seven numbers hesitantly. It was late into the night, maybe too late to be making this phone call.
"Jenks? It's me." I can't seem to bring together the words I want to say.
"Autumn, are you okay? Give me ten minutes. I’ll be there." I hear him rushing around, clinging of keys.
"No, no need to rush. I’m on my way to your place. If that’s alright with you?" I said hastily.
"Of course! I'll be here." His wording sounded sincere. Secretly, I wish for it to be.
"Okay...Jenks? Thanks."
"See you soon, AJ." He took a final exhale.
I awake to the heavy breathing of an animal, much larger than any creature I find imaginable. The dog or puppy was a large 200 pound Tibetan mastiff, staring at me. I remember where I am, how I got to this place on my course last night. I was in wonderment of thoughts about whether to stay or leave.
The first night I had slept over with a boy I was 8 or so my cousin’s birthday party. This night with Jenks was the first night I ever actually laid next to a boy, in the same bed, let alone the same room. It was the first time I’d actually felt comfort since the accident.
He was kind and gentle as he held me as much as I would let him. Although, as time passed I didn’t have control over my dreaming and conscious states.
The smell of bacon and eggs entered the darkroom, interfering with the brisk morning air. Jenks placed a tray of food to the side of me.
“His name is Charter.” He pats the top of his monstrous furry mane.
I shake my head in awe.
"You do this for all your friends that sleepover?" I wink with a flirty grin, forgetting the innocence. Acting cavalier but really wondering how many other girls have taken their place as I have here.
"No. No one has ever spent the night over; before with me...just you." His honesty and defense seem to perk up as he hands me a glass of OJ. Guilty twinges begin to flicker in my stomach for saying something so assumingly; maybe he thought I was special. I shake the thought out of my head. Winter was the special one.
"I haven't even kissed a girl." Winking in his tone.
As I think to myself, honestly who could believe such a thing with all the chatter that runs down the hallways? I change subjects with a smile.
"Looks good! I'm starving." We sit in conversation, eating our delightful, somewhat uncomfortable breakfast.
As the plates start to clear, I gather up my belongings and head for the door.
"Thanks, Jenkins. I should get going though. My father is probably having a fit on my behalf." My face still rosy with nervous flutter. I pat his shoulder, not knowing the terms of our relationship.
"Wait, AJ, don't leave yet. I want to show you something." Propping himself out of the red cushioned couch.
My doubts floundered me we had no right in being together. We were an unusual match with nowhere to be made.
"What?" He shrugs at my questioning gaze.
"Oh, nothing. What do you want to show me?" Shifting thoughts upon thoughts away from the mind of seclusion I never once had.
“This way. Follow me.” He begins to wave towards the backyard.
I squint through the overpowering snake grass as we climb through bushes and over tree stumps. Jenks leads me through a tall wooden gate.
"Close your eyes," he whispers close to my ears. I can’t seem to focus, my pupils racing back to Winnie and the postpartum. His walking ceased until my eyelids were fully shut. I could hear water rushing as we stepped onto what felt like a stone pathway. He sat me down on a morning dew ridden bamboo bench. Shivers running circles up my spine, eyes tightly closed.
"Open." He smiles. I gently lift my eyelids to see all the nature around us; its captivating me in a moment of splendor and wonder. My vision rests upon the Japanese culture hidden in between each and every crevice of this enchanted forest.
"Jenks, this is...beautiful. I can’t even believe it. This is all in your backyard?” My fingertips tingle as I brush against cherry blossom and blue orchids.
"You made this? You created all of this?"
With a shrug of his shoulders, he replied, "I had a dream one night. I was lost, running and running, I couldn't find my way. I couldn’t find any way, actually." He lowered himself down, picking at the fresh green grass.
"I saw these trees that looked like they were a covering for something much larger." His eyes gently moved from scene to scene, perceiving the perfect memory of that time.
"I followed the stone path. I heard the water rushing behind the wooden door." He pointed over to the entrance.
I nodded in awe, smelling the water lilies in the open air.
"And inside the gate, I found myself in a whole different world, a unique space. I found a new haven." He sat up, beaming with enlightenment.
"I found peace in that secret secluded place, where I could feel at home, again." I was glued to his story like it had been my own. I connected so deeply with this idea of something more than me or his memories.
"This is really breathtaking Jenks." I trail off in my thoughts of wonder. I pull myself along as we walk toward the bridge, overlooking one of the few big ponds in the area. Koi fish gather under my feet as our stomps signal their feeding time. I turn to see Jenkins carrying a bag of small pieces of food for them.
"Pretty cool, huh?" He snickered as he gave me a playful nudge, proud of himself.
"I could stay here all day, every day." I breathe in the clean air that makes my heart beat and makes it flutter, ready to soar.
Jenks hugs me tightly. I felt happiness form inside me; for a quick moment, we share much more than words.
With my eyes wide open up to the peeking sunlight, Jenks takes his rough fingers and pulls my chin to connect to his. Our lips clash in a calm hush as the water rippled below us and our attraction intertwined into delight.
My hands gripped him closer, and his low chuckle brought our hips to a high five-level. The slow lips turned nasty and soon started traveling down my neck. About to release a sinful moan, I realized some weighted emotion was missing.
It hit me, Winter.
How can I be happy when she is gone? How can I be so careless and selfish? Guilt takes the place of the disappearing sparks of happiness. Maybe you were right, Dad. I let go, turning to run out the garden gate, leaving Jenks with a simple, “Got to go.”
He catches up with me as I flee through his front lawn, clicking the button to unlock the car doors.
"AJ, wait. Come on, AJ."
The confusion didn't make him stop. I could hear him jogging behind me, heavy footprints marking his chase.
"I have to go," I stated. I hustled quickly to my car before he could change my mind.
He was faster, bolting in front of me.
"Please move; I must be on my way." I act grown up and mature for once; Daddy would be so proud.
“You must be on your way?" He looks at me, unfazed.
"I thought it would be a nice escape for you, you didn’t like it?"
"I did, I do. I really loved it, thank you for sharing it with me. It was amazing; it's just selfish of me to feel joy when Win..." I stop myself before I say her name.
"When she doesn't get to feel anything at all." Tears swell in my eyes.
He stared at me with awkward concern. "She would want you to be happy, AJ." He brings me in for a bear-sized hug.
"I want you to be happy, Autumn Jazmine." He held me tightly against his beating chest. I feel tears coming, but I feel nothing. I am numb to feel good emotions.
"Thanks," I reply pulling away from his hurt attitude.
"I have to go." I drive off in despair, wondering if the chance of comfort or being wanted will ever arise again.