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Tessa
Reaching up to rub out the soreness in her shoulder and neck, Tessa grinned at the old cracked coffee pot sitting in the coffee maker. The bubbling and hissing promised some black liquid soon and Tessa leaned her hip against the counter.
Hopefully, she didn’t fall into a boring routine with the bar and grill. The night before had been exhilarating as she’d realized the bar was hers – okay, half hers, but hers nonetheless. She didn’t have to answer to a manager or anyone else for that matter.
The cook had shown up an hour before she opened the doors. Toby or Tommy? Tessa couldn’t remember. He’d been soft spoken but an extremely hard worker. She’d ordered some fries and a burger for Nathan and they were actually really good. When she’d thanked him, he’d blushed and scraped a metal spatula across the grill. He’d mumbled something about The Stable’s were better and waved her on.
Nothing could ruin her night, though. The ordering system was fairly basic and the register even easier considering her past experience in a larger town with far more advanced technologies.
Bride was stuck about thirty years in the past and Refill Bar and Grill wasn’t an exception. Tessa didn’t mind at all.
A stream of coffee drizzled into the glass pot and Tessa pushed off the counter. She’d only been supervising the maker because she wasn’t sure if it worked. Knowing it would be full in no time, she ran to grab a quick shower before waking Nathan up.
He’d managed to stay up until almost eleven the night before, falling asleep on the booth seat she’d let him sit at all night. He’d blissfully colored and watched cartoons with fries and a shake until he’d passed out.
Seating the other patrons closer to the front of the restaurant or outside was easy considering the warm weather and the slow arrival of people. They probably weren’t expecting Refill to be open just yet. Even so, she’d thanked more than seventy-five percent of the customers for their condolences on Jillian’s passing. More than she’d expected.
She wasn't sure what it was but Tessa felt like she could hold onto a piece of Jillian while she worked in the bar. The image of her mother lying in that coffin wasn’t one that she’d ever get out of her head, but working behind the bar with the occasional sniff of a familiar scent, gave Tessa peace of mind.
Seeking peace in her life had become a mission. As long as she could feel the smallest amount of her mother, she didn’t see herself ever wanting to leave.
Before going in and waking Nathan, Tessa stopped for a second. She couldn’t believe everything she’d been able to do the night before at the bar. She’d slid into the new role without missing a beat, as if she’d been meant to work there all that time.
Everything had worked out okay the night before. She hadn’t been able to shake the feeling since she’d gotten upstairs from work that she needed to kneel down in prayer and let her mom know how sorry she was for making the accusations against Jillian that she had. She’d accused her of not being a good mom, of not trying.
Looking back, that’s all Jillian had ever done. Tried. She’d done so much for Tessa and Tessa was a spoiled brat. She’d never just been grateful. All Jillian had tried to do was pay the bills. As a single mom, things couldn’t have been harder.
Tessa was the worst kind of person for expecting better from her mom when her mom had done the very best that she could. Now that Tessa was doing the very best she could but she still felt like a failure. She couldn’t imagine how her mom had felt with her daughter telling her she wasn’t enough.
Blinking back tears at the thought that she’d caused her mom more pain than she’d already been in, Tessa ducked into the bathroom to make sure she was fairly presentable. She didn’t need makeup just to run to the store. In fact, her hair was up in a loose ponytail. Even though she’d taken a shower, the shadows of last night’s eyeliner and smudged mascara hadn’t come completely off. She didn’t care enough about what people thought to get all dolled up to the nines just to load up on cereal and milk.
Overall, though, Tessa was learning that all she could do was her best for Nathan. Most importantly, she had to stop being so hard on herself and her mom. She just hoped her mom could forgive her, where ever she was.
She tapped on the door to his room and poked her head inside. Smiling brightly, as if she hadn’t just been about to cry her eyes out in the bathroom – how embarrassing, Tessa murmured, “Nathan, are you going to wake up?”
He rolled over, rubbing his eyes. “I’m up.” He yawned and threw the Rainbow Brite blanket off him.
“Let’s go to the store this morning and see if we can get you something different for this room.” She said it nonchalantly but the look of excitement Nathan shot his mom said it didn’t get by him.
“Really? Do we have money?” He stood from bed. The sight of his too-short pajama pants twisted in her heart.
She nodded. “Yeah, get ready and let’s go.” She closed the door, blinking and looking up. Oh, if it was the last thing she did, she was going to give Nathan everything he needed. She might not be enough, but she could certainly make up to him the fact that he had a mother like her.
Patting the pocket of her jeans, Tessa grinned at the slight bulge. She’d made a lot of money in tips at the bar, even with the slower numbers that the cook had reported to her. He’d reassured her that the slow night wasn’t normal.
She’d been amazed. Even though it hadn’t been packed, the evening had been fast-paced and the tips poured in well. The tips she’d stuffed in her pocket were significantly more inspiring than she had thought money could be.
There was security in the money because she could feed her son and it boosted her pride. She’d worked, not only to make money for her wallet, but to increase the profit margin of the restaurant she co-owned. She’d worked harder knowing that. She’d appreciated more about the job as she’d cleaned, stocked, and welcomed patrons.
Her day was going to be a great one. She’d make sure of it.
Nathan finally joined her and they walked the two blocks down to the store.
Tessa wore a backpack so they could carry their things back in it. Two blocks didn't seem like a lot when your hands were empty, but when you started carrying things and having to walk, the load seemed a lot larger and the items became a lot heavier.
She wasn't sure where JJ was but she hoped not to catch a glimpse of him somewhere. He was with someone else. She had no makeup on. The man had to work at some point.
Would she ever get used to him being with someone else? As much as Tessa didn't want to know, she wasn’t stupid. The gorgeous woman sitting beside him wasn’t his sister. Honestly, Tessa couldn’t shake her surprise that he’d failed to mention the woman from the beginning. Yet, at the same time, he didn’t owe her anything.
“Why didn’t we just drive?” Nathan yawned beside her, skipping over the cracks in the sidewalk.
Tessa shrugged, taking in the warm sunshine and the ruffle in the tree leaves as the breeze stirred by. “I like walking and a little bit of exercise isn’t going to kill us. Plus, we don’t need to stock up the pantry in one hour. We can take a few trips and have fun with it.” She grinned down at him then looked up, nearly running headlong into Nancy Redd.
Nathan reached up and claimed Tessa’s hand. He wasn’t fond of strangers and Tessa didn’t blame him. But Nancy Redd was sweet, always had been.
Nodding slightly, Tessa smiled. “Good morning, Mrs. Redd.”
Pressing her gloved hand to her chest, Nancy glanced between Tessa and Nathan. “Well, I’ll be. Tessa Sinclair. You’re as pretty as ever.” She peered down at Nathan, a beatific smile framing her words. “Look at this young man. Aren’t you a handsome one?” She reached out and patted the top of his head.
Nathan arched an eyebrow and looked at Tessa who chewed the inside of her cheek to hold back her grin.
“Thank you, ma’am. He’s definitely a blessing.” Tessa wrapped her arm around Nathan’s shoulders and glanced back up at Nancy.
The older woman watched Tessa with a knowing smile. “I suspect he takes after his father the most. Wouldn’t you agree?” She tilted her head, waiting for confirmation to an unspoken question.
Tessa nodded slowly, shifting in her sneakers. “Yes, ma’am. I suspect he does.”
Claiming Tessa’s hand in hers, Nancy spoke earnestly. “Now, don’t you mess around this time, Tessa. You’re going to lose him for good, if you don’t act fast. The rest of the town doesn’t blame you for the dry spell we’ve had in Bride, but I know you can fix it, something fast. Apologize for what you did and get on with it.” She nodded tightly, squeezing Tessa’s fingers.
“I... I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Tessa shot a horrified peek at Nathan who didn’t seem to be paying attention. What was Nancy getting at? How did she know or even suspect? Because what she was thinking was very clear in her expression and the not-so-subtle way she was speaking.
Nancy nodded. “You know. Bless your heart, you still think this is something you can pick up later and keep for yourself. Didn’t your mama’s death wake you up, child? You’re going to miss out on so much, if you don’t hurry and take what’s yours. If you wait... Well, now, I’d hate to see that kind of loss in this town. Not again.” She pressed her lips together and studied Tessa.
Without saying anything more, Nancy patted Tessa on the upper bicep and wiggled her fingers at Nathan. She stepped around the pair and walked down the sidewalk, her purse clanging against her hip as it hung from her elbow.
Tessa clamped her mouth shut and clenched her teeth together. She wasn’t going to let the town’s matchmaker dampen her excitement for the morning.
Dang if she didn’t speak the truth and Tessa didn’t want to acknowledge it.
“Mom! Do you think we can get some Reese’s Puffs? We haven’t had those in forever!” Nathan jumped over another crack, pulling Tessa from her zone.
Pushing through the double doors of the Market, Tessa procured a cart and rushed after Nathan as he zoomed past each aisle.
Finally, he stopped in the cereal aisle and stared. The options in cereal brands seemed to be out of proportion with the size of the small store. Colorful boxes loomed above them and Tessa’s own eyes widened at the choices.
Nathan leaned over, bumping into her elbow with his forehead. “Mom, I didn't know they made this many different cereals.”
“I didn't know either.” She nodded, staring morosely at the towering aisle of cereal. They were going to be there forever. There were five different Reese’s Puffs. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I have to agree. It's a lot of cereal.”
A tinkling laugh surrounded them. “You think that's a lot, don't go to the chip aisle. It will leave you lost for days.” Tessa spun around, startled to see the redhead who had claimed JJ's heart.
Tessa ignored the flash of recognition on the woman’s face. They didn’t know each other, she probably remembered Tessa from the funeral – not Tessa’s best moment.
Trying to redirect the attention from herself, Tessa pointed dejectedly at the cereal and smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, I'm not sure what to get.”
The woman studied Tessa. “You're Tessa Sinclair. It's nice to meet you. I'm Celeste Meyer. I knew your mom.” She smiled at Tessa as if she didn't know what the history was for JJ and Tessa in that town.
But everybody knew. And they judged accordingly. It wasn’t hard to figure out what Celeste knew and which direction she’d go with her assumptions. Tessa knew what she would think.
Even with all of that, Tessa smiled and took Celeste’s offered hand. “It's so nice to meet you. Any friend of my mom's...” That's how she would leave it. She didn't want to go any further, because Tessa wasn’t aware of any friends of her mom’s. She’d lost that right a long time ago.
Celeste glanced down at Nathan and smiled. After a moment, she paused, narrowing her eyes as she perused Nathan’s face more fully. “This must be your son.” She knelt down and held out a hand for him to shake. Nathan took it hesitantly, glancing at his mom as he did so. Celeste didn’t look at Tessa as she continued smiling at the boy. “It's nice to meet you. I'm Celeste.”
Nathan nodded comfortably at her. “Did you say there are a lot of chips?”
Celeste and Tessa laughed in unison. Tessa didn't know if she liked the woman or despised her with jealousy over time she’d been with JJ, time she would continue to get with JJ.
Standing, Celeste continued glancing at Nathan as if she saw something in him, but she couldn’t put her finger on what. “He’s so sweet.” She looked up at Tessa, not hiding any of her emotions.
She knew and Tessa grimaced. “You know.”
Offering a side smile, Celeste half-shrugged. “He has his eyes. The same brown as JJ’s daddy. You can’t hide that.” She pressed her lips together. “Does JJ know?” Was she hoping he did or didn’t?
Unable to lie to someone – or anyone for that matter – but especially to someone who Tessa realized she could genuinely like, she nodded. “He does, but he hasn’t really addressed it. We’ve only had a business relationship. He helped me during the funeral, but I think that was more to avoid being embarrassed than anything.” She laughed. “I have a reputation and it’s not something anyone wants to be tied to, you know?” Didn’t Celeste know she was in Tessa’s dream spot? She had no reason to worry. Celeste had JJ, and Tessa had destroyed JJ.
Celeste wasn’t in any danger.
“I don’t think anyone thinks that way at all.” Celeste glanced down at Nathan one last time and smiled. “It was very nice finally meeting you both. I’m going to pick out my cereal and then get some milk. Good luck.” She turned toward the marshmallow cereals and grabbed a box before disappearing around the end of the aisle.
Tessa watched her walk away. Was it okay that she liked the woman who had won JJ’s heart? Did that make her a traitor to herself? Like Celeste made Tessa mad.
The only reason Celeste had the opportunity to take JJ was because Tessa had thrown him away. That’s what it was. She was mad at herself. In a town like Bride, a girl needed all the help she could get and all the friends she could gather. Because of what Tessa had chosen so long ago, she couldn’t have JJ and it would be too awkward to have Celeste as a friend.
Dang it.
Tessa felt like she had just been sucker punched. She wasn't supposed to like Celeste. In fact she had planned on hating her. Now she was hoping they could be friends and sad that her sinking suspicion was that she couldn’t. What a twisted world she lived in.
“She was nice.” Nathan reached out and picked the biggest box of Puffs he could reach, still holding onto his mom’s hand.
Tessa squeezed Nathan's fingers. “She was.” And because she still loved JJ, Tessa had to admit she was glad Celeste was so nice.
JJ deserved nice. He deserved better than Tessa. He deserved the best the world had to offer him. That had been Tessa’s goal from the beginning.
~~~
WITH NO SCHOOL IN THE summer, Nathan was going to get bored in the back room Tessa had set up at the edge of the kitchen. She’d discovered a small office there and couldn’t tuck Nathan into a corner booth. When it got packed, and she didn’t know when that would happen, she couldn’t expect the customers to be fine waiting for a table when there was a full booth with just one small child in it.
At the same time, she couldn’t expect the cook to keep an eye on Nathan while he was doing his job.
What was she going to do? The stress of her upcoming shift wouldn’t even exist, if she had a plan in place for Nathan’s care. The only people she knew in town were Nancy Redd, Suki, JJ, and Celeste. Not one of them was a person she could call up and say, “Hey, can you babysit tonight?” No, she wasn’t the type of person and none of them were the right kind of acquaintance or friend.
While Tessa organized an activity box for Nathan in the office for the night, JJ showed up at the front of the bar.
Tessa’s anxiety shot through the roof at his appearance. What was she supposed to tell him? Sorry, Nathan will be with me back in the office. She was co-owner of the bar with him, but what if he wasn’t okay with a child in the back? All of her insecurities about keeping Nathan welled up and her pulse quickened. She’d been the one to keep her son. She hadn’t given JJ any other option or even the chance to really decide. She wouldn’t burden him with parenting responsibilities.
She tugged at her loose ponytail and fanned herself. Early spring and it was still warmer than one would expect. She offered a tight smile, while tying the back of her apron tighter at her waist. “Hey, JJ. Sorry, I’ll be right there. I’m just...” She stepped back into the office from the doorway to the kitchen and stood with her hands on her hips, staring up at the ceiling. She blinked back frustrated tears.
Nathan’s voice reached her from the front and she took a steadying breath as he spoke to JJ. “Hi, JJ! I got Reese’s Puffs at the store. Do you want some?”
“Oh, those are my favorite. You’re pretty lucky. I never get to have that cereal. How’d you talk your mom into that?” JJ didn’t sound impatient or put out by talking to Nathan. Maybe he wasn’t too freaked out at meeting his son.
“I know! I didn’t have to talk her into it. She was fine getting them.” Nathan raised his voice. “Mom, JJ’s here. Can I get him some of my cereal?”
Tessa composed herself and stepped back out to the bar. “Sure, Nathan, but put them into one of those baggies in the drawer by the fridge. He doesn’t need milk, okay?” JJ loved cereal in bags. Tessa had remembered that from dating him.
“That’s my favorite way to eat cereal.” JJ high-fived Nathan as he ran toward the stairs, whooping. JJ raised his eyes to meet Tessa’s gaze. “You remembered.”
“I haven’t forgotten anything.” Tessa wiped at her forehead. She didn’t have long to figure out what to do. “I’m trying to get ready for tonight, did you need something?” She didn’t mean to sound curt, but she had too much stress on her to deal with anything else at the moment. She hadn’t even taken the time to eat lunch herself.
She wouldn’t mention meeting Celeste either. She didn’t want to talk about that woman with JJ. Not yet.
JJ jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction that Nathan disappeared. He suddenly didn’t look confident. “Actually, I was wondering if I could take him to the movies? We still have the small theater just up the road.”
Heat rushed up Tessa’s neck and cheeks as memories flooded back to her of dates with JJ in that little theater and getting kicked out by ushers multiple times because they’d been making out in the back and it was a family establishment. Did JJ remember?
JJ taking Nathan would be an answer to her problem. A huge answer. But Tessa was still hesitant. Even with her uncertainty, she was too busy to fight the resolution. Nathan would be safe and if she was honest with herself, she liked the idea of her son getting to know his father – even if he didn’t know JJ was his dad.
She nodded slowly. “Okay, when you’re done, can you bring him back here and cover for me so I can take him up to bed?” Tessa didn’t want to study JJ’s face too closely. She couldn’t handle the sight of his broad shoulders, his strong hands, and the deep intensity to his brown eyes. Not when she knew another woman had a claim to them. She wasn’t into adultery of any kind or being a part of it.
“Thank you. I’m looking forward to it.” JJ’s smile broadened and for a second he could’ve been the JJ she’d fallen in love with. His carefree expression didn’t have the heartache or stress she’d mistaken as growing older.
She’d done that to him. One more thing to add to her list of regrets.
Nathan appeared at his side, two bags filled to the brim with Reese’s Puffs. He lifted one up, his eyes wide. “Look, JJ. I got one for you and one for me!” He peeked at his mom from under long lashes. “Is that okay, Mom? I forgot to ask.”
Tessa waved at him. “Of course. Nathan, JJ wants to ask you something.” She’d put it on him. He had the right to ask.
Nathan turned expectant eyes toward the taller man.
“Want to hang out with me tonight?” JJ’s question was general and relaxed but his shoulders were tense and Tessa’s eyebrows knit together at the sight.
Was he nervous to ask Nathan to hang out with him? She’d never considered the possibility that JJ would want Nathan to like him as much as Tessa wanted them to like each other.
When Nathan all but yelled yes, JJ’s tension faded and pure joy replaced the expression of uneasiness on his face. Watching them leave, she was a little worried that Nathan didn't hesitate leaving with JJ, and it was a little disconcerting how easily they walked together.
Then another worry reared its ugly head as Tessa realized that JJ was going to see what a terrific kid Nathan was. JJ would then want Nathan for his own. Would Tessa be able to fight that? She didn’t want to lose Nathan in an ugly custody battle. She didn’t have the funds and she didn’t have the connections. Why had she come back to Bride? She was putting everything on the line. JJ would win Nathan, if he tried to take him from Tessa.
She wasn't a lawyer.
JJ was.