LANDSTUHL HOSPITAL, RAMSTEIN, GERMANY

The anesthesia slowly wore off, and Zach woke to find himself in the surgical recovery room of Landstuhl Hospital. He moaned softly as a sharp pain radiated up his leg.

“Push this button,” he heard Tony say. Tony placed the patient-controlled analgesia injector in Zach’s hand. “The nurse said any time the pain is too intense, press this button, and you can give yourself a dose of pain medication.”

“Aaaahhh!” Zach moaned over and over as he pressed the button about five times.

“It won’t help to press the button more than once,” the recovery room nurse said, as she came to adjust his IV and check his dressing. “You’ll only get so much medication no matter how many times you press your injector. Just give it a minute. You should begin to feel relief soon.”

Zach rolled his head from side to side in obvious distress.

“If you’re not getting enough relief, I’ll ask the doctor to up the dosage. Your surgeon should be here any minute to talk to you about how your procedure went.”

Zach felt the medication slowly begin to work as his pain subsided. He peered down at his leg, immobilized by what looked like a metal cage. A maze of pins and wires seemed to be holding his leg together. He’d been hit by a barrage of bullets when they evacuated. His body armor had kept him from suffering a mortal wound, but nothing had protected his leg.

He twisted in the bed and acted like he wanted to get up. Tony put a hand on his shoulder and eased him down. “Easy there, buddy. Just relax.”

Zach continued to stir, still agitated and restless. “Where’s Arianna? Did we get her out of there safely? Is she okay?”

“Roger that, but she’s messed up. Cracked ribs. Pneumonia. A urinary tract infection. Dehydration. Loss of weight. Luckily, no permanent injuries, so she should recover quickly.”

Zach didn’t respond. What should have been received as good news, barely fazed him.

A doctor came around the corner and approached his bed. “Good day, sir. I’m doctor Chaudhary, your surgeon. How are you feeling?” he asked in clipped English.

Zach didn’t respond. He eased himself up on one elbow. “My leg. How bad is it?”

The doctor paused a moment, then said, “There is no way to sugarcoat this, sir. The bullets shattered your femur and tore into the muscle around it. I did my best to piece things back together, but I believe your combat days are over.”

Zach fell back on the bed and put his hand to his head. “No. No, that can’t be.”

“You possibly will need one or two more surgeries, then much rehab. We will try to restore your leg to full strength, but I think you should not get your hopes up. You are lucky you did not lose the use of this leg entirely. I believe you will have a permanent limp, but at least you still have a leg. I am very sorry, sir.” With that he turned and left.

Tony stood there looking like he’d been struck by lightning. He started to speak, then stopped, struggling to find the right words to say. He cleared his throat and said, “Well, this is not what we expected, but they have a great rehab facility so they’ll be able to fix—”

“Don’t,” Zach snapped and put his hand up to stop him from saying anything more. “Don’t. Don’t say anything to get my hopes up when we both know I’m fucked over. My days as a special operator are finished.” He pinched the bridge of his nose to either hide, or perhaps stem, the flow of tears forming in his eyes.

Tony stared at Zach with disbelief. No, this can’t be happening. He’d always seen Zach, his best friend, as someone who was invincible. This can’t be happening to him. He was at a loss as to what to say or do. An uncomfortable silence hung between them.

Finally, Tony swallowed hard and fought the tears that threatened to form in his eyes as well. “Ah, shit, man. Come on. Buck up, Zach. We’ve been through worst shit than this. You got to fight this, man. You need to stay positive. I’ll help you. We’ll get this leg moving again. Just be positive…and uh…”

Zach slammed his fist down on the bed. “Shut the fuck up!” He struggled to sit up. “Look at that useless piece of shit.” He pointed down at his leg. “I don’t need a doctor to tell me this leg is worthless.” He strained hard, trying to lift it, but it didn’t budge.

“Whoa! Hold on,” Tony said. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be moving your leg just yet.”

“Well, that’s good because as you can see, I can’t. You know, maybe you and Juan could carry me into battle. Help me move from place to place. Prop me up so I can shoot. Is that what you had in mind by helping me? Maybe—”

“Stop,” Tony snapped. “Stop. Enough of the bullshit. I’m just trying to look for the positive side of things.”

“Well, I’m not,” Zach continued, not skipping a beat. “I prefer not to get my hopes up for nothing, so please don’t humor me.” He sank back onto the bed, grabbed his injector again, and pressed the button several times. “Aaahhh! Son of a bitch, this hurts.” He turned white with pain and lay back holding onto the side rail of the bed, waiting for relief to come.

Tony took a deep breath. “I’ll let everyone know what’s going on,” he said in a calm voice. “I’m sure they’re all worried. I’ll talk to Arianna and let her know you’re okay. She’s on the floor above you. I’ll let her know you’re down here. I’m sure they’ll let her come see you.”

Zach rose up again and grabbed Tony’s arm as he started to leave. “No. I don’t want to see her. I’m not ready to see her. I don’t want any visitors. Is that clear?”

Tony turned and looked at him. “What? No, you don’t mean that. Surely…”

“Damnit! Didn’t you hear me? No one comes through that door. Do you understand me? No one, especially not Arianna.”

Tony glared at Zach. “You stupid son of a bitch. What the hell are you talking about? She’s the love of your life. What do you mean you don’t want to see her? She loves you. You guys both need each other right now. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve never wanted to punch you out as much as I do right now for this stupid, stupid reaction.”

The recovery room nurse rushed over, having heard the words exchanged between these two. “Gentlemen, what is going on here?” She looked down at Zach. “Sir, is everything all right?”

“Stupid?” Zach said to Tony, ignoring the nurse. “My life as I know it is over. Arianna’s going to be in love with someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Who am I? What am I now? My whole life’s work is gone. You think this is stupid? Then try switching places with me, you son of a bitch. This is my new reality.” Despair and anger consumed him.

Tony stepped forward and put a tentative hand on Zach’s shoulder. Looking at the nurse, he said, “Can we have a minute, please?”

The nurse hesitated.

“It’s all right,” Tony said. “He’s my best friend. We just need a moment to work some things out.”

“O-kay, but I’ll be right over here,” the nurse replied and walked away.

Tony sat down on the side of the bed. “Zach, listen. I’m sorry what happened to you. I get it. I do. I’m sorry this happened. I don’t know what I’d do if it happened to me, but you’ve got to fight this. Remember your training. SEALs never quit. The only easy day was yesterday.”

Zach lay there staring at the ceiling, his eyes still moist with tears.

“I think you need to take some time to adjust,” Tony said. “Things are too raw now. I’ll tell everyone you don’t want any visitors for the time being. Give yourself some time to think this through. I suppose this means you don’t want any phone calls either.”

Zach continued to stare at the ceiling, not answering, which was an answer in and of itself. He didn’t want any phone calls, either.

The nurse returned to the bed with an orderly. “Time to move you to a room,” she announced and then began unhooking IVs and monitors in preparation for transporting Zach to a private room.

Tony reached down and patted Zach’s hand. “Rest up, my friend. I’ll talk to the nurses on your floor and make sure they understand you are to have no visitors. I’ll talk to Arianna and your family and let everyone know you’re all right.”

“Yeah, you do that. You call everyone and let them know I’m all right. Tell them gimpy will be home soon.”

Tony winced, barely able to contain his frustration. “I’m gonna go catch some lunch. I’ll be back to see you this afternoon. Maybe in a few days when you start to feel better, you’ll see things differently.”

AS SOON as Tony left the recovery room, he slammed his fist into the wall, over and over until it looked like he might punch right through the drywall. A nurse approached and tried to calm him down.

“Are you okay, sir? Here. Here,” she said, trying to get him to move over to a chair to sit down.

He collapsed against the wall, buried his face behind his arms, and sobbed. This can’t be happening to Zach. Not him. Please, God, no. Zach wasn’t the first soldier he’d seen badly wounded, but he was the first one who had brought him to tears. That was his best friend lying severely wounded in that bed, his career likely over. He didn’t think he could bear it. In a way, life as he knew it was over, too.

“Sir, can I get you anything?” the nurse asked.

Tony stepped back and acknowledged the nurse for the first time. Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand, he said, “No, thank you. I’m fine. Thank you.” He walked on down the hall to find a quiet place to start making some calls.

He looked at his phone with dread. The conversations he was about to have would require all the strength he could muster in order to get through them without breaking down. He called the hospital information desk and asked for room four thirty-eight. He waited as the operator connected him. An anxious voice answered.

“Arianna? This is Tony,” he said. “I need to give you an update on Zach’s injuries. I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”