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JJ
JJ’s announcement slathered the room in awkwardness. He shifted, uncomfortable with taking Tessa by surprise. There was no other way to tell her though. Suddenly announcing a partnership with him when she had done everything in her power to get away from him seven years before was obviously an ambush. No matter what, JJ hadn’t been looking forward to making the announcement.
He tucked his fingers into the top of his pockets and rolled back on his heels. “Well, think about it. I'm not sure...” He pressed his lips together and glanced to the side and then back at her. He still couldn't believe how amazing she looked. “One way or the other, we need to get the ball running. We can either make money to plump the books for it to sell or we need to make money to pay the capital.” He took a step back, half turning towards the stairs.
The memories of holding her, being with her, his proposal, their engagement, everything crashed around him. His shoulders tightened and he wished he really had recovered from the pain of that abandonment. He thought he had escaped everything after all the time he spent with Jillian and the majority of the pain disappearing over the years – or so he’d thought.
He tossed over his shoulder, “I'll see you at the funeral.” So many of their late nights as teenagers had been right there in that living room, on that worn couch where their son sat. JJ didn’t need to go back to where Tessa’s room had been to remember the Rainbow Brite bedding and the dollhouse Tessa had never had the heart to get rid of because her mom had worked so hard to get them for her.
How many times had they had pizza at the small table in the corner of the kitchen? Or done dishes together at the counter? So many nights had been spent just cuddling on the couch while Jillian had worked down at the bar. Time with Tessa had been guaranteed and he’d loved spending so much with her.
Focus on the funeral. Focus on what the door closing meant to JJ and his business and what it meant to Tessa. Would she stay in town? Would he be able to seek something with Nathan? The uncertainties surrounding the situation unnerved him and he almost missed Tessa’s next words.
“I... but when is that?” She met his gaze with a challenge when he glanced back at her. Had she really just said she didn’t know when the funeral was?
“The funeral? It’s tomorrow at ten down at the church. Didn’t you get the announcement?” He narrowed his eyes. He’d sent the card to the same PO Box he’d sent the notice of Jillian’s death. Maybe the post was slower getting to Austin from Bride.
“No... I mean, I didn’t get that. I got the letter stating she’d died and we left immediately. I wasn’t sure when the funeral would be. I guess... I guess I naturally assumed I would have to plan that.” She chewed on her lower lip, obviously torn between relief that she wouldn’t have to plan it and guilt that she hadn’t. “It’s all happening a little fast. I wasn’t... I mean, I’m just not completely sure I was prepared for it. That’s all.” She lifted her chin, trying to hide the vulnerability.
JJ respected her attempt to appear tougher than she was. Tessa was tough and he didn’t need her to prove it to him. “Don’t worry about it. Jillian was my business partner, but she was also my friend. I made the arrangements. I was happy to do so.” He hadn’t been sure Tessa would return and he couldn’t leave Jillian without a service. He turned back toward the stairs. He didn’t want to linger in Jillian’s house with Tessa so close, with his son so close.
“I can take over. It’s... if you want me to finish it, I can.” Her lower lip trembled but her gaze didn’t waiver.
“Nah, like I said, it’s almost done. We’ll see you there.” He lifted his hand and moved to turn, looking down the stairs, longing for escape from the memories tied to her and his pain.
“JJ...” His name on her lips was hesitant, unsure. He closed his eyes and relished the sound, for just a moment before pausing and looking back at her.
Something passed between them, and he wasn't sure what it was. He wasn’t sure how to define it when he wasn’t sure if the onslaught of emotions came from resurfacing anger at her abandonment, sadness at the loss of his friend, or desire because... Tessa was Tessa and he’d always crave her.
Her question came almost as a whisper, creeping across the space between him. “How did Mom die?” Tessa didn't move from the couch as she stared at him, her hands tucked beneath her thighs.
Once again, JJ was left trying to fix everything for her, even while she was there.
He shifted his feet, shuffling only minutely until he reached the wall across from her, feet from the landing. He didn’t want to make any sudden movements and break the feeling of the moment.
JJ leaned back, his shoulder blades resting against the wood panels of the wall. “Actually...” How blunt did he go? It was Tessa. She wasn’t afraid of words. She’d always been afraid of repeating history. “Jillian had a heart attack in the bar. She was stocking. We think that’s what happened because a broken bottle of Jack was on the floor next to her. The bartender found her.” He looked down at the floor, avoiding her gaze and Nathan's. “The bartender quit after that. He couldn't handle it. Jillian had been like a mom to him. He said he couldn’t go in the Refill and not see her on the ground.”
He looked up to Tessa, expecting to see her crying or showing some kind of emotion. Instead, her dry-eyed, stony expression as she nodded hammered something deep in his soul. After a minute, she raised bright eyes to his. “Mom never met Nathan.” Was she happy or upset about that fact?
Personally, he found everything about the situation tragic.
The sadness overwhelmed JJ. “She only mentioned him in passing. Like wondering if you'd had him, wondering what he looked like.” He glanced at Nathan, glad to see he looked exactly like JJ's picture growing up. He didn't know how, but he would fight for an opportunity to get to know his son better. “I'm really sorry about your loss.”
“It feels like you were closer to her than I was. I’m sorry for your loss.” Tessa put her hands on her knees and pushed up. Standing, she pushed her hair back over her shoulder, the wet tendrils clinging heavily to her shirt. “It's not your problem anyway. I'll deal with it, just like I deal with everything.” The wattage of her smile was overly bright and she half-shrugged his direction.
JJ nodded tightly. The woman was infuriating, but she was right. Nothing about Jillian’s death was really his problem.
Tessa wasn't his problem.
Jillian wasn't his problem.
The only things he had a legal right to claim as his own was half of Refill and Nathan.
Yet, even knowing those irrefutable facts, JJ wouldn’t let his concern for any of them wane. Sure, Tessa wasn’t his, but he still wanted to worry about her. He hadn’t stopped – even when she’d chosen to leave. And like it or not, they were family. Tessa was the mother of his son. Jillian was his son's grandmother.
There was a lot more tying them together than the business.
None of it had anything to do with being a problem and everything to do with being family and doing what was right.
He left the apartment and didn’t look back. Everything had been left unsaid... his heart demanded that he turn around and try to find closure, if nothing else. But, his pride held his back straight and his stride long and confident. Nothing would keep him from finalizing the funeral plans for Tessa's mom.
And nothing was going to be able to stop him from wanting Tessa for his problem.