Part Eight

Yeah you know me. You know everything about me. Not the trivialities like favourite music and taste in wine. You know what matters, you know what I like, you know what I am like. We've traveled this road so far together, honey, and through the journey you’ve learned who I am and how I am and the way I live. You know more about me now than family knows, more than my friends have learned in their whole lives. That’s something special, honey. I’ve had women in my bed, women in my life who have never, ever seen this side of me, though some of them might have guessed. You have some of my most intimate secrets here, because I can’t write this without letting you see the inner me, the secret side of myself.

Yeah, you know me. You even almost know my name. Yes, it’s been changed here to protect the guilty, cleverly morphed just enough that someone won’t suddenly learn more than they ever wanted to know. You don’t need my name, though when you learn it you won’t be surprised. What matters is, you know me, and I know you have a picture of me in your mind. Can you see me now, right there with you? Can you feel me, can you sense the warmth of my body, so close to yours? What do you call it when we’re together? Making love? Fucking? It’s both those things and more. I know how open it makes you feel, how vulnerable you are at that moment when I have you spread and wet and begging for it. I know how you yearn for it even as it scares you to be that exposed, not just your body, not just your cunt, but your mind, your soul. Do you have any idea what that does to me? Do you have any idea how your open-ness brings out my own?

Imagine me for a moment, right here on the other side of this page. Imagine me here with my mind focused on you. Picture every detail, my face, my expression, picture my shoulders, picture my waist, picture my legs, and oh yes, honey, picture the swelling bulge right there at my crotch. Imagine me imagining you. See me call you up in my mind’s eye and realize how much I want you, you my perfect woman, you my one in a million, my one in ten million, my only one in all the universe.

Watch me shape you, one word at a time, line by line, every thought, every curve, every glance and smile. Imagine how long I’ve looked, how many women have come and gone to drive me to write this. Can you sense my story in these words? You already know it, the mirror image of your own. I have a hunger, honey, I have a thirst, and you are my full course fantasy, my ideal woman made flesh and blood. Yeah, you know me. I’m the one who’s been in your dreams since you first realized that boys might feel good. I’m the one who was there when everyone else thought you were asleep, when your fingers strayed down between your legs to explore the feelings that grew there. I’m the one in those dark and dangerous fantasies that you never quite revealed in those teenage games of truth or dare.

Yeah, you know me. I’m there in those comforting moments when you’re by yourself but not alone. I’m there when you’re out with friends with your eyes on the options that are good enough for them but not for you. We’ve come so close to meeting, time and time again. Remember when our eyes met, and the whole room vanished except you and me. You knew at that moment, you felt it in your bones. Remember when your friend took your attention and when you looked back I was gone? We missed that opportunity, honey. We missed it and we’ll never get that time back, but the future is still ours.

Lay back, honey. Let me lie beside you. Undress for me, because you know I love the way you look in just your skin. Let me look at your breasts, smooth and firm and rounded and feminine, let me see your trim waist and the flare of your hips. Roll over for me, honey, let me be amazed at the shape of your taut ass. Has it recovered from your spanking yet? Let me run my hands down your body, and be amazed at the faces you present, good girl, bad girl, urban girl, nature girl, artist, professional, lover, friend.

Do you know what I love most about you? It’s your curiosity, your thirst for knowledge. It’s your clear thinking, the way you see right to the heart of a problem. It’s your instinctive competitiveness, the way you never, ever want to be anything less than the very best. And more than that it’s your playfulness, your lighthearted, unselfconscious ability to have fun, be silly, to laugh at yourself and with everyone around you.

Are you surprised again, honey? Did you think what I valued most was your body? Yeah, your body matters. Your body is built for sex, and sex is what it’s about. If it weren’t for sex you’d just live with your best friend and skip the complicated issues of male and female. If it weren’t for sex you wouldn’t put yourself through the heartache, if it weren't for sex you wouldn’t be reading this book. Sex is primal, sex is power, sex is what makes the sparks fly, and anyone who says otherwise is denying reality. You have to have a good body to get with me, honey, it’s the price of admission. Sex is the foundation, for what we’re building here.

But it’s only the foundation. Good bodies aren’t hard to find. There are enough hot little sluts in the world willing to get their asses in the air for me to keep my cock wet for the rest of my life. Did I say willing? I meant eager. I meant fucking obsessed with the concept. And yeah, it’s a trip to have some random hottie I met four minutes ago sink down on her knees with the sole objective of getting my cock inside her, but I need a little more than that. I need a lot more than that. I need a woman who can challenge me, who can surprise me, who’s strong enough, smart enough to make it worth my while. I need that way more than firm tits and a tight ass, which isn’t to say that I don’t need those too. Good bodies aren't hard to find, but good minds are rare. Unique. Priceless.

So let me hold you, honey. Let me pull you close, pull you tight and inhale your scent. Let me run my fingers over the texture of your skin, let me learn the pattern of your body. Sex is the foundation, but intimacy is what’s built on it, that special closeness. Do you have any idea how you rip me open, how you spill my soul across your bed? This isn’t the game we started with honey, this is too true for that. The road has turned a corner, and now the journey begins for real. You open me when you open yourself, and I have no more choice to respond to you than you have to me. We’re in free fall here, with nothing to do but hold on tight and pray for a soft landing. Let me hold you, honey, here in midair, in this dark and warm and timeless place, suspended in your mind. Let me hold you and feel your warmth, your touch, your soul. Let me cup your breast, lay my cheek on your belly, while you run your fingers through my hair. Can I trust you honey, really trust you? Do you want me, or just the fantasy I’m spinning here for you? And yes the fantasy is me, but it isn’t all of me, and I need you to know all of me, want all of me, love all of me.

Yes love, I said it, that dangerous four letter word. I can’t be with someone without loving them, some way, some how. I can’t be with someone without giving them part of myself. Sex is about procreation, the closest commingling of two people that can ever be. DNA unwinding is the ultimate unzipping, the exposure of raw codons for the intimacy of crossover, the consummation of fertilization. Sexual bonding is no accident; it’s built on the biological core of the act.

We call it love but you can’t describe it, only experience it, and you know exactly what I mean. Surrender and possession, capture and release union and reunion. There’s more truth in the final moment of climax than in all the words ever written. Love is a force of nature, the force of nature. Birds do it, bees do it, and yes honey, you and me do it. That has nothing to do with whether you want a baby or not, your body doesn’t know about birth control, all it knows is how to respond to the presence of an alpha male. That's something too primal to think about, you just have to act.

Have I scared you, honey? Ruined your demon lover fantasy? Do you want to avoid emotion and intimacy and stay with primitive instinct - keep the image and lose the person behind it? The trick here is they aren’t so far apart, love and lust, fantasy and reality. Not so far apart, but on opposite ends of the universe. I need all of you, and I need you to need all of me, rich or poor, sick or healthy, everything I am. I need you deeply, not just the depths of your open and willing body but the very depths of your soul. I need it all. Can you give me that? Will you give me that? Because yes, honey, that’s what I want, that’s what I need.

Yeah, you know me honey, you know me better than anyone else and I am as open to you as I have ever been, as I have never been before. And I could seduce you right now, could slide you into the decision I want with the same fluid words that have kept you glued to these pages all this time. But I’m not going to, because I don’t want you because I’ve seduced you, I don’t want you because I’ve clouded your mind with desire. I want your decision, clear eyed and clear headed. I want you to choose, not have me choose for you. The door is right there in front of you, and you have to decide if you want to go through it, or turn away. Every door in the world is our door, and every time you have to make the choice to go through it.

So think it over, honey, take some time. Think about what we’ve had here and what we’ve done here and decide if you want more. You can see where this little adventure is going now and you know it’s getting more and more real with every page you turn. It’s for you to decide honey, yes or no, stop or go, carry on the journey or close the book and forget it ever happened. Go ahead and weigh it honey, don’t cheat yourself, don’t cheat me, by zipping on ahead. Make your decision a good one, because one way or the other there’s no going back. Take your time, I’ll wait on the next page, an hour or a day or forever. I’m patient that way.

And here you are honey, through the door, going down the road, and let me hug you and kiss you and tell you how glad I am to see you. Let me pick you up and spin you around and just be overjoyed at your presence. Let me put you down and lie down beside you and kiss you and hold you and cherish this moment. You and I. Us. Beautiful.