LANDSTUHL HOSPITAL RAMSTEIN, GERMANY

Bad news? Tony had called to tell her there was bad news about Zach. A lump caught in Arianna’s throat. Her heart started pounding. She eased herself out of bed, held tight to the side rail, and braced herself for what Tony was about to tell her.

“Zach’s been injured badly,” Tony said. “He’s alive for sure, but his leg. Bullets shattered his femur. Shredded the surrounding tissue. The surgeon did his best to repair the damage, but he told Zach his military career is probably over.”

Arianna gasped and her legs buckled. She almost collapsed. Was it due to the excitement of finally hearing he was alive or the bad news that life as Zach knew it was over? Either way, the news was a shock.

“No,” she whispered. Finally finding her voice, she said, “Oh, God, no. His career is his whole life. He must have been devastated when the doctor told him that.”

“He was.”

Arianna swallowed hard. “Where is he? I have to go see him.”

There was a long pause on the phone. Finally, Tony said, “Uh, well, you see, that’s part of the problem. Zach’s pretty broken up about this and doesn’t want to see anyone.”

Arianna frowned. “N…no one…not even me?” She thought she might have misunderstood him.

Dead silence on the phone.

“Not even me?” she repeated. “Why? Wha…? I don’t understand. Why would he shut me out? We’ve been together for over a year. We’re…we’re in love. Why wouldn’t he want to see me?”

Tony let out a long, exasperated sigh. “It’s complicated, Arianna. He doesn’t want to see anyone. I was there when the surgeon delivered the bad news, and Zach totally lost it. I think he just needs time to adjust. He’s going to have some intensive rehab. Maybe with luck, they can get his leg back to normal. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen. He’s half out of his mind. I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Where is he?” Arianna asked with determination in her voice. “I don’t care what he said. I’m going to go see him.”

“Uh…that’ll be hard. He’s in…uh…Iraq. A field hospital in Irbil. There’s no way you can get clearance to go there.”

“Well, pull some strings. Do whatever you have to do to get me there.”

“Geesh, Arianna. You’re in no shape to travel, I…”

“Three days. Just give me a few days, and I should be well enough to make that trip. Damnit, Tony. Find a way to get me to that hospital.”

“Arianna, please,” Tony pleaded. “Stop. I can’t. You can’t. It’s no good.” There was a long pause. “Ah, shit. Even if I could get you there, I’m sorry, Arianna, Zach won’t see you. He’s adamant about it.”

Tony’s words cut like a knife. Tears pooled in her eyes. She had thought her long nightmare was over. As she lay captive and injured in that cave, she’d dreamed of the day she’d be reunited with Zach, a man she loved more than life. The thought of seeing him again was the one thing that had kept her alive…but now, given these new circumstances, it seemed her torment wasn’t over. The words, “He doesn’t want to see you,” rang in her ears. Her long nightmare continued, and she didn’t know how much more she could take.

“Arianna, listen,” Tony said. “I’m working on Zach. I told him this not wanting to see anyone was crazy. I think once the shock of the injury wears off, and his leg starts to get better, he’ll come around. You know he loves you. He won’t be able to stay away from you forever. Just give him some time.”

Nothing but Arianna’s muffled sobs could be heard on the other end of the line.

“Of course, in the meantime, you don’t need to worry about anything. I’ll make sure you’ll have whatever you need.”

Arianna snuffed up her tears. “You don’t need to do that. I can take care of myself.” She cleared her throat. “My mother will be here tonight. She’ll stay with me and take me home when I’m released.”

“I’m so sorry, Arianna. I really am. Hang in there, and I’ll be in touch, okay?”

“Sure,” she responded lamely and hung up the phone. She stood there immobilized, staring off into space, numb inside.

The nurse from the night before, coming on duty, entered Arianna’s room and saw her standing beside the bed. “Oh, hey hon, let’s get you back into bed.” She came over and pulled back the sheets to help her in. “Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain or distress of some kind. Can I get you anything?”

Arianna waved her off. What she wanted, no one could get. She sat motionless in the bed. She didn’t want to answer any questions. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to do anything. Her brain was still reeling from the news Tony had delivered. She knew Zach so well, she completely understood how devastated he was. Losing his career was like a death sentence for him. Sure he loved her, at least she thought he did, but she knew his career had always been his other love. Losing that was a death blow to him.

Even so, she couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to see her. Did he blame her for his injury? He had implored her to leave this story alone, but she hadn’t, and now he’d been badly injured trying to rescue her. Did he blame her for that? Did he think this was all her fault? She felt he must. Oh, my God. What have I done? It hurt. A lot. Rejected by the man she loved. His losing his career and knowing she was to blame. She didn’t think she could bear it.

Something inside her snapped. She wanted out of here. She wanted to go find him. She had to find him. She needed to talk to him face to face. This couldn’t be how things ended between them.

“Unhook me from all this stuff,” she said to the nurse and threw the covers back to get out of bed. A feeling of going crazy and losing control overtook her. Her heart pounded in her chest. Her breath came in short bursts, and she felt an overwhelming sense of urgency to get out of this place.

“What?” the nurse asked. “I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“I have to get out of here. There’s something I have to do.” She started to rip off the tape which held her IV in place, wanting the IV removed.

“No, no, no. Miss Garrett, don’t do that. Please, leave your IV alone and get back into bed.” She glanced at the monitor above Arianna’s bed. Her blood pressure was sky high and an erratic heart rate blipped across the screen.

Arianna tried to push the nurse away and once again attempted to rip her IV out. “I want out of here, and I want out of here now.” She had to find Zach. She needed to go. To move. She couldn’t stay here anymore.

The nurse called for help and soon two other nurses rushed into the room.

“Please help me get Miss Garrett back into bed. I think she’s having a panic attack. Something’s really set her off. She’s trying to leave the hospital. She’s too ill to leave.”

The nurses did their best to restrain Arianna and ease her back into bed. They held her there while the head nurse rushed out of the room to check with the doctor. She returned minutes later with a sedative.

“Okay, hon,” the head nurse said to Arianna as she lay there arguing and wrestling with the nurses. “The doctor recommended something to calm your nerves.” She injected the sedative into Arianna’s IV tube. “This will help you relax, and then we can talk about what’s gotten you so upset. I’ll talk to the doctor about a possible release for you, but right now, just relax, hon. Whatever’s happened, I’m sure we can help you deal with it.”

Arianna’s eyes became heavy, and she felt herself going limp. As much as she wanted to leave and go find Zach, she almost welcomed the feeling of euphoria caused by the sedative. She was slipping into la la land, and it actually felt good not to be able to think or feel anything. Yes, drugs. That’s exactly what she needed. Something to totally numb her senses so the pain and anxiety would go away. Sleep. Drug induced sleep. Refuge from the storm raging within her.

“I TOLD her,” Tony said, standing beside Zach’s bedside. “It killed me to do it, but I told Arianna that you didn’t want to see her. I felt like a jerk. She didn’t take it well at all. I hope you’re happy.”

Zach shook his head.

“I told her you were in a field hospital in Iraq,” Tony continued. “She has no idea you’re one floor below her, or else I’m certain she’d be down her in a flash despite what you think. You know I’ve always trusted your judgement, so much so, I’d follow you anywhere into battle without question. That’s how much confidence I have in you, but you’re way off base on this, buddy. This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen you do.”

“Go home,” Zach said, finally speaking. “How would you know what this is like? You’re not the one whose career is over, so don’t judge me. Go home. My leg is hurt. My brain is fine. I can manage my own affairs.”

Tony stared at him a minute. “I also spoke to your parents…another tough call. Your mom wants to come see you, but I told her not to. Just like Arianna, her feelings were hurt, too. She’s going to be calling you. You can at least talk to her on the phone, can’t you?”

No response from Zach.

Tony shook his head and a look of disgust covered his face. “You’re being such an ass. You think you’re invincible and can get through this all on your own. Well, don’t look for sympathy from anyone, especially me. I thought you were more of a fighter than this. Frankly, I think you’re being nothing but a fucking coward.”

Zach wrestled himself up on two elbows. “Damnit, Tony. Go home before we both lose it. I don’t need sympathy. I don’t need you or anyone. Please, just leave.”

Tony stared at Zach and stood there shaking his head. “Roger that,” he finally whispered, turned on his heel, and left the room.

THE SUN had set, and it was dark in Arianna’s room when she began to rouse from her drug induced sleep. It’s funny how drugs work. You have a sense of euphoria when you’re under their spell, but once the effect wears off, you find yourself right back to how you felt before they worked their magic.

She slowly sat up and looked around. Silence and emptiness. She had a feeling of being oppressed. Heaviness weighed upon her chest. Oh, God, I’ve got to get out of here. Actually, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She should stay. She wanted to go. She wanted to stay. She didn’t want to go. Competing emotions warred within her. How would she be able to go forward without Zach in her life? How could she bear the guilt of causing him to lose his career? She was riddled with anxiety.

Her night nurse came into the room. “Oh, I see you’re awake. How are you feeling, hon?”

Arianna shrugged her shoulders.

“Did I hear you say your mother was coming tonight? That’s nice. A girl never gets too old that they don’t need their mother.”

Arianna stared off into the distance.

“Dinner’s on its way.” The nurse came over to the bed and took Arianna’s pulse as she studied the monitor above the bed. “I think you must be feeling better. Your blood pressure’s come down some.” She adjusted Arianna’s bed covers. “Any word on that fella of yours who was injured?”

“What?” Arianna asked as the nurse’s question slowly registered with her.

“I asked if you heard anything about your boyfriend’s condition.”

“He’s alive but it looks like his career is over. I’m pretty sure he blames me.”

“We see that a lot around here. They all take it hard.”

“He refuses to see me.”

The nurse put her hand on Arianna’s arm. “Now, don’t you fret, hon. He’ll come around. Time has a way of healing all wounds.”

A doctor entered Arianna’s room. After verifying she was in fact the patient he was looking for, he asked how she was feeling.

Arianna mumbled a barely audible response.

The doctor checked her chart. “You had a rough time indeed, Miss Garrett. Your ribs will heal in a few weeks. Going to be some discomfort in the meantime, but with medication, you should be fairly pain-free. Antibiotics will clear up your urinary tract infection and pneumonia in a couple of days. You were quite dehydrated, but we’re rehydrating you with IV fluids.” He looked down at the food tray which had been delivered. “Need to eat to gain back the weight you’ve lost. I hear the food’s not too bad here.” He studied her chart some more. “Hmm. The best news of all is, it looks like your baby’s going to be okay.”