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Elizabeth smiled as she looked up at the cloudy sky while exiting the rear of the orphanage. She loved dreary English weather. Today was promising to be a wonderful day, mostly because she didn’t need sun blocking attire. Oh, how she feared the prospect of sparkling like a painted whore—even more than death.
So consumed was she in the atrocities of sparkling that she didn’t see Mr. Darcy until she barreled into his pale, prissy and soft backside.
“Mr. Darcy?” she exclaimed.
He spun around and tipped his hat in a gentleman-like manner. His eyes were clouded with what appeared to be worry. “Hello.” He flashed the briefest of smiles. “Miss Elizabeth Bennet. What a surprise.” Then he threw his hat to the ground and spun a slow circle while scratching the back of his head. “Have you seen my housekeeper? She seems to have gone missing.”
Elizabeth averted her gaze. “Uh, why no I haven’t.”
“So why are you here?” he asked rather bluntly as his brooding eyes darkened even more.
She wiped her lips with the back of her hand, hoping that she’d remembered to wipe off all of the orphan residue after she’d drained her last victim. Then, she pasted on a smile. “I am on holiday with my aunt and uncle.”
“I see.” He nodded before narrowing his eyes. “Will you be staying long?”
Her gaze drifted toward the delicious orphanage before she heaved a satisfied sigh. “Until my appetite is sated...” she paused as her gaze darted to his. She didn’t want to let on that she was a vampire, at least not until after they exchanged their wedding vows. “Until my appetite is sated with this beautiful country air,” she amended as she dramatically swept her arm in front of her.
He broke into a wide, shit-eating grin. “Derbyshire is beautiful, isn’t it?”
Elizabeth jutted a hand on her hip, then she pointed at him with an accusatory finger. “Please don’t launch into a tirade about a tree.”
Just then a man dressed in early nineteenth-century military garb approached them. He looked a lot like Mr. Darcy, only not as handsome; otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to fill the insipid role of the not-quite-as-sexy friend to the hero.
“Hello there, cousin. Who is your lady friend?” The man said in a nonthreatening, non-horny, neutral voice, before he made a slight bow toward Elizabeth.
“Elizabeth Bennet.” Darcy turned toward the man and then nodded toward Elizabeth. “Allow me to introduce you to my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam.”
Elizabeth offered Colonel Fitzwilliam her hand. “How do you do?”
As the colonel inched closer, Elizabeth thought she’d swoon. With her heightened vampire senses, she was overcome by the sweet, pungent scent of his blood type, O negative, which cloaked him like a heavy musk. Oh, how Elizabeth loved O neg.
“Wonderful,” the colonel answered as he planted a kiss on her hand. Then he straightened and nodded toward Darcy. “We’ve just returned from London where Darcy here congratulated himself on removing his friend from a most unsuitable alliance.”
“Is that so?” Though vampires were supposedly devoid of their own blood, Elizabeth felt her pale face flush. She wondered if this unsuitable alliance had anything to do with her sister Jane and Mr. Bingley.
“Shut up, Fitz,” Darcy growled before plastering on a smile.
Hmmm. Darcy’s attempt to conceal his actions really made Elizabeth wonder if they had anything to do with Jane and Bingley. If so, why would Darcy try to keep his friend from her sweet, ass-kissing, liberal pussy sister? What had Jane ever done to warrant his disapproval?
She eyed Darcy suspiciously. Perhaps her red, glowing demonic gaze was too much for him to bear, as he quickly averted his eyes. Or perhaps Mr. Darcy had a dirty little secret.
“Excuse me, I have a headache.”
Elizabeth pushed past them and briskly walked toward the inn where she and her family were staying.
“May we escort you somewhere?” Fitzwilliam called at her back.
She spun toward them and snarled. “It’s just a freaking headache, not the plague.”
She naturally didn’t have a headache. Vampires didn’t suffer such maladies, unless they’d just feasted off someone whose blood was rich with opium. But Elizabeth couldn’t very well stay in the presence of the colonel and Mr. Darcy. She wasn’t always good at controlling her vampire rage and she’d hate to accidentally rip out their jugulars when she intended on marrying Mr. Darcy.
As soon as she reached a large copse of trees, Elizabeth broke into a supernatural, lightning fast, vampire scamper. Actually, she ran, but to call it a scamper sounded so much more ladylike. And she was a lady, after all.
Elizabeth had only advanced a few steps before she stumbled and fell over what looked like a corpse lying on the forest floor. She jumped to her feet and turned toward the prone body. Had her aunt and uncle been feasting in the forest?
But then the body moved and moaned in pain. Elizabeth used her keen vampire vision to hone in on the girl. She was petite, with long dark hair and ordinary features. Nobody special. Certainly the kind of girl nobody would mourn if she went missing.
The waif wouldn’t provide much nourishment, but as Elizabeth inhaled a deep whiff of air, her senses were accosted by a pleasantly sweet smell. Mmmmm. The girl’s blood smelled like candy apples, double chocolate fudge brownies, and an Oreo sundae all rolled into one. Though Elizabeth wasn’t hungry, she could always take the girl home for a snack later.
“You kicked my ribs,” the young woman whined as she clutched her side.
Elizabeth leaned over her. She inhaled the girl’s scent again and nearly pissed her skirts in pleasure. Oh, she smelled so delectable. “Pardon me, but what the hell are you doing lying on the forest floor?” Elizabeth snarled. She hated when her food acted stupid.
The girl’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Long yellow boogers hung from her nose and swung across her lip like sticky pendulums. “My vampire boyfriend dumped me and I can’t go on,” the girl whined as she sobbed profusely into the dirt beneath her.
Elizabeth wanted to stomp the girl into the dirt for acting like such a pathetic wussy. But then she thought of this vampire boyfriend and decided she didn’t need him coming after her and ripping off her body parts before burning them.
“Vampire boyfriend? Is he rich?” Elizabeth asked. After all, it would be so much easier to get another vampire to marry her instead of stuck-up Mr. Darcy.
The girl nodded as she wiped her gooey boogers across her shirtsleeve. She still clutched her side with one hand. “Very rich, very smart, and best of all, he sparkles in the sun.”
Elizabeth hissed as she jumped back. “Sparkles? Never mind.”
Suddenly, the sweet smelling girl didn’t look so appetizing anymore. How could she feast off someone who hooked up with sparkly vampires? It was so degrading. Elizabeth kicked her in the side one more time for good measure.
The girl howled in pain.
“Get a life, would you?” Elizabeth snarled before heading back toward the inn.