge between us.
“Those girls are boring anyway,” Jasper said, stretching out next to me on the bed, his strong arm bent beneath his head.
We’d just finished having particularly rough sex – I could already feel bruises forming on my hip bones – and Jasper, in a rare moment of compassion, had asked how things were back at the apartment. I’d complained to him only once before about how the other waitresses had been treating me, and he’d snapped.
“There is much more at stake than your popularity. Deal with it and don’t tell anyone about our arrangement.”
His harshness had caught me off guard and ensured I would stay quiet on the topic of my relationship with the other waitresses. Now, though, he brought up the topic as though it were no big deal, and I tried to match his casual demeanor.
“She is not boring! You just don’t know her,” I said. Kayla was the least boring person I knew. If he thought she was boring, I must be the human equivalent of watching paint dry.
Jasper dismissed me with a lazy wave. “I know women like her. Trust me, she’s boring. All of those waitresses are shallow. Insipid. Trite.”
“What are you, a thesaurus?” I asked, laughing despite myself. “Plus, I am one of those waitresses, so I take offense to your comments.”
Jasper rolled over, the sheet only barely covering him, and lifted himself onto one elbow. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
“About what?”
“About you being a waitress.”
“What? Like, how to be a waitress?” I joked. “It’s very easy. You just have to learn how to stack hot plates up your arms and not rage-throw beer in a man’s face when he “accidentally” grabs your ass.”
Jasper’s eyes widened. “Does that happen a lot?”
I nodded. “Way more than you’d think.”
“You should have pointed them out to me, and I would have kicked them out.”
“But then who would I serve food to?” It was a joke, but also true. The number of scummy men I’d encountered while working at the grill had nearly ruined men for me forever.
“You’re distracting me,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you about your future employment.”
I knew where this conversation was headed. I’d been broken up with by enough men to recognize the tone of rejection. “Are you firing me?”
He laughed. “No. Would you shut up and listen to me for a second?”
I resisted the urge to speak again and zipped my lips closed with my fingers, throwing the imaginary key over my shoulder.
“You’ve been having a hard time with the waitresses, and it is becoming pretty obvious. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a good work environment for you or anyone else. Tension isn’t great for morale.”
“It isn’t my fault—”
He held up a hand to silence me. “I know. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are the cause.”
“It could actually be argued that you’re the cause,” I said. He glared at me, and I held up my hands in surrender. “Sorry.”
He sighed. “I’ve been thinking about placing a higher priority on my charitable giving.”
If I’d been taking a drink, I would have spat it out everywhere. “Excuse me?”
“Being seen with you has been good for business. There are a lot fewer articles about my supposed illegal side businesses, and more and more families are coming into the restaurant. So, I figure the next best thing to being seen with a do-gooder,” he said, repeating the descriptor every article seemed to label me with, “is to become a do-gooder myself.”
If someone had told me a few weeks before that I would lie in Jasper Black’s bed and talk with him about donating to charity, I would have pointed them in the direction of the nearest asylum. But I was definitely not insane, and it was definitely happening.
I sat there trying to wrap my head around everything, and then remembered how the conversation had started. “Wait, what does this have to do with me?”
“Well, since you won’t accept free money, and you are an inherently charitable person, I thought perhaps you could be my charity consultant.”
I recognized each individual word, but couldn’t seem to grasp their meaning. “Charity consultant?”
He nodded, readjusting the sheet around his waist, so even more of his toned midsection was exposed. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. I’ll give you a budget and let you spend the money however you see fit. It will be a great way to engage with the community, and there is nothing people love more than a rich man who donates his money.”
“I’ve never run a charity though. I’ve only ever donated my time, and that was only to a few places that would look good on a resume. I’m not exactly altruistic.”
“Look who you’re talking to!” He laughed. “Compared to me, you are like Mother Teresa and Gandhi’s love child.”
I shook my head. “I think that’s blasphemy or something.”
“See! I need you to tell me things like that. Please do it?”
He needed me? Jasper Black didn’t need anybody, least of all me. But still, the idea was flattering. Plus, I’d been dreading going to work every day, and working with charities was the dream job I didn’t know I had. For so long, I’d been wondering where things with Jasper were headed.
I’d grown up believing that there was a predetermined plan for your life, but everything with Jasper had felt like a nightmarish side story. I’d lied to my friends and family, and the attraction I felt towards him only made things worse. What did it say about me that I could ever like someone like him? But now everything made sense. I was meant to accept this job.
I nodded. “Sure, I’ll do it.”
***
“You can’t quit,” Kayla said the moment I’d told her about the charity consultant position.
“I’m not quitting. I’m being promoted,” I said. “Jasper wants some help deciding where to donate, and he wants me to make those decisions.”
“You’re a waitress; you don’t know anything about dealing with a budget.”
“Thanks so much for your support,” I said, slamming the fridge closed. I’d been standing in front of it, door open, looking for something to eat for ten minutes, but suddenly I wasn’t hungry. This was the first real conversation I’d had with Kayla in weeks, and it was a fight. Not exactly what I’d been hoping for.
“I’m not trying to be mean; I’m trying to be honest,” she said, a nervous finger twirling in her dark hair. “You don’t think it’s weird that he’d give you such an important position?”
“First, it’s donating money to charity, not exactly rocket science. Second, I don’t think it’s weird. I’m his girlfriend, after all.” The lie tasted bitter on my tongue, but I couldn’t stand another second of Kayla talking down to me.
She rolled her eyes. “You are not his girlfriend. What do you really even know about him aside from how good he is in the sack? You two are dating, but he has never been over to our apartment other than to pick you up, and you never talk about him.”
“Your attitude hasn’t exactly made the apartment a warm, inviting environment,” I snapped. “You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder for weeks.”
“Because you’re being stupid!” Kayla roared out. “You are too blinded by his abs and the insane gifts he is constantly showering you with to see the truth. Jasper is dangerous! The only way this ‘relationship’ ends is with you hurt or heartbroken.”
I wanted to tell Kayla she was wrong, but the words wouldn’t come. She shook her head and left – headed to the restaurant to pick up an extra shift. The truth was, Kayla could absolutely be right. Our arrangement had no end date. If Jasper were smart, he’d dispose of me the way he did the Jackal I’d seen that night behind the restaurant.
And maybe he would. After all, he couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t run to the police and tell my story as soon as I had a chance. I wouldn’t, of course – not least of all because he knew where my family lived. Even if I could ensure my own safety, I would never be able to ensure the safety of each of my siblings. If I turned Jasper in, the Hellions would retaliate, and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of their wrath.
No matter how much I tried to repress reality or spin the story, the truth was that Jasper and I would only ever end in ruin.