Chapter Twelve
Meg
“That’s it?” Francesca gave the cannoli filling a brutal stir. “He just turned around and walked away?”
“Yes.” I had opened my eyes in time to see Luke’s retreating back.
I swiped my finger along the side of the bowl. I popped a bit of the sweet goo into my mouth. She swatted at me, but I backed away before she made contact.
Francesca’s nonna would be so proud. If she thought baking was part of the dying art of domestic abilities, my friend was always busy trying to keep it alive. Her family had been in this country for generations, and much of their cultural heritage had been lost. But food, that was the one cultural tradition they clung to.
“What did you do?” Kylie wondered.
“What could I do? I didn’t know anyone there. By the time I got back to the table his parents were gone. I sat down and ate my crème brûlée. I ate his, too.”
“And then…?” Francesca prodded.
“Just as I was thinking I might have to call one of you to ask for a ride, he showed up at the table. He said he needed a minute to pull himself together.”
Francesca glanced up from her work. “I have a hard time picturing Luke falling apart in the first place.”
“Right?”
“So how did you leave things?” Kylie winced, probably trying to picture herself in the situation.
“Awkwardly,” I admitted. “He dragged me around so we could say our good-byes and then he drove me back here. He hardly said a word. It was so strange because before that I felt like we actually connected.”
“Good-bye kiss?” Francesca wondered.
“No,” I snorted an unladylike laugh. “Why would he? There was no one to show off to.”
She gave me a look as she placed the cannolis on the tray. “There was no one in the hallway, either, correct?”
I moved forward and swiped some more filling. She didn’t swat me away this time. “I’ve actually started to wonder if maybe there was. Maybe someone from school walked by—or his parents—and I didn’t see them. Someone he thought was worth persuading.” I stuffed another glob into my mouth. “I thought the kiss was a real kiss but looking back, I don’t know what it was. I probably read the whole thing wrong. He was in a terrible mood after that. I felt as if I did something wrong.”
“Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight because of his parents,” Kylie suggested.
“Definitely a possibility.”
“Speaking of parents,” Francesca segued a little too smoothly, “how are things going with yours?”
I made a noncommittal sound as she placed six cannolis on a small plate. I took her dirty dishes to the sink and rinsed them while she covered the larger plate and put the desserts in the fridge.
“That bad, huh?” She took the small plate and motioned for us to follow her.
We passed Mrs. Rossini as she watered the plants in the foyer. “Any left for me?” she asked.
“In the fridge,” Francesca answered.
We reached her room, and she kicked the door shut. We dropped down to the floor with the plate of desserts between us.
“Talk to us,” Francesca ordered. “What’s going on with your parents?”
“The usual,” I grudgingly admitted. “Only worse. If things don’t change soon, their marriage might be over.”
“Meg,” Francesca said regretfully. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too,” Kylie added. “Your family has been through enough the past few years.”
I broke a piece off my dessert. “Can we change the subject? It’s so depressing I don’t even want to talk about it.”
“If you decide you want to, you know we’re here for you. You were both here for me last summer when Nate and I broke up.”
That had been awful. He had decided he didn’t want a long-distance relationship. He’d ended things at the start of the summer, and Francesca had been devastated. Apparently so was Nate, because by the time he left for college, he’d begged her to take him back.
“You’re always here for me, too,” Kylie added.
She was one of four girls. Her parents were overprotective to the extreme. The girl was repressed.
“Thanks. But there’s not much else to say.”
“You’re not getting into more trouble, are you?” Francesca asked pointedly. “You haven’t painted anything recently?”
When I’d requested a subject change, this was not what I had in mind.
“No.” I picked off another piece of my dessert and popped it in my mouth. Francesca would be furious if she knew I thought about it. But seeing the posters at school, hearing students murmuring about the reward, on a nearly daily basis was an excellent deterrent.
“Other than last night,” Francesca started, “this fake relationship has been tolerable?”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yeah. I don’t mind spending time with him.”
“You seem happier than you’ve been in a long time.” Kylie offered a relieved smile.
“Luke’s a good distraction.” Not only was he filling up a lot of my time, he was filling up a lot of space in my head. “He can actually be a really nice guy.”
“So why don’t you make the fake relationship a real relationship?” Kylie wondered.
I frowned. “That wasn’t the deal.”
“So change the rules.”
Change the rules?
“Who says I want to?”
“Do you?” Francesca was suddenly alert.
Do I?
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter because Luke said from the start he doesn’t want a real relationship. That’s why he’s blackmailing me, remember?”
“That was before he got to know you.” Francesca leveled a stern look at me. “I’m telling you, I’ve seen you together, that boy is into you.”
“He’s not,” I corrected. “It’s all for show. There’s a list of rules to prove it.”
“Feelings change. Look at Nate and me. We started off as friends.”
“My parents are teetering on the brink of divorce. I have a reward hanging over my head. Getting emotionally involved with someone is the last thing I need,” I decided. “Luke and I are friends, nothing more.”
“Then you can’t let him get away with kissing you like that.” Francesca scowled, indignant on my behalf. “He’s taking advantage of the situation.”
“Unless you want him to kiss you like that.” Kylie made a dreamy face. “He’s so cute. I know I would kiss that boy every chance I got.”
I grinned. “I didn’t exactly mind.”
“So you do have feelings for him,” Francesca pressed.
“I didn’t say that,” I corrected. “I just said kissing him is…not terrible. I mean, the only guy I’ve ever dated was Gavin.” Gavin McKenzie and I’d dated for three whopping months freshman year before he moved away. It was just as well, because Sydney’s diagnosis soon followed. “Kissing Gavin was nothing like kissing Luke.”
“I suppose not,” Francesca said wryly. “Just don’t lose sight of what’s really going on.”
“I won’t.” I hesitated. “I’m tired of being miserable all the time. High school is almost over. I feel like it passed in this awful, dark haze. I’m stuck with Luke for now. I can either mope around about it or I can try to enjoy it.”
“Be careful, Meg,” Francesca warned. “Don’t let yourself enjoy it too much.”
…
“Nutmeg.”
I nearly ran into a tree as I swiveled my head around to look over my shoulder. I skidded to a stop as Luke jogged up the trail, closing the distance between us.
Lady yipped in greeting.
“Hey, there,” Luke said. “You must be Lady.” He knelt and held out his hand. She sniffed it and then plopped onto her haunches. Her tongue lolled as he gave her a good rub down. After a few minutes he returned his attention to me.
“I didn’t know you were a runner.”
“I’m more of a slow jogger,” I admitted. “Lady starts out with a lot of energy, but she loses momentum pretty quickly.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“You won’t get much of a run in,” I warned. I took off at our usual plodding pace. Luke slowed his stride to match ours.
The trail was narrow, barely wide enough for two people to run side by side. Trees flanked the edges. It wound through the woods, curving around the park.
The sound of our feet smacking the packed dirt and Lady’s panting filled my ears, and I suddenly felt awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t make it worse. His behavior after the kiss left me mentally floundering.
I was grateful that he’d caught up to us so late. The trail would be spilling us back into the park soon.
He was the one to break our silence. “You’re mad about last night.”
“I’m not mad. I’m confused,” I confessed.
“I was going to call you tonight so we could talk about it. Since we’re both here, I guess we should talk about it now.”
“So talk.”
“I wanted to apologize again for the way my parents treated you. For the way I let them treat you.”
“Apology accepted.”
“And the kiss,” he blurted. “I should apologize for that, too. Emotions were running pretty high. I guess we kind of got caught up in the moment. I did, anyway.”
“Is that what happened?”
“Isn’t it?” His tone was guarded, making me feel as if I needed to answer carefully.
“I don’t know. You kissed me.” Never mind that I didn’t resist. Resist? I practically melted all over him.
The trail widened, and we jogged onto an open field. I could see Luke’s SUV parked at the edge of it. We slowed our pace to a walk. He headed that way and I reflexively followed.
“You’re not really my girlfriend.”
“Yes, Luke, I’m aware.” Irritation flooded my words. “I have not forgotten you’re blackmailing me.”
He gave me a scolding look. “What I’m trying to say is that I know I can’t just kiss you for the hell of it. That wasn’t the agreement. It won’t happen again.”
“Is that why you disappeared after?”
“Yeah.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “I felt like an ass.”
We reached his Navigator. “As long as you’re here,” he said, “I’ve got something to show you.”
Lady sprawled out on the asphalt as I waited for Luke.
“This will just take a second.” He pulled something out of his backseat.
The notebook, of course. It was opened to the list. He held it up for me to see. The whole page had become a mish-mash of scribbles. His precise script, my sloppy loops, different colored pens, pencils…and now a sentence highlighted in yellow.
“I added it as soon as I got home.”
“You highlighted it, even.” For some reason, I found that amusing and oddly endearing.
“I’m taking that rule very seriously from now on.”
Lady whined. She was probably thirsty.
“I’m hungry,” Luke said after shooting her a glance. “We could go get burgers and onion rings. I’ll even throw in a burger for the fur ball. You hungry?”
“Starving. But as you pointed out earlier, I’m not really your girlfriend. I’ll eat at home.” I kept my tone light, but Francesca’s warning buzzed in my head. I could enjoy my time with Luke, but I needed to remember what this was really about. “I think I’ve maxed out my quota for the amount of time I’m required to spend with you this week.” I backed up. Lady got to her feet. “See you at school.”
I took off at a jog and he didn’t try to stop me.
The television murmured quietly in the living room when I got home. A quick peek around the corner let me know both my parents were here. At least they weren’t avoiding each other. They were simply ignoring each other. I trudged up the staircase.
When I changed out of my running clothes, I paused for a moment to straighten the pictures wedged into my mirror. My gaze rested on a photo of Sydney and me building a sand castle at the coast.
I could finally remember that day with a smile. Miss Perez had told me time would heal. I had clung to that promise like a lifeline. Slowly, I’d been able to pull myself out of the abyss of blackness.
These days I tried to concentrate on the time I’d had with her. Not the time that was lost.
Lady whimpered, as if she knew where my thoughts had gone. I knelt down. She pressed against me, giving me a doggy hug.
“You miss her, too, don’t you?”
Her absence would always be felt.
As a family we spent years readjusting our lives to meet Sydney’s needs. We gave up our house. Mom gave up her job. Dad started working at the store more, no longer able to afford to pay an employee.
I’d had to give up sports when my parents no longer had the time to take me, or the money to invest in me.
Other than hanging onto Francesca and Kylie, I’d given up any semblance of a social life. I’d wanted to spend every moment I could with my sister. We knew her days were numbered. I hadn’t wanted to miss any of them.
Everything revolved around Sydney.
Somewhere along the way I’d lost myself.
I didn’t realize I still hadn’t gotten myself back until Luke started pressing me. He’d asked about my hobbies, my interests. Maybe it was time to look for something that would make me happy.
Even if I didn’t know what that was anymore.