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Roscoe, NY
That evening, I sat quietly in my study indulging myself in some Hersheyettes chocolate candies that I’d bought on eBay at a ridiculously high price (sometimes being a chocoholic got expensive). Resembling M&Ms (only way better) they are my favorites, but can only be found at Christmas, when a few stores carry them packed in miniature, plastic candy canes. Worth every penny, I thought, as I sucked the creamy milk chocolate from the inside of the hard candy shell.
I heard the phone ring, but before I could answer it, Val hollered, “I’ve got it,” so I picked up my copy of Rheimer’s Anthology of North American Snakes, and began thumbing through its pages until I found the entry for the Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake, and began to read:
“Crotalus adamanteus is the scientific name assigned to the eastern diamondback rattlesnake. The name crotalus comes from the Greek word krotolon, which means ‘rattle’ or ‘castanet.’ The word adamanteus is most likely derived from the Latin word adamantinus, which means ‘made of diamond,’ or more aptly ‘having the qualities of a diamond.’ This would refer to the diamond-like shape of the patterns of the eastern diamondback rattlesnake.
These snakes are the largest of all North American venomous snakes, and widely recognized as one of the most efficient predators in the animal kingdom, having few peers able to match its ability to kill. Records show individual specimens attaining lengths of nearly eight-and-a-half feet, but more commonly, the snakes average between three-and-a-half feet and four-and-a-half feet, and can weigh as much as ten pounds. In 1953, a reward was offered for any specimen brought in measuring over seven-and-a-half feet, but the reward was never claimed.
Its colors consist of browns, olive gray, brownish yellow, or tan overlaid by a series of diamond-shaped (hence the name) markings, usually dark brown, or black in color, with cream or yellowish borders. The tail is usually a different shade from the body, and darker bands replace the diamond shapes. The head is broad and triangular, with a dark, almost black, stripe running diagonally through each eye. This stripe is bordered by distinct yellowish or tan stripes, much like the eye of a cat.
One other characteristic of this and other rattlesnakes is the large pit (heat sensitive) located between the eye and the nostril, used to locate warm-blooded prey or other predators—hence the name ‘pit viper.’ The diet of the eastern diamondback rattlesnake consists of small mammals such as mice, rats, frogs, and other small snakes. Occasionally, larger warm-blooded mammals like rabbits, or even housecats, may fall prey to its potent venom.
It is no coincidence that they are known as ‘cold-blooded’ killers.”
As I studied the accompanying photographs and diagrams, I felt that familiar tingle begin to run up and down my spine. I closed my eyes, and was immediately “rewarded” with a vision of that morning’s encounter with the subject of the book’s article that caused me to open them just as quickly. “That’s enough of that shit!” I slammed the book shut and simultaneously reached for another handful of candy.
“What did you say, Matt?” called Valerie from the kitchen.
I finished swallowing, and hollered back, “Nothing, Val. I was just talking to myself.”
“Well, come in here and talk to me,” she answered back. “I’ve got something I need to discuss with you.”
I didn’t like the tone of her voice.
“That was the radiologist’s office on the phone. They said they saw something that wasn’t quite right, and—”
“Well, what was it?”
“It’s probably nothing,” said Val. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a frown on her face, sipping on a cup of decaf. “But, I just wanted you to know what’s going on.”
While I’d been at work that day, Val had been over at the hospital in Monticello, undergoing her annual mammogram. Apparently, the technician performing the mammogram had seen something that looked a bit abnormal.
“He wants to do an ultrasound—first thing tomorrow morning.”
“That fast, huh?”
“Well, you know how it is, Matt. They don’t like to wait. When the technician said he spotted something ‘unusual,’ at first I thought he was referring to that cyst they found last year in my left breast. But, he said, ‘No. It’s something in the right one.’”
My mind flashed back to the previous year and the “false alarm” that had scared both of us nearly to death. Thankfully, everything had been fine, but I still felt like a jerk for not being there today.
“I’m so sorry, Val. I should have been there for you today.”
“Oh, Matt, don’t be ridiculous. It was just a mammogram.”
I sat down alongside her and pulled her to me. She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I could feel the warmth of her body. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her. “I’m really sorry, honey. I totally forgot. Do you forgive me?”
She looked up at me and smiled. But, I could see the tension in her face.
“Are you scared?” I asked, putting my arm around her.
“Not yet,” she laughed.
“Well, do you feel like there’s anything there—in the right one?”
“Not really. But, I couldn’t feel that cyst either, remember?”
“Yeah, I do remember that now. Well, I think I should be there tomorrow, just in case—”
“I was hoping you’d say that. I’m not scared yet—not really—but I’d definitely feel better if you were there.” Val pressed against me, and I squeezed her shoulder.
“Well, don’t worry, honey. I will be.”
* * * *
I slept like hell that night, tossing and turning, and waking several times; my dreams were filled with images of hospital operating rooms, people in green gowns, surgical instruments moving hurriedly over a green draped form, and blood spraying in every direction. The last time I awoke, I was drenched in perspiration, so I got up and crept downstairs to make myself a cup of hot chocolate. For most folks, that would be a recipe for insomnia, but for some reason hot chocolate has the opposite effect on me. I spent the remainder of the night in the relative safety of the recliner in the den, mercifully undisturbed—and very much asleep.
In the morning, I could hear Val scurrying around the kitchen, and I remembered the appointment. I immediately got on the phone and called Nancy.
“Don’t expect me until after lunch,” I said, explaining the situation.
“Never mind that. If you get here, fine. If not, we’ll survive for one day without you. And, tell Val everything’s going to be all right.”
“Thanks, Nancy. I will.”
I hung up the phone, desperately wanting to share Nancy’s optimism, but filled instead with a sense of dread. Nevertheless, I relayed her message of cheer to Val. We shared a hurried breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and juice, and then it was time to leave. I put my arms around Val and held her tightly to my chest. I could feel her heart beating furiously.
“It’s going to be just fine,” I said, unconvincingly.
Val smiled bravely.
We got into the Jeep and headed for the hospital. There wasn’t much traffic, and there was even less conversation as we made the forty-minute drive to Monticello in virtual silence. I didn’t dare let my thoughts stray to the negative possibilities of the day, but stayed focused on the blacktop in front of me. Once we were at the hospital, I parked the car, and then turned to Val. It seemed to me that her eyes had never looked prettier or bluer. “It will be, you know,” I said, my own eyes focused unwaveringly on hers. “It will be okay.”
“As long as I have you, Matt, that’s all that counts.”
I thought of the famous line from the movie, “Jerry McGuire,” and smiled.
Together, we exited the car and walked through the doors of the hospital, into its cool, sterile interior and into a new chapter of our lives—which would never be the same.