Change comes at us nonstop in every form: organizational structures, market competition, government regulations, tax laws, revenue expectations, financial and accounting requirements, quality initiatives, unexpected events… it’s unrelenting. For the purpose of this challenge, I’ve decided to write through the particular lens of changes with people—where it tends to get the messiest and most personal. Hang on for the ride, it’s going to be raw.

Isn’t the whole point of leadership to effect positive change? I mean, nobody is paying us to secure the status quo. And as it relates specifically to leading others, shouldn’t the ultimate change manifest as you watch someone you’ve coached and invested in succeed? My personal experience around this indicates yes… apparently, though, just as long as they don’t surpass me. That seems to be my limit.

Isn't the whole point of leadership to effect positive change? I mean, nobody is paying us to secure the status quo. And as it relates specifically to leading others, shouldn't the ultimate change manifest as you watch someone you've coached and invested in succeed?

It’s insights like this that prompted my editor to call aspects of my leadership career a “management mess.” It came quickly (maybe a little too quickly) as titles for this book were being bounced around. And here’s the irony: While on this sometimes messy journey, I’ve consistently been recognized as someone who deliberately invests in others. I take great joy in seeing those around me earn promotions, increase their incomes, and grow their influence. I could count dozens of people who have gone on to fantastic careers after I was privileged to be their leader for some time. I’d like to think I had a small role in setting them up for their future successes. But sadly, as I’ve admitted above, there’s a caveat to my self-congratulatory tone: I love seeing you change and succeed, so long as it’s not more than me. You’ll be pleased to know I’m currently rereading Challenge 2 (Think Abundantly) for my own professional development.

Case in point: There’s a colleague of mine whom I’ve worked with for fifteen-plus years. I’ve often said to Paul that he’s the younger brother I never had but always wanted, and I’m the older brother he never had and never wanted. He’s followed my path closely, even filling roles I’d left, each time improving on my performance and legacy. In hindsight, I felt comfortable with his success; proud of it, in fact, even when his performance in those roles always seemed to eclipse mine. I was truly delighted with his wins, and this continued for many years. He is smart, trustworthy, hardworking, disciplined, and has grown his maturity and skillsets substantially. That seemed validating to me, as he and others have acknowledged my investment in him over the years.

Then it finally happened—honestly, I knew it was coming—the CEO elevated Paul. Above me.

It was only a matter of time before he earned the promotion, a decision I solidly endorsed on the executive team. Then reality began to set in, and for reasons I’m still discerning, it was a bit much for me to digest. (Isn’t it remarkable how change can make logical sense, yet we still struggle with it emotionally?) My challenge is ongoing because, oddly, I don’t want the job he has, I’m not qualified for it, and I don’t want to get qualified for it. In my ongoing introspection, I’m sensing that my reaction was due to it being the first time in my career that I’d watched someone progress not just up to my level, but past it. It’s truly zero percent about Paul and a hundred percent about me. To be clear, to those of you growing increasingly uncomfortable (I warned you about it being raw), I think he’s unequivocally the right person for the role. Our entire firm, clients, and shareholders will benefit from his promotion.

As a result of my shared reflection, I assume one of two things will happen: a percentage of you will send me supportive emails and tweets about how relatable and vulnerable I am (success); the other percentage will send vitriolic emails and tweets challenging my ability to even hold a leadership role at my level (mess).

I think it proves the adage that people support change when it’s their idea and don’t when it’s not. Or in my case, I support it when it impacts you, but less so when it impacts me.

The announcement of Paul’s promotion was made to the immediate leadership team, and I just couldn’t keep my jealousy at bay. When I returned to my team of directors to discuss the decision, I feigned excitement; then I promptly told everyone that I supported the decision but would not be reporting to Paul—and likely never would. I conveyed my belief that he was right for the role and that I expected them to support it. Anyone with half a brain could have read my mind and discerned my tepid support.

How pitiful—and, candidly, inappropriate. I must have looked petty and foolish to my team.

A colleague called me out. On the spot. Strongly.

I deflected the criticism with some classic Scott-level indignation and began to talk about how the new organizational structure might impact the team and how we would move forward. To my team’s credit, several of them asked me how I was feeling about the decision, and even went so far as to validate my real-time struggle. (They were still encouraged about the leadership change, however.)

Each of us will have our own triggers around change. I’ve openly shared mine (and hopefully you have a good therapist for sharing yours). The truth is that most people believe change will make things worse for them, not better. According to Alan Deutschman in Change or Die, 88 percent of us take on a pessimistic outlook with change. In FranklinCovey’s offering designed for first-level leaders The 6 Critical Practices for Leading a Team, leaders confront this dilemma by first adopting a new mindset—moving from trying to control and contain change to championing it. As I look back, it’s easy to see how my fear and attempts at control and containment negatively impacted both my brand and my credibility, traits I had worked enormously hard to build for years.

The emotional impact organizational change has on your team must not be underestimated. As a leader, you most likely were part of the inside conversation. You may well have context for all the discussion and debate that led up to the ultimate decision. As a result, you may not have recognized the value of time spent in reconciling and understanding the change yourself.

Consider these practices I’ve found useful for leading through change:

•Recognize how the change impacts you. How you relate to and experience it will impact how you communicate it to others. Don’t short-circuit your own needs to process and understand the change; you deserve to work through the process to ensure you can communicate and promote the news. You may need to even tell yourself, “I need to check my own opinions as I continue to digest, understand, and own this change.”

•Ask as many questions as possible to ensure you can shape the context for your own team. The more you know and understand, the better you can lead them through the process.

•Identify the level of transparency. Be intentional about what you disclose to ensure your team can process the change at the speed they need to. Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of time on your side, and every situation may require a tailored approach. What is consistent is that people can generally handle tough news. What they won’t tolerate is the wrong news or no news. Do your level best to share what you know, acknowledge what you don’t, and commit to keeping everyone informed as promptly and consistently as is reasonable.

•Decide what your communication style will be during the change. You may need to balance your own mixed feelings while honoring your professional responsibility.

You’ll learn to lead through change by putting some space between the news you receive (the stimulus) and how you react (your response). You may need to put your personal emotions aside for the time being, even compartmentalize them, while you plan how you’re going to champion the change for the benefit of the organization. This particular management mess is one I’m still tangled up in, but I’m working toward turning it into an eventual leadership success.

For the record, Paul, I’m proud of you.