Tell Me Something 14

Dreaming was a superstition to me. Hidden meaning or symbols that would help you grow in your conscious state bore unrealistic to my knowledge.

She woke me early the next morning, taking me out to the garden. Where flowers were planted sunbathed in happiness. I lay down on the cool ground. The late fall breeze brushed over me as I turned to my side to stare at Winter's orchard.

"Oh, what should I do?"

The sunshine darting throughout the clouds. My summer dress orange against the yellow tips of flowers. I pretend I can hear her. I shut my eyes, making the sound of her voice real. She ignored my question with an optimistic philosophy.

"There are beautiful things in the world AJ. Lively colors to be expressed. See them, Jazie?" She pointed to nature. I ignore her good intentions. She dug deeper into the earth’s crust, planting more nutritious things. Skills, of course, everyone will need someday when the economy goes down the drain. The aftereffect of a greedy man’s dream.

"How am I supposed to be happy when there is too much darkness in the world? So much pain." I turn away from her.

"Listen to me, Jazie. These things can heal you. Try and breathe it all in, let it heal you. You are so stubborn. Stop holding onto your guilt for what happened. It was not your mistake." She sat down beside me, playing with my long locks.

"I bet Chatt never made mistakes," I whisper to her. She sighs, heavily. Giggles at the humor I gave her that day.

“Of course not! He only made and kept promises. He’s just dreamy, isn’t he, AJ! All around perfection!” She wiggled a dirty earthworm in front of my face. I eeked in horror falling off my balance.

“Now forgiveness is what you actually need. You know that though. I don’t have to tell you.” She pushed the bulbs farther into their places.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Winter Magnolia.” My voice profound as my mother once was.

"My accident was not your fault, Autumn Jazmine." I shut my eyes drowning out the noise her peaceful voice made in my ears.

How could I believe you? You were just a ghost; a mirror image in the mind's eye I created for comfort. I subconsciously told you what to tell me…didn’t I?

Awoken with no sunshine, but tears.

“Winnie…I’m sorry.”

Time was my friend when it wanted to be. It leaned against me, exhausted as I was with it. We fought more and more lately. Her death a distant memory still repeating itself. Wherever I was in time, time was right alongside me. Gaping at the wounds he had caused, and yet in some way tried to heal me. Winnie was gone.

There were intentions to live again. Inclinations to become more than those rainy days locked away in my bedroom. Time had gotten ahold of who I was, so I let him take away what I was supposed to be. For a while, I no longer blamed God; instead, I began to understand His objectives.

Young they may die.

Forever may they live in memorial dedication.

I dreamt though of an old memory of Winter last night.

I packed the last boxes in my car. We were moving nearly 3000 miles across the American landscape. Winter in her own car, my father in his. We were all on our own. I coursed my way to the freeway, hoping this school was anything but familiar. Winter just graduated and onward to her womanhood with continuing education. Some LDS colleges on the east coast of Virginia.

In the end, we didn’t end up going.

"We’re not even Mormon, Winter," I said one day, folding old clothes into a garbage bag.

"It's where I need to be, I just know it." Her smile flawless.

"I don't understand why we have to move through. I thought the whole point of going to college was to get away from the people you live with."

"Oh, you know I couldn't live without you! Plus, Chatt is Mormon and he thinks it will be a good fit for us. Plus, Briggs is going to that one here next semester; they can’t all be bad."

"It’s my senior year." Not caring to listen. Too ecstatic to hear anything the past few days. This was all Chatt's fault, her boyfriend of four years now, going on 40.

"Dad, I don't want to go." I thought I would throw in my opinion, not that it made a difference, but because it was nice to actually have an outburst.

"You are going and your complaints will not change the matter." He didn't even look up to meet my eyes.

"It’s going to be my senior year, doesn’t that receive consideration?”

"You'll have a new school. It's not that bad. Winter isn't complaining." He adjusted his pipe.

"Winter is going to college; we’re following her there! Of course the angel isn’t complaining. If a protest of any kind was made, it should be of her letting us follow her across the country to no man’s land."

"I don't see the difference. She will probably have a hard time since she's in a new place."

"It's college, everybody is new! She will be with Chatt."

"Autumn Jazmine!" He stared at me before looking to finish moving arrangements.

"What about my friends?" The only solution was to plead. He chuckled politely.

"AJ, let's be honest you, don't really have any friends. You have one and that’s Winter. I am doing you a favor in moving you close to her." He smiled and looked at me like I was not enough to stand in his presence, as if I was someone he thought would just wither away.

"Of course you are." My smirk was hidden beneath my lies.

"That's my girl. You really should be thanking me." Anything for you Father.

I take one look back at this old house I have grown up all of my life. I hate school. I hate my dad. I wish I could just stay and they’d leave me be. Maybe if I don't arrive there, they won't make me go. Maybe they will forget. I am so easily forgotten.

Chatt pulled into our driveway; Dad seemed annoyed. I was grateful for the delay.

He practically flew out of the car.

"Winter! Thank goodness I caught you before you guys left. I had no right to ask you to go across the country for me. So I decided that it would be best if we stayed here for the summer and decide in the fall."

"It's okay. I didn’t want to go."

"Me either. I mean, seriously, Virginia?” Embrace her smoldering body. They both laughed, told you.

"So, we’re staying?" I interrupted.

"I guess so." Chatt kissed Winter on the cheek.

"Sweet! I call my room!"

"I call dad's room!" Winter shouted sprinting in front of the race. Although all our rooms were really the same size. I looked back at Dad and saw that he was disappointed, let down. He required to banish this place, more than I held it essential to stay.

"Dad, we can move. I'm okay with it now." It was late at night; his light in the study was on.

"Where would we move and without your sister?” Always about this Winter character.

"Maybe to a new town, another state. We both know you aren't happy in this house."

"Oh, now you think you know about emotional well-being?" He was stubborn, maybe I got that from him.

"I just think you need to get away from this house, too many ruthless reminiscences."

"You’re moving? Away from me?" Winter came in behind me and sat on the arm of Dad's chair. He overlooked it when she did it; I had no place there.

"Of course, not sunshine! Autumn Jazmine was just being stupid." He glared at me.

"What, am I your darkness?" The roll in my eyes was created by annoyance and factual information. “She was the one that wanted to move in the first place!” Half stating on her behalf.

"Excuse me?" His eyes glowering in a way I need not push.

"Nothing, sir."

"Okay. Besides, it isn't the house, it's the things in it." He stared at me like I was one of these despicable objects drowning him. It wasn't me he hated so much, it was my mother, the one I unluckily had inclined to reflect.

"Then throw away her stuff, Dad. You’re the one that keeps ahold of her things like she is coming back." He turned around to face me. Slander in his eyes, smack in his hand.

"She didn't mean it, Dad. Right, AJ?" Winter jumped into action as she always did before he could make one of two decisions.

"Of course not. How could I mean such hurtful things to my beloved father?”

"You'd be smart if you listened to your sister, Autumn Jazmine." He patted her back, hugging her goodnight. He had never once raised his voice or a hand to Winter. He’d done equally with me regularly.

"No doubt.” A reply that was the calmest in my thoughts.