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JJ
Next morning dawned early with a soft spring breeze that would burn off by lunch. JJ drank his fourth cup of coffee and his hands shook a little as he put the cup down. It wasn’t from the caffeine.
Nerves had taken hold and he wished he had hiccups instead of sweaty palms. Before leaving the office, he turned his Open sign around to show Closed and he ran back for one more sip of coffee. Headed downstairs, he decided to go back into his office to use the restroom. Too much coffee provided plenty of opportunities for procrastination.
As if he’d arrived there by blinking, JJ suddenly found himself standing at the back door of the bar. A small faded Honda sedan nudged the walking space behind the building and JJ glanced at it a couple times, wondering if it was Tessa’s.
He stood at the back door for quite a while, staring at the scratched brass knob.
Going through the bar wouldn’t be appropriate since it had been closed since Jillian was found. Plus... while he had a key, Tessa lived there now and JJ didn’t want to insinuate himself into her space.
Jillian’s death had sucker punched him. She hadn't only been his business partner. She had become his friend, both of them initially united because of Tessa’s flight. In her early 50s, she had been a spitfire. A blunt woman with a heart of titanium – altogether strong, rare, and sweet – she’d been more of an outsider in their community which she’d been fine with. While she’d been fine, JJ hadn’t. He’d wanted so many times to point out that she did more for Bride than anyone realized.
More than once, JJ had witnessed Jillian offering a free meal to someone down on their luck, either a resident of Bride or someone just passing through. He’d asked her why once when she was usually treated with disdain by neighbors and other people of the community. Her reply? “I’m not sure if or when Tessa will be in need. I just hope someone out there is watching out for her in whatever way they can.”
JJ hadn’t looked at anyone the same after that. He’d watched for possible need and he’d chased after a chance to meet it with the same mindset. Wherever Tessa had been, he didn’t want her to be in need. Not if he could do something to help.
Now... she was here. In town. Yards away with just a door or two separating them. Tessa. She’d arrived but only after her mom had passed away. After all those years, maybe she’d changed. Maybe she wasn’t the same woman who had left.
He reached out and touched the cool handle and then pulled back. He wasn’t ready. Talking with Tessa would be hard, especially since she had no idea how close Jillian and JJ had become. They'd been close friends and that might cause Tessa to become suspicious or think he had ulterior motives. He wasn’t sure what she would do with the knowledge but he didn’t like the idea that she wouldn’t be comfortable with it.
He actually was okay with that.
Accepting the fact that he wouldn’t mind if Tessa was a little uncomfortable after leaving him like she did, he finally reached out and knocked on the glass of the back door. After a few minutes of scanning the parking lot and only coming up with weeds, gravel, and the sedan, he rapped his knuckles on the window again.
The sound of feet running down the stairs to the right of the door had him taking a deep breath. Okay, here it goes. He didn't have enough time for a pep talk – that time was over.
He looked forward, hoping to have his expression ready for Tessa but he wasn't sure how to look. Did he put on a pleasant smile? Did he maintain professionalism? Too late, door was opening, so he settled on a salesman smile with, of course, too many teeth showing.
The door opened completely and JJ looked around, his too-bright smile faded as he realized nobody was there. What was this? A haunted tavern because Jillian hadn’t finished something?
A small boy cleared his throat. He reached out and tugged on JJ’s arm. “I'm down here.” The voice was sweet and impatient all at once.
JJ blinked, turning a startled expression towards the boy. He took in the dark, sloppy hair which fell into the child’s eyes that he pushed back as if it was an afterthought. Large brown eyes gazed up at JJ with curiosity.
Standing there in silence, JJ couldn’t believe the boy was his son. Of course, he was though. He could’ve been looking at a walking version of his school picture at that age.
He struggled with what to say. Hi, I'm your father didn’t seem appropriate. He didn't even know what the boy's name was.
Tessa had completely blocked him out. The constant anger JJ had wrestled with for the last seven years bubbled inside him. She’d never even told Jillian about the child.
JJ covered his emotions as he knelt to gain eye level with the boy. His dark, tussled hair had slight curls in it, a lot like JJs. JJ swallowed, resting his hands between his bent knees. “Hi, there, is your mom here?”
The boy’s serious expression split into a smile. He motioned toward the stairs. “Yeah, she's upstairs. We are in a really cool apartment. Have you ever been here?”
His engaging smile tripped up JJ’s confidence. JJ nodded, but the movement was jerky. “Yeah, I have been over here. I'm glad you like it.” He stepped inside and out of the way of the door’s reach.
The boy shrugged. Closing the door behind JJ, he pointed up the stairs. “Yeah, it's just sad how it happened though. My mom's mom died. I guess that makes her my grandma, but I never met her.” He walked a few steps ahead of JJ. Halfway up the stairs, he turned, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you know your grandma?”
JJ smiled in understanding. “I did know her. She was an awesome woman.”
The boy nodded his head softly. His shoulders hunched forward and he returned to climbing up the stairs. “That's what I thought. Grandmas are supposed to be awesome.” They reached the top of the stairs and JJ was relieved to see nothing had change since his last visit with Jillian a little more than two weeks before.
There were a lot of places for Tessa to hide in the apartment, but if she had sent her son down to open the door, she was either in the bathroom or in the small kitchen to the right of the living room. Unless of course she was in one of the bedrooms and didn’t know someone had knocked. JJ didn't want to think of her in an intimate setting like a bedroom.
He climbed the rest of the stairs and looked around for any sign of where she might be. His heart tripped and beat with a faster rhythm.
With the sound of her voice, his heart might as well have stopped.
“Nathan? We need to go for more groceries. Are you—” She stepped out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair. Well-fitting jeans and a tighter T-shirt showed her shape had only become more womanly. Pink painted toes peaked from beneath the hem of the snug jeans. She hadn't lost her youthful appearance and the curves of her hips had only become more feminine after childbirth.
JJ couldn't speak for a moment and that frustrated him more than he could say.
It wasn't fair that she still had an effect on him – any effect was frustrating, but that one was almost unforgivable.
As far as he was concerned, he had to stamp down any reaction to her presence and make sure it didn't happen anymore. He’d hoped deep inside his heart that he would be so anxious to see her again only to find that she meant nothing to him and everything had been hyped up in his head.
That wasn’t the case. He felt like she’d turned him upside down and dunked him in a vat of cold water and then wrapped a warm blanket around him. Those kind of tingles were both alarming and exciting. Dang her, for that.
And Nathan. The boy's name was Nathan. Tessa had named their son after JJ’s dad.
Even if she hadn’t meant to, she’d handed him more with that gesture than anything else she could’ve done – short of staying with him.